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The Funny Side of Religion

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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    Just a little joke which might be relevant to the thread:



    One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.
    "What's wrong with you?" said the priest.

    "Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

    "Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"

    "Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Alter boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

    "That's an incridible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

    "Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

    "Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home.

    The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11 year old Alter boy beside him in bed, "And that, your honour, is the case for the Defence....... "


  • Registered Users Posts: 23,283 ✭✭✭✭Scofflaw


    I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. “Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?” “Well… are you religious?” He said yes. I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? “Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?” “Baptist” “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?” “Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?” “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?” He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!” I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

    with apologies,
    Scofflaw


  • Registered Users Posts: 23,283 ✭✭✭✭Scofflaw


    Creationist Greeting Cards...

    cordially,
    Scofflaw


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,556 ✭✭✭✭Sir Digby Chicken Caesar




  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,553 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Scofflaw wrote: »
    CWsword.gif

    But God loves us really!


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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,386 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Scofflaw wrote: »
    Those cartoons must be the lamest in all of christendom! Like, in all honesty, how could anybody laugh at them, except in forehead-slapping embarrassment?

    Perhaps there's enough around for a thread on religious non-humor? :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    I know this is an Atheist and Agnotic forum but the following is a true story about one man who changed the world:

    There once was born a baby boy in humble surroundings. He grew up an only child and learned carpentry from a young age. He was not accepted by his immediate community and was mocked, so he had to leave to do his life's work. He found for Himself twelve companions who followed him on his travels. He spread a message of love but pretty soon the authorities noticed this upstart and began to worry. The people were starting to flock to hear what He had to say and were abandoning the old ways. People even started to proclaim him to be their king. Anyways this man died tragically young, however some of his followers claimed to have witnessed Him alive and well after His supposed death. His message that He brought is still with us today.

    Elvis Aaron Pressley, 1935 - 1977(?).


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,247 ✭✭✭stevejazzx


    a friend linked me to this last week

    quite funny blog..

    http://moneyforgod.blogspot.com/


  • Registered Users Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Popinjay


    Scofflaw wrote: »

    Did anybody flick through the rest of these? All of a sudden it all makes sense.:rolleyes:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37 Bisar




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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,553 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades




  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 10,515 Mod ✭✭✭✭5uspect




  • Registered Users Posts: 8,391 ✭✭✭spacecoyote


    td080202.gif


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    An Atheist was walking through the woods
    "What majestic trees!
    "What powerful rivers!
    "What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
    As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.He turned to look and he saw a 7 foot Grizzly charge towards him.
    He looked again, and the bear was even closer.
    He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
    At that moment the Atheist cried out

    "Oh myGod!..............."

    Time stopped.
    The bear froze.
    The forest was silent.
    As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came outof the sky,"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit the creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of the predicament?"."Am I to count on you as a believer?".

    The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat meas a Christian now, but could you perhaps make the BEAR a Christian?".

    "Very Well", said the voice.
    The light went out.
    The sounds of the forest resumed.
    The bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke,

    "Lord bless this food, which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen" ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Heard that before, funny joke, though I suppose you could replace "atheist" with anything other than Christian, eg "Muslim, "Hindu", "Scientologist" etc


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    Wicknight wrote: »
    Heard that before, funny joke, though I suppose you could replace "atheist" with anything other than Christian, eg "Muslim, "Hindu", "Scientologist" etc

    Yeah, but is only funny when you use 'Atheist' :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,462 ✭✭✭daveyjoe


    This may be offensive to religious types, but sure 'tis only a joke...

    Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?
    A: He forgot his safe word


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    daveyjoe wrote: »
    This may be offensive to religious types, but sure 'tis only a joke...

    Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?
    A: He forgot his safe word

    I don't get it :confused:

    Q. What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

    A. Somebody who stays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog. :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    daveyjoe wrote: »
    This may be offensive to religious types, but sure 'tis only a joke...

    Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?
    A: He forgot his safe word

    rofle

    nice one.


    It imply s jesus as taking part in a bdsm activity that went 'wrong'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    It imply s jesus as taking part in a bdsm activity that went 'wrong'.

    Look I'm really thick. Please explain??? :(


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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,553 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Look I'm really thick. Please explain??? :(
    Never heard of a "safe word"? ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    I don't get it :confused:

    Q. What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

    A. Somebody who stays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog. :D

    :D:D:D:D:D


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭bogwalrus


    These are gems=)
    no1
    Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."

    The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post office."


    no2
    The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

    Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

    After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

    no3
    Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    The man replied, "I do Father."

    The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

    Then the priest asked a second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

    The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

    Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

    The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    Dades wrote: »
    Never heard of a "safe word"? ;)

    Oh, ok now it is funny :D

    If I was to get all theological on yo *ss (which I won't) then I would say that His birth would have been pointless if He were to use said "safe word" at His death. Read Matthew 26:39.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Oh, ok now it is funny :D

    If I was to get all theological on yo *ss (which I won't) then I would say that His birth would have been pointless if He were to use said "safe word" at His death. Read Matthew 26:39.

    Didn't he scream "Father! Why have you forsaken me!?" ? I always thought that seemed like a strange thing for the embodiment of God Almighty on earth to say.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    Zillah wrote: »
    Didn't he scream "Father! Why have you forsaken me!?" ? I always thought that seemed like a strange thing for the embodiment of God Almighty on earth to say.

    Well He was supposed to be bearing the punishment for all mankind's sins which said punishment was death which usually means separation from the source of life hence the shouting of “Father! Why hast thou forsaken me?”

    "who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Philippians 2:6-8 (emph added)


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    What?


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,021 ✭✭✭Hivemind187


    Can we avoid discussing the deeper meaning of the jokes? I'd like to read something funny and at least mildly amusing on this thread.

    ... dammit, now I'm contributing to the very thing I'm posting against!

    :mad:


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Soul Winner


    Zillah wrote: »
    What?

    My feeble attempt to clear up the reason why He screamed on the cross.
    Can we avoid discussing the deeper meaning of the jokes? I'd like to read something funny and at least mildly amusing on this thread.

    Me too!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    My feeble attempt to clear up the reason why He screamed on the cross.

    Well yes I understood your intention, just not the message.


    On topic:

    ae432adfd898c0d2ebbe9a98ce46320d.jpg


This discussion has been closed.
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