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"I Love You"

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  • 16-11-2008 2:53am
    #1
    Nuravictus
    Registered Users Posts: 394 ✭✭


    When is the right time to say this in a relationship, I've have a few where woman said they "Loved Me" after a month & asked me if "I Loved Them". Since I am a honest guy I said I dont love you but I like you a lot. So that was the end of that.
    Why do you woman do this. I want the say I say "I Love You" to be something special for her not just some cheap words that I say to get off the hook.

    Why do woman seem to roll these words like there is no tomorrow.


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Some women do some don't, personally my reposonse the first few times if that is said to me is "Thats nice dear".


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    #3
    Raze_them_all
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,477 ✭✭✭✭Raze_them_all


    I love me too...quickly followed by them coughing on a dust cloud


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    #4
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    I usually fake a heart attack.


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    #5
    KateF
    Closed Accounts Posts: 244 ✭✭KateF


    Raze_them_all wrote: »
    I love me too...quickly followed by them coughing on a dust cloud
    Lol


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    #6
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Nuravictus wrote: »
    When is the right time to say this in a relationship, I've have a few where woman said they "Loved Me" after a month & asked me if "I Loved Them". Since I am a honest guy I said I dont love you but I like you a lot. So that was the end of that.

    The whole point is that there's no right time... it's what feels right for you. And it's rare that the right time will be right for both people in the relationship.

    I can't speak for all women, but I know I'd never say it unless I mean it. That could be after a week, it could be after a month, a year... when it feels right. So it's not something that I'd just 'roll out'.

    I've said it and not heard it back in my past two relationships... only to hear it back in the following weeks. I find that guys DO take it more seriously, it's a bigger deal to them and they really have to consider their feelings and be sure before they say it. Perhaps it's more instinctive for women... I know it is for me. It's 100% a gut feeling.


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    #7
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.


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    #8
    peanuthead
    Registered Users Posts: 3,111 ✭✭✭peanuthead


    Well, I think men overuse the phrase just as much as women do, if not more because thats what they think we're all hanging around waiting to hear!

    I'm with my bf 2years now and although he has said the words to me, he says them very rarely, but thats ok for me, I dont care about it at all because (1) those words are so overused by EVERYONE that they mean fuck all anymore really, (2) I know he loves me by the things he does for me/says to me/ times he's there for me... (3) When he does say it, its way more special than hearing it everyday and I know he means it.


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    #9
    Nuravictus
    Registered Users Posts: 394 ✭✭Nuravictus


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.

    Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now :)


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    #10
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Nuravictus wrote: »
    Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now :)


    Thats quite the compliment :D
    Thanks.


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    #11
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.

    Definitely. And then when you really fall in love you're like "oh... THIS is love".
    Nuravictus wrote: »
    Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now :)

    LMAO. Funneh.


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    #12
    KateF
    Closed Accounts Posts: 244 ✭✭KateF


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.
    I'd agree with you there actually, men are more easy going, most don't care if they don't love the person they are sleeping with (obviously I presume most would prefer to be having sex with someone they have feelings for but anyway...) Girls tend to have this feeling that they should love them. So sometimes convince themselves they do, and shur wouldn't it all be rosy if he said it back...they could continue on into dream land


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    #13
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    There are different I love yous. There is the ejaculatory I love you, that gushes out after holding it in during the intoxicating phase, and then there are the adult love I love yous and then there are the habiutal I love yous that are said every time you hang up the phone.

    Some say it because... well... they love you. But if you keep running into women who love you very quickly, you should ask yourself what you do to attract women with weak egos.


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    #14
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,223 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Oh oh... the L-word! You can love someone, but not be "in love with them." In the first case, you truly care for them, but don't want the romantic relationship of the second kind. Sometimes the first leads to the second, sometimes not. This can be a source of a lot of confusion and hurt at times for both women and men. I've certainly stumbled through a couple of relationships, sometimes making a complete fool of myself, so I'll leave out the specifics, just in case they log on.

    And something else... I don't believe in love at first sight. I call that lust, which is OK, but different indeed! It may lead to love, but then again...


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    #15
    pow wow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    Insecure girls ask if you love them back. Everyone else can spot a bull****ter who spits it out right back with a look of mild fear, or even worse, says I 'think' I love you too. I don't expect to hear it back when I've said it, my feelings are independent of his so why would it matter? Maybe that comes with age or saying it enough times without hearing it back, I'm an old fart now lol.


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    #16
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Women? I've found it's always the guys saying it first. I don't like to say it unless I mean it, so if I say it back it's some time later. I don't think I'd say "that's nice dear" more like "ok then" xD


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    #17
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    I hate those words. I don't even know why, they just seem to complicate things all the time. Don't say it unless you FEEL it, I think it's ridiculous that people can get so angry/hurt if you don't feel the same right away.


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    #18
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    its a red flag/alarm bells ringing warning sign for me if i hear this from a fella too soon. by too soon,i mean within a few weeks. an ex of mine was spouting it after a week and he turned out to be a total obsessive, controlling, possessive freak. not that im tarring all lads with the same brush, but i think a few weeks is far too early to be genuine. it may be lust, but it aint love, imo.


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    #19
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    Nuravictus wrote: »
    When is the right time to say this in a relationship, I've have a few where woman said they "Loved Me" after a month & asked me if "I Loved Them". Since I am a honest guy I said I dont love you but I like you a lot. So that was the end of that.
    Why do you woman do this. I want the say I say "I Love You" to be something special for her not just some cheap words that I say to get off the hook.

    Why do woman seem to roll these words like there is no tomorrow.

    nice generalisation there :p ive only ever said i love you when i meant it & ive never been the first to say it (not cause its wrong to say it first, just cause the guy got there before me).

    my ex told me he loved me first. id known it was coming cause he kept telling me he was "falling in love" with me. i just told him i felt a lot for him, but i wasnt in love with him yet & i didnt want to say it & not mean it.

    out of my group of friends, all the girls current bfs said the l-word first. some said it back cause they didnt know what else to say, 1 said "thanks" & 1 said "thats nice" :pac:

    i wouldnt say it if i didnt mean it & i wouldnt want it said if it wasnt meant. but i do like to hear it when its true :)


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    #20
    whatsamsn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 912 ✭✭✭whatsamsn


    I agree with what was said above about it takes time for both people to feel it.

    Heres a funny story, lol. I was with my now ex-gf on valentines day 2007. We were dating since November / December. We were whispering in the cinema and she said "yeah i love you" - and i did the stupid thing of saying "i know i love you but as a friend, i dont know if i love you yet" LOL ... looking back A REALLY BAD CHOICE OF WORDS.. but i went home and after a day or two i realised i did love her :)

    but yeah, i am the type of guy who couldnt say it unless I meant it. Its such a powerful word and i would like the first time i say it, for me to actually mean it and not just saying it back. But then, if you choose this way over the other you'll make her moment very awkward.

    I guess you have to choose between honesty or "being nice" and saying it back.


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    #21
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Nuravictus wrote: »
    Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now :)
    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Thats quite the compliment :D
    Thanks.

    excellent :D
    ellscurr wrote: »
    Insecure girls ask if you love them back. Everyone else can spot a bull****ter who spits it out right back with a look of mild fear, or even worse, says I 'think' I love you too. I don't expect to hear it back when I've said it, my feelings are independent of his so why would it matter? Maybe that comes with age or saying it enough times without hearing it back, I'm an old fart now lol.

    it comes with common sense, which is often connected with age, but not always! and you suffer from alicat syndrome, you're only as old as you feel :P
    bluewolf wrote: »
    Women? I've found it's always the guys saying it first. I don't like to say it unless I mean it, so if I say it back it's some time later. I don't think I'd say "that's nice dear" more like "ok then" xD

    i've never said it first, and only once been in a relationship in which it was said to me and i didn't respond, either at the time or at a later date. it was still a nice relationship :)
    sam34 wrote: »
    its a red flag/alarm bells ringing warning sign for me if i hear this from a fella too soon. by too soon,i mean within a few weeks. an ex of mine was spouting it after a week and he turned out to be a total obsessive, controlling, possessive freak. not that im tarring all lads with the same brush, but i think a few weeks is far too early to be genuine. it may be lust, but it aint love, imo.

    several points on this post. firstly, alarm bells will ring for either sex i believe. it can be said without meaning, or for the wrong reasons at any stage though. secondly, why should there be a time frame inside of which it cant be genuine? and lastly, is there really a difference between love and lust? or is love something conceptual, made up? :)


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    #22
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    Mirror wrote: »
    is there really a difference between love and lust? or is love something conceptual, made up? :)

    theres a huge difference. you can meet someone incredibly hot & have hell of a lot of lust for them but that doesnt mean you LOVE them. you can lust for someone without knowing them at all.

    love is a lot more than sexual attraction.


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    #23
    Papillon87
    Registered Users Posts: 442 ✭✭Papillon87


    sam34 wrote: »
    its a red flag/alarm bells ringing warning sign for me if i hear this from a fella too soon. by too soon,i mean within a few weeks. an ex of mine was spouting it after a week and he turned out to be a total obsessive, controlling, possessive freak. not that im tarring all lads with the same brush, but i think a few weeks is far too early to be genuine. it may be lust, but it aint love, imo.

    Would be the same for me too. Two weeks dating my ex and one day as I'm sitting on his stairs, putting on my shoes: "I love you, you know" :eek::eek::eek:

    Given what I went through with him subsequently and the treatment during the break up we had; I would now be very wary of someone who is quick to say it. A friend once said the people who are quickest to make such declarations are often the ones who are just as quick to hurt you badly. True that.

    Personally, I won't say something unless I mean it. Especially something like being in love with someone. My knee-jerk reaction to this unexpected gushing was a rather abrupt "Don't say things you don't mean".....and this or variations of it were what I said in response to it till a few months later when I did love him. Sounds mean, but I said it in a gentle way....just said, there's no way you can be in love with me yet.


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    #24
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I love you, Papillon87. I love you with all my heart and soul. And shall anyone ever hurt you, i swear i won't rest until i get revenge, for you, Papillon87, are the sole reason i live. For without you, there is nothing to live for.




    .. See, anyone can say it.


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    #25
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    Mirror wrote: »

    several points on this post. firstly, alarm bells will ring for either sex i believe. it can be said without meaning, or for the wrong reasons at any stage though. secondly, why should there be a time frame inside of which it cant be genuine? and lastly, is there really a difference between love and lust? or is love something conceptual, made up? :)

    ooh mirror, how long have u got?!
    regards the timeframe, i believe it takes time before you fall in love with someone. for me, i cannot truly love someone without knowing them well, and it takes time to get to know people. in my experience, the first few weeks with a new guy can be great, theres a rush from getting to know someone, and from the physical side, but, to me, thats not love, it's lust. i suppose putting a timeframe on it is a bit artificial, but deffo if i hear declarations within a few weeks the alarm bells are sounding

    and yes, i firmly believe there's a difference between love and lust. i've lusted after many many men, and loved only 2.some of the ones i lusted after, i would never have been friendly with and could never ever ever have loved, but that didnt stop me lusting after them!


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    #26
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    Papillon87 wrote: »
    Given what I went through with him subsequently and the treatment during the break up we had; I would now be very wary of someone who is quick to say it. A friend once said the people who are quickest to make such declarations are often the ones who are just as quick to hurt you badly. True that.

    yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.


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    #27
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    sar84 wrote: »
    yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.

    i dont know if id agree with that....
    my experience (granted, with one guy only) who was in love with me within 2 weeks, was that he was a self-styled "intense emotional" person, and took the breakup badly, very ott and dramatic about it

    but thats based on just one guy (thankfully:pac:)


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    #28
    Papillon87
    Registered Users Posts: 442 ✭✭Papillon87


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I love you, Papillon87. I love you with all my heart and soul. And shall anyone ever hurt you, i swear i won't rest until i get revenge, for you, Papillon87, are the sole reason i live. For without you, there is nothing to live for.




    .. See, anyone can say it.

    :p

    Exactly.

    People are too loose with their tongues.


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    #29
    Papillon87
    Registered Users Posts: 442 ✭✭Papillon87


    sar84 wrote: »
    yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.

    I concur. They are intense and fascinated with you for a while, you're this that and the other, then BAM.

    Meh. One lives and learns.


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    #30
    Mimikyu
    Registered Users Posts: 18,904 ✭✭✭✭Mimikyu


    This post has been deleted.


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    #31
    cuckoo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,945 ✭✭✭cuckoo


    him: "i love you"
    me: "i love you too, that bono's a great singer...."
    him: *cloud of devastation*

    In my defence, I thought he was joking. :o:o


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