This bloke keeps phoning me up and asking for Prince Charming. Every single time I tell him there is no one here by that name but he's adamant.
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into
the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman
liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini
that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts.
He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as
possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand
it no more. He walked to the front door of the new neighbor's
house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man,
opened the door.
"Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing
how beautiful your wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her
breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I
could kiss those breasts."
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife
appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss
the offer for a few moments.
Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside.
"OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you
can kiss my wife's tits."
At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects
of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand,
and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy.
This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.
"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.
"I can't." replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars!"
Wisdom beyond his Years
A hotshot Dublin lawyer is out for the day in the country with his lawyer mates.
They stop the car and decide to play Frisbee.
All is going well until the Frisbee sails over the adjoining hedge.
The lawyer starts climbing the hedge until an old farmer sticks his head up and says "You ain't going on my land no way."
The lawyer replies that he is entitled to recover his property, but the farmer is having none of it.
The lawyer explains that he is the top litigater in Dublin and that he will sue the farmer and probably win his house and land unless he is allowed to recover his property.
The farmer replies "Well around here we settle things with the one quick rule. Its quicker and cheaper."
"How does that work?" asks the lawyer.
"Well I kick you and then you kick me and who ever gives in first wins."
"OK" says the lawyer "We'll do that."
The farmer is surprisingly fit for his age and the lawyer notices he has got really big boots on. He's feeling sligtly nervous as he looks down at his own trainers, but he can't back down in front of his mates.
The farmer goes back 20 paces. He takes a quick run and lands his right boot square onto the lawyers testicles. The lawyer sees stars. He feels sick. He falls to his knees and its several minutes before he can speak.
The lawyer struggles to his feet. He's red in the face "Right, my turn."
Spoiler: "Nah" says them farmer "You win, you can get your Frisbee"