Friday Funnies

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly,.

she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of heir own interests."

And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"






"Like I'm talking to a fookin wall"


_________________________________________________

A very large, heavily tattooed member of a Hells Angels motor cycle gang stops by the Harley Shop to have his motorcycle fixed.

The shop couldn't repair it while he waited, so he said since he didn't live far away, he would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil to do some chores.

He then stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose for the next weeks food needs.

However, he now had a problem .....how to carry all of his purchases home.

The store owner suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil inside the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey thanks, Dude!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

While walking across the parking lot, he was approached by an elderly lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, "....Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.

Let's take the short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little lady looked him over cautiously and then said,

"Look. I’m a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.

You are a rough looking… biker.

How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and have your way with me?"

The biker said, "Oh! Give me a break, lady!

I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose.

How in the world could I POSSIBLY hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady thought for a moment and then said, "

....Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket .....and I'll hold the chickens."

_________________________________________________

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and
everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have
experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter
Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I
want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when
God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor,
laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy eventually calms down and says:



Make them all ugly again.