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what would you think?

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    #92
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,142 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Are you doing ok?


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    #93
    mazdaminx
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mazdaminx


    allym wrote: »
    What happened to make you leave, 5 months later? Are you ok? Did things get better at all?

    Glad to hear that you've left though.

    They got better in every way except trust. I had lost trust and he still was v secretive with his phone. I decided to check it to reassure myself that I was imagining things but I found stuff. My inkling was right. I confronted him about it but he can't fully explain himself. What he did say was too farfetched.


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    #94
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    mazdaminx wrote: »
    They got better in every way except trust. I had lost trust and he still was v secretive with his phone. I decided to check it to reassure myself that I was imagining things but I found stuff. My inkling was right. I confronted him about it but he can't fully explain himself. What he did say was too farfetched.

    Glad to see you finally left. Hopefully when you read back through this thread again you can see what we all saw months ago. The implausible lies (blocked numbers don't come through on phones-that's why they're blocked) and how he bullied you into coming back. It would be great if you learned from this and got better at interpreting the warning signs.


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    #95
    ladygirl
    Registered Users Posts: 187 ✭✭ladygirl


    Good for you for having the strength to follow your gut instinct...

    Wishing you all the best
    xxx


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    #96
    mazdaminx
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mazdaminx


    Just to add, since I moved out he has turned into such a nasty person. I have not met him but we text partially to do with getting rest of my stuff. He has shocked me how hateful the messages are. Pure anger and agression. He is completely blaming me.

    It is actually making it easier to accept. But I do feel shocked that I lived with a stranger for 2.5 yrs. I know I'd doubts 6 months ago but I actually didn't know how horrible he could be.

    I'm going to get help with my self esteem as it seems to go out the window with the men I meet. I really need tobe single for a while and make sure I sort that issue out.

    Thanks again


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    #97
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Great call on working on yourself for a bit.
    Be prepared for him to switch it up a gear when he sees his vitreol is not having the desired effect. Either he will just give up (more likely if you just totally ignore him), or he'lol get nastier (keep a record and if you need to goto the Gardai) or he might turn in the water works, claiming he's ill or something and that he really needs your help, you're the only one who understands him and how could you just abandon him like that...

    Will keep my fingers crossed it's #1 and he shortly gets the hint but good call on walking away from this loser.


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    #98
    aceholder
    Registered Users Posts: 29 ✭aceholder


    Typer Monkey wrote: »
    That's a massive overreaction. What's your supposed crime? Having the audacity to call him out on a lie? Massive alarm bells here. Shouting at you and putting you down is an attempt to distract you from what you saw. Sounds like he's being deceptive

    I am going through problems with my husband where he had an emotional affair with a work colleague over the past year, this woman rang my husband when he was at home in bed over a year ago and a giant red flag was raised in my mind and when I confronted him he got angry and said she is just a work friend so I let it go, now I've found phone bills with loads of calls and texts to her and they have all been deleted from his phone, he had no choice but admit there was something going on, I am kicking myself now that I didnt trust my gut instincts in the first place I think your husband lied to you for a reason, he didnt want you to know about this woman, my reaction would be exactly why not? what else is he hiding?


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    #99
    mazdaminx
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mazdaminx


    aceholder wrote: »
    I am going through problems with my husband where he had an emotional affair with a work colleague over the past year, this woman rang my husband when he was at home in bed over a year ago and a giant red flag was raised in my mind and when I confronted him he got angry and said she is just a work friend so I let it go, now I've found phone bills with loads of calls and texts to her and they have all been deleted from his phone, he had no choice but admit there was something going on, I am kicking myself now that I didnt trust my gut instincts in the first place I think your husband lied to you for a reason, he didnt want you to know about this woman, my reaction would be exactly why not? what else is he hiding?

    I read what you're going through and my heart goes out to you too. It's sickening and shocking. I hardly want my mind to wander to the possibilities of what he did. I can't yet. But I'm gone thank god. I know you're married which is a million times harder. I really hope you're ok I wouldn't wish it on anyone x


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    #100
    mazdaminx
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mazdaminx


    It's a hard time. He's blaming it all on me, that I left him and don't want him. I was ignoring and not contacting, then I started as I wanted answers. It's so painful.


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    #101
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Go back to ignoring. Contact just won't work. You will get lies, blame, guilt tripping all designed to chip away at you even more.

    Block his number, update your FB privacy settings but really stop torturing yourself and take the time you need to heal. Not kidding these types of breakups can be extremely traumatic, and you might well benefit from finding someone to talk to - a friend or a professional.

    It will get better, day by day. Some days will suck, but one day not that far away you'll turn that corner. It will come sooner when you make the complete break and learn to forgive yourself.


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    #102
    mazdaminx
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mazdaminx


    Taltos wrote: »
    Go back to ignoring. Contact just won't work. You will get lies, blame, guilt tripping all designed to chip away at you even more.

    Block his number, update your FB privacy settings but really stop torturing yourself and take the time you need to heal. Not kidding these types of breakups can be extremely traumatic, and you might well benefit from finding someone to talk to - a friend or a professional.

    It will get better, day by day. Some days will suck, but one day not that far away you'll turn that corner. It will come sooner when you make the complete break and learn to forgive yourself.

    I had a few good no contact days. I've good friends and family around me. Just I've never experienced this type of break up. It's so hurtful how cold he is.


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    #103
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    mazdaminx wrote: »
    I had a few good no contact days. I've good friends and family around me. Just I've never experienced this type of break up. It's so hurtful how cold he is.

    That will honestly make it easier in the long run because you want want/miss someone so cold.


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    #104
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    I'm afraid if you stay in contact it could get worse. He knows you buttons and will have no hesitation in pressing them to cause the most harm possible.


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    #105
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    mazdaminx wrote: »
    It's a hard time. He's blaming it all on me, that I left him and don't want him. I was ignoring and not contacting, then I started as I wanted answers. It's so painful.

    I doubt you're going to get any answers. It's obvious that you are finding it hard to walk away from this relationship but you've got to leave it be. What exactly is it you want to know anyway? You sound like a person who's in the zoo and can't resist poking the lion in his enclosure even though you know you'll annoy him. When you asked last time you got shouted down, bullied and fobbed off with answers that insulted your intelligence.

    I can't emphasise enough your need to leave this guy in your past. It doesn't matter if he once seemed to be nice. You've discovered he has a very nasty side. Thank your lucky stars you were able to walk away without the complication of kids etc.


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    #106
    Pippy1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,047 ✭✭✭Pippy1976


    Stavro Mueller wrote: »
    I doubt you're going to get any answers. It's obvious that you are finding it hard to walk away from this relationship but you've got to leave it be. What exactly is it you want to know anyway? You sound like a person who's in the zoo and can't resist poking the lion in his enclosure even though you know you'll annoy him. When you asked last time you got shouted down, bullied and fobbed off with answers that insulted your intelligence.

    I can't emphasise enough your need to leave this guy in your past. It doesn't matter if he once seemed to be nice. You've discovered he has a very nasty side. Thank your lucky stars you were able to walk away without the complication of kids etc.

    I tend to agree with this - you have GOT to leave this, for good. I know you love him. But he won't change.

    People may say 'you thrive on the drama' as they did with me, but it's more than that.. but believe me, walk away and do NOT entertain this guy.

    The relationship had an expiration date: it wasn't meant to end a day sooner, or a day later. It has run it's course. It's time to leave it be now. Draw a line, step over it and do not look back.


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    #107
    mazdaminx
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mazdaminx


    Thanks for all your guidance. I'm out of the raw stage thank god. It's hard to see things as clearly when you're in the situation as opposed to looking in. I finally got the proof which brought me a lot of closure. I've so much now to look forward to. Thanks again.


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