Favourite Simpsons Quote

Pigman II · 09-11-2004 11:59pm

They made me laugh anyway....

Homer: Oh, of _course_ you'd say something like that, Marge. You've hated Ned for years! In fact, you wanted to bash his head in with a pipe.

[DJ 3000]: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns. [Bill]: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?

Burns: It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all!

Homer: Never, Marge! Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

Skinner: Once...but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek... I got back at him, though...him and that little _boy_ of his.

Homer : Well, Chief, don't quit your day job... Whatever that is.

Troy: Right about now, you're probably saying, "Troy, I've seen _every_ `Simpsons' episode. You can't show me anything new." [menacing] Well, you got some attitude, Mister.

Homer: Hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle?

Mr. Sparkle: Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?

Homer: Baby On Board, Something something, Burt Ward...

Bart : 'I think I read somewhere that cows like being killed'

Homer : 'we like our cars fast and our banks closed'

homer : ‘lousy minor setbacks! This world sucks’

Seraphina · 10-11-2004 12:39am

ooh look at meeeeeee, im making people happy! im the magical man from happyland, in a gum drop house on lollipop laaaaaaaaaaane.
*slams door*
*reopens door*
in case you couldn't tell i was being sarcastic

Jivin Turkey · 10-11-2004 1:07am

Dont think this has been mentioned:

Chief to McGarnagle > "Your off the case McGarnagle."

McGarnagle > "No your off your case chief!"

Chief > "Whats that supposed to mean?"

Homer > "It means he gets results you stupid chief!!!"

meepmeep · 10-11-2004 12:56pm

Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Homer: Marge, what do you call that......metal deally......that you use to..............scoop?
Marge: A spoon, Homer

woosaysdan · 10-11-2004 1:24pm

i like my beer cold, my tv loud and my homosexuals flaming!!!

Zombienosh · 10-11-2004 1:26pm

<episode with the rocket>

Millhouse: Bart, I never knew your dad was so into science.

Homer: SCIENCE?!?!?!

Bart: He didn't say science , he said.... pie pants.

Homer: ummmmmm pie pants...*drool*

woosaysdan · 10-11-2004 1:39pm

marge: why dont you try and solve the who put mud in the freezer
bart: who's for chosolate ice-cream???
homer: ooh me me me me me

Morgoth · 10-11-2004 2:40pm

In the Proposition 24 ep.

Twirling newspaper: [headline] Police Prepare for Deportations [sub-headline] Bear Patrol Steps Up Bombing Campaign

Same episode:

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
[Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
[Lisa refuses at first, then takes the exchange]

lol :F

Oh oh, also:

Homer: Look, everyone: now that I'm a teacher, I've sewed patches on my elbows! [shows his elbow]
Marge: Homer, that's supposed to be _leather_ patches on a _tweed_ blazer, not that other way around! You've ruined a perfectly good jacket!
Homer: Ah -- incorrect, Marge. _Two_ perfectly good jackets.

Lisa: ... If you want to get Mom back, you just have to remember what you give her that nobody else can.
Homer: [pause] I'll pay you $40 if you think of it for me.
Lisa: No!
Homer: OK, thirty.

Shazbot · 10-11-2004 3:27pm

scence with charles branson on the tv

guy : hey chief wheres the prisioner

charles : i shot him and now im going down to emmets fix it to fix emmet.

McGarnagle : dammit Billy , you gotta testify.

Billy : but im scared

McGarnagle : we're all scared billy.

Billy : ok then.
a few mins later.....

chief : dammit McGaranagle , are you happy !? BILLYS DEAD ! slit his trout from ear to ear.

Mcgarnagle : hey , im tring to eat lunch here

bean · 10-11-2004 3:33pm

Homer: Apu im feeling a little down, give me some of that beer that has candy floating in it......you know......skittlebrau

Apu; Im sorry sir, there is no such beverage

Homer; [looking deflated] OK........just give me a six pack of beer and four packs of skittles

gogo · 10-11-2004 4:10pm

Sorry if its been posted above, but in work and haven't got time to read all of the above, only skim them, but i love ..

"That is like asking the square root of a billion, the world may never know"

Nelson.

LoneGunM@n · 10-11-2004 4:26pm

Has to be: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing
defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead

jacko · 10-11-2004 4:40pm

Episode where homer gets the helper monkey(Mojo)

Grampa (on buying Mojo) "I can't wait to eat that monkey!"

jacko · 10-11-2004 5:00pm

When Moe steals Homers "Flaming Homer" recipe :

Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can get some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.

Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! (slams the door, then put his head back round) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.

Fudger · 10-11-2004 5:23pm

You're lucky boy, because it's spanking season and I got a hankerin ' for some spankerin.

Doper Than U · 10-11-2004 7:45pm

Burns (on the intercom) "Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead"
Smithers "Sir, you have to let go of the button"
Burns "Oh son of a BI..."

Ep where Homer tries to stop swearing
Flanders "No sooner had I shaved off the old cookie duster than a lady cast me in a commercial... I tell ya, the way these cheques keep coming in it's almost criminal"
Homer "Why you dirty BAS..."

Ralph Wiggum : "So,.. do you like stuff?"

Chief Wiggum : "What is your obsession with my forbidden closet of mystery?!"

Krusty : "SHUT UP Updike!"

Bart : "I'd be stupid not to do this"

Apu : "Thats good adultery!"

Marge : "Umm.. Ghost Mutt"

Marge : "You might say the secret ingredient is salt"

Buck Owens · 10-11-2004 8:47pm

H: That's what they said about this Billy Beer (Takes a mouth full) Ahh, we elected the wrong Carter.

Bart walks pass looking sad.
M: Do you notice anything wrong with Bart lately?
H: New Glasses?
M: No, it looks like something is troubling him.
H: Probaly misses his old glasses.

Buck Owens · 10-11-2004 8:52pm

Ant 1:Protect the queen
Ant 2: Which one's the Queen?
Ant 3: I'm the Queen?
Ant 4: No You're Not

demanufactured · 10-11-2004 9:55pm

Homer makin up a song.......

Baby on board....something something......Burt Word!.....Hey this song writes itself!

Shazbot · 10-11-2004 10:27pm

Homer: "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

Homer: "All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one"

Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get."

Chinafoot · 10-11-2004 10:30pm

I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead. (Homer)

I haven't felt this relaxed since i was watch commander at Pearl Harbour (Grandpa)

Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half assed. That’s the American way.(Homer)

Hello, Selma Bouvier? It’s Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night’s dinner!

Hello everybody. I’m Troy McClure, star of such films as ‘P is For Psycho’, and ‘The President’s Neck Is Missing’

Classics!

Magnolia_Fan · 10-11-2004 11:24pm

Shazbot wrote:

scence with charles branson on the tv

guy : hey chief wheres the prisioner

charles : i shot him and now im going down to emmets fix it to fix emmet.

McGarnagle : dammit Billy , you gotta testify.

Billy : but im scared

McGarnagle : we're all scared billy.

Billy : ok then.
a few mins later.....

chief : dammit McGaranagle , are you happy !? BILLYS DEAD ! slit his trout from ear to ear.

Mcgarnagle : hey , im tring to eat lunch here

That McGarnagle one is one of my favourites

How about just when Marge is put on hold for the mental institutuion the song "Crazy...Crazy etc." or when Maggie disappears on Homer and he's put on hold for the cops "Baby Come Back, you can blame it all on me"

Burt Reynolds: "I play sherrif Fire Ball Mudflap (something along the lines of) trying to save my mother who's been kidnapped while simutaneously competin in a cross country derby race....Its Garbage!"

"What are all these people doing here?"
"Well there not here for the annual music festival March 15th through 18th"
"Wheres the marshall"
"I'm here chief, right behind the drunk man"

"O.k, before we go search for them lets take a moment to humor the kids"
"KIDS DADDYS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!.....O.k people put on your corpse handling gloves we've got 2 bodies somewhere in this mountain"
Bart: "Hear that Lis...Dads going to be alright!"

Lenny: "Aww Nuts"

Press: "Champ what do you think of your next opponent Homer Simpson?"
Tatum:"Well I like Homer Simpson, he's a good man but I will make orphans of his children"
Press: "Champ the kids do have a mother"
Tatum:"Yes, but I'd imagine she'd die from gweef"

when Flanders is coaching the pee wee team: "FLANNNNNNDERRRSSS!"

Kent:"The whole channel 5 news team will be there expect Bill the boom mic operator who's being fired tommorow?"
Kent:"Real unprofessional Bill"

When Homer was working in the casino and Bond was playing black Jack..genius!

Abdiel · 12-11-2004 11:06am

H: Ah God bless those pagans

H: Dont eat me, I've got a wife and kids.......eat them instead.

fintan · 12-11-2004 4:58pm

When Homer changed his name to Max Power

Zulu · 12-11-2004 5:03pm

fintan wrote:

When Homer changed his name to Max Power

Excelent...
H: There's three ways of doing things, the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
B: Isn't that the same as the wrong way?
H: Yes, but faster.

Boro · 12-11-2004 5:20pm

Homer: No Beer and no TV make Homer something something...
Marge: 'Go Crazy?'
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Roddy23 · 12-11-2004 5:25pm

Homer: I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones. Mmmmmmmm chicken.

Roddy23 · 12-11-2004 5:28pm

oh ye nearly forgot this beauty.
JFK on a navy boat with Grandpa mopping the deck with the other sailors.
JFK reciting a speach to himself " Ich bien un berliner"
Grandpa "Get him boys he's a Nazi"".
Quality .

woosaysdan · 12-11-2004 5:37pm

"Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch." -- Kent Brockman

"A bloody end for Homer Simpson...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs." -- Kent Brockman

"...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of string, all through the night. And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered..." -- Kent Brockman

Kent Brockman "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" Professor "Yes I would, Kent."

"And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly." -- Kent Brockman

"Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. [The cape says "DRACULA."] Police are baffled." -- Kent Brockman

"Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of 'Smartline'. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say 'No. Of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?' But one woman says 'yes'...Marge Simpson." -- Kent Brockman

"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over- 'conquered' if you will- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." -- Kent Brockman

"Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun" -- Mr. Burns

Smithers "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"

"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." -- Mr. Burns

"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." -- Mr. Burns

"Oh your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go for the good of the city!" -- Comic Book Guy

"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy

(At the dentist's office) "Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper, this is the poker, and this happy little fellow is called the gouger. Now the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone. Hold still while I gas you." -- A Dentist

"And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer." -- Lionel Hutz

"Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'." -- Lionel Hutz

"An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars isn't it?" -- Barney Gumbel

"We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun." -- Manager at Krusty Burger

"Serving the customer is merriment enough for me. Thank you, come again. See? Most enjoyable." -- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

"Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?" -- Sideshow Bob

"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." -- Abe Simpson

"I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long." -- Abe Simpson

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures." -- Bart Simpson

woosaysdan · 12-11-2004 5:38pm

and

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." -- Bart Simpson

"I'm not calling you a liar but....I can't think of a way to finish that sentence." -- Bart Simpson

"Poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance. Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry a poacher is born." -- Homer Simpson

"Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender." -- Homer Simpson

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory." -- Homer Simpson

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson

"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute." -- Homer Simpson

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge." Pause. "Well, goodbye" -- Homer Simpson

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" -- Homer Simpson

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES." -- Homer Simpson

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers." -- Homer Simpson

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad." -- Homer Simpson

"If he's so smart, how come he's dead?" -- Homer Simpson

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." -- Homer Simpson

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." -- Homer Simpson

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." -- The Simpsons

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." -- Homer Simpson

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -- Homer Simpson

"I just realised that the cat and the dog haven't had a wedding, they've been living in sin!" -- Marge Simpson

"Jimmy Carter?! He's history's greatest monster!" -- Someone in a crowd after a statue of Carter is unveiled

"You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? So some pimply little puke can treat you like dirt because you're not on the team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." -- Moe Szyslak

"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything." -- Moe Szyslak

"Lemmie tell you what I tell everyone who comes in here, the police are powerless to help you." -- Chief Wiggum

"You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty." -- Chief Wiggum

"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?" -- Chief Wiggum to Ralph

"Ok folks, back away nothin to see here... Oh my god a horrible plane wreck! Hey everybody crowd around, come on don't be shy crowd around." -- Chief Wiggum

"Ah jeez, can't you people take the law into your own hands?" -- Chief Wiggum

"See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya; otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free." -- Chief Wiggum

Man "How do you sleep at night?" Rainier Wolfcastle "On top of a big pile of money with many beautiful ladies."

"Come see the battle to determine what the greatest nation on this planet is: Portugal or Mexico." -- World Cup Soccer Commercial

"We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy." -- Milhouse Van Houten

Favourite Simpsons Quote

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