Funny or Strange Things The Gardai have said.....

pudzey101 · 25-11-2011 1:18pm #1

I was with a mate who got pulled one night , guard pulled him for no tail lights, mate got out and banged the rear light cluster , lights came back on and the guard said "i suppose if you hit your window,tax is gonna appear is it?"

haha was laughing for ages after that one

anyone else have something good?

Atomic Pineapple · 25-11-2011 1:25pm

[MOD WARNING] Keep this nice and civil and to funny quotes only, any Garda bashing or anything along those lines will see posters getting a ban and the thread being closed, consider this a one and only warning.

--Kaiser-- · 25-11-2011 4:02pm

A mate was driving around and was stopped by the Gardai. He had a look around and everything seems to be in order. He then puts his hand on the bonnet and sticks his head in the window
"You're bonnet's fierce warm, have you been racing around?"
"Ughh, well, the engines's in the back...."
(he was driving an MR2!)

charlemont · 25-11-2011 4:05pm

We were waiting on some girls one night and the guards came and started searching us so once the girls came on the scene and saw what was going on they turned and drove away and then one of the guards said "We're better than any contraception".

tossy · 25-11-2011 5:41pm

"Is it a low flying jet you are driving these days" said to a mate in an XR2 fiesta years ago.

"Are you only going to crash when you see me" said to my auld lad as he pulled the seat belt across and tried to buckle it approaching a check point.

"No you did nothing wrong at all,i just heard this car was in the area and wanted to have a good look at it" said to the owner of my old car.

"I never seen one before so said i'd pull you over for a chat" said to a guy with a GTI polo.

"you might think of changing your English license for an Irish one so as to avail of the points system" said to another mate with a UK license,i was gonig to lean across and ask him had he a catalogue of the gifts on offer and how many points did i need to get a watch

Midnight_EG · 25-11-2011 6:30pm

Stopped at a checkpoint coming into Terenure, with an M5 in front of me...Garda walks over and says 'Jesus, you're disc holders are posher than his! *points at the M5* 'That's good to see, go on' :P

A week ago, Garda checkpoint in Tallaght...Garda spots my front reg in the dash and asked what the story was...I said I thought it looked better without it on the bumper. He , no lie, asked me for a picture of it with it on, so I showed him one on my phone and he says 'Yeah, looks much better...but get it sorted'

colm_mcm · 25-11-2011 7:58pm

pudzey101 wrote: »

I was with a mate who got pulled one night , guard pulled him for no tail lights, mate got out and banged the rear light cluster , lights came back on and the guard said "i suppose if you hit your window,tax is gonna appear is it?"

haha was laughing for ages after that one

anyone else have something good?

I heard that gag on a Brendan grace cassette in the late 80s...

--Kaiser-- · 25-11-2011 8:09pm

Another couple I heard off a different site, both told to lads who were tipping it a bit

"Well, have Air Traffic control cleared you for take-off?"

and

"How are we today Mr Schumacher?"

colm_mcm · 25-11-2011 8:24pm

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Another couple I heard off a different site, both told to lads who were tipping it a bit

"Well, have Air Traffic control cleared you for take-off?"

and

"How are we today Mr Schumacher?"

Both done on Patrick kieltys first stand-up video 15 odd years ago

Maybe the guards learn these in templemore?

DjKlubster · 25-11-2011 10:27pm

One Me mates was telling me that he was with his father on the way to the mart!! And had a trailer wid cattle in it on the back.. The Gaurds Stopped them and asked is there something wrong with the suspension in the back,'its very low' he said!! ha my mates father turned to him and said the cattle arent light!! The gaurd turned and looked at the trailor and walked away!!ha

Another night i went into town for the few laps with one of my mates and the gaurds stopped him.. Asked Him Was He A Taxi?? We were like what?? He repeated And my mate was like no?? Gaurd replied with '' so you just drive around town all night?? My mate replied with ''Well........Ya??'' The Gaurd just drove off!! i must Say we were in stitches laughing afterwards!:D

iCosmopolis · 25-11-2011 10:59pm

I was stopped a couple of years ago at a garda checkpoint, couple of days after I had bought the car, so hadn't got my discs yet. I had the paperwork from the garage as back up stuck in the disc holder-he had a look, noted the purchase date April 15th and says " Ah..the day the Titanic sank...enjoy the rest of your evening"

projectgtr · 26-11-2011 12:00am

Best ive heard (wasnt me

) was Guard-"How come you dont have your wipers on??".... Driver-"because its not raining"...... Guard-"So why do you have your foglights on????"

pudzey101 · 26-11-2011 3:01am

Actually thinking back when i was 17 and had my very 1st car (starlet)
I was pulled in talking to a group of lads in the town, and 2 guards appeared out of no-where searched car,questions all that.. when they where leaving , one turns around an says to me "do ya mind turning down the music on that stereo a small bit, theirs people sleeping" He said that whilst talking over the noise coming from the local nightclub no further than 20-30 yards away from him

I did but just coudnt get my head around it for the night hahah

mik_da_man · 26-11-2011 11:41am

I was pulled over once when leaving the local town where the limit goes from 50 to 100 km, I nailed it just after the mimit changed
Guard said "its a limit, not a target"

Another time I was driving around town at night, but just had my parking lights on, forgot to put the dips on.Guard says:
"So do you eat your carrots then"
I honestly had on clue what he was on about and just stared blankly back at him.... He just laughed at my expression and told me to turn them on.
Aparrently carrots can make u see in the dark

Recently had a tough day at work I was driving like a bit of an idiot on the way home. Doing a bit of speeding and undertook an unmarked car at one stage, didnt relaise it till a few miles down the road when I slowed down and he caught up, pulled me over and just said " It's a good job you slowed down, we would have lost you otherwise, you've got a lovely fast car there, just take it handy" and just headed off, I thought I was in for a bag of points.

Big_Budda · 27-11-2011 2:39am

friends got pulled over in the town,garda say's ''have you anything on you you shouldnt have?'' one guy says ''yeah,dirty boxers''
...he didnt appreciate the humour one bit

Midnight_EG · 27-11-2011 2:41am

Big_Budda wrote: »

friends got pulled over in the town,garda say's ''have you anything on you you shouldnt have?'' one guy says ''yeah,dirty boxers''
...he didnt appreciate the humour one bit

That reminds me of one that happened to a friend...Garda says have you got anything you shouldn't have, mate replies with 'yeah, a bit of coke'...garda says give it over so, mate hands over a half empty bottle of Coke and says 'please don't tell my Mam, I'm not allowed have Coke'

:pac:

challengemaster · 27-11-2011 3:18am

The one decent garda I've met was at a checkpoint one very late night I was going from sligo to home, pretty much the only car on the road. Ended up chatting for about 15 minutes. Chatting about everything from college to lads from my neck of the woods stationed in the same area...

He ended up basically agreeing with me that the local (to me) sergent at the time was a bit of a bollix, and it was generally known in AGS too!

pudzey101 · 27-11-2011 3:31pm

Haha some good ones there lads

keep em coming !

Sure we'l have plenty come Xmas

DaveJac · 27-11-2011 10:34pm

twincam i owned had a roll cage, were parked up one night guards came in had a good look around the car was asking did i entend rolling the car with that cage he taught he was very funny

hrcbob · 28-11-2011 12:55am

Was out on a vintage run a few years back in my 3 litre capri.. Came to a 5 way junction and said id "leave a marker" for my mates that were following without realising there was a copper hiding across the road.. got 100 yards before the blues lit the mirrors.. Pulled in and got a grilling bout nct /tax (car hadnt turned 30 at the time) When i explained The situation that it was only a few months away and that i didnt use it much he calmed a bit..
I was out of the car explaininging my case when he sees the v6 badge on the back and questions me on it.. "Oh yea its a 3 litre v6" he has a long look at me .. "show us a look den " he says I happily enough lift the lid for him to say.. " Jaysus no wonder you were sideways back the road so.. Go on wit you.. Next time youre around these parts youd better behave"

JimmyCrackCorn · 28-11-2011 11:01am

Years ago I got pulled over in the Silvia before they appeared everywhere. I used to get pulled over everywhere as it stuck out like a soar thumb.

So I arrived at a checkpoint and it was the first week of breath testing without suspicion. I had imported the car three days and been pulled over four times.

I roll down the window and the speech begins, me being in an odd mood and the misses beside me I pipe up and said

"Bloody hell you must be knackered form saying that speech all night."
"I have always wanted to do this, do I blow in here"

She chuckles and waves me on. At this stage a second guard is trying to figure out what the hell the car is by reading the insurance disk. Now I think about it maybe he was checking out my misses.

"Hold on he will want to talk to me about tax."

As I fished an envelope about 30 pages thick out of the glove box.

He waved me on with a half confused and shocked look on his face.

mecanoman · 28-11-2011 2:37pm

A few years ago i was leaving the city, in the Impreza coming towards

Smithfield.

I could see a dark Corrolla coming up fairly fast in the inside lane.

Had a feeling he was gonna undertake me,(fecking hate it)so floored

it a bit. He drew up beside he as i slowed down at the lights.

I looked over(Mrs giving out, telling me to behave)

Four Gardai smiling over at me. I went "Oh God" I'm gonna get harmmered.

But he just gave he's car a few rev's then drove off as the lights changed.

Marlow · 30-11-2011 12:30pm

I was parked at the side of the road in the M5 near enough to where I live waiting for a friend to catch up with me. An unmarked garda car drives past us, turns into the next side road, comes back out again 3 minutes later, drives up to me and rolls the window down.

Garda - "That's a fair car you have there. Better make sure you hide the keys in a safe place at night. "

He also wanted to know, why I was parked on the side of the road. When I responded, that I was waiting for a mate catching up in my other car, he goes "What's that ? A Ferrari ?".

/M

Eric Cartman · 30-11-2011 11:02pm

During the last election(2006/7 or whenever the last one in the good times was) a lad I went to school with was driving around in his mas car (on a provisional) with some lads in the car, one of them had robbed an election poster, the gards pulled him over for speeding and asked where his fully licenced driver was, he turned round and pointed at the poster and said 'shure havent i got enda kenny in the back' , got away with it too

Muckie · 01-12-2011 10:52am

Was sat at the lights coming out of Liffey valley a few years back,

unmarked squad car pulls up in the bus lane beside us as some drug

addicts suffled across the road. Next thing "Cops" sound track comes

blaring from the Garda car! "Bad boyz what ya gonna do...."

Geekness1234 · 01-12-2011 10:55am

That's not a fag,that's happy grass!

Bohrio · 01-12-2011 10:20pm

Many years ago my mom was driving on the highway when she was stopped by a traffic\police car... when ur man asked her "Do you know why I stopped you?" she replied "because you couldnt catch the others in front?"... very embarrassing... hehee

BlackBlade · 05-12-2011 4:03am

Cop stops me on the bike, looks it up and down then looked at me..

"Thats some fookin yolk to go"

Mate stopped in a transit one night, it was fairly misty out.
cop: "you were going a little quick for the conditions out tonight, what if you came around a corner and ran into mister fog?"
transit driver: well Id press mister brake!
cop: are you trying to be funny???
Transit driver: you started it with your mister fog!
cop: I said MIST OR FOG...
cop seen the funny side of it, after laughing his head off sent him on his way lol..

tossy · 05-12-2011 10:17am

BlackBlade wrote: »

Cop stops me on the bike, looks it up and down then looked at me..

"Thats some fookin yolk to go"

Mate stopped in a transit one night, it was fairly misty out.
cop: "you were going a little quick for the conditions out tonight, what if you came around a corner and ran into mister fog?"
transit driver: well Id press mister brake!
cop: are you trying to be funny???
Transit driver: you started it with your mister fog!
cop: I said MIST OR FOG...
cop seen the funny side of it, after laughing his head off sent him on his way lol..

Thats an old Owen o' Neill joke albeit slightly murdered

little big planet 2 · 07-12-2011 6:02pm

Jesus lads i don't know what's more bald, his head or your tyres

dgt · 07-12-2011 11:48pm

Garda: "Theres something wrong with your suspension, I nearly ran into the back of you"

Me: "That would suggest that theres something wrong with your brakes..."

PSNI: "Are ya tryin to commit suicide with that seatbelt?"

Gardai: (just after rolling a car) "Lads, are yous sure yous are alright? Would you like to go to a&e? Here, I'll bring yous back to the station, I'll get out some tea an biscuits for ye, must be an awful shock... (we politely declined) Well if youre sure lads, I hope the man in that house looks after ye (wed just demolished his hedge) I'd better go look for this white car this eeeejit dragged me out to look for, take care lads...." What a sound garda!

Funny or Strange Things The Gardai have said.....

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