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07-03-2012, 14:24   #31
fits
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btw OP, I also got the whole talking about marriage a few days before I was dumped.

In my case I think he really was just contemplating his future and if I'd be in it and thats probably why it came up. I really was gutted when it ended but a year on, I know we werent right for each other at all, and that he made the right call.

Its amazing how time and distance will heal
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07-03-2012, 14:55   #32
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Originally Posted by thelmascanl View Post
He is now asking if we can be friends with benefits. he says he loves me and wants us to be best friends and wants us to still have sex?? How is that so different to being in a relationship??
Oh what a lovely guy...

Basically it's different to a relationship in that he has no responsibility towards you and can shag who he wants without you being able gave an issue with it.
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07-03-2012, 19:27   #33
dellas1979
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thelmascanl View Post
He is now asking if we can be friends with benefits. he says he loves me and wants us to be best friends and wants us to still have sex?? How is that so different to being in a relationship??
I know you probably want to do this because to you are hurting and it is a way of being close to him, and the "maybe he'll change his mind" but please for your own sake/health/mental state, dont. No matter what cards he is putting on the table, you deserve to be treated better than this. Take back control of the situation and say "no". Just "no". No explanation. Dont be all "I feel..." Just "no".
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08-03-2012, 09:02   #34
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By suggesting sex with you outside the context of a relationship, he is acknowledging the fact that he feels an emotional and sexual connection to you. He is hoping to maintain that, probably (in his mind) a perfectly straightforward bond that he has nothing to apologise for.

Unfortunately, he is doing this after he has refused any committment to you, any acknowledgement of your hopes and dreams for yourself, him or a life the pair of you might have had together, and an even further refusal that you might have your own thoughts on this situation - you might be in a world of emotional pain here, but he's isn't able or willing to see that.

Can I remind you that what you wanted was a permanent bond recognised by society, whereas what he wants is for the pair of you to consider each other 'on the side'. This is so far from what you want or wanted for yourself it is on another planet. It really would be wise to cut all contact for a very long while with this person. No more compassionate visits, no more attempts on his part to be 'nice' and have him believe he is deciding the agenda here. He's not only not what you need but he doesn't see the huge chasm between what you both want, and being around him is just going to be immensely painful for a very long while.

Last edited by Walls; 08-03-2012 at 09:08. Reason: Forgot a word.
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08-03-2012, 19:36   #35
Sephiroth_dude
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He is now asking if we can be friends with benefits. he says he loves me and wants us to be best friends and wants us to still have sex?? How is that so different to being in a relationship??
Tell him to **** off,cheeky bugger!
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