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Bragging groom-how to deal?

13

Comments

  • #62
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Have to say I agree...

    As mentioned come back in a few years when ye are planning yer own and see how things change.

    Not saying it is something you should be bragging about but it does sounds like your man to be is being a bit bitchy about it all, and well I do hope you go yourself as you have mentioned several times that you do like the lady in question


  • #63
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    I'm with the OP on this one. It's in extremely poor taste to tell your wedding guests that you are planning on making a profit out of the wedding by having it on a Thursday and inviting people you're not bothered about to beef up numbers. Those kind of conversations may go on between the bride and groom or behind closed doors but to say that to your wedding guests is bang out of order. Drink is no excuse.


  • #64
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    What is said on tour should stays on tour... jes give the chap a break, just because he made on stupid comment does not mean he should be stricken down for life as being an ass... Thinking about it more it really is something I would expect from the ladies not from lads


  • #65
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    Milly33 wrote: »
    Thinking about it more it really is something I would expect from the ladies not from lads

    Bit of casual sexism, sure why not!


  • #66
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Exactly might as well through it in there :)


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  • #67
    Tiger Mcilroy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,562 ✭✭✭Tiger Mcilroy


    Milly33 wrote: »
    What is said on tour should stays on tour... jes give the chap a break, just because he made on stupid comment does not mean he should be stricken down for life as being an ass... Thinking about it more it really is something I would expect from the ladies not from lads

    There is making a stupid comment while on the beer and then there is explaining how you're inviting people to your wedding to make a profit in front of a room full of people invited to said wedding.

    the groom to be is a moron and the OP's other half is dead right not going to the wedding and unless the Groom is brain dead he will know exactly why.


  • #68
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    Tiger Mcilroy wrote: »
    There is making a stupid comment while on the beer and then there is explaining how you're inviting people to your wedding to make a profit in front of a room full of people invited to said wedding.

    the groom to be is a moron and the OP's other half is dead right not going to the wedding and unless the Groom is brain dead he will know exactly why.

    I think this is it - the inviting people just for the presents part, not because you care to have them at the wedding. I think we all know some couples that invite everyone they have even a passing acquaintance with, because after a certain tipping point, each extra guest presents a profit rather than an expense. Hence the 300+ guest lists.


  • #69
    Forest Demon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 632 ✭✭✭Forest Demon


    Say he is going right up until the day and then say he has the sh1tes.


  • #70
    BabySlam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 349 ✭✭BabySlam


    Monday for health,
    Tuesday for wealth,
    Wednesday the best day of all.
    Thursday for losses,
    Friday for crosses,
    and Saturday is no day at all.


  • #71
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    BabySlam wrote: »
    Monday for health,
    Tuesday for wealth,
    Wednesday the best day of all.
    Thursday for losses,
    Friday for crosses,
    and Saturday is no day at all.

    :D


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  • #72
    Sofiztikated
    Registered Users Posts: 6,995 ✭✭✭Sofiztikated


    Bloke here.

    It sounds like yer wans future husband knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

    Yes, it may sound a little petty of OP's fella, but I totally get where he's coming from. There you's are, struggling a bit, and there's yer man blah blah blahing on about how inviting all these plebs are going to make him some bank!?

    I wouldn't even give an excuse, just say he won't make the wedding. Or both of you go, eat 2 dinners each, guzzle through as much wine that's on the table as possible, order expensive drinks for the drink of choice, and give them a card with a few scratchers in it.


  • #73
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Your friend is marrying an asshole - is that a reason to boycott her wedding? Hardly, in my opinion. Lot's of people marry assholes!
    Is it a reason to not bother with the groom afterwards - probably.


  • #74
    A-Bit-Dodge
    Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭A-Bit-Dodge


    stickybookmark wrote: »
    I'm with the OP on this one. It's in extremely poor taste to tell your wedding guests that you are planning on making a profit out of the wedding by having it on a Thursday and inviting people you're not bothered about to beef up numbers. Those kind of conversations may go on between the bride and groom or behind closed doors but to say that to your wedding guests is bang out of order. Drink is no excuse.

    This is basically it you're just much more eloquent than I :pac:

    Honestly we could never really afford to go but I'm mad about the bride and my h2b is a cousin to the groom so we were always going to make the effort.
    Took some posters advice and chatted to another pal who's husband is involved. She said the exact same, her guy was bulling when he came home Sunday but money really is not an issue for them and the bride and groom did attend their wedding a few years ago. The general consensus is that this wedding has made the groom go from a wee bit annoying to a full scale arse ache who really shouldn't drink too much

    My fiancé will have work commitments at worst, at best he'll compromise to do it very very cheap (I've cancelled my room in the hotel and booked a b&b down road as it is.). Thanks for all the advice and thanks to the posters who reassured me that this is NOT how the charming groom should behave in the lead up to his wedding... Nor any decent gentlemAn for that matter


  • #75
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    It's not how a groom should behave but it's also not how a bf should behave. If be fuming if my oh dumped me at a wedding on my own over something as insignificant as this. Yes the groom is obnoxious but what he is saying is that his issue with the groom is more important than you.


  • #76
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    CaraMay wrote: »
    It's not how a groom should behave but it's also not how a bf should behave. If be fuming if my oh dumped me at a wedding on my own over something as insignificant as this. Yes the groom is obnoxious but what he is saying is that his issue with the groom is more important than you.

    Ah come on !!!! Is this a troll post?


  • #77
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    CaraMay wrote: »
    It's not how a groom should behave but it's also not how a bf should behave. If be fuming if my oh dumped me at a wedding on my own over something as insignificant as this. Yes the groom is obnoxious but what he is saying is that his issue with the groom is more important than you.

    Cant agree with this. My OH is entitled to his own opinions and if he didnt want to attend a wedding because he was offended by the grooms previous behaviour then thats his own business. I respect his ability to think for himself.

    As a fully independent adult I can then choose to go alone or not go at all myself.


  • #78
    Arbiter of Good Taste
    Registered Users Posts: 2,200 ✭✭✭Arbiter of Good Taste


    CaraMay wrote: »
    It's not how a groom should behave but it's also not how a bf should behave. If be fuming if my oh dumped me at a wedding on my own over something as insignificant as this. Yes the groom is obnoxious but what he is saying is that his issue with the groom is more important than you.

    Seriously? This is the 21st century. People have been known to attend functions on their own and have gone on to live happy and fulfilling lives.


  • #79
    PhoenixParker
    Registered Users Posts: 2,671 ✭✭✭PhoenixParker


    Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »
    Seriously? This is the 21st century. People have been known to attend functions on their own and have gone on to live happy and fulfilling lives.

    The key difference for me is that he originally agreed to go and is now refusing to go. BF is effectively standing her up for a date.

    With a limited budget and limited days off work I prefer to save up both and spend the time and money with my other half. That was the original plan here, but because of the BF pulling out, OP is now wasting a days holidays and cash on a holiday without her BF. What should have been a fun romantic long weekend together is now an overnight with friends without boyfriend.

    While I'm happy enough to go to a wedding on my own, I probably wouldn't go to one on a Thursday for which I had to travel and pay for a hotel room for just me. A Saturday night in Dublin or close to my parents? Sure but Thursday?!? I'd be unhappy with that switch. The decision to go to the wedding was taken with one set of expectations and now that BF is refusing to go, a whole different scenario is present, one in which many people in OPs circumstances would have chosen to simply refuse the invitation.


  • #80
    Greenmachine
    Registered Users Posts: 5,063 ✭✭✭Greenmachine


    I am with the OP's future husband to be. It is not the fact that it is a Thursday wedding which, I do think is on the rude side. By the sounds of it the guy has a bad attitude regarding the wedding. Maybe give them a "X has been donated on your behalf, to <insert charity>" card.


  • #81
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Think tis all being a bit childish still, sounds like they are just making excuses at this stage go or don't go!! If ye cant decide, Get two pieces of paper, write go or don't, shake and do best of three!! Sorted.. Jes I hope the couple don't come reading this and find how harsh people can be to people they don't even know


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  • #82
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    Stupid comments were made by the groom, no question about that, it seems a bit over the top for your partner to get so het up over it to refuse to accompany you.

    I'd say the comments are just the excuse he needs, I would guess the reality is he is worried about your own fiances and sees attending the wedding as an unnecessary excess. In fairness I think he is right tbh. The cost of attending a wedding is unbelievably high. I went through a couple of years of no work and if invited to a wedding I just attended the church part and gave a small gift. It worked well, I saw friends etc get married which was important to me and said friends understood the situation I was in.

    It might be a good option if you do not feel like attending the full wedding on your own


  • #83
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »
    Seriously? This is the 21st century. People have been known to attend functions on their own and have gone on to live happy and fulfilling lives.

    Exactly he has already said he would go and share the cost with her and now she is left to fund travel costs, present and accommodation herself.


  • #84
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Exactly he has already said he would go and share the cost with her and now she is left to fund travel costs, present and accommodation herself.

    No - if two people attend you have to give 200 euro. If only one attends you only have to pay 100 (as long as you let the couple know in time to adjust the final dining numbers) so the present costs have halved by his non-attendance so that doesn't make any difference.

    Yes accommodation and travel costs will be the same. But as the OP is getting married to this guy I assume they're at the stage of seeing things as joint finances anyway?

    Look different strokes for different folks. Obviously to some girls their fella pulling out of a wedding they had originally said they'd go to and leaving the girl go on her own would be considered a serious crime. To the OP it's clear that she respects the fact that her OH wants to stand up for his principles. So she's not p!ssed off with her OH, why stir up sh!t where there is none


  • #85
    Arbiter of Good Taste
    Registered Users Posts: 2,200 ✭✭✭Arbiter of Good Taste


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Exactly he has already said he would go and share the cost with her and now she is left to fund travel costs, present and accommodation herself.

    The OP is choosing to go to the wedding of her own accord.


  • #86
    Arbiter of Good Taste
    Registered Users Posts: 2,200 ✭✭✭Arbiter of Good Taste


    Milly33 wrote: »
    Jes I hope the couple don't come reading this and find how harsh people can be to people they don't even know

    That's generally what goes on with discussion boards.

    Frankly I'm surprised at how harsh some people are being to the OP. I think it's particularly ironic, considering how faux offended people get on here if someone even dares to suggest that they might prefer to get cash gifts rather than another "thoughtful" picture frame or set of candleholders. Yet when a groom essentially admits his wedding is a profit making exercise, then there is nothing wrong with that. At least, I suppose, he was being honest.

    I only ever give cash gifts or buy from a wedding list if available. But if I was going to this wedding, I would go the "thoughtful" route because you can never have enough candleholders.


  • #87
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

    I only ever give cash gifts or buy from a wedding list if available. But if I was going to this wedding, I would go the "thoughtful" route because you can never have enough candleholders.

    OP that's definitely what you should do. It will save you money. You said they only live 5 mins away right? Perfect ...that means you do the traditional irish thing of calling up during the week run up to the wedding (e.g. 2 nights before) to drop off the wedding present.


  • #88
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »
    That's generally what goes on with discussion boards.

    Frankly I'm surprised at how harsh some people are being to the OP. I think it's particularly ironic, considering how faux offended people get on here if someone even dares to suggest that they might prefer to get cash gifts rather than another "thoughtful" picture frame or set of candleholders. Yet when a groom essentially admits his wedding is a profit making exercise, then there is nothing wrong with that. At least, I suppose, he was being honest.

    I only ever give cash gifts or buy from a wedding list if available. But if I was going to this wedding, I would go the "thoughtful" route because you can never have enough candleholders.

    But why is this not being petty!! You buying them a gift that you intend to be rubbish.. I don't think anyone is being harsh on the OP she asked a question, but you have to admit it does just seem like she is making a list of excuses not to go


  • #89
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,231 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    H2B? Some kind of pencil?


  • #90
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    Milly33 wrote: »
    But why is this not being petty!! You buying them a gift that you intend to be rubbish.. I don't think anyone is being harsh on the OP she asked a question, but you have to admit it does just seem like she is making a list of excuses not to go

    They're not saying buy a present which is rubbish, they're saying buy a present instead of giving cash. You save money that way. It doesn't have to be rubbish, you can get a nice present for 50 euro - bed linen, towels, wine glasses, photo frame, nice clock, vase, mirror. The kind of thing people traditionally gave as wedding presents before the cash thing came in. All my parents wedding presents were stuff like this and it certainly wasn't considered rubbish.


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  • #91
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    it was really if you read the text that's what it comes across as anywho


This discussion has been closed.
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