I need help moving on

LegacyUser · 12-10-2014 8:13pm #1

Hello. I would really appreciate any advice as to how you get over someone you love. Who you cannot be with. And who you might never be with. I have tried so hard but I can't get them out of my mind. When i wake up going to sleep, any moments during the day they are there and going round and round and it is self destructive in itself but I can't seem to control my thinking about them

has anyone any advice literally how to try and move on from someone? We aren't in contact anymore at all. And the other person is in a relationship now.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Snow dropped

Buona Fortuna · 13-10-2014 9:59am

Hi snowdropped I do sympathise - we've all been there in one way or another

My advice is kinda boring I'm afarid. Its good you're not in contact. Delete them from FB, your phone and any other stuff you have.

Do you have common friends? If so look to moving to a different social circle. If no, try and spend some time with people you enjoy. Maybe if you have a trusted best friend, tell them the edited highlights.

Try and take up an activity that you've never done before: hill-walking, wood-turning, basket weaving - something physical is a good way of giving your mind a rest.

I wish you all the very best OP.

catonthewire · 13-10-2014 4:57pm

I doubt if we ever truly forget someone who is no longer in our lives, but the old saying time is a great healer is true......

Personaly , I finaly cut all contact a few weeks ago , it's a form of self punishment constantly replying to texts or silly going nowhere phone calls...

Try to get out with your friends, and start enjoying life, it is seriously too short sitting around wishing for someone who has obviously chosen to move on...
Plan a short break, next year's holiday, nights out with friends, take up a night class or a new hobby....

From experience , one day you will look back and remember the good times, but for now concentrate on getting on with your own Life...

...__... · 13-10-2014 8:11pm

Why cant you be with them op? If you say you love them then is there not a chance to figure things out?

Saipanne · 13-10-2014 8:15pm

Snowdropped wrote: »

Hello. I would really appreciate any advice as to how you get over someone you love. Who you cannot be with. And who you might never be with. I have tried so hard but I can't get them out of my mind. When i wake up going to sleep, any moments during the day they are there and going round and round and it is self destructive in itself but I can't seem to control my thinking about them has anyone any advice literally how to try and move on from someone? We aren't in contact anymore at all. And the other person is in a relationship now.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Snow dropped

All I can say is that it just passes with time. You'll meet someone new, when you're ready, and it will be as if this never happened.

MugMugs · 14-10-2014 2:55pm

...__... wrote: »

Why cant you be with them op? If you say you love them then is there not a chance to figure things out?

Snowdropped wrote: »

And the other person is in a relationship now.

It's pretty obvious the other party has moved on.

OP ignore this, the last thing you need is false hope.

Tear it off like a plaster, Time is a fantastic healer. Find yourself something to keep your mind busy and in a few weeks you'll look back at the here and now and laugh.

Colser · 14-10-2014 6:19pm

MugMugs wrote: »

It's pretty obvious the other party has moved on.

OP ignore this, the last thing you need is false hope.

Tear it off like a plaster, Time is a fantastic healer. Find yourself something to keep your mind busy and in a few weeks you'll look back at the here and now and laugh.

Hopefully it will only take a few weeks for the OP but its takes much longer for some of us...maybe it depends on the actual reason for the break up and I know everyone is different but I found it incredibly difficult to make any progress for months...Id say just roll with it OP and eventually it does become easier..I have to say it it does toughen /change you and I dont know if thats a good thing or not..Good Luck:)

...__... · 14-10-2014 7:27pm

MugMugs wrote: »

It's pretty obvious the other party has moved on.

Apologies I didnt see that at all dont know where I was looking, I was just trying to get some context as a bad break up is harder to get over if there is resentment etc.

LegacyUser · 14-10-2014 9:54pm

Hello and thank you for your replies. I find it hard to not stop thinking about them because for me it does not feel right not being with them and I think the other person feels something still even though they are in a relationship. Maybe things just don't work out even when it feels they are supposed to

thanks for the advice, going to keep myself busy and trust that in time il just get over it. It's tough.
Thanks again.

Taltos · 15-10-2014 5:40am

Mod Note:
Hi OP - as you are posting unregistered your posts have to be reviewed and approved by a mod, this can take time. Please don't keep posting the same thing hoping it will appear as it just goes into the same queue.

Thanks.

Lalealea · 15-10-2014 5:53am

How long were you with this person for?

I was with someone for 4 months and have been broken up 2 and a half now. I wouldn't say I was head over heels with him or anything so maybe it's different. It was prob much easier.

You say he/she is in a relationship with someone else.When I see someone with someone else it kind of kills it for me.People with boyfriends/girlfriends are just off limits.

I think you need to find somewhere to put your passions. Trying doing what you really really love. Do you. Start dating. I think that is really important. If they are circumstances you can't control, then stop trying to fight life and focus on things that you can control. You deserve someone who is great and practical. You will find that person.

Play an association game. An association game is a fancy name for tricking your brain into lumping the person into a category that's bad, or a category you don't like. In the short term, it will help you think about the parts of the person that you don't like rather than those you do. The trick to the association game is just thinking of something bad whenever you think of the person. What's the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of the person you're obsessing over? Probably something good, right? Try thinking of something bad instead.
Whatever is worst about the person in your opinion, focus on it. Don't be mean about, but just drill it into your head, so that whenever you think of him/her, you think of something bad first.

It might not be a true picture of them at all. Infact it might be nothing like this but it will help you.

Create new opportunities and hobbies.Relish in freedom. Meet new people DATE new people.

Change your thoughts.

Pippy1976 · 15-10-2014 4:35pm

"Like milk, your relationship has expired. It had an expiration date. It was not meant to end one day sooner or one day later."

Say this to yourself every day. I do and it's working.

Another thing, it's either over or it's not. If it's not you should be working on the relationship. If it's over you should be working on you.

Jamaican Me Crazy · 15-10-2014 4:50pm

Learn to love yourself OP and give yourself time. It sounds so clichéd but time really is a great healer.
Spend lots of time with family and friends, take up a new hobby, keep yourself busy but be kind to yourself and grieve the relationship. Avoid contact if at all possible because you are only torturing yourself.

I've been through 2 horrendous break-ups in the past 18 months so I speak from experience. Time helps and lots of talking.

LegacyUser · 16-10-2014 10:04pm

Thank you so much for your wonderful advice. I have since joined the gym this week and been pounding the treadmill, and it is helping me so far. I think the idea of associating them with their bad points and changing my thinking is very effective at reminding me to stop being so infatuated by the situation and believing it was something when it was not quite whAt I imagined. It helps to know that people do get over their feelings for others in time. Going to focus on me and hope for best. Thanks a mil everyone.

Snow dropped

Lalealea · 16-10-2014 11:47pm

Don't worry I've been there too. We all have. It's usually someone unattainable.

You sound like a lovely person and doing great :-)

ellafitzi · 20-10-2014 8:21pm

It is true that time heals. But I also know that's hard to hear when you still haven't gotten over it yet. It's the most natural thing in the world to still long for what you can't have. But you must realise that it's over for a reason and try to move on. Sometimes no matter how much we want it we can't force people to love us back. I read an interesting book once called it's called a breakup because it's broken. Reading it may help you to see that this relationship was never right for you and the fact that it's over leaves you an opportunity to find one that is. Remember a relationship is only one aspect of your life and I'm sure you have many other things in your life now which are good. I know it's hard to see that when your focusing so much of your time on the negativity surrounding this break up. Concentrate on yourself now and the other things that are important to you. Think about little things that make you happy and do them. Even small things like taking a bath or painting your nails. Spend time with your friends and family, they are always there to help you through this. Make a bucket list of things you want to achieve in your life and go out and grab it you didn't need this guy to validate you or make you happy. Believe me you can do that all by yourself. So think about starting a course or running a marathon whatever you like!

I need help moving on

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