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Love triangle?

  • 25-08-2010 2:17pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭


    Is it possible to love 2 men at the same time?


«1

Comments

  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    Is this a general question or do you wish to discuss a real life situation OP?

    If the latter, then this thread may be better suited to Relationship Issues. Please let me know if you would like the thread moved.

    Maple.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭lil_missy


    maple wrote: »
    Is this a general question or do you wish to discuss a real life situation OP?

    If the latter, then this thread may be better suited to Relationship Issues. Please let me know if you would like the thread moved.

    Maple.

    Thanks Maple. No, this is more of a general question.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    lil_missy wrote: »
    Thanks Maple. No, this is more of a general question.

    Ok, cool. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,808 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    Siht, i was hoping this thread was about threesomes.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14 Katrina Melican


    If they are both wealthy, why of course its possible.ha


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  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    Siht, i was hoping this thread was about threesomes.

    Infracted.


  • Registered Users Posts: 200 ✭✭valdigre


    I am not a girl, but as a man I think, that it may be possible to love more than one boy/girl.

    You probably cannot be in love with two at the same time, but I guess one can feel love to more than one person.

    The same way you love your family, parents, brothers, sisters - there is many of them, they are different, but you love them (OK, sometimes hate them!) in a similar fashion.

    The feelings for family are of different type than the love in the subject, yet I think the situation might be analogous.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    For some people it is possible.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamorous


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭lil_missy


    I personally think that loving two people with a full and compassionate love at the sime time is impossible. You might feel affection for 2 people at the same time but to truly love two people at the same time is imossible.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 272 ✭✭angelxx


    I don't think you can truly be in love with more than one person.


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  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,027 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I would disagree. For a start you have people like Thaedydal noted that are naturally like that. I've met a couple in my time and they can genuinely have strong love feelings for two people at the same time. For others more in the middle I would say its rare enough but possible. IMHO the most common way it happens is when the different stages of romantic love get attached to different people.

    Romantic love has stages, a trajectory of how things unfold. Generally speaking of course. We are all wierdos so we all vary :D. But generally its infatuation(I fancy him/her), attachment(we're getting to know each other), passionate love(we cant keep our hands off each other), plateau(we're still mad for each other but the crazy stuff has settled down, long term attachment(we're together and will spend our future together, but its as much practical as sexual, but very satisfying).

    Now that usually happens with just one person. Or it fails at one point usually between the last two stages and the couple split and start it all over again with someone new. Now imagine, the step between the last two stages is shaky, but the person still deeply loves the cmpany and personality and even sexually the partner. Enter new person who really revs their engines passionately/sexually. They may not be true long term prospects but they could be, so the person falls into the first stage with them. They still feel deeply the last stage with their original partner. Outcome? confusion and usually they'll drop the first as the passionate stage is so strong, but sometimes they don't and that's IMHO how you can get someone in love with two people at once.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,941 ✭✭✭caseyann


    God i would certainly hope not,tiring enough with one :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    lil_missy wrote: »
    Is it possible to love 2 men at the same time?

    I'd say it certainly is.

    But I don't think its possible to love them equally, or for the love to be of exactly the same quality for both simultaneously.

    I'm sure I'd have a favourite.:)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,697 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Maybe it is not possible for everyone, but it certainly is for some people, yes.

    From what I've seen so far.


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 15,656 Mod ✭✭✭✭dfx-


    Giselle wrote: »
    I'd say it certainly is.

    But I don't think its possible to love them equally, or for the love to be of exactly the same quality for both simultaneously.

    I'm sure I'd have a favourite.:)

    I'd have thought this to be the case 999,999 out of 1,000,000.

    I think it's easy to convince yourself that you could temporarily...but is it sustainable..there'll always be a favourite at a particular time and the favourite could change several times over.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 272 ✭✭angelxx


    I knpw people who have claimed to love two people at the same time, Time has proven that one was always favoured, While one of them was falling out of love with a partner she was falling in love with someone else. I think this is possible, however to feel the same depth of love for two people at the same time seems impossible to me. Real love requires complete trust and honesty, you need to be connected on an emotional level that you are not with anyone else.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭Liberal Irishman


    lil_missy wrote: »
    Is it possible to love 2 men at the same time?

    I would say definitely yes. Why wouldn’t it be?


    Whether it is possible for two men to accept it unconditionally, well that sure is another matter!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Theoretically, yes. In practice, extremely rarely.

    IMHO too many people took Heinlein way too seriously. It only ever seems to even halfway work on a long-term basis is when the practice is dictated and reinforced by a religion as well as the society's customs.

    To add some anecdotal experience, I've known a few polyamorous threesomes and couples. Of those, only one threesome lasted for more than a year. The only one that lasted more than a few years was a man and woman who only invited women into the relationship for fun and games on occasion. In every instance, once favorites were established (and they invariably were), the third wheel eventually tired of the situation and left. Understandably so.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    Personally, i don't think so. Love is a strong and complex emotion...I think it's easy to think that you might "love" more than one person when you are younger...a simple crush can feel like a very big thing at that point.

    I'm sure there are grown, mature people who feel like they experience love for more than two possible partners but I reckon if you questioned them you would quickly establish that one is more loved than the other.

    Obviously people experience different kinds of love, there is the love of parents, the love of siblings, children, friends etc...so we experience various types and extremes of love all the time. It may just be the old romantic in me, or perhaps the fact that for me love is an all or nothing thing but i reckon there will always be a first and second place when it comes to the human heart.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 34,942 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    I don't see why not. It's possible (very easy, even) to completely, unconditionally love two children to the same degree. Romantic love is much more selfish in general but I believe you can truly love two or more people (as opposed to loving what they do for you on different levels, which is invariably how we 'measure' romantic love) simultaneously.


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  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    I'd say you can, but I do think you'd always prefer one over the other at any given time. I have two best friends and I love them equally, but on any given day I might be more attached to one over the other. I'm pretty certain that people feel like that about their kids too (I only have one so far). Love is fluid, always waxing and waning.

    Most people shut down the search for love once they have one person, I don't think that's reflective of their capacity to love others though.

    Personally, dealing with the challenges of a two person relationship, I would not be hugely keen to add another individual to the mix. It's hard enough to marry two personalities together harmoniously nevermind three.

    There could be a benefit with regard to the housework though!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭Morag


    For some people it is, I suggest looking up poly armoury.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭Parsley


    possible? yes. practical? probably not, for most people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    Is it possible? I'm reluctant to rule anything out as impossible per se.

    I think a lot depends on the definition of love here. As others have pointed out, there's a difference between love and infatuation though it can be hard to tell that difference when you're infatuated. Also, for me, love isn't just a feeling you have. To me, loving somebody, implies (maybe even necessitates) action. In other words, loving somebody requires acting in their best interests; doing whatever you can to make their life better. It's probably possible to (feelings-wise) love two people romantically but I don't think it's possible to (action-wise) love two people romantically.

    I've expressed myself really badly there but I hope you get my point.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,562 ✭✭✭eyescreamcone


    Giselle wrote: »
    I'd say it certainly is.

    But I don't think its possible to love them equally, or for the love to be of exactly the same quality for both simultaneously.

    I'm sure I'd have a favourite.:)

    What if they were identical twins??? ;)


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,027 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Yep eyescreamcone terrifically funny. If you've nothing constructive to add to the discussion, please feel free to take your one liners somewhere else.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Registered Users Posts: 538 ✭✭✭OkayWhatever


    I don't think it is possible to be honest.

    I think that if you properly love somebody you'd love to spend every single minute of the day with them.If so,then I don't really understand how you could love 2 people at the one time because you can't spend all your time with either one of them.

    I also think that if you're in love then you're happy and content with the way things are, so much so that you wouldn't really want to love somebody else? Or have the chance to love somebody else while you're so busy thinking about the person you love?

    I can't really get my point across properly, makes soooo much more sense in my head :o


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    I think that if you properly love somebody you'd love to spend every single minute of the day with them.If so,then I don't really understand how you could love 2 people at the one time because you can't spend all your time with either one of them.

    I also think that if you're in love then you're happy and content with the way things are, so much so that you wouldn't really want to love somebody else? Or have the chance to love somebody else while you're so busy thinking about the person you love?
    This sounds like the first stage of love to me - the infatuated, rose-tinted glasses, high on hormones stage. That doesn't last forever. It gives way to something better imo but not every couple in the following stages wants to spend every minute together or is incapable of letting their eyes wander


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    I think that if you properly love somebody you'd love to spend every single minute of the day with them.If so,then I don't really understand how you could love 2 people at the one time because you can't spend all your time with either one of them.

    I love my husband so much that sometimes I think my heart might burst. But I don't want to spend all my time with him by any stretch of the imagination.
    I also think that if you're in love then you're happy and content with the way things are, so much so that you wouldn't really want to love somebody else?

    People who are in love have children, that's adding extra people to love (as much if not more than your partner) into their lives.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    I think that if you properly love somebody you'd love to spend every single minute of the day with them.

    I think that'd be the way to properly kill love. And lose yourself in the process.


This discussion has been closed.
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