Some of Todays Wrestling News and Rumours (Possible spoilers) ***NO CHAT***

Celebrating the doom of Teddy Long as Smackdown GM

By Matt Ederer

During Theodore R. "Teddy" Long’s extended managerial career he has displayed a thorough lack of professionalism, decorum and integrity. He has made countless puzzling decisions, is guilty of extreme favoritism, and has allowed the bullying tactics of numerous superstars to shape the WWE in a highly improper manner.

This is a man who has suffered both a serious concussion and a serious heart attack in the last five years. This is a man who has seen his world title surrendered by injury on three separate occasions. Teddy Long cannot be trusted to provide a safe work environment for the WWE talent and officials.

In short, Teddy Long may be the single most unprofessional and unqualified person ever to keep a managerial job in the entire fake history of professional wrestling.

The Theodore Long is a Spiteful Human Timeline

The following is a list of some of Teddy Long’s most spiteful and wildly biased actions. This list is by no means comprehensive.

Feb 24 2005 – Teddy Long’s job officially comes under question for the first time, via Carlito Caribbean Cool. It is saved by Linda McMahon and the WWE Board of Directors.

March 3 2005 – Carlito is forced to shovel snow in the parking lot. In the cold.

March 10 2005 – Carlito is sent on a mission to get information from the Undertaker. He is piledriven on his head for his effort.

March 17 2005 – Carlito is seen selling hot dogs in the concession stand.

March 25 2005 – Carlito is forced to impersonate Elvis. He is visibly humiliated.

October 16 2006 – MVP insults Teddy, says Smackdown has no competition. MVP is booked to face Kane.

October 27 2006 – MVP is ill and cannot compete. He is booked in a tag team match for the following week against Kane and the Undertaker. He is given Ken Kennedy as a partner.

Novemver 3 2006 – Long twice restarts the Kane & Undertaker v. MVP & Kennedy match, to further punish MVP and Kennedy.

November 10 2006 – Teddy Long books MVP in a street fight against Kane.

November 17 2006 – MVP wins the street fight. He is booked in a steel cage match the following week.

December 1 2006 – MVP, after winning steel cage and street fight matches against Kane, is booked to face him in an inferno match.

June 11 2010 – Drew McIntyre taunts and verbally abuses Theodore Long.

June 18 2010 – Drew McIntyre defeats Teddy Long in a match sanctioned by Vince McMahon.

June 25 2010 – Teddy Long notifies authorities that Drew McIntyre’s visa has expired and attempts to have McIntyre deported. He first books a Drew Mac v. Matt Hardy match, only contacting authorities after it concludes.

July 9 2010 – Teddy Long forces Drew McIntyre to beg for a spot in a Money in the Bank Ladder match. Drew begs. Teddy responds by booking Drew v. Kofi Kingston in a MITB qualifier.

Note: This doesn’t even expect rational or unbiased behavior from Long post-Jan 21 2011, when Vickie and Dolph Ziggler concussed Teddy, putting a *real* chip on his shoulder.

Teddy has been ****ing with poor Drew Mac for years. Both Carlito and MVP, once promising superstars, have since left the WWE. How many young careers have to die Teddy?

Theodore Long’s continued fraternization with the opposite sex

First and freshest in the mind is the curious case of Teddy and Aksana, a relationship seemingly aging in reverse.

Aksana began coming on to Theodore Long in an aggressive manner on Smackdown television in 2011. Teddy was generally oblivious. Aksana remained persistent, but did start to flirt with other WWE Superstars. Eventually Teddy bumbled his way through a period that bore zero resemblance to human courting, and the two ended up together.

It’s worth stating that Aksana is a rookie diva from Russia who can barely speak English and in her young career has already once married and (I presume) divorced a WWE superstar. This is the girl you’re pissing away your work day over?

Long regularly abandons his post to spend time around the city with his Russian sweetheart. The couple have gone as far as running out in the middle of shows on which Aksana is still advertised to wrestle!

Unfortunately this is hardly a standalone incident. In 2007, Teddy Long proposed to and was prepared to be wed to another WWE Diva, Kristal Marshall.

Throughout the summer of 2007, Theodore Long routinely abandoned his duties on Smackdown in the middle of the program, leaving with then-girlfriend Kristal to gallivant around the various cities Smackdown was running. When Long was physically present at his job, his time was dedicated to planning his wedding with the WWE diva.

Sadly there would be no wedding bells, as during the Long-Marshall nuptials, Theodore Long had a heart attack and was off television for two months.

Teddy Long’s very presence in the same room as a woman like Aksana is a serious health risk for all we know. I’ve personally never seen a doctor’s note.

Theodore Long hires and continues to employ Jon Heidenreich

During Theodore Long’s eight off-and-on years as general manager of various WWE programs, he has amassed an eclectic batch of hires. Long has provided work for such luminaries as Kizarney, Mordecai, Gavin Spears, one-off deals for Gangrel and Viscera, and of course, The Boogeyman.

None of those wrestlers begin to compare, however, to the whirling dervish known as Jon Heidenreich.

On the Sep 16th 2004 episode of Teddy Long’s Smackdown, while calling a Kenzo Suzuki/Renee Dupree v. Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli match, one Michael Cole was kidnapped and forcibly brought backstage by Jon Heidenreich.

Here are the facts about the segment that followed, as best as I can represent them. Jon Heidenreich is a seven-foot bleached blond psychopath who has an extremely Aryan vibe about him. He and a terrified Michael Cole are pictured on camera from the chest up. Heidenreich whispers into Cole's ear (and I quote):

"I bet you're wondering why I've got you back here Michael. I like watching you. And I've been studying you Michael. And I know me and you, we want the same things. We have the same desires. .

Well now that I've got you back here all alone with me, I'm going to give you what you want."

Heidenreich then forcibly locks the door. And Smackdown goes to commercial break.

If you watch this on YouTube the ad break is so subtle that you almost miss it. But it's there. Only Michael Cole, Jon Heidenreich and God know what happened for those 180 seconds on that faithful afternoon.

What we do know? Heidenreich thrusted into Michael Cole no less than six times. I went back and counted (because a journalist always does his due diligence). These were legitimate thrusts. Shoot thrusts. Full body thrusts.

I am 100 percent certain that "rape" was the vibe Heidenreich was going for here.

This incident occurred not one month after Heidenreich first appeared on Smackdown. Just fire the psychopath Teddy! The labor board doesn't even have to know about this one. I know personally, I've been let go from better places than Smackdown for worse reasons than raping Michael Cole.

As an aside, I think this explains Michael Cole's semi-recent behavioral shift. If I can play psychologist for a moment: The WWE can trace Michael Cole's wacky pattern of acting out and disrupting their program back to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the night that Jon Heidenreich sexually assaulted him.

This was hardly the only dismissible offense on Heidenreich's record. Consider these transgressions, all occurring in the one month period immediately following the Cole incident:

Jon Heidenreich’s Furious Fall a.k.a. Moar usage of the timeline gimmick

Sep 30 2004 – A raving and potentially suicidal Jon Heidenreich recites a poem from the top of the old Smackdown set (the fist). Paul Heyman pleads with him not to jump. Referees and agents surround ringside. Confusion and panic mounts. Teddy Long takes no discernible action.

No Mercy, Oct 3 2004 – Heidenreich attacks the Undertaker with chloroform, stuffs him in a hearse, and drives a car into said hearse, with the Undertaker inside. This explodes the hearse instantly. The Undertaker survives solely on the basis of his mystical powers. Mystical powers not mandated by Teddy Long.

Oct 7 2004 – Heidenreich jumps into the crowd, attacking fans. In the NBA, Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were handed down lengthy suspensions for a similar act. On Teddy Long’s Smackdown? Heidenreich had to go to the ring and publicly apologize.

Teddy Long’s response to Heidenreich attacking fans was further antagonizing Heidenreich, and then putting him back in front of the fans.

Unsupervised!

It’s a small miracle Jon Heidenreich didn’t kill somebody.

The Best of Theodore R Long. The R stands for something offensive.

Here are a collection of Teddy’s greatest hits. These are newsworthy items that occurred during Long’s time as GM that I couldn’t work in anywhere else, but didn’t feel right not including.

* Re-instated the Inferno match. To this day nobody is sure how this one got by the Virginia State Athletic Commission.

* Created the Barbed Wire Steel Cage purely to torture John Bradshaw Layfield.

* Green-Lit whatever that terrorist bull**** with Muhammad Hassan was.

* Braden Walker.

* The Juniors Division. Good old fashioned 1980s “midget ‘rasslin” complete with a Toys ‘R Us style graphic at the start of the match, to let the viewer at home know it was time to change the channel. This was insulting and offensive to children, cruiserweights, little people AND professional wrestling fans. Don’t tell me it was Palmer Cannon’s idea. Teddy Long turned a blind eye to this nonsense.

* Created Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree tag team. Come on.

* Hired Great Khali. In April of 2006. Kept him on and off for six years.

* Re-hired Tatanka only to feed him to the Great Khali.

* Allowed Tough Enough segments to appear on his TV show.

* Allowed Diva Search segments to appear on his TV show.

* The Gymini.

* Honestly, look at his team at Wrestlemania 28. Jesus H Christ.

* Hired the Miz back in his HOO-RAH days.

* Loves him some Ezekiel Jackson.

* Allowed the Boogeyman to stuff unsanitary earthworms in the mouths of WWE officials and superstars, and then booked Boogeyman versus numerous former world champions.

* Booked the Punjabi Prison Match.

* Booked a 6-way match for the “Smackdown Title," discontinued the championship minutes after.

* Booked a JBL vs. Blue Meanie match. Egregious for a number of reasons.

* Booked Dawn Marie & Torrie Wilson vs. Moolah and Mae Young in an old school vs. new school School Girl Match. This was legitimately the worst bait and switch ever recorded by man. The match originally was slated to be Dawn Marie v. Torrie in school girl uniforms. Cool! What we got? Mae Young's car-crash thighs and a re-appearance of what I ate for breakfast. How is it even possible to misunderstand your audience to that degree? The rules of the match: remove your opponents' uniforms. Thank god the old women went over.

* Booked Funaki v. Paul Heyman.

I mean...

* Observer Awards: Worst Match of the Year (2005) vs. Eric Bischoff at Survivor Series. This match featured two run-ins. If you guessed Palmer Cannon and the Boogeyman, you lack the ability to represses traumatic memories.

* Ederer awards: Worst Dancer Of All-Time (1999-present) , Worst manager of Rodney Mack (2003).

Charlie Haughy wrote: »

That is a PhotoShop. I can tell by the pixels and having seen quite a few photoshops in my lifetime.

rovert wrote: »

And with that the thread goes off a Cliff

rovert wrote: »

Kurt Angle isnt going to the Olympics:



A true tragedy.