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Black tie wedding or no??

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124

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    #92
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    HeidiHeidi wrote: »
    I went to a blacktie wedding a couple of years ago, and another a lot of years ago.

    In theory I love the idea - although I absolutely HATE the idea of trying to find an outfit to suit the occasion.

    Both were winter weddings - one in a very posh 5* location, one in a much less formal setting.

    The blacktie dresscode definitely suited the posh one (which was the one years ago so I can't remember much of the detail of it). You'd have felt odd in that place in less than black tie, IMO.

    The not so posh one - well, not so much. I'm not sure why they went for blacktie. The oddest part of it was getting all poshed up - and some really did turn up in floor-length gowns, although not many - for a sunny 1pm ceremony. It all felt great that evening, but wandering around in full evening dress at lunchtime is just wrong.

    This is actually a very good point. The venue has to match the style of the wedding. If the OP still wants to go for Black Tie, then she has to choose the venue very carefully. If the wedding's to be held in a castle or 5* venue, then great. Have the wedding late afternoon, and go for BT. If she chooses a bog standard hotel, then the idea of BT could fall flat, and the formal effect will be lost.


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    #93
    Gatica
    Registered Users Posts: 3,296 ✭✭✭Gatica


    On the continent it may be doable, but it's not quite as easily done in Ireland. At most weddings I must admit I'm happy enough with the reception drink and wine with dinner as I rarely drink much more than that.
    However, knowing how many unfinished pints float around at weddings as well as rounds of shots, I can't imagine it would be affordable for most couples.


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    #94
    tommy100
    Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭tommy100


    only a minority of people have there own tux. I once declined an invitation solely cause it was black tie. I had intended to go to my cousins wedding, but when I saw black tie on invitation, I said no. its 50€ min to hire and the cost of driving to shop to hire it, collect it, and drop off. too much. black tie are common enough also.


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    #95
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Hi OP,

    I hope your wedding goes off well and you and your guests have a great day, whatever you decide on a dress code.

    I would just point out one thing as a word of caution. Given how widespread Boards is, and given how small the country is. It is not inconcievable that a number of your guests / potential guests / guests who decline, will have read this thread.


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    #96
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    There a selfishness and meanness reflected in this thread which shocks me to be honest.

    You'd swear that being asked to wear "blacktie" is akin to being sent down the mines.

    Going to a wedding is about celebrating with the couple (who will generally be either friends or family).

    If your first thought is about the hassle or the cost, you probably shouldn't go.


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    #97
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,649 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    There a selfishness and meanness reflected in this thread which shocks me to be honest.

    You'd swear that being asked to wear "blacktie" is akin to being sent down the mines.

    Going to a wedding is about celebrating with the couple (who will generally be either friends or family).

    If your first thought is about the hassle or the cost, you probably shouldn't go.

    Should "celebrating with a couple" really need to cost money though??


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    #98
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    amdublin wrote: »
    Should "celebrating with a couple" really need to cost money though??

    Of course it does! Whichever way you cut it, it'll cost. Outfits, transport, drinks money, gifts. You can't go to a wedding, and it not cost SOMETHING.

    Like Larry says - If cost is a factor, then decline the invitation gracefully, and don't go!


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    #99
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    amdublin wrote: »
    Should "celebrating with a couple" really need to cost money though??

    Very little in this world doesn't cost money.

    €70 to rent a tux (if you don't already have one) is a marginal increase over the cost of actually attending a wedding (which can be up to €1,000 in my experience).


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    #100
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,251 ✭✭✭✭fits


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    Very little in this world doesn't cost money.

    €70 to rent a tux (if you don't already have one) is a marginal increase over the cost of actually attending a wedding (which can be up to €1,000 in my experience).

    its also standard spend if you're female. The black tie thing really effects the men more imo.


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    #101
    Alan Smithee
    Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭Alan Smithee


    HI OP,
    As a bloke I absolutely hate black tie weddings. It reminds me more of a dodgy debs than old school Hollywood glamour with every man wearing badly fitted washed out rental polyester tux's when the majority of us will have a decent proper cut and fitted suit at home.
    Like foreign stags and hens or weddings that last 3 days (when did that become the norm?!!) the black tie places added cost and inconvenience to guests that you should consider before making your decision as we Irish do like a good moan and my experience of blacktie weddings most definitely is people will moan.


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    #102
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    There a selfishness and meanness reflected in this thread which shocks me to be honest.

    You'd swear that being asked to wear "blacktie" is akin to being sent down the mines.

    Going to a wedding is about celebrating with the couple (who will generally be either friends or family).

    If your first thought is about the hassle or the cost, you probably shouldn't go.

    It's quite obvious that your posts are intended to 'stir it up a bit'...

    I think it's selfishness and meanness to expect people to spend a fortune on your celebration.


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    #103
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    CaraMay wrote: »
    It's quite obvious that your posts are intended to 'stir it up a bit'...

    I think it's meanness to expect people to spend a fortune on your celebration.

    How so?

    Going to weddings costs money...that's life.

    If someone's a scrooge who curses the sight of a wedding invite, they just shouldn't go.


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    #104
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,649 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    Of course it does! Whichever way you cut it, it'll cost. Outfits, transport, drinks money, gifts. You can't go to a wedding, and it not cost SOMETHING.

    Like Larry says - If cost is a factor, then decline the invitation gracefully, and don't go!

    But that is just it. If there wasn't all that brouha about weddings they wouldn't cost as much.

    Think of Miranda is sex and the city - married in the open air and then back to a casual bar for food and drinks.
    Looked great to me.


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    #105
    SameDiff
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 145 ✭✭SameDiff


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    I have six close friends

    I have 104 friends.


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    #106
    razorblunt
    Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    Did someone register with the username Ihateblackties just for this thread?

    I'm neither for or against I'm more about respecting the couples choice, saying that if I were to arrange one I'd try and get a special discounted rent in a tux rental shop to ease the burden on guests, I also wouldn't be too strict on appropriate dresses for women for such an event either.


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    #107
    Lingua Franca
    Registered Users Posts: 2,800 ✭✭✭Lingua Franca


    amdublin wrote: »
    But that is just it. If there wasn't all that brouha about weddings they wouldn't cost as much.

    Until fairly recently people got married in a smart outfit with immediate family and close friends at the ceremony, then back to the family home for drinks and sandwiches. All of the emphasis was on family and community, not how much you could provide and recieve. This modern fashion for increasingly elaborately staged weddings is pretentious and crass, imo. Not to mention an absolutely appalling waste of money that anyone involved can rarely afford. The typical Irish wedding, with it's overlong day and incredible expenses, already churns my stomach, never mind one with pretentions.

    As you can probably guess I don't go to many weddings anymore :P but a friend of a friend recently had the most beautiful wedding in the garden of his bride's parents. Hay bales for seating, kegs and wine in the shed as the free bar, the party went on all weekend and everyone seemed to love it.


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    #108
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    It's not just the cost that's the issue though, is it? A guy near where I live had a black tie wedding and I happen to know some of the neighbours who got invites. Normally people wouldn't go on about wedding invitations really but this one raised some hackles because of the extra hassle and expense involved. Not to mention comments about him having notions and getting carried away with things. Watching too many episodes of Downton Abbey, Merchant Ivory films etc. You can call it Irish begrudgery if you want but I can't help but think that this is what'll happen when your guests receive their invitations. Unless they're the type who are used to going to these sorts of events.


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    #109
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    Lingua Franca wrote: »
    Until fairly recently people got married in a smart outfit with immediate family and close friends at the ceremony, then back to the family home for drinks and sandwiches. All of the emphasis was on family and community, not how much you could provide and recieve. This modern fashion for increasingly elaborately staged weddings is pretentious and crass, imo. Not to mention an absolutely appalling waste of money that anyone involved can rarely afford. The typical Irish wedding, with it's overlong day and incredible expenses, already churns my stomach, never mind one with pretentions.

    As you can probably guess I don't go to many weddings anymore :P but a friend of a friend recently had the most beautiful wedding in the garden of his bride's parents. Hay bales for seating, kegs and wine in the shed as the free bar, the party went on all weekend and everyone seemed to love it.

    "Until recently"?

    The format of weddings has been the same for at least 50 years. Yes some superfluous nonsense like "favours" has been added but the "church/hotel/meal/dress up" model is around a long time.


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    #110
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    Of course it does! Whichever way you cut it, it'll cost. Outfits, transport, drinks money, gifts. You can't go to a wedding, and it not cost SOMETHING.

    Of course they cost money to attend. But much of your list there is elective. I don't buy a new outfit for each wedding usually. There's been weddings where I haven't spent much on drinks. Black tie adds an additional necessary cost + hassle of finding outfit.


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    #111
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    €70 to rent a tux (if you don't already have one) is a marginal increase over the cost of actually attending a wedding (which can be up to €1,000 in my experience).

    I wouldn't spend €1000 to attend any wedding.

    My sister's next month, I'll spend max €500 and that's with a bigger gift than I usually give.


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    #112
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,475 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    Black tie is incorrect dress for day time, why would you put extra expense on people and then have everyone in the incorrect dress, is it for snob value??


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    #113
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    fits wrote: »
    its also standard spend if you're female. The black tie thing really effects the men more imo.

    Not really, most women won't own a suitable evening gown so will have to buy. And not all women run out and buy an outift for every wedding they attend.


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    #114
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    amdublin wrote: »
    Think of Miranda is sex and the city - married in the open air and then back to a casual bar for food and drinks.
    Looked great to me.

    Her wedding = my dream. Having said that, she was a wealthy lawyer. I'd say the ficticious food was top notch! :pac:


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    #115
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    I wouldn't spend €1000 to attend any wedding.

    My sister's next month, I'll spend max €500 and that's with a bigger gift than I usually give.

    €250 for the gift
    €400 for accommodation
    €180 for hair
    €15 to get tux cleaned
    €250 for dress/etc
    €200 for booze/food
    €50 for petrol

    That's what I can think of off the top of my head and would be pretty standard in our circle and that's before stags or hens are factored in.


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    #116
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    byhookorbycrook wrote: »
    Black tie is incorrect dress for day time, why would you put extra expense on people and then have everyone in the incorrect dress, is it for snob value??

    Oh so true.

    Black tie during the day is an abomination and a social faux pas.


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    #117
    Lingua Franca
    Registered Users Posts: 2,800 ✭✭✭Lingua Franca


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    "Until recently"?

    The format of weddings has been the same for at least 50 years. Yes some superfluous nonsense like "favours" has been added but the "church/hotel/meal/dress up" model is around a long time.

    My parents and their peers were married in the manner I described in the 70s. The church/hotel/meal/dress up model only became the norm, at least among the working class, in the 80s after the wedding of the prince of Wales.


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    #118
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,056 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    byhookorbycrook wrote: »
    Black tie is incorrect dress for day time, why would you put extra expense on people and then have everyone in the incorrect dress, is it for snob value??
    True. Strictly speaking formal dress for a wedding should be morning dress, not evening dress.


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    #119
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    €250 for the gift
    €400 for accommodation
    €180 for hair
    €15 to get tux cleaned
    €250 for dress/etc
    €200 for booze/food
    €50 for petrol

    That's what I can think of off the top of my head and would be pretty standard in our circle and that's before stags or hens are factored in.


    Well, I'd spend a lot less on a lot of those things. And some wouldn't even be a factor each wedding ie. new outfit, hair. So... there you go!

    But anyway, I expect you're stirring as mentioned by someone earlier. The most consummate stirrers are subtle about it. FYI. ;)


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    #120
    Larry Wildman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭Larry Wildman


    Lingua Franca wrote: »
    My parents and their peers were married in the manner I described in the 70s. The church/hotel/meal/dress up model only became the norm, at least among the working class, in the 80s after the wedding of the prince of Wales.

    That must be it so...not being funny, but I'm not talking about working class people.

    When I see old photos and hear about family weddings in the 60s and 70s, there were morning suits, wedding cars, hotel receptions etc. I thought that was the norm.


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    #121
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,056 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    Larry Wildman wrote: »
    That must be it so...not being funny, but I'm not talking about working class people.

    When I see old photos and hear about family weddings in the 60s and 70s, there were morning suits, wedding cars, hotel receptions etc. I thought that was the norm.
    It was pretty much the norm, depending on how much you wanted to spend.

    Weddings were held in the morning. The wedding party wore formal clothes, which meant morning dress, not evening dress. After the wedding everyone went off for a meal, often but not always in a hotel, which was called the "wedding breakfast" (though it was in fact lunch). It wasn't customary for anyone who hadn't been to the wedding and the meal to come to "afters". The couple themselves left the reception before anyone else, usually about an hour after the meal had finished. It was bad form for anyone to leave before the bridal couple, but they started leaving pretty soon afterwards, esp. the older generation.

    At the posh end of the market, everyone might wear morning dress, not just the wedding party, but on the other hand the whole thing ended quite early. Like mid-afternoon.


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