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11-03-2012, 14:10   #46
CarMe
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This thread has taken a funny turn, it's almost like some of you are insinuating she has a spending problem. She seems to be managing really well given her circumstances, a lot of people would have racked up a lot more debt that 3k given she's a mature student, no grant and unable to get a job. Id pay it back and open a savings account for both of you to put an affordable amount in each week/month.
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11-03-2012, 17:01   #47
The Corinthian
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This thread has taken a funny turn, it's almost like some of you are insinuating she has a spending problem.
Actually the OP insinuated that she's fiscally irresponsible:
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Originally Posted by moneybags12 View Post
I'm afraid that if I pay them off, she wouldn't learn from her mistakes, basically. About half the debt is an overdraft from when she lost her job and ended up going back to college, which is fine. The other half is the remainder of a loan from years ago that she should never have taken out. I'm afraid that she'll just run up the debt again during the rest of her studies, and I won't be doing her any favours in the long term.
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My girlfriend is not very good with money. If someone handed her €500 tomorrow, she'd spend it on luxury items immediately, rather than putting it towards her debt. If she is very low on money, the first thing she does is stop making repayments.
I'm only responding based upon his description.
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11-03-2012, 17:57   #48
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What if by doing so he ends up causing more harm than good?

Why? Are you entitled to it?

What are you talking about they are ment to be a couple who are in love and since reading more of the rubbish that this guy is writing about some of the loan was for college.i REPEAT IS HE FOR REAL.
If I was his girl friend reading this id run as fast as i could from him this whole thing shouts " control freak"
3k and she likes spending money she would go out and blow 500quid on shopping.Welcome to the real world
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11-03-2012, 20:11   #49
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If I was his girl friend reading this id run as fast as i could from him this whole thing shouts " control freak"
How is not giving her a gift of money 'controlling' her? Again, I need to ask, do you think she is entitled to it?
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3k and she likes spending money she would go out and blow 500quid on shopping.Welcome to the real world
500 quid that you don't have on shopping is the real World now?

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11-03-2012, 20:41   #50
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I know that if I came into a sum of money I would take such delight in helping out people I know - rather than buying them expensive presents I'd be shoving cash into their hands and telling them to do what they like with it whether it be paying off against loans that they either took out because they were responsible fiscally at the time or spendthrift idiots. I'd prefer to know that at some level I had made others happy in the way that they wanted rather than hedging my largess around with stipulations and judgements.

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ This is probably one of the only bits in the bible that is true (to me).

The joy in giving is exactly that. If you are intending to give a present you shouldn't be analysing it - just give the damn thing. All these ifs and buts show that you really don't want to part with your hard earned inheritance so keep the damn thing squirreled away safe and sound.
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11-03-2012, 22:34   #51
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How is not giving her a gift of money 'controlling' her? Again, I need to ask, do you think she is entitled to it?
Why do you need to ask that no she is not entitled to it nor was he it was left to him in a will. To me its very odd that he is wondering if he should or shouldn't pay off her very small loan. If he needs to do this much thinking keep the money.

500 quid that you don't have on shopping is the real World now?
Lots of people spend this kind of money on a lap top that they are using now reading this.

giving is so much better feeling than receiving i would clear my wife's credit card lots of times or sometimes just pay some of it without even thinking about it and i would never look at that as a good deed

A lot depends on how much money is involved has he been left 5k or 50 k will the 3k make a huge dint in the balance
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11-03-2012, 23:16   #52
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A lot depends on how much money is involved has he been left 5k or 50 k will the 3k make a huge dint in the balance

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In total now she owes maybe 3K. With the money I have coming in, I could easily pay these off for her, but I'm reluctant to do that.

If a relationship gets to a stage where one of the parties involved starts getting all daddylike (or mammylike) it's time to end it. A relationship should be between equals and not with one teaching the other lessons of any kind.
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11-03-2012, 23:38   #53
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If a relationship gets to a stage where one of the parties involved starts getting all daddylike (or mammylike) it's time to end it. A relationship should be between equals and not with one teaching the other lessons of any kind.
This is what it is really about, OP. I would ignore any sideline arguments.
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12-03-2012, 11:13   #54
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If a relationship gets to a stage where one of the parties involved starts getting all daddylike (or mammylike) it's time to end it. A relationship should be between equals and not with one teaching the other lessons of any kind.
Exactly...
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12-03-2012, 13:02   #55
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Lots of people spend this kind of money on a lap top that they are using now reading this.
If "lots of people" are blowing 500 Euro on a laptop rather than purchase a second-hand desktop for half the price, I'm not surprised Ireland is so broke. Negative equity anyone?
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If a relationship gets to a stage where one of the parties involved starts getting all daddylike (or mammylike) it's time to end it. A relationship should be between equals and not with one teaching the other lessons of any kind.
I agree to a great extent, however if you are with someone who you believe has a problem, what should you do?

For example, if you feel your other half has a drinking problem, are you going to buy them a drink or are you going to instead try to get them to deal with their issue? Or just leave them rather than "getting all daddylike"?

Additionally, I'm not really sure how the OP is "getting all daddylike". He's not suggesting he takes control of her finances, he's only suggesting that he does not give her a chunk of his money that he fears could cause more harm than good.

From what I can see the only way that he would be "getting all daddylike" is if she is entitled to this money from him and given some of the comments here, it appears that some here do think that.

The OP has fears, which is why he has raised this topic. Either these fears are well founded or they're not. I've taken him at his word, but one could argue otherwise. Problem no one here, who is proposing he should pay, has actually done that. Instead his fears (the entire purpose for this personal issue) have been ignored in favour of indignant responses of what he should be doing.

Nonetheless, whether she does have a problem or he is simply paranoid about it, it is an issue; and one which could ultimately destroy the relationship if they cannot meet each other half way on it.
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12-03-2012, 13:03   #56
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Money and Relationship doesn't mix.

If you give her the money you may inadvertantly hold it over her head when you have an argument.

On her side she might not feel comfortable taking it from you.

Your choice, but if your not married then I wouldn't.
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12-03-2012, 13:54   #57
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Mods, can you close this thread now please? I've gotten all the replies and perspectives that I need and thanks to all involved. Most of you have given me great food for thought, and some of you have really opened my eyes with your sense of entitlement and definition of "meanness".
 
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