Hassle from gay at work

if its unwanted and consistent its sexual harassment/bullying.
take him aside and tell him in no uncertain terms it has to stop and if it doesnt you will go further with it.you can do this in a nice diplomatic way and perhaps it wont end up in a shouting match.
but nip it in the bud.once or twice is enough to be told you look nice, anymore than that hes being a dick and should be told to STOP.
if any male or female kept commenting on my appearance or what i wear i would tell them where to go.

Chimichangas wrote: »

not enough info i think.
how long has this been going on? do you work out? do you dress to impress? do you actually think this guy is coming on to you or just complimenting you for how you look? What is it thats bugging you?

Maybe you could do something so you dont get the attention...? lots of pizza, less deoderant..?

That said I wonder if this is the same as the unwanted attention that women can get from office co-workers? What kind of advice would you give them?

is that a joke?
why should he change for that idiot.

It's been going on for a few months and you haven't really reacted to him. I think you've restrained yourself and been pretty fair so far. IMO it doesn't matter if you're gay straight male female or if they're gay straight male or female, the combination of the two people involved does not matter; if you're getting constant compliments about the way you look from someone you're not attracted to, I think most people would eventually start to find that uncomfortable.

The fact that you've specified that it's a gay guy and you're a straight male has probably skewed some people's instinctual responses to your issue. The simple issue is that you're getting constant compliments from someone you're not attracted to, it's been going on a few months now and (understandably) it's starting to bother you. The fact that you're male and he's male, or that you're straight or that he's gay is irrelevant. The only way that that would be relevant would be if you were homophobic, which would be a separate issue anyway.

I've been in your situation (although I don't get asked if I work out :pac: ) more than once, actually, where I was getting constant attention from someone and I didn't like it. I didn't know how to handle it. I ended up just being cold with them and unresponsive. I didn't ignore them but I stayed out of their way and gave them one word answers and a short, awkward laugh if they said anything that made me uncomfortable and then I just left their presence.

I don't know how you can confront them about it, realistically, because no matter what the outcome of it I don't think anybody will feel good afterwards.

Maybe just learn to relax a bit more and avoid him when you can.

Have a quiet word with the guy or send him an email saying some of his comments make you feel uncomfortable.

I had this from two female colleagues ago few years ago.

It started out as mildly entertaining and then became very uncomfortable.

I just said it to them. Basically said: look while you probably think it's a bit if a laugh, it's actually interfering with my ability to work and it's really starting to become a bit creepy. We're colleagues, I want to remain friends but this is now stepping over the line and straying into being sexual harassment. Could you please behave more like my colleagues?

Worked a charm! Think I made them think.

With a guy, I'd see no difference either. I'm not offended by guys flirting with me anymore than women flirting with me. It's all about the context though. In work you're working, in the pub or club or wherever else you're socialising.

You also can't easily get away from a colleague where as somebody in another context can be moved away from and ignored.

Very different contexts!

That's the thing though, you can't really flirt at work. One person's idea of a bit of banter can be something that the other person is finding excruciatingly awkward.

That being said though, it happens all the time and mostly its harmless and countless people meet their partners at work too...

I'd just caution the OP to think about how serious it is first. If its just paying you complements on your clothes and stuff, that's maybe not even flirting. The guy might just be more comfortable being direct about stuff like that in a way your straight friends might not be.

I'd just be careful that you're not tuning in more because he's gay though.

It's all a bit of a careful balance at work though. There are definitely lines.

I would start by just explaining to him (non confrontationally) that it's not making you feel very comfortable.

Just 'could you lay off the comments on my appearance thanks…'

seannash wrote: »

No you should have said you cant flirt with certain people at work.
We dont know the extent or even what was being said. Perhaps the OP is being overly sensitive.

Either way the sexual harassment claim is a bit strong.

The issue is that if its persistent, annoying and inappropriate... Then it is sexual harassment.

I had a two colleagues (male and female) wolf whistling me when I picked up anything off the ground or if I wore a T-shirt!!

That became very annoying after a week and I had a word with them about it!

Someone telling me that the like my clothes or whatever isn't in that category at all though.

The HR definitions also often set the bar very low, so it's very worth being aware of where the line is!

seannash wrote: »

To be fair if you get tired of a running gag after a week you seem like a bit of a stick in the mud. Its akin to the whole pub cheering when a glass is smashed.

That's not the same thing at all. The running gag becomes you personally, that's the problem.