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How often should a woman initiate contact at the start of a relationship?

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    #32
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    On the text front, people can be very individual in this. Some hate it and consider it childish, others text, but take their time replying, while others text like crazy. I'd be mostly in the latter category. Hell I can text like 13 year old girl at times :D though thats when my phone decides to work....

    As far as second guessing myself contact wise. Nope dont do it. regardless of whether I liked someone or not I'll respond the same way. I simply cannot abide the wait three days brigade. Like I say a personal thing as I know both men and women who do this as some sort of test. Not for me. I'd be more like Pythia in this one. In my last couple of long termers we texted soon after the first date and kept going that way. Ditto with phonecalls.
    magneticimpulse wrote:
    NEVER!!!
    That just feels like game playing to me.
    If the guy likes you, he will contact you. Just wait for him to let you contact you. Too many Bunny Boiler tags going around and you dont want to be seen as clingy.
    well clingy isnt good, but its a tossup between clingy and romantically manipulative in the pain in the bum stakes. For me, the latter would be a far higher sacking offence. Now maybe a lot of guys wont spot it, but many will sniff out this social bargaining. I'd say in general the better guys too.
    If he likes you enough, things will run smoothly and it wont seem like a "game". But seriously, the more you let them wait, and if they like you, the more they will contact you to meet up.
    Which also runs the risk of someone hanging around for the chase and when that's done, dropping you for the next chase. I'd even go so far as to say that this is a more unwise tactic for women dealing with men. I'd reckon more men prefer the chase and lose interest when its done.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #33
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    IMO, it wouldn't be upto just 1 person within the relationship to start up a phone call / texting. It should be up to both...

    Back burning lets the flame burn out...


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    #34
    katie99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 206 ✭✭katie99


    I would call or text when I feel like it. I don't play mind games nor count the number of times I called him or vice versa.
    I don't believe in it.

    If I like a guy and want to be with him then I will let him know.


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    #35
    dids6457
    Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭dids6457


    Malari wrote: »
    I hate all that game stuff, but I know plenty of people who subscribe to it.

    When my boyfriend first asked me out he said he would text me the next day and arrange a time to meet. He did. I texted back straight away to agree.

    He later told me he was expecting to have to wait for hours for a reply, because he thought I wouldn't want to look too keen, so he was delighted. I told him I was keen!!

    You will get some guys, like the OP's fella, who seem to prefer the games though. It's juvenile as far as I'm concerned.

    Same as this I didn't hold back when I met my boyfriend I always used to text when I wanted and he said after he asked me out the fact I replied straight away and there was no messing really assured him I was a keeper (his words)....still a keeper 3 years on;)


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    #36
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    dids6457 wrote: »
    Same as this I didn't hold back when I met my boyfriend I always used to text when I wanted and he said after he asked me out the fact I replied straight away and there was no messing really assured him I was a keeper (his words)....still a keeper 3 years on;)

    Yep, at the start of the relationship you don't have a whole lot to lose, so I think it's better to be honest and let the person know that you don't play games. If they are the kind of person who thinks there are "rules" attached to texting then you're better rid of them.

    I used to get emails from a previous boyfriend in work, and if I mentioned that I was replying, the girl I worked with would freak out and say I couldn't email back straight away - what would he think? :rolleyes: She was still doing this with her boyfriend of several years!


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    #37
    RacoonQueen
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 20,364 Mod ✭✭✭✭RacoonQueen


    This reminds me of a conversation a couple of girls I work with were having a few years ago. One of them had just started seeing a guy, she was in her early 30's he had just turned 40, she was a pretty girl but had some personality 'issues', he, was absolutely amazing looking - think Patrick Dempsey, only better! Anyway, she'd only started seeing him and had been out with him at the weekend - he wanted to see her on the Tuesday and she said ''I told him I couldn't see him, you can't make yourself too available for them" She spent the night on her own in front of the TV with a bar of chocolate and tea instead. She is now mid-30's, single and overweight...


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    #38
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    RacoonQueen wrote: »
    This reminds me of a conversation a couple of girls I work with were having a few years ago. One of them had just started seeing a guy, she was in her early 30's he had just turned 40, she was a pretty girl but had some personality 'issues', he, was absolutely amazing looking - think Patrick Dempsey, only better! Anyway, she'd only started seeing him and had been out with him at the weekend - he wanted to see her on the Tuesday and she said ''I told him I couldn't see him, you can't make yourself too available for them" She spent the night on her own in front of the TV with a bar of chocolate and tea instead. She is now mid-30's, single and overweight...

    That's just mad! I would rather rise 'making myself too available' than get caught up in that game playing rubbish!


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    #39
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    RacoonQueen wrote: »
    This reminds me of a conversation a couple of girls I work with were having a few years ago. One of them had just started seeing a guy, she was in her early 30's he had just turned 40, she was a pretty girl but had some personality 'issues', he, was absolutely amazing looking - think Patrick Dempsey, only better! Anyway, she'd only started seeing him and had been out with him at the weekend - he wanted to see her on the Tuesday and she said ''I told him I couldn't see him, you can't make yourself too available for them" She spent the night on her own in front of the TV with a bar of chocolate and tea instead. She is now mid-30's, single and overweight...

    And will probably do the same thing again if presented with the same chance.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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    #40
    Helix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,661 ✭✭✭✭Helix


    sarmer wrote: »
    Just wondering what your thoughts are on how often a women should text/call in a relationship? I'm talking about the start of a relationship when you're dating and have to negotiate the minefield of who texts/calls who etc..

    whenver she feels like it, same for the fella


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    #41
    KyussBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,797 ✭✭✭KyussBishop


    That kind of game playing is a bit silly, don't understand it at all.
    If you really like someone, and got on with them well, you should be itching to get out and meet them again; not screw with their heads with these kind of mind games.

    I think keeping things straight forward is best; stuff like this would just make people wonder if you're really interested, and I think a lot of people (myself at least) would find these kind of games a bit insulting (that you would deliberately mess with someones head like that), and see it as a huge turnoff, as well as a warning sign to avoid.


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    #42
    SheRa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭SheRa


    KyussBishop wrote: »
    That kind of game playing is a bit silly, don't understand it at all.
    If you really like someone, and got on with them well, you should be itching to get out and meet them again; not screw with their heads with these kind of mind games.

    I think keeping things straight forward is best; stuff like this would just make people wonder if you're really interested, and I think a lot of people (myself at least) would find these kind of games a bit insulting (that you would deliberately mess with someones head like that), and see it as a huge turnoff, as well as a warning sign to avoid.
    +1. If I saw any sign of game playing from a bloke I would be extremely wary of getting involved with him.


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    #43
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Yep, game playing a couple of dates in just raises huge red flags for the maturity of the person doing the playing and makes me wonder how much more likely we are to have communication issues down the line - big turn off.


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