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I hit my boyfriend

  • 22-08-2014 1:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    We have been having so many fights over the last 6months, with a lot of temper losing going on. I caught my boyfriend checking out another girl and I lost it - and slapped him across the face as hard as I could :(.

    I feel so guilty. Is there any way back from this? We've been going out for 3 years and love each other very much despite the problems we have been having.

    I know people will get very angry at me here - its kind of what Im looking for, I deserve it


Comments

  • #2
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Well no, people will offer construcive advice and stay civil when replying to you because of the charter.

    OP, what does your boyfriend think? Does he want to be with you after this?


  • #3
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,364 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    badgirlfriend101 wrote: »
    We have been having so many fights over the last 6months, with a lot of temper losing going on. I caught my boyfriend checking out another girl and I lost it - and slapped him across the face as hard as I could :(.

    I feel so guilty. Is there any way back from this? We've been going out for 3 years and love each other very much despite the problems we have been having.

    I know people will get very angry at me here - its kind of what Im looking for, I deserve it

    Quite frankly, you have two serious issues here.

    1) the fact that you resorted to violence

    and

    2) the fact that it was over something as inconsequential as your boyfriend checking out another girl.

    Neither of those things are even remotely normal.

    If the genders were reversed here everyone would be telling you to run a mile here. And that's exactly what your boyfriend should do.

    You, in the meantime, should probably consider counselling for your anger and jealousy issue.


  • #4
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    If your boyfriend were the one posting I would suggest he run a mile and possibly contact amen.
    Violence is not acceptable under any circumstances and the fact that it's for something so inconsequential is not normal at all.

    You need to apologise big time and go to anger management and some kind of counselling.


  • #5
    Pippy1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,047 ✭✭✭Pippy1976


    I gave my boyfriend a belt across the arm because, frankly, he drove me to it, but there is no excuse for my actions regardless of what he was doing / saying.

    Never hit anyone, ever. I am disgusted at what I did. No excuse. End of.


  • #6
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    badgirlfriend101 wrote: »
    We have been having so many fights over the last 6months, with a lot of temper losing going on. I caught my boyfriend checking out another girl and I lost it - and slapped him across the face as hard as I could :(.

    I feel so guilty. Is there any way back from this? We've been going out for 3 years and love each other very much despite the problems we have been having.

    I know people will get very angry at me here - its kind of what Im looking for, I deserve it

    Can you pin down why you have been fighting so much over the last 6 months? Is it just the last 6 months or has it always been a bit like this and it's just worsened over the last 6 months? Have you always been so insecure and jealous or has something happened or changed that has resulted in this or worsened it?


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Fighting over lots of tiny different things - a lot has changed for us in the past 6 months and we've both had to cope and change, and little outbursts of anger have become quite commonplace. We've tried working on it, most recently, last weekend when we had a big heart to heart. Thought we were in a good place after that!

    I don't know why I was driven to do it - the straw that broke the camels back I suppose. It was really a tiny thing and he was after losing his temper at me, which he promised at the weekend he wouldn't do anymore. Then I just snapped. I had to restrain myself from hitting him again. I have never hit anyone in my life before, or been tempted to. I think it probably spells the end the fact that I wanted to, and indeed did, this.

    He has accepted my apology, although I did suggest to him myself that he walk away and I would fully accept that at this stage.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    you need to take steps to make sure you never do this to anyone ever again. You should apologize and make clear he did nothing wrong.

    You need to consider a separation now because you have issues you need to remedy. I think this will escalate further if you don't keep clear from him until you get some therapy. And it will give him space to think about his own well being.

    To be honest if this happened to me and a bf did it i would leave. I think he should to be honest and you have to work on yourself.

    I think your boyfriend needs to contact amen for support if you are serious you will suggest it. I would be saying for him to leave too and you might want consider that it might be best for him.


  • #9
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    badgirlfriend101 wrote: »
    Fighting over lots of tiny different things - a lot has changed for us in the past 6 months and we've both had to cope and change, and little outbursts of anger have become quite commonplace. We've tried working on it, most recently, last weekend when we had a big heart to heart. Thought we were in a good place after that!

    I don't know why I was driven to do it - the straw that broke the camels back I suppose. It was really a tiny thing and he was after losing his temper at me, which he promised at the weekend he wouldn't do anymore. Then I just snapped. I had to restrain myself from hitting him again. I have never hit anyone in my life before, or been tempted to. I think it probably spells the end the fact that I wanted to, and indeed did, this.

    He has accepted my apology, although I did suggest to him myself that he walk away and I would fully accept that at this stage.

    What's changed? We're all just pixles on a screen here.


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for your replies. I just can't stop thinking about how much I've f**ked up. We've moved countries, and he has set up his own business. I have changed jobs. I was in poor health for 3 months.


  • #11
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    badgirlfriend101 wrote: »
    Thanks for your replies. I just can't stop thinking about how much I've f**ked up. We've moved countries, and he has set up his own business. I have changed jobs. I was in poor health for 3 months.

    Well look, you have ****ed up, majorly, there's no getting away from that, but you already know that. You're obviously not a total asshole or you wouldn't have started this thread and written what you have written.

    Do you think you would ever do it again? Honestly?


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  • #12
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    badgirlfriend101 wrote: »
    Thanks for your replies. I just can't stop thinking about how much I've f**ked up. We've moved countries, and he has set up his own business. I have changed jobs. I was in poor health for 3 months.

    I doubt you hit him just over checking out another girl - anger is a tricky one. You probably snapped over a number of issues that you may not have even being aware of consciously.

    That doesn't justify it nor does it make you a bad person but tis something to work on. We all make mistakes.


  • #13
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    All you can do is try work through it

    If I hit my other half I'd expect her to leave and never look back, I'd do the same if she hit me


  • #14
    d-don
    Registered Users Posts: 250 ✭✭d-don


    Been there myself with a ex ... If is was him dump you and move on . Like another poster said if it was him hitting you the cops would be called etc and his name blackened in the area ... No sympathy from me . Wot apologise for being blunt I've been there so tough what ever happens to you


  • #15
    shalalala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,710 ✭✭✭shalalala


    I hit my ex. Not something I am proud of but it was seriously provoked. I should have walked away but I stayed and to be honest the issues that caused me to hit him, both his and mine, were always in the background and never resolved.

    you have to look into yourself and see if your relationship is worth the work.


  • #16
    Mike747
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 383 ✭✭Mike747


    badgirlfriend101 wrote: »
    We have been having so many fights over the last 6months, with a lot of temper losing going on. I caught my boyfriend checking out another girl and I lost it - and slapped him across the face as hard as I could :(.

    I feel so guilty. Is there any way back from this? We've been going out for 3 years and love each other very much despite the problems we have been having.

    I know people will get very angry at me here - its kind of what Im looking for, I deserve it

    If your boyfriend has any sense he'll dump your psycho ass.


  • #17
    Loughc
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 24,712 Mod ✭✭✭✭Loughc


    I can't help thinking if the OP posted her BF slapped her across the face the reaction would be extremely different.

    OP you need to ask yourself and be very honest if your bf hit you, how would you react?

    Could you honestly see yourself forgiving and forgetting and moving past it? If you can't then you shouldn't expect him too. By the sounds of it ye are not suited for each other and should seperate before things get any worse!


  • #18
    Auldloon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,241 ✭✭✭Auldloon


    Op I've been there many years ago ( I'm in my 40's now) sadly my experience is you've crossed a line and I'd advise you cut your losses and walk away for both your sakes. Hopefully you will learn from it and never raise your hand to anyone again. Good luck and don't be 2 hard on yourself either.


  • #19
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    You really shouldn't be in this or any relationship. That's very nasty.


  • #20
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Mike747 wrote: »
    If your boyfriend has any sense he'll dump your psycho ass.

    Banned for a month


  • #21
    BraziliaNZ
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,671 ✭✭✭BraziliaNZ


    If you think you can never do it again and he doesn't want to break up then you might be alright. 2 girls have posted in this thread that they hit their boyfriends but they were "provoked". Imagine a man said that...


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  • #22
    shalalala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,710 ✭✭✭shalalala


    BraziliaNZ wrote: »
    If you think you can never do it again and he doesn't want to break up then you might be alright. 2 girls have posted in this thread that they hit their boyfriends but they were "provoked". Imagine a man said that...

    Depending on the situation I would believe them. There are situations that bring the worst out in people. I am not saying it is right, I am saying we are human and we make mistakes, males and females make the same mistakes.

    The OP is looking for help. She already feels awful about the situation. I know I did. Fact is, she cannot take it back, it is a decision that as a couple they have to make. Stay together or move on.


  • #23
    Carlos Orange
    Registered Users Posts: 2,499 ✭✭✭Carlos Orange


    shalalala wrote: »
    Depending on the situation I would believe them. There are situations that bring the worst out in people. I am not saying it is right, I am saying we are human and we make mistakes, males and females make the same mistakes.

    What is there to not believe. People who hit their partners are usually "provoked" by something.


  • #24
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    BraziliaNZ wrote: »
    If you think you can never do it again and he doesn't want to break up then you might be alright. 2 girls have posted in this thread that they hit their boyfriends but they were "provoked". Imagine a man said that...

    Well I think people can be provoked into hitting others even though not saying tis right.

    Great point though - would be uproar if a bloke said that.


  • #25
    RacoonQueen
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 20,364 Mod ✭✭✭✭RacoonQueen


    There is never, ever an excuse for one adult to hit another. i say adult, as children do it. They learn, quickly, as they grow up that this is not how to deal with things.

    In order to hit someone they would have to do something incredibly, incredibly incomprehensible. There is never an excuse to hit someone. They do not deserve it. No one should have to experience the pain and devastation of being hit by a loved one. Especially when they have not done anything wrong.

    It is up to him, ultimately, if he wants to stay with you or not. You clearly have issues which you need to pinpoint and address as to why you chose to resort to violence and aggression with a loved one.

    Trust me when I say that the betrayal and pain you feel from being hit by someone who should be fighting for you not with you can not be put into words.

    If I was him, I would walk away from you and never look back.


  • #26
    Bafucin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Bafucin


    You need to tell him you are leaving him because he deserves better and go and get help for yourself.


    I really think a separation is the best option for both of you.


    You are not in a place for a relationship right now.

    He is going to have to work on his self esteem and realize he is better without you. If you are a decent human at all you will realize he is better without you right now. You will also realize that you CAN BE better than you are right now. And can BE SO MUCH BETTER OP and happier too. Please change otherwise you will live in the hell you create for yourself.

    We all have a dark side I have been angry beyond belief at times. I have never lost control of my hands. I have come to the realization that people who do hit others don't lose control. They make a choice in the moment. That moment is very defining for a person or a relationship.

    That moment when you hit him is now one of the most defining moments of your relationship.


    OP have you considered how he must have felt? How he feels now??

    You seem to be only thinking of how to keep him. What about what he feels? You seem to be worried about controlling him still by keeping him. And the slap was all about control and keeping him.(It was in response to a harmless act of looking at other women which is perfectly normal).

    It seems clear you are the reason for the arguing.
    People who hit their partners are usually "provoked" by something.

    Not really. Just life. I would not call what happened any kind of provocation whatsoever.

    I look at other girls when in relationships. I will continue to do so. I am not going any further but there is nothing wrong with that.


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