Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Hersheys · 19-03-2013 2:57pm

Have hit a low. I think it's the same as everyone else, the demon drink. Why do we do it to ourselves?!

Should also mention that I'm in a transition between meds - I'm being taken off one and put onto another. I'm just finished tapering off the meds that I'm currently on and due to start the new ones the end of the week but I really, really don't want to.

Lightbulb Sun · 19-03-2013 4:23pm

Hersheys wrote: »

Have hit a low. I think it's the same as everyone else, the demon drink. Why do we do it to ourselves?!

Should also mention that I'm in a transition between meds - I'm being taken off one and put onto another. I'm just finished tapering off the meds that I'm currently on and due to start the new ones the end of the week but I really, really don't want to.

I never was a massive fan of drink. I don't get why this country is so alcohol obsessed. Seems a bit pointless to me to want to get hammered every weekend as many do.

My mind is frustrating the hell out of me at the moment. I'm completely demotivated to do something important for college that's due tomorrow. No sense of desire or anything. I can see the importance of it but still my mind is just anywhere but focused on it.

Can't help but look back and think how much I've lost out on with this illness. I was a good student before I was ill. Now I struggle heavily with concentration, motivation, focus in class. If I was to describe it, it's like a connection between my intelligence and concentration/focus in my brain and that's been severed since my illness. Very frustrating to deal with.

Hersheys · 19-03-2013 5:30pm

Ah I just went out for a few drinks with a few friends, nothing too major. Its not something I normally do.

And I get your frustration at your apathy for college work. I've a few very important deadlines coming up and I just cannot be bothered. Spent the day watching TV online and will spend the evening panicking about not having done any work today. Vicious circle.

Call Me Jimmy · 19-03-2013 5:58pm

Hersheys wrote: »

Ah I just went out for a few drinks with a few friends, nothing too major. Its not something I normally do.

And I get your frustration at your apathy for college work. I've a few very important deadlines coming up and I just cannot be bothered. Spent the day watching TV online and will spend the evening panicking about not having done any work today. Vicious circle.

I am equally apathetic about college, but luckily i've scraped through the years and am at the home stretch so motivation is alot easier thinking in the short term to just get this piece of paper and walk out.

arbitrary constant · 19-03-2013 10:40pm

I have so much college work at the moment that all my motivation has just been zapped.

I did really well in my Christmas exams and though that that would be enough to motivate me for the rest of the year....but it's had the opposite effect. It's like I burned myself out too quickly and now this term has been a complete disaster.

The past 3 or 4 days may as well never have happened, I've pretty much sleepwalked through them all.

Hersheys · 20-03-2013 12:17am

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I have so much college work at the moment that all my motivation has just been zapped. I did really well in my Christmas exams and though that that would be enough to motivate me for the rest of the year....but it's had the opposite effect. It's like I burned myself out too quickly and now this term has been a complete disaster.

The past 3 or 4 days may as well never have happened, I've pretty much sleepwalked through them all.

That happened me in my final year. Talk to your lecturers. They're human afterall.

arbitrary constant · 20-03-2013 12:27am

Hersheys wrote: »

That happened me in my final year. Talk to your lecturers. They're human afterall.

I'm afraid to in case I need a reference from them afterwards.

Hersheys · 20-03-2013 12:37am

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I'm afraid to in case I need a reference from them afterwards.

I was the same but they can't really hold that against you. If you're very concerned just say "medical issues" that you don't really want to discuss. Nobody will force the issue.

Lightbulb Sun · 20-03-2013 12:39pm

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I'm afraid to in case I need a reference from them afterwards.

Don't let it slide or they won't take into account the medical reasons. I had to get forms and medical forms sorted today. I know if I don't do it then the college won't bear it in mind and I'll miss out on so many marks.

arbitrary constant · 21-03-2013 3:21am

I'm not even sure what I'd say though. "Oh hi, I've been missing lectures 'cause I've been in bed most of the time for the past few weeks or so, can you please ignore my shoddy attempts at coursework and hand out some sympathy marks instead?" No matter how often a doctor or counsellor reassures me that I am depressed, and it's a legitimate reason for underperforming, it still feels like I'd be asking for charity or something if I said it to my lecturers.

The guys on my course will probably help me with assignments and stuff, I'm pretty good friends with them (at least I hope I am). And if I can focus my mind over the holidays, when there's no other coursework to distract me, I potentially could repeat my Christmas exam performance and score well in my Spring exams (even though they'll be much tougher than the Christmas ones). At any rate, going to a lecturer is the absolute last resort for me and I'm not ready for it yet.

Call Me Jimmy · 21-03-2013 3:35am

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I'm not even sure what I'd say though. "Oh hi, I've been missing lectures 'cause I've been in bed most of the time for the past few weeks or so, can you please ignore my shoddy attempts at coursework and hand out some sympathy marks instead?" No matter how often a doctor or counsellor reassures me that I am depressed, and it's a legitimate reason for underperforming, it still feels like I'd be asking for charity or something if I said it to my lecturers.

The guys on my course will probably help me with assignments and stuff, I'm pretty good friends with them (at least I hope I am). And if I can focus my mind over the holidays, when there's no other coursework to distract me, I potentially could repeat my Christmas exam performance and score well in my Spring exams (even though they'll be much tougher than the Christmas ones). At any rate, going to a lecturer is the absolute last resort for me and I'm not ready for it yet.

You only have to say it has been due to medical reasons. Think about it like any other long term illness. You should take any leniency or help you can get and you don't have to say, I doubt they would care (in a good way) enough to ask. They might say a general 'are you going to be okay' or something thats it. When you finish college and have left, would you care if you took help that was entitled to you? This sort of thing happens all the time.

arbitrary constant · 21-03-2013 4:21am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

When you finish college and have left, would you care if you took help that was entitled to you? This sort of thing happens all the time.

I guess I still have trouble recognising that I'm entitled to it. I still desperately want to be as good as my peers on my own terms, and getting any sort of help or leniency would dilute that for me. It's not easy to admit you're struggling.

I've been through this whole ordeal during my undergrad degree, a degree I didn't really like in the first place and ended up with a very average result that made me feel like an idiot (having always been a top student at second level). I only spoke to lecturers when it was the difference between passing and failing a module; they acted sympathetic on the face of it but I doubt they truly cared about my well-being and were just relieved they could give me the bare pass mark without going through the ordeal of the repeats/appeal procedure. :rolleyes:

Anyway this time I promised myself it would be different but things are starting to fall apart now.....

Hersheys · 21-03-2013 5:52am

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I guess I still have trouble recognising that I'm entitled to it. I still desperately want to be as good as my peers on my own terms, and getting any sort of help or leniency would dilute that for me. It's not easy to admit you're struggling.

I've been through this whole ordeal during my undergrad degree, a degree I didn't really like in the first place and ended up with a very average result that made me feel like an idiot (having always been a top student at second level). I only spoke to lecturers when it was the difference between passing and failing a module; they acted sympathetic on the face of it but I doubt they truly cared about my well-being and were just relieved they could give me the bare pass mark without going through the ordeal of the repeats/appeal procedure. :rolleyes:

Anyway this time I promised myself it would be different but things are starting to fall apart now.....

Do you see a counsellor or gp with your depression? Maybe ask their advice & they can reassure you. You would be surprised at the number of people who do tell their course heads about their health difficulties. And the number of successful people who have had mental health issues.

In other news having a really crappy few days. Sleep pattern all over the place & making stupid mistakes in work. I'm currently wanting to self harm & feel extremely lonely

Kaching · 21-03-2013 6:57pm

Why does this happen
Each time i wanna help a friend .a ton of other sh!t falls on me

neemish · 21-03-2013 9:38pm

Anyone mind if I scream???

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Just on of those crappy crappy days

cloud493 · 21-03-2013 10:40pm

My college is going terrible at the moment. Surprised I haven't been kicked off the course.

Hersheys · 21-03-2013 11:23pm

neemish wrote: »

Anyone mind if I scream???

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Just on of those crappy crappy days

Scream away. Think it's one of those days for everyone.

aob85 · 22-03-2013 12:41am

i think im getting panic attacks at night. it all started last summer (2012) where id lie awake for hours on end all night in bed. then i started to feel sick all night, where id have to run to the bathroom but id actualy never get sick. i sometimes still feel sick. but now im noticing my heart rate is speeding up like crazy at night... and im loosing alot of sleep again.
do they sound like panic attacks to you? or is it stress?

Lightbulb Sun · 22-03-2013 12:44am

aob85 wrote: »

i think im getting panic attacks at night. it all started last summer (2012) where id lie awake for hours on end all night in bed. then i started to feel sick all night, where id have to run to the bathroom but id actualy never get sick. i sometimes still feel sick. but now im noticing my heart rate is speeding up like crazy at night... and im loosing alot of sleep again.
do they sound like panic attacks to you? or is it stress?

I don't know much about panic attacks myself. Best thing would be to go to your doctor and seek a professional opinion.

handbagmad · 22-03-2013 1:37am

Absolutley 100% f*ck this! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

My 'high' didnt last very long. im bolloxed now, and very emotional. Cut last night again. It just all too much.

Im sick of people ringing and texting too f**k off I just dont want to be bothered. Just leave me alone.

Gremlinertia · 22-03-2013 11:53pm

Right now, i am scared of myself....

Hersheys · 22-03-2013 11:56pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Right now, i am scared of myself....

Stay safe.

On pm if you want to chat.

Gremlinertia · 23-03-2013 12:03am

Hersheys wrote: »

Stay safe.

On pm if you want to chat.

Thank you, have to head to bed for work in morning. I'm just unsure of what i'm currently capable of.. I feel like i have a spider made of acid sitting crouched around my head and the pain is enough to drive me to f!ck knows what.. It'll just be a long night.

Hersheys · 23-03-2013 1:52am

Tonight I'm scared of what I want to do. I'm writing notes & I'm sobbing. I know tonight's not the night but maybe soon. I just feel so hopeless.

Lightbulb Sun · 23-03-2013 11:45am

Hersheys wrote: »

Tonight I'm scared of what I want to do. I'm writing notes & I'm sobbing. I know tonight's not the night but maybe soon. I just feel so hopeless.

Please hold on and don't act out on your thoughts Hersheys.

Life can be tough but you won't be able to see the good days when they come if you make a decision like that.

There is always the potential there for your life to improve. Don't forget that.

Hersheys · 23-03-2013 12:38pm

Lightbulb Sun wrote: »

Please hold on and don't act out on your thoughts Hersheys.

Life can be tough but you won't be able to see the good days when they come if you make a decision like that.

There is always the potential there for your life to improve. Don't forget that.

I made it thru the night, gonna be a long weekend tho. Sunday nights are always the hardest.

Hersheys · 23-03-2013 1:22pm

I've alienated all of my friends. None of them care. Nobody askes how I'm doing. I feel so lonely

the only people who care are medical professionals and I know as soon as I leave that they don't care any more. They only care cos it's their job.

noah45 · 23-03-2013 9:06pm

Hi all, I post now and then, have been up and down lately.
I wanted to share that I have been doing an online cbt course with aware for the last few weeks / and find it fantastic.
It can be hard work but its worth it. It is completely free.

I mention this so that maybe people here can contact aware and see if there are any more courses coming up. Or just check out the aware site .

Gremlinertia · 23-03-2013 11:17pm

Was only today reading the indo that i discovered aware do online support - will be on to them monday once i'm over work.. It could be just perfect. I'm finding talking to therapists difficult and confusing as i'm constantly second and third guessing myself so i forget what i.m actually saying and therefore say nothing really important after the opening few rants. I seem to keep thinking of what they must be thinking of me, then again i come from a background where you don't have a problem unless a limb is half detached....

stop animal cruelty · 24-03-2013 4:51pm

never posted on this thread before but am long time looker...

Last night at my cousins wedding was just terrible...l just want to die right now. l'd be happy if l was told by a dr l'v cancer or a tumor (sorry if lv offended anyone but thats how l really feel) it would be a relief.

I'v had social anixety for about 5 years now & lv aways been quiet around my family, cousins & aunts etc. Last night my cousin accused me of not giving a damn about my cousins. Not true at all. He said l never make a effort with them (they live in England) & giving out that l havent seen them in 3 years and all l was saying was "yeah" "no" "what sorry?" all day. He was right that was mostly what l was saying because l was so anixous & nervous & just felt uncomfortable. l see these cousins like once every 5 years. l told he lm just like that & of course l cared & lm just socially very arkward. He made me feel terrible. I started crying & he said sorry but l was just so mad at myself, 21 years of age, cant hold a conversation with my cousins & they think l cant be bothered with them & dont give a damn. ugh. l left early & balled my eyes out in the car. ld hate for anyone to think l dont care when its just me holding back.

lm so embarressed being me. lm just so fed up having this bloody anixety. lm not comfortable around one person in my family. My cousins just called there to say goodbye & it was so arkward. I said only 2 words. Hugging to say goodbye ugh they were glad to say goodbye. l feel so bad they called to the house l didnt make them feel welcome or say anything to them. l fcuk up everything lm sick of it.

l cant face them again lm so embarressed

l just had to let it out here have noone to talk to about it

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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