Online Dating General Discussion[NO flirting]

mood · 03-05-2011 12:35pm

Feu wrote: »

ha ha, that would be the worst!

Ah no i was just trying to get across the point that the photo thing can go a bit wrong even if you think you put up a reasonably nice "accurate" photo of yourself!

And attraction is more complicated than looks. You can think someone is very good looking but not fancy then because of not having anything in common or whatever. And of course it can work the other way around as well.

Pepe LeFrits · 03-05-2011 1:58pm

g'em wrote: »

It's expensive enough, around €350 to sign up with them iirc. They bring you in, 'interview' you to find out more about you and then your lunch dates are hand picked, or so they say. I can't remember if the sign-up guarantees you 6 or 9 dates but it's something along those lines.

It could be a different one, but the one I know provides 9 dates.

mood wrote: »

I would trust my own judgement (on a dating site) rather than a dating agency. They are there doing a job and will spend as little time as possible trying to 'match' you. Less time spent on client means they make more money. And I know myself better than they do so surely I am better equipped to pick out who I want to meet in real life.

Poor customer experience doesn't lend itself to a successful business. I know a girl who used to work there (presumeably the same one) and from what I've heard it isn't like that at all.

Two (male) friends of mine also used it. One had a few good dates then met his girlfriend on the 4th(?) date, while the other had a few so-so dates then decided it wasn't for him... though he was basically already in love with his future girlfriend at the time, so I'm not sure he gave it much of a crack!

LegacyUser · 03-05-2011 3:15pm

Do you really believe that people in the real world knowing that you are single comes across as desperate??? I am amazed....so everyone who is single and using a dating site come across to you as desperate because they have said they are looking for a relationship?

lol wow talk about putting words in my mouth!! How odd!

If you read my post for what it is and not what you want it to be, you will find i made reference only to me, i don't mention "other people"

Also personally i don't make it known to the world i'm single and looking in real life, it comes off a bit desperate, i really value my privacy, i don't go around shouting down the street look at me! look at me! i'm single! in real life... so why would i do the equivalent on the internet ?

There's a huge difference between people knowing you're single and announcing it publicly in my opinion! I never said people who use dating sites were desperate!! I said I personally consider it desperate to allow being single to define me. I just don't think anyone needs to know i'm single! I'm a private person! Different strokes!

I am curious about something else at what stage do you ask for a photo from the guy your are messaging and do your really think you can get personality across from a few fairly anon messages exchanged on the internet?

After 4/5 messages, it's not about getting an indepth knowledge of their personality or them mine initially, but as a woman who is considered "quite good looking", you get tired of men judging you solely on your looks, sad but true. I'm looking for a guy who isn't fickle and wants more than a pretty face, who doesn't view me as an object and is willing to chat to me on the merit of my sense of humour interests etc not my looks. So i'd rather get a sense of them before i sent them a pic.

I don't understand what your argument is here to be honest, are you anti dating sites now? would you rather i judged them on their profile picture or them me?! how does that tell me/them any more about their/my personality?

Pepe LeFrits · 03-05-2011 4:10pm

misstike wrote: »

lol wow talk about putting words in my mouth!! How odd!

If you read my post for what it is and not what you want it to be, you will find i made reference only to me, i don't mention "other people"

There's a huge difference between people knowing you're single and announcing it publicly in my opinion! I never said people who use dating sites were desperate!! I said I personally consider it desperate to allow being single to define me. I just don't think anyone needs to know i'm single! I'm a private person! Different strokes!

Why would it appear desperate for you and not for others?

cantdecide · 03-05-2011 4:45pm

misstike wrote: »

...Also personally i don't make it known to the world i'm single and looking in real life, it comes off a bit desperate, i really value my privacy, i don't go around shouting down the street look at me! look at me! i'm single! in real life... so why would i do the equivalent on the internet ?...

I understand. I'm quite private too. Internet dating involves taking a swallow and putting yourself out there for better or worse, IMO.

Every woman should take practical steps to avoid creeps etc. but isn't it inevitable that if you're on a dating site, you're looking for, dates? And don't you usually have to be single to look for dates? In other words, it's not exactly a secret that you're single if you're on a dating site. Going mad for a second, does this extend to marking your status as 'looking for friendship' etc?

LegacyUser · 03-05-2011 6:06pm

Why would it appear desperate for you and not for others?

why would what appear desperate?
how can i think people who use dating sites are desperate when i'm on one myself?!

Every woman should take practical steps to avoid creeps etc. but isn't it inevitable that if you're on a dating site, you're looking for, dates? And don't you usually have to be single to look for dates? In other words, it's not exactly a secret that you're single if you're on a dating site. Going mad for a second, does this extend to marking your status as 'looking for friendship' etc?

This has nothing to do with my initial argument?!
I think people have completely missed the post i responding to in the first place!!

I was responding to this post by mariaaliceabout having public photos on sites:

I am a very strong believer of having a public photo on you profile and I think it say a lot about the sort of person you are ...I mean this in the nicest possible way but if you are the type to be worried about people knowing you are on a dating site maybe on line dating isn't for you

i found her post a bit condescending and implying that there was something wrong with people wanting privacy.

I was trying to give a perspective as to why I wouldn't want to put up pictures on a dating site for all to see. Of course if i'm on a dating site i'm looking for dates! Of course i say i'm single and looking for a short term/longterm relationship. I'd just rather not have my picture up there like a neon sign for all to see, I've come across friends, family members ex co woorkers etc on sites and i'd rather they just didn't know i was using a dating site because again, i like my privacy! Kind of the same reason i don't make all my facebook photos available to everyone for example, i don't really want the creepy guy from down the road perving on me! It's not that i don't send them pics after a few messages - i do, i was just making the point that i prefer not to use my looks as the basis for getting a date, as it's exactly what has caused me to meet not so nice guys in the past!

I was making an analogy that for me having a public photo up was for me the equivalent of walking down the street and shouting "i'm single" at every man who stopped to talk to me, or going into a bar and wearing a sticker saying "i'm single" because I'd rather just talk to the guy in the bar/on the street and get to know him than be labeled/defined as "single", in the same way as i'd rather be on a dating site with no public picture up and talk to guys rather than being labeled or defined as "hot girl"...it was never about being ashamed to be single or making it a secret, it was about photographs and not wanting to be judged on looks alone...i have no idea how the initial poster i was responding to could skew my post so much to make it about something else....it wasn't. I don't think anyone is desperate for putting up or not putting up pictures, or being on or not being on a dating site!

panda100 · 03-05-2011 8:20pm

misstike wrote: »

Personally as a fairly attractive female, putting a photo of yourself up for all to see leaves you open to the players who are just after sex and will waste your time telling you what you want to hear. That's the whole reason why i'm using internet dating sites in the first place, because i'm sick of guys wanting to just shag me because they think i'm hot and not wanting to get to know me

I must be dog rough so, cos I have pics up and very,very rarely get messages from guys who are just looking for sex. The majority of men who have contacted me have taken the time to read my profile and write a nice message relevant to my profile. I'm using OKcupid.

Tbh I wouldnt bother replying to someone who didn't have a picture up. Being physically attracted to someone is important to me, so I'm not going to bother messaging someone when I have no idea who they are or what they look like.

seenitall · 03-05-2011 8:51pm

panda100 wrote: »

Tbh I wouldnt bother replying to someone who didn't have a picture up. Being physically attracted to someone is important to me, so I'm not going to bother messaging someone when I have no idea who they are or what they look like.

Well, thank heavens that not everyone shares your views, otherwise I would be completely dateless from the online experience; and I will also venture into making a (well-grounded) supposition that the aesthetic hopes of the guys who I have met in this way so far, were pleasantly entertained at the point of receiving my pic by e-mail and beyond... fair play to them for putting the faith in the profile-pictureless old me!

Being physically attracted and attractive to someone is VERY important to me, but I don't feel the need to advertise my looks for everyone to see; I used to, but now having tried both, I am happier this way.

panda100 · 03-05-2011 9:13pm

seenitall wrote: »

Well, thank heavens that not everyone shares your views, otherwise I would be completely dateless from the online experience; and I will also venture into making a (well-grounded) supposition that the aesthetic hopes of the guys who I have met in this way so far, were pleasantly entertained at the point of receiving my pic by e-mail and beyond... fair play to them for putting the faith in the profile-pictureless old me!

Being physically attracted and attractive to someone is VERY important to me, but I don't feel the need to advertise my looks for everyone to see; I used to, but now having tried both, I am happier this way.

Good to know that it works, and not all people are as shallow as me

I have been contacted by a few people who know me in real life, and it is awkward when you know you have no interest in them romantically, so for that reason I would consider taking my pics down.

LegacyUser · 03-05-2011 9:22pm

Tbh I wouldnt bother replying to someone who didn't have a picture up. Being physically attracted to someone is important to me, so I'm not going to bother messaging someone when I have no idea who they are or what they look like

And that's exactly my point

it's guys with that exact mentality i'm trying to avoid! hence not putting up a public picture! I'm not having a dig at you at all don't get me wrong, different strokes and all that, just personally i like a guy who's chatty and will chat to people because he's friendly and likes a bit of banter and isn't into the popularity contest aspect of life (I'm way too older and wiser to deal with that anymore) I'm not saying looks aren't important, they absolutely are, and like i said i will send them a pic and if i happen to not be attracted to the guy i will tell him politely he's not my type, but i'm old enough now to value personality as much as looks.

fair play to them for putting the faith in the profile-pictureless old me!

Yup it's lovely when they do, really endearing and refreshing to come across a guy who is so open and friendly, And it's really nice when you do send a pic and they send one back and you realise he's both sound and handsome! So much nicer than feeling you were just picked out of a catalogue!

Never judge a book by it's cover, you'll miss out on some gems of people.

Being physically attracted and attractive to someone is VERY important to me, but I don't feel the need to advertise my looks for everyone to see; I used to, but now having tried both, I am happier this way.

+1 Amen to that!

seenitall · 03-05-2011 9:36pm

panda100 wrote: »

I would consider taking my pics down.

If you do, it will decrease the level of incoming first-timers in your inbox (as you can imagine) but I found that it ended up working in my favour - no offence to guys for whom pics are paramount, but it weeds out a lot of people who I wouldn't be interested in anyway, at that first point of contact (I guess having an articulate and to-the-point profile helps too).

PinkFly · 05-05-2011 12:32pm

only joined one of those sites today for the first time....

why is the age says like 28 or 29 and look as old as my dad??

Feu · 05-05-2011 1:26pm

PinkFly wrote: »

only joined one of those sites today for the first time....

why is the age says like 28 or 29 and look as old as my dad??

could just be a bad photo?

Fortunately i never experienced this, but people have commented frequently about online dating that both men and women lie about their age, sometimes by 10-20 years! Although usually they put an "older" photo, from like 10 years ago, to reflect this.

I never experienced this, but i often got messages/winks from guys in their 40s/50s/60s, when i had i think age 25-35 preference or something :pac: The older ones seem to have a bit more moxie

PinkFly · 05-05-2011 9:04pm

Feu wrote: »

moxie

gotta love that word....

its now my aim to use to it at every opportunity

mariaalice · 06-05-2011 10:27am

I have been away on a small brake ( lovely hotel but why are hotels always so warm )

I wasn't being condescending when I said I think a public Photo is the best way to go I know people have different opinions about this people should do what feels right for them I was giving my experiences, but if anyone has issues about being SEEN on a dating site maybe they need to step out side themselves a bit and consider what they are looking for and if a dating site is relay the way to find it.

Whether the on line guest means it or not she is coming across as thinking

A lot of men aren't to be trusted because they are only interested in how a woman looks.

There are a load of creeps who thrall through through interned dating site to perv over photos of women ( fully clothed photos of ordinary women )

mariaalice · 06-05-2011 10:30am

Another thing looking at the poll what do people class as negative experiences of dating sites?

cantdecide · 06-05-2011 10:59am

mariaalice wrote: »

Another thing looking at the poll what do people class as negative experiences of dating sites?

For men it's timewasters or generally general poor results

For women it's = rude/ vulgar guys or generally poor results

stargazer 68 · 06-05-2011 11:03am

I use a couple of different sites - although the same people seem to be on them all.
Positive things - new people. People I would never come across normally and the odd time a good date!
Negative - the time wasters. The mail - I'd do you, fancy a shag etc etc.

Feu · 06-05-2011 11:11am

mariaalice wrote: »

Another thing looking at the poll what do people class as negative experiences of dating sites?

and the positive!

e.g. what aspects of the specific site were helpful or unhelpful?
would you use the site again?

kingtut · 06-05-2011 1:33pm

I recently signed up to OKCupid and have been on POF for about 6 months and I must say that I get messages from at least 4/5 different women on POF every week. On OKCupid I only got 1 !!

I'm not the best looking guy ever and my profile is pretty much the same on both so I guess it comes down to different types of people using a different site...

Augmerson · 06-05-2011 8:20pm

I couldn't even setup an account on pof.com, couldn't get past registration

PinkFly · 06-05-2011 8:30pm

Augmerson wrote: »

I couldn't even setup an account on pof.com, couldn't get past registration

why not??

miec · 08-05-2011 6:08pm

I've recently joined the world of internet dating again, POF in my case, although I feel somewhat paranoid about the fact that I am female, have a pic up, I'm not grossly overweight but get very few replies. EEKKK!!!!

The whole photo thing is a difficult one. Personally I would prefer to not have a picture up and over the years when I've used dating sites I have alternated between no picture and picture. The reason I lean towards photos is mainly for two reasons 1) when I have had no picture up, got chatting to someone, seem to get on well and then send a picture, the silence is...well you get the picture. I should add here that when I meet men IRL they have all pretty much said that I look much better in the flesh. I take a very poor picture. They have been pleasantly suprised.

The second reason is that I also want to see a picture too to get some idea of what the person looks like. I understand it is not a perfect medium but it does give some idea. Also I often look at a profile judging by the picture but if the profile is boring then I am not interested.

On a final note re: pics, most dating sites are much more geared towards pictures in terms of searches and matching. Most people insist on pics, some maybe because of being looks based but I believe more so because they want to know who they are writing to.

I have no embarrassment about saying I have used dating sites. Most people do nowadays.

posy2010 · 08-05-2011 7:08pm

miec wrote: »

I I should add here that when I meet men IRL they have all pretty much said that I look much better in the flesh. I take a very poor picture. They have been pleasantly suprised.

This could have been written by me. I do not photograph that well but you need a picture on these sites to garner interest and responses.

Feu · 08-05-2011 10:09pm

the photo is definitely a personal choice thing, pros and cons to it.

iirc on another friend anyway, when you used the search all the profiles with photos would show up first, then the ones without. might make a difference to people.

johnboysligo · 09-05-2011 2:58am

Ive had some good and some bad experiences on okcupid, the lack of active users in the sligo area kinda makes it difficult to use for me so I got tired and deleted the account :P

photo's for me were not a must but the profile HAS to be interesting regardless.

MidnightQueen · 02-11-2011 2:07pm

liah wrote: »

List of Dating Sites:

OkCupid
ConnectingSingles
PlentyofFish
Smooch
Match
Zoosk
AnotherFriend

Are they all free sites?

I had a few positive experiences with POF, it depends on who you meet, it could be a positive/negative experience on any site.

kieranfitz · 03-11-2011 5:28pm

kingtut wrote: »

I recently signed up to OKCupid and have been on POF for about 6 months and I must say that I get messages from at least 4/5 different women on POF every week. On OKCupid I only got 1 !!

I'm not the best looking guy ever and my profile is pretty much the same on both so I guess it comes down to different types of people using a different site...

A week? How did you manage that, I'd say I've only had about 8 girls reply in 2 and a bit years.

bradolf pittler · 03-11-2011 10:20pm

i'm on pof,joined on monday and have been contacted by a few nice girls already tru the "meet me"feature,hoping to nab a date or 2 in the future so my experience has been positive so far.
1 gripe is that fact that i have contacted at least 15 girls with detailed in depth messages and have not gotten a single reply....now i know that i won't be everyones cup of tea but a simple"thanks but no thanks"reply would go a long way.

[Deleted User] · 03-11-2011 10:25pm

KittyKat wrote: »

Are they all free sites?

I had a few positive experiences with POF, it depends on who you meet, it could be a positive/negative experience on any site.

Both ConnectingSingles and Smooch are pretty dire, so avoid that if possible. For me, the best so far is OKCupid.

Online Dating General Discussion[NO flirting]

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