Chatting up people.....

Masturbate.

simonsays1 wrote: »

Hello all,

Today, I saw/greeted a lovely chap on Grafton St (near the liquorice in a Health Food Shop)
I didn't have the guts to go up and speak to him and now I cannot stop thinking about the situation. I was/am exceedingly attracted to him! (V v. v rarely does this happen to me!!)
Damn it! I wish I took the risk.......! I did not know what to say...ahhhhhh
So, how to recover from lost opportunities?..Thanks!


SimonSays (Not my real name)

'A female Simon'

A female Simon?
Did you try the Ladies Lounge?

There was a line I heard somewhere a while ago, might have been in a pub might have been online... *shrug*
Might only really apply in the USA...
Anyway it's "an average woman will be approached more times by the time she is 25 than the most attractive man will be in his entire life"...
Generally speaking women don't do much approaching... even when they're interested because "If he was interested he would have approached by now"...
So many men arnt used to it and may react slowly...

You should totally have made some sort of actual approach. Maybe he wouldn't have responded the way you wanted but hey now he's gone anyway.

If you dont ask you cant get.

Applys to alot of situations. You've nothing to lose.

I wish I didnt, lol

beks101 wrote: »

In fairness though...show me someone who doesn't fear rejection and I'll show you a liar. Especially among women as we traditionally tend to not be the approachers.

I don't think any woman should have any fear of approaching a man at a bar, in a supermarket- anywhere at all.

Depends on your personality and how well you can interact. Most of the time you will get talking.

Here's a tip - if your about to attempt just chatting to men here and there to see where you get, try it out on a woman... if your standing behind a woman in a queue, ask her where she got her perfume, at the bus-stop chat about the weather... you just have to be confident approaching someone with ease and integrity, if you approach a man in this manner chances are he will be asking you for your number before you part ways anyway.

Sometimes women feel more capable of this one week and not so much the next as the daily grind wears us down. So we aren't always confident I suppose... but it is worth a try building your confidence up to a point where a rejection wont knock you back into a shell.

I actually think it would probably be easier for women to do the approaching, as men are generally less cruel in those situations. If a man gets approached by a woman he's not attracted to he's still pleasant as it's an ego boost. Many women will be nice as well but women have a greater tendency to be rude or cruel - especially if they become flustered or feel the guy is much less attractive than they are.

Although on the other hand, men are more likely to be clingy and think it's an automatic invitation for sex etc, so it's not all good news for women either.

beks101 wrote: »

But if you're used to doing it, you're more likely to be a bit more immune to rejection, no? I mean it's always going to suck, but if you're in the habit of approaching you'll probably have dealt with being shot down quite a bit too, coz that's the game, you win some you lose some.

Whereas for women...or at least for me, I can count the amount of approaches Ive made on one hand, and any single rejection has as good as turned me off men for weeks on end.

But that would suggest that every man would take rejection the same way and this is not the case.

Some men are outgoing and have the gift of the gab and if a lady rejects him it won't cost him a thought. Others (myself included) would be a bit more shy in making the first move and especially if someone is a bit rude in their reply it can hit the self confidence.

Everyone has the same feelings, whether they be men or women so I don't think we can really say that all men "get used to it".

The trick is confidence. All the way confidence. Head high, shoulders back, eye contact, smile....

If you fancy someone you dont always have to do the chatting up, if you can manage to start a conversation or break the ice they may drum up the courage to ask you out. Sometimes men need to know that you are into them, noone wants to be turned away feeling embarrassed in public so if your making eye contact and the signs are there just go for it, break the ice. Obviously, men look even when they have a girlfriend so this could always be the case but if your getting looked at its a good sign that you wont be shunned by a single bloke.

Just throw in an ice breaker, in the supermarket that your looking for something for lunch, in the smoking area the weather, at the bar- any kind of conversation will do... if the man is not so responsive - no harm done - you werent shot down, you were just making polite conversation; if he fancies you- you have just made it easier for him to speak to you.

I must admit, I do this and find it a good way to go.

yeppydeppy wrote: »

I'm terribly shy when it comes to chatting up women or even just starting a conversation with someone I don't know. There was a really pretty girl in a bar I was in on Monday and I couldn't figure out a way of approaching her, it didn't help it looked like she was with her sister and their mother. Oh how I wish I had the confidence to walk over and not make a tit of myself.

its tough when there is an audience !! I wouldn't think going up to women in a situation like this and chatting to one virtually ignoring the others would NOT be good though... might make it uncomfortable for the girl.

I'd say strolling over and saying 'hiya ladies, I think this girl is gorgeous...' could be a good move... making it obvious who you are attracted to and will 99% of the time make women smile. If you were shot down in this situation I imagine after building up banter it would be in the nicest way. The women may even encourage the girl to chat to you, she could have been shy herself.

I think if you have the fun loving attitute when approaching women in this situation you cant really go wrong. You could take a seat at the table but you kinda need to be providing entertaining stories rather than sit and impose on their chat.

There's a select few who have what I'd call profound confidence - it's like their confidence is built on very solid foundations. These types of people shake off rejection like a duck shakes off water and then they go and approach another person with the same confidence they had when they started. I think you can certainly better yourself as an adult but in my opinion there is no substitute for a good start in life, when your personality is developing.

Some people might respond to this by asking why some bad boy types with terrible upbringings are confident and quite good with women: well the answer is probably that they've at least been around girls from a young age and probably lost their virginity early. That's why I'm not a particular fan of same sex schools because for a young person who isn't very sociable it might be their only chance to mix with the opposite sex before they leave school and become adults.

Sadderday wrote: »

The trick is confidence. All the way confidence. Head high, shoulders back, eye contact, smile....

If you fancy someone you dont always have to do the chatting up, if you can manage to start a conversation or break the ice they may drum up the courage to ask you out. Sometimes men need to know that you are into them, noone wants to be turned away feeling embarrassed in public so if your making eye contact and the signs are there just go for it, break the ice. Obviously, men look even when they have a girlfriend so this could always be the case but if your getting looked at its a good sign that you wont be shunned by a single bloke.

Just throw in an ice breaker, in the supermarket that your looking for something for lunch, in the smoking area the weather, at the bar- any kind of conversation will do... if the man is not so responsive - no harm done - you werent shot down, you were just making polite conversation; if he fancies you- you have just made it easier for him to speak to you.

I must admit, I do this and find it a good way to go.

as a lady approaching men I completely agree with the above! Works for me" its not all about going up to someone and laying your cards on the table straight away. From just starting up a conversation with someone you'll know within a couple of minutes whether the person is interested in you or not!

Pug160 wrote: »

There's a select few who have what I'd call profound confidence - it's like their confidence is built on very solid foundations. These types of people shake off rejection like a duck shakes off water and then they go and approach another person with the same confidence they had when they started. I think you can certainly better yourself as an adult but in my opinion there is no substitute for a good start in life, when your personality is developing.

Some people might respond to this by asking why some bad boy types with terrible upbringings are confident and quite good with women: well the answer is probably that they've at least been around girls from a young age and probably lost their virginity early. That's why I'm not a particular fan of same sex schools because for a young person who isn't very sociable it might be their only chance to mix with the opposite sex before they leave school and become adults.

I don't agree with any of this.

It's not confidence you need anyway - it's only a lack of fear. And that is a very difficult thing. because we WANT to find someone and we CARE.

Maturity is the only real answer OP. You need to develop the realisation NOT to invest individual encounters with super duper expectations ... and also the realisation that this thing we are told, about there being 'the one' out there .... is absolute bunkum.

In my long experience, we almost always find someone when we stop looking and the reason behind this is that we find someone when we stop investing high emotion in that split second.

Try to let life happen - if you can. Next time you have a situation like this happen ... Do not stop to THINK ...... and just say hi ... and have a few banal questions filed away in your mind for these situations (What time is it ... where di you buy that jacket .... 'I wish I could eat that ... but I'm on a duet" ... I'm going for coffee would you like to join me...)

The most important thing is to get the 'hi' out of your mouth .... after that it's downhill I PROMISE. And let's face it if he doesn't respond positively ... don't be disappointed ! because clearly he's not right for you :cool: no matter how cute he appears.