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Are the guys really this shy?

  • 12-12-2011 11:49am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I met an Irish guy through a friend at the pub and had good time. We talked most of the evening and we agreed to meet again. We did see each other the week after and when it was getting too noisy in the pub we decided to go for walk leaving our friends there. We walked back to my flat later. He asked for my number and said goodbye and we kissed on both cheeks, Italian style. He text me two days later saying he enjoyed meeting me and wants to see me again. We did go out three times so far.

    The problem I have is that I really do not know what to expect because I am not sure what he wants or if he likes me. I live here for almost one year and I find Irish guys are very different from guys in my country. In Italy, a guy would hit on you the first half hour if he is interested. I do not want to offend, the guys here can be charming but they are some of the hardest men to get. They are a complete mystery to me! I am sure he has manners and being respectful. My friends said it’s normal that men don’t flirt here or physically initiate a kiss. How true is this? My friend who introduced us said he asked her if I have bf the night we first met. He also told her that he thinks I am nice and finds me very attractive. I like him….he is smart, funny, kind, cute but VERY shy. Even if he thinks that I am nice and pretty do not mean he likes me or is interested.

    Are Irish guys really this shy? This is not the first Irish guy I went out with here. Most of the other ones I went out with or even meet at school were just as shy. Is it normal not to kiss after first date or even third with this guy!? Italian style does not count;) This guy does call and text. He takes me out and insists on paying. Is he just being polite and wants to be friends only? Maybe because I am foreign and he is not so serious with me? Or does not know what to do? I am interested in him but since he is so shy I do not want to scare him off.


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    whatdoido wrote: »
    This guy does call and text. He takes me out and insists on paying. Is he just being polite and wants to be friends only?

    No. He does not want to be friends.
    He is taking his time and letting you get to know him a little.
    He not rushing you because he does not want you to think he only wants you for sex (even though he does :D)
    You're being romanced, Irish style.
    Relax and enjoy it.
    Feel free to flirt with him a little so he knows you're interested.


  • #3
    floorpie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,476 ✭✭✭floorpie


    Hah, yeah, it sounds like he's interested but shy (not all Irish guys are that shy, but if that were a younger shyer me, i'd probably think i was acting un-shy and cool by ending the dates with Italian style kissing (after practicing in the mirror beforehand :P)). He even asked if you have a boyfriend and said he likes you...!


  • #4
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    The very fact that he is taking it slow is a big sign that he really likes you and does not want to screw it up!

    I cant speak for all Irish men (or any for that matter, because I am female) but I do know that when it started off slow with men and me, it was because they saw more to me than just a one night stand.


  • #5
    aidan24326
    Registered Users Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    Why don't you gently initiate a kiss the next time? Shy or not, I doubt he'll have any problem with that.


  • #6
    johnr1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭johnr1


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    No. He does not want to be friends.
    He is taking his time and letting you get to know him a little.
    He not rushing you because he does not want you to think he only wants you for sex (even though he does :D)
    You're being romanced, Irish style.
    Relax and enjoy it.
    Feel free to flirt with him a little so he knows you're interested.

    Thank you Beruthiel for your lovely generalisations about us all.:rolleyes:

    OP in answer to your question - No, not ALL Irish guys are like this. Same as guys in Italy aren't ALL like the ones you described I'd imagine.

    This guy you describe does appear to be extremely shy, and I'd advise as another poster did above, to maybe initiate a kiss yourself if you want to.
    It being 2011, and not the dark ages and all that.


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  • #7
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Post deleted.

    It should go without saying but in the interests of transparency and usefulness, all posts should be posted in English.

    Cheers.


  • #8
    seachto7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,863 ✭✭✭seachto7


    what I made the trouble to type out in Italian in the previous post that was deleted was that Irish guys are a bit different to Italian guys. I lived in Italy, and it was a nightmare trying to figure out sometimes what to do, and by our Irish nature, we will come across extra shy to an Italian, as the lads seem to chance their arms most of the time.....


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    johnr1 wrote: »
    Thank you Beruthiel for your lovely generalisations about us all.:rolleyes:

    OP in answer to your question, I'd echo the post which says that Irish guys are more likely to take things slowly if they really like you.


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    seachto7 wrote: »
    what I made the trouble to type out in Italian in the previous post that was deleted was that Irish guys are a bit different to Italian guys. I lived in Italy, and it was a nightmare trying to figure out sometimes what to do, and by our Irish nature, we will come across extra shy to an Italian,

    This is what I have discovered here. My other girlfriends say the same exact thing. He is not the only guy I dated here. The other ones were just as shy. It does not help much that I am shy also.


  • #11
    seachto7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,863 ✭✭✭seachto7


    Are there any other Italians living in Ireland for a long time you could talk to, and ask them their experiences. (Preferably ask a woman)

    In bocca al lupo.....


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  • #12
    fragolina88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭fragolina88


    To OP Ciao! I am female Italian living here three years and counting. I don’t think that being foreign is really the issue. If you are planning to leave Ireland soon and not come back then tell him straight away. As far as him not knowing what to do, he is doing something because you are interested in him-no? Irish guys go about things differently than Italian guys. This is our interpretation of Irish guys that are based from myself and my friends' experiences and observations and through the eyes of Italian ladies. This is in no way to say all of them are like this. The first thing my friends and I noticed about the guys here is that they are more reserved when it comes to expressing emotions and feelings. It takes them longer to open up and when they feel comfortable around you they become more easy-to-read. Also the flirting and complimenting here is very subtle but to an Italian is comes off as nonexistent. The guys are more brazen back home. Dating an Irish guy that is friendly, considerate, chatty along with being reserved, no flirting and compliments will confuse the sh*** out of us Italian ladies. This was what my friends and I found most frustrating when we started dating here. We did not make it any easier for them as we tend to get passionate about expressing our anger and frustration. We took their behaviour as them not being interested enough when in fact they were trying to be respectful. This guy you are dating is not looking for just friendship. He is interested in you and showing you with physical acts (sending you texts, calling you, arranging dates). The feelings are not going to be expressed the way we expect at least for now and I am sure that he has feelings for you. In you will find the guys here are quite sensitive and just as affectionate. They are usually more comfortable expressing them when the relationship is more established. As far as not kissing you, maybe he wantts you to make the move? Since you say he is very shy why not just kiss him (trust me he will no longer be shy after that:D). This is Ireland, btw. The guys here are more easy-going about ladies initiating here. If kissing him first is still off limits, you are going to have to give him la confidenza as we say. Flirt and compliment him Italian style that should give him the hint.


  • #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi whatdoido

    "Are the guys really this shy?”

    To give you a quick answer, yes.

    I am an Irish man, 30 years old and just as shy as this person.
    I am sure that I could be even more difficult to read than the man you like, more than once I have been too shy to ask for a girl’s number.


    First thing, he has a lot of respect for you which should show you he is not looking for a quick / casual relationship. The slowness in his movements is to show you he respects you and will not hurt you, but also he does not want to be hurt.

    Second perhaps he has anxieties about his ability to be romantic or to his ability to know the signs of interest from you.
    For me I would not know if girl was interested in me unless it was written on a large neon sign above her head.

    He has your number and you have dated a few times and he might just need more time to get the courage to make a move. Perhaps he needs help from you to get the courage to make each step.
    You have mutual friends, they might be able to help nudge him in the right direction, and practically female friends can handle the situation with the sensitivity you both seem to require.
    He asked if you have a boyfriend and told some one he likes you so 100% this person wants to get to know you better.

    I really hope the shyness you both display can be slowly changed to love and loyalty between you both as I think you could both find happiness.



    For me the shyness can be difficult to over come, with out some alcohol I could never talk to a girl I find attractive. In fact it took weeks for me to once ask a girl if I could hold her hand, we were both 28 at the time ;) so as you can see some Irish men have not got a clue about flirting. But I did let her know I liked her by telling her she reminded me of a poem, I recited the poem and she kissed me and cried.


  • #14
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Padjooshea - welcome to PI/RI. If you have not already done so can you please review our Charter.

    In future posts, use punctuation/spacing, possibly you posted from a smartphone, however it is quite difficult to read your post.

    We have a strict policy against flaming/trolling/muppetry - your last comment would be considered such. Please take more care going forward to prevent any mod action.

    Taltos


  • #15
    seachto7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,863 ✭✭✭seachto7


    I also think that lots of Irish guys assume continental women (French, Spanish, Italian etc.) will be more forward, so will initiate everything. That was always my impression until I went to these places, and it is not the case at all. Women are very similar everywhere :):(:)


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