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If you could change how our bodies worked

  • 08-06-2012 3:04am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    So I had a bit of a crash on my motorbike, no major damage done but few grazes and burses but over all I’m fine and lucky really. But having said that it’s the day after the crash and I’m sat at my desk and my legs hurt quite a bit.
    Now I recognise pain is a response to injury and it’s our body’s way of letting us know there’s something wrong but does it really need to keep telling me?
    I mean if there’s nothing I can do to instantly heal myself why the hell dose my body have to keep on at me about it? Pain is like having some annoying git constantly poking you telling you something you already know. Poke “You know your legs are damaged?”, poke “You know your legs are damaged?”, poke “You know your legs are damaged?” Yes Pain I F***ing know my legs are damaged now piss off!!!

    So I would give pain a kind of snooze button. I could turn it off for an amount of time up to a maximum of 8 hours (so I could get some sleep) and it would only come back then or if I did more damage to the area.

    Anything the rest of you would change? (Think of this as feedback from the end user to the intelligent designer people go on about who don’t believe in evolution.)


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Choice of any superpower!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    Not really what I mean just slight tweaks you would give your body so it worked better.


  • Registered Users Posts: 28,003 ✭✭✭✭drunkmonkey


    There should be a snooze button. Would love one right now.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Doc wrote: »
    Not really what I mean just slight tweaks you would give your body so it worked better.

    The superpower of speed? Ability to heal?


  • Registered Users Posts: 926 ✭✭✭Hasmunch


    Have a fast metabolism so i could eat what i want and not get fat(ter).


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,150 ✭✭✭kumate_champ07


    Instead of pissing and ****ing every day it would be nice if once a week a small condesnsed pellet or cloud of gas waste is released from the body. Seems to be alot of wastage with current form of digestion


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    Another one Id like sorted is I bought some of that berocca stuff and noticed my pee looked like I’d been chugging orange paint because my body was getting rid of the excess vitamins it doesn’t need and I thought why doesn’t it do the same with any excess fat I’m storing and maybe store up some of the vitamins for when I realise how stupid it is to spend on berocca that I’m just pissing away.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    The superpower of speed? Ability to heal?

    Okay what I mean is things that your body dose that you think are stupid and you would change if you could. But if you just want to say I would make my body be able to fly then you do it I'm not the boss of you ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,131 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    I'd love a tail and some elf ears.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,048 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Breath Underwater and a snooze button for migraines.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,443 ✭✭✭Bipolar Joe


    Not lose things like hair and teeth, so on. I gotta put up with my nails contantly growing, getting in my fucking way all the time, but I only get two chances with my teeth? I'm not going bald (I have luscious flowing ringlets, super manly), but why have it there to begin with if it's just gonna fall out possibly in the future? Let me get used to it only to take it away? Assholes.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,893 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    Teeth for sure. Eyes that didn't require glasses. To be naturally muscled and fit without having to break your heart in a gym.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭Dead Man Walking


    A translucent torso to keep an eye on the innards


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 788 ✭✭✭Sound Bite


    Easy one. I'd change the reproductive system. Elimate periods cos they're painfuly annoying. Instead on having to take a pill to prevent pregnancy, it should be the other way around. Everyone would be infertile and you've have to take a pill in order to get pregnant. Unlike the contraeptive pill, this pill would be 100% effective. If you want a child you can have one, if you don't want one, you cannot have one unless you specifically decide to do so.

    There would be no infertility problems, no accidents, no unwanted children, no abortions. The people who want kids would have them and those that don't won't.

    Don't know where I lie on the where did we come from debate, but regardless of how we got here this is a biggest flaw in our design!


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,893 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    Sound Bite wrote: »
    Easy one. I'd change the reproductive system. Elimate periods cos they're painfuly annoying. Instead on having to take a pill to prevent pregnancy, it should be the other way around. Everyone would be infertile and you've have to take a pill in order to get pregnant. Unlike the contraeptive pill, this pill would be 100% effective. If you want a child you can have one, if you don't want one, you cannot have one unless you specifically decide to do so.

    There would be no infertility problems, no accidents, no unwanted children, no abortions. The people who want kids would have them and those that don't won't.

    Don't know where I lie on the where did we come from debate, but regardless of how we got here this is a biggest flaw in our design!

    So... exactly how did humans procreate before modern technology created this fertility pill?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    Sound Bite wrote: »
    Easy one. I'd change the reproductive system. Elimate periods cos they're painfuly annoying. Instead on having to take a pill to prevent pregnancy, it should be the other way around. Everyone would be infertile and you've have to take a pill in order to get pregnant. Unlike the contraeptive pill, this pill would be 100% effective. If you want a child you can have one, if you don't want one, you cannot have one unless you specifically decide to do so.

    There would be no infertility problems, no accidents, no unwanted children, no abortions. The people who want kids would have them and those that don't won't.

    Don't know where I lie on the where did we come from debate, but regardless of how we got here this is a biggest flaw in our design!

    Not a bad Idea but it wouldn't have to be a pill the woman could just chose when she releases her eggs and when she doesn't.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,373 ✭✭✭im invisible


    How about the power to kill a yak from two hundred yards, with mind bullets?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    How about the power to kill a yak from two hundred yards, with mind bullets?

    What you cant do that already?:confused:


  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭yogi beer


    the fact that fat hangs around even when it's not needed.
    I was a chubby kid, but i burnt that all away during my teens.
    but at the time i always wondering why in the hell it stuck around the body if it wasn't needed?
    like why it wasn't excreted along with our other waste products.
    that would be one thing i'd change about the human body


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭Truley


    If we could somehow have nice straight, wide birth canals making birthing easy and painless! But still maintaining our upright stance and narrower hips, hmmm


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,205 ✭✭✭Bad Panda


    I'd make it so I never needed sleep...ever!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,096 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    So... exactly how did humans procreate before modern technology created this fertility pill?

    Or how did we procreate before we were humans?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,648 ✭✭✭desertcircus


    I wouldn't mind the ability to consciously switch off sex drive and switch on again at will. That and sobering up immediately when required.


  • Registered Users Posts: 849 ✭✭✭celticcrash


    A third eye in the back of my head to see all the back stabbers and pick pockets.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,520 ✭✭✭allibastor


    to be fair, a slight tweak in bone and muscle density, not huge, would result in strength increases of around 60%. the same could be said for decreased friction in ball joints coupled with increased muscle would produce vastly superior speed levels.

    so to be fair, you might not be super-human, but not far off the level of someone like captain america or the like.

    though i would tweak my body to finally hit the 6'2 mark if i could.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,879 ✭✭✭Coriolanus


    Is make breasts suffer from claustrophobia so they could never be covered.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,398 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    Orgasms should at least last a minute.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,172 ✭✭✭Ghost Buster


    A wee fan or such just above the arse , perhaps located on that tail bone we dont need any more, to save me wafting my hand over my bum when I fart.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,468 ✭✭✭CruelCoin


    I would change the current retarded defence mechanisms.

    Example: You get severely dehydrated. If you then attempt to drink water, your body will vomit it back up.

    The hell?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,033 ✭✭✭mauzo


    I wouldn't ****e myself stupid every time I drank an energy drink....

    I'd be safer putting a battery up my hole


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