Single woman adopting foreign baby

another question · 18-09-2012 11:35pm #1

Has anyone any experience as a single woman adopting a child from a foreign country and been successful?

I am correct in my understanding that to adopt under the AAI regulations that you either have be a married couple of a woman adopting for single custody?

Also is there a guideline from anyone who has had experience in this area of what the income expectations for a single woman adopting....do you have to have a certain level of earnings/savings/own your own home etc...

I'm more or less wondering is this just an option provided on paper to prove they don't discriminate or have there actually been any successful single adoptive mothers out there....with particular reference to countries like Vietnam, Phillipines, Cambodia, Ethiopia etc...

bbam · 19-09-2012 2:25pm

I'd highly recommend giving the International Adoption Association a shout..

http://www.iaaireland.org/

Trish, will either be able to answer your query or send you in the right direction..

another question · 19-09-2012 3:44pm

thanks bbam have sent a few emails previously but they always seem to keen to get me to attend a meeting...our town is small and I don't want people knowing and gossip starting...plus I don't want to make a fool of myself by thinking it is something I am able to afford and then be told that my income level is way below the required threshold...very hard to get that kind of information before making a commitment like attending a meeting etc...

bbam · 19-09-2012 9:42pm

another question wrote: »

thanks bbam have sent a few emails previously but they always seem to keen to get me to attend a meeting...our town is small and I don't want people knowing and gossip starting...plus I don't want to make a fool of myself by thinking it is something I am able to afford and then be told that my income level is way below the required threshold...very hard to get that kind of information before making a commitment like attending a meeting etc...

I understand your desire for privacy..
However.. If you attend a meeting in Dublin for example, its unlikely to have people from your small town, and believe me no body there is going to make you feel like a fool..
The meetings are informal and informative, friendly and you interact as much or as little as you wish.

And to answer one of your questions, Yes, there have been successful international adoptions completed by single women here in Ireland.

gabsdot40 · 21-09-2012 6:46pm

I know quite a few single women who have adopted. The IAA have a sub group for sole adopters. They have social meet ups now and again.
As a single person the assessment process is even more rigorous as you have to prove that you have the means to do it alone, and a very strong support system.
I would recommend that you do go to a meeting. No one need know, It's like AA, what happens at adoption meetings stays at adoption meetings. People will understand your desire for privacy.
Good luck.

another question · 22-09-2012 2:48pm

gabsdot40 wrote: »

I know quite a few single women who have adopted. The IAA have a sub group for sole adopters. They have social meet ups now and again.
As a single person the assessment process is even more rigorous as you have to prove that you have the means to do it alone, and a very strong support system.
I would recommend that you do go to a meeting. No one need know, It's like AA, what happens at adoption meetings stays at adoption meetings. People will understand your desire for privacy.
Good luck.

Thanks for that, it's good to know that it can actually be done. I know if I just go to a meeting I will get all my questions answered but I'm afraid they will think 'God what the heck is she doing here, she hasn't a chance'. I know its probably all in head its just the first step.

When you talk about a very strong support system can you elaborate a little on this please?

rinsjwind · 22-09-2012 10:57pm

Like who do you have that can look after a child when you're at work or sick or just plain knackered!

My own darling firstborn damn near wasted me and there were two of us plus a granny and numerous aunties/uncles/older cousins etc to call on : -).

Seriously though, raising a kid is a lot of work at the best of times and under the new intercountry adoption legislation, it looks like the children available for adoption from overseas in future will be older and will have spent considerable time (up to 3-4 yrs) in institutions or foster care and many (depending on which country you chose) will also have histories of maternal drug/alcohol abuse. Consequently, many of them may have severe psychological and/or physical developmental issues and the HSE will (quite rightly) rigourously stress test your ability to cope and be able to provide a safe, secure, loving enviornment for such a child at least until they reach adulthood.

That said, yes it can be done and the information meeting is just that, a chance to ask questions and find out if this is something you really can consider.

Good luck.
Rins

bbam · 23-09-2012 10:36am

I'm sorry but I don't fully agree with some if the information above.

At present there is no reason the believe that "many" of the children available will have severe problems as described above. I understand that this is a possibility definitely if you partake in a "special needs" programme that some countries run. There are also many, many children that just need a home.

This is why I'd urge OP to contact the IAA and get the most current accurate information available. I think the IAA have what they call the "Sole Adoptors Network", call Trish Connelly and chat with her.

rinsjwind · 25-09-2012 11:13pm

Hi Bbam and Another Q

Please don't get me wrong, the vast majority of adoptive parents do a great job; but the effects of being in institutional care and/or maternal drug/alcohol abuse during pregnancy, particularly in the first few years of life, are fairly well recognised now and these are the kids that will available for adoption in future (see link below).

I'm not saying don't do it, just that prospective adopters need to be aware of what they might be getting into and I can speak from bitter personal experience about the lack of help available from the State for any kid with the kind of problems mentioned in the IT piece below.

Sorry if I upset anyone.

Rins

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/health/2012/0911/1224323840724.html

bbam · 25-09-2012 11:36pm

Of course it's good to be informed of what may happen.
It's just important that it's understood the difference between something that might happen and something that is sure to happen.
This is why I would encourage prospective parents to become involved in the support groups that are there and have the necessary information and experience.

I will defend the HSE assessment process. A huge amount of time is devoted to help prospective parents be aware of the potential issues, how to identify them and where to seek the help required.
There seems to be an opinion that the process is a matter of how many bedrooms do you have, what do you earn and which country would you like a child from.

The article was interesting; possibly exaggerated but it can only be a good thing to be prepared for anything.

Single · 09-06-2013 11:45am

Hi bbam.

Just wondering if you have had any success in the adoption process? I'm just starting to think about it & see I have similar queries and concerns as you had last year

Single woman adopting foreign baby

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