Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Is my girlfriend gay?

  • 18-07-2012 1:55am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 297 ✭✭


    I've been dating this girl for quite a while now and I suspect that she might be gay. I've never suspected a woman of being gay and this is a first and here's the reason why. Althoug we do have sex a lot of the time, when we do have sex, it appears as though it is a chore for her. Its as though she has no interest in what shes doing, her mind being completely elsewhere. Its as though she has been conditioned to like men but she doesn't in reality. When it comes to being intimate she is completely not interested. She has zero interest in intimacy to the point where she is stone cold. When we met at first, she said she was experiencing a dry spell relationshipwise, and she felt that this was the motivating factor in us getting together.
    Secondly, I've noticed that she has an obsessive interest in sex toys, spending hours on the internet looking at sex toys. She has remarked several times that she wants to buy a strap on and give it to me up the a.rse. I thought this was a peculiar request as I've never met a girl who wanted to stick a dildo up my ar.se.
    And thirdly, a lot of her female friends appear to be kids, as in 14,15 and 16 year olds. Although their is nothing wrong with this, it does raise some concerns as to why she has no friends her own age and the only one that is of her own age (and her best friend), is a lesbian.
    Are there anyways of telling that she might be gay?


Comments

  • Site Banned Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭Andy!!


    Are there anyways of telling that she might be gay?

    Asking her might get you a little bit more information.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 297 ✭✭dienbienphu


    I thought so too but I don't want her to be offended.


  • Site Banned Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭Andy!!


    Why, has she got a problem with gay people?

    To be honest some people just have very low sex drives, or prefer to get off in other ways. What you have described does not make her gay.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    Try some new stuff in the bedroom; emphasis on oral sex, licking her bum, fingers...

    Keep the cawk out of it until you notice something. If you can turn her on, she's probably not gay. Maybe just a low sex drive.

    Also, as crass as it sounds, try some aphrodisiacs - saffron works well; go to a Muslim or Turkish restaurant and see if they've got anything with saffron in it. Maybe check some menus on Menupages beforehand. The last time me and the missus had saffron, we nearly destroyed the apartment because we've both got high sex drives.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,763 ✭✭✭finality


    I don't think there are really any definitive signs that someone is gay. You should talk to her about this, maybe more subtly than an outright "I think you're gay," but you could bring us the topic of sexuality in conversation and go from there.

    Maybe she'd just like to try different things when you have sex. There are other reasons that she might not be completely into it apart from her being gay.

    eta: by the way, how old is she? Having friends that are mostly significantly younger than her is a little unusual.


  • Advertisement
  • Site Banned Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭Andy!!


    Actually, I have an idea.

    Ask her for a threesome. If she jumps at the idea, maybe you might have a better clue?

    Then you can have a threesome. Win win! :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 297 ✭✭dienbienphu


    Brokentime wrote: »
    Try some new stuff in the bedroom; emphasis on oral sex, licking her bum, fingers...

    Keep the cawk out of it until you notice something. If you can turn her on, she's probably not gay. Maybe just a low sex drive.

    Also, as crass as it sounds, try some aphrodisiacs - saffron works well; go to a Muslim or Turkish restaurant and see if they've got anything with saffron in it. Maybe check some menus on Menupages beforehand. The last time me and the missus had saffron, we nearly destroyed the apartment because we've both got high sex drives.

    i always eat her out and she seems to prefer that. another tell tale sign im thinking.
    finality wrote: »
    I don't think there are really any definitive signs that someone is gay. You should talk to her about this, maybe more subtly than an outright "I think you're gay," but you could bring us the topic of sexuality in conversation and go from there.

    Maybe she'd just like to try different things when you have sex. There are other reasons that she might not be completely into it apart from her being gay.

    eta: by the way, how old is she? Having friends that are mostly significantly younger than her is a little unusual.

    shes 23 years old


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    i always eat her out and she seems to prefer that. another tell tale sign im thinking.



    shes 23 years old

    Suggest a threesome with another girl?!?!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 297 ✭✭dienbienphu


    Brokentime wrote: »
    Suggest a threesome with another girl?!?!

    ok i will. i'll update you if theres any progress :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    ok i will. i'll update you if theres any progress :D

    On a personal note, I just want to say that it's no sin if she is gay. Maybe she just felt some understanding from you, that's all. I dated an Italian girl before, and she thought I was nice so she asked me to wait 6 months before we had sex. I waited, but it turned out she had some other issues, and we never managed to ever have sex.

    Chose a comfortable moment in private, and ask her whether she finds you attractive or if you turn her on. Take it from there


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    TBH, I wonder is the issue less about whether your GF is gay but more about the fact that the two of you don't connect on an intimate level (at least physically). Are you intimate on an emotional level (hugs, expressing your love verbally etc). There are lots of straight couples who have intimacy relationships for a variety of reasons and one partner having gay tendencies is usually not the issue.

    I think you need to communicate your concerns about this lack of connection to your GF in a gentle, considerate, non confrontational way and how it is affecting you and the relationship as well as reassuring her about how much you care for her. I know you say you don't want to offend her but keeping it quiet and pretending nothing is wrong is actually offending both of you. Your openness and display of concern for both of you may help her to drop some barriers she has built around herself regarding sex.


  • Registered Users Posts: 40,537 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    She could be asexual

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    None of what you have described would lead me to suspect she's gay. How would having young friends make you think that for example? No offence but I think you're adding 2 + 2 and getting apples.

    It doesn't necessarily sound like she has a low sex drive - maybe its just that the sex you are having isnt exactly fulfilling her needs.

    I'm not necessarily saying you are not satisfying her - by the sounds of things she might have a bit of a kinky side that you aren't fully exploring. Or it could be that she can't really get off with just penile penetration (lots of girls can't) and is into toys to help get her off (e.g. Vibrator used during sex).

    And wanting to peg (use a strap on) on you isn't necessarily a sign of lesbianism - lots of straight men and women enjoy pegging. The "role reversal" can be a real turn on - women can get off on taking charge and taking a dominant role while men can enjoy "submitting" to their woman (not to mention the physical pleasure of prostate stimulation).

    Also, wanting a threesome also doesn't prove she's a lesbian. She could be just bi curious and/or kinky.


  • Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    What I don’t see here is what you’re getting out of this relationship? If she’s so withdrawn during sex it’s not unreasonable for you to discuss the situation with her! You don’t have to suggest that she’s Gay or propose a threesome, I’d imagine this would be completely the wrong move but rather tell her that you are completely there for her. Tell her how you feel and that you’re missing out on the intimacy in your relationship.

    Second guessing her reaction or her inner thoughts leads you down too many roads, such as the one “Is My Girlfriend Gay!?” :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,237 ✭✭✭Sonics2k


    I don't mean this to sound mean or too crude, but maybe, just maybe she doesn't enjoy the style of sex you're having?

    From the description you gave in the OP, she just seems bored and wants to try something a bit more *ahem* kinky.


  • Registered Users Posts: 40,537 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    I don't think this is a serious thread. And I certainly don't think advising the OP to have a threesome is good advice. I'm locking it. OP if you feel this is really genuine maybe PM and I might reopen it.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement