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Refusing girlfriends advances

  • 20-01-2015 12:40pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I'm a 26 year old male my girlfriend is 22 and we've been going out for over a year. Over the last year we had a very active sex life (usually every night we were together so at least 5 nights a week) but in the last month I just haven't had any sex drive and find it difficult to get in the mood. She has made advances but I just want to sleep at night.

    My girlfriend got very upset at the weekend about it and started a big argument with me over it and now won't talk to me which has only made my sex drive plummet even further. I've tried explaining that some nights i'm wrecked from work and just want to sleep but she won't accept it. She kept saying that there was nights she wasn't in the mood but had sex anyway because I initiated it and she didn't want to say no. I've told her countless times that if she isn't in the mood to tell me and I won't be upset over it, I would never pressure her for sex if she didn't want it. I find it extremely unfair that now that i'm telling her no she's flying off the handle when i've given her the option to say no in the past but she never said it.

    I really don't know what to do, I want to have sex but I just don't have the energy for it. We've also been arguing almost every second day over the last month so that isn't helping matters either, that's probably what's contributing to my lack of sex drive.


Comments

  • #2
    rcarroll
    Registered Users Posts: 173 ✭✭rcarroll


    You've been rejecting your girlfriend time and again for a long time now and ye are only at the beginning stages of a relationship...and you're surprised she's upset? She tried to talk to you about this, OK it ended up in an argument but you both need to sit down and talk. Before she decides you're just not into her and the constant fights are not worth the hassle


  • #3
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Is it just at night you're tired?
    Perhaps see if morning fun between the sheets is better?


  • #4
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Yeah, like whiskeyman says, if the issue is that you're too tired at night, and you know this is likely to be the case, then you should make an effort to ensure she is sexually satisfied at another time, in the morning, after dinner etc.

    By entering into a monogamous relationship you've essentially asked the other person to rely on you solely, out of the billions of people on the planet, in terms of sexual intimacy. "I'm a bit too tired" really doesn't cut it in terms of living up to your side of the agreement, considering what a massive thing it is to ask of someone. You make it your business to work around what you have to work around.


  • #5
    Ethel
    Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭Ethel


    MonopolyGuy wrote: »
    We've also been arguing almost every second day over the last month so that isn't helping matters either

    What is that all about? Of course that would have an impact on your desire to have sex. If you want to work things out, address the issues that you are arguing about. Try to ensure you get as much rest as possible. Don't just expect her to accept that as an ongoing excuse.


  • #6
    iusedtoknow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭iusedtoknow


    Suddenly getting tired every night isn't the mark of good health. If it's in the last month - that means that christmas and everything it brings (over indulgance in food/drinks) can leave you feeling lethargic. Eat right, rest and if you drink...lay off it a bit. Also look for other stressors (work etc)

    There is nothing wrong with not being in the mood periodically, and us guys can find it hard to um, raise the troops on demand if you really aren't in the mood.

    But a month....you need to look for external factors


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  • #7
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,342 ✭✭✭tara73


    are you sure it's just you're really tired? how come? is your job that stressfull in the last time?

    I get the feeling there are underlying unresolved issues towards your gf from your side or even from both of you.

    you mentioned you argue a lot. about what? only about the lack of sex or are there other things? Is she annoying you?

    I can relate to the fact not wanting to be intimate with the partner if there's constant fighting, arguments and disharmonie. but if this is the case, can you talk about it and resolve the issues? if not it's the question if you two are compatible.


  • #8
    DeclanJWhite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭DeclanJWhite


    I agree with Ethel. :-) The other things you're arguing about, if you resolve those, then hopefully good sex will bloom again in all its natural rosiness? Get the minds and hearts joining, and your hips will follow suit. If you're pressing the switch and the light isn't coming on, check that the plug is in! :-P But seriously, I'm being deadly serious.


  • #9
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    A sudden loss in libido and having no energy like you describe should probably be brought up with your GP first and foremost so they can rule out depression, ME, thyroid problems etc.


  • #10
    shrewd
    Registered Users Posts: 295 ✭✭shrewd


    something that hasn't been mentioned is your diet. i found that eating the right food helps when i had similar issue.
    personally, i find fruits like banana and grapes to be helpful. Also, tea or coffee before the deed.
    Try and stay away from high sugar intakes.


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