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Need female advice

  • 23-11-2014 9:43pm
    #1
    gerryd2
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭


    Started to really like this woman. She has poked me in the stomach, winked at me, is always looking in my eyes and smiling, offered me lifts home, helped me with work, texted me with smileys, copied my actions, told me I'm nice, commented on my writing excetra excetra. EXCEPT she has a boyfriend. When a women does that I usually ask them out as I think they are interested but this whole boyfriend thing has put up a huge wall and now I'm really confused.

    Usually when I hear a girl has a boyfriend thats the end of it. But this woman has become very special to me because it's the only woman I have ever felt really comfortable around. I've had previous girlfriends but it took months to build up that trust. Which is another thing, we where doing something for work and I told her to trust me and she said she doesn't trust me. I didn't know how to take it because after a few days I trusted her. I really need some advice before I pursue this any further.

    Ladies in your personal experience have you ever led someone on when you had a boyfriend just for a confidence boost because everyone no matter how perfect even the most confident looking, have confidence issues. Is she genuinely interested or just looking for a thrill. Please reply with advice. This is confusing as hell.


Comments

  • #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    I don't see one single instance of her leading you on. How has she lead you on exactly? :confused: I think she has probably been quite friendly and kind and you've misconstrued it as something more, sorry.


  • #3
    gerryd2
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭gerryd2


    See thats why I need advice. See I know woman are friendly and I don't usually read into this but I have only gotten a few of these signs from females before and ended up dating them for months on end which is one of the reasons I'm confused as F. Look I realize I'm reading to much into this because I've became very fond of her but right now I have never felt so comfortable around another woman and I believe in faith. I don't believe feelings like this can exist with another person, without them feeling sort of the same. I'm just looking for other ladies advice who have had a boyfriend but liked another person before I end up reading too much into this and end up getting really hurt in the process. Yes men have feelings too even though we like to hide them a lot.


  • #4
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    If she wanted to be with you she would be.


  • #5
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    gerryd2 wrote: »
    I don't believe feelings like this can exist with another person, without them feeling sort of the same. I'm just looking for other ladies advice who have had a boyfriend but liked another person before I end up reading too much into this and end up getting really hurt in the process. Yes men have feelings too even though we like to hide them a lot.

    People have unrequited feelings all the time. You liking her does not mean she likes you and I don't see anything in your post that means she's anything but friendly.


  • #6
    gerryd2
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭gerryd2


    Even with a boyfriend of 4 years? I'm such a flipping fool for reading too much into this. My hearts turned off now. I'm never letting anyone in again.


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  • #7
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    gerryd2 wrote: »
    Even with a boyfriend of 4 years? I'm such a flipping fool for reading too much into this. My hearts turned off now. I'm never letting anyone in again.

    Of course. She isn't married.

    A tad dramatic to say you are off women forever.


  • #8
    Triceratops Ballet
    Registered Users Posts: 4,894 ✭✭✭Triceratops Ballet


    I've often had friends in work that I've had this kind of relationship with and its never been more than that to me. But nearly every time the bloke has taken it as more and gone and told me he likes me, which ruined the friendship. I think men dont fully understand female friendship and mix that up with something more, I think thats what happened here. She has a bf and if she wanted to leave him she would.


  • #9
    gerryd2
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭gerryd2


    Well the married crap doesn't matter to woman considering I had an affair with a married woman 8 months ago that she started and I didn't know she was married at the time and no not off woman but I won't let anyone woman in agin until im completely sure.


  • #10
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    gerryd2 wrote: »
    Well the married crap doesn't matter to woman considering I had an affair with a married woman 8 months ago that she started and I didn't know she was married at the time and no not off woman but I won't let anyone woman in agin until im completely sure.

    It doesn't matter to some people, not just women.

    The lady hasn't done anything except be friendly. I'm in a fantastic relationship, and I would treat male friends the way she's treated you. None of them have ever thought I liked them.

    You're really mis-reading the signs here. Saying you'll not let another woman in til you're completely sure - in where? Doesn't sound like this woman ever tried to get 'in' anywhere!


  • #11
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    gerryd2 wrote: »
    Well the married crap doesn't matter to woman considering I had an affair with a married woman 8 months ago that she started and I didn't know she was married at the time and no not off woman but I won't let anyone woman in agin until im completely sure.

    That's the dating game for ya...


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  • #12
    gerryd2
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭gerryd2


    So what should I do know? I clearly have strong feelings for her. Should I just keep my distance now and ignore her or whats the best way to handle this. People don't know, I don't grow feelings for someone very easily. Just ask my last 3 girlfriends, its why they ended.


  • #13
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Ignoring her totally would be quite a nasty thing to do when she's made an effort to be a friend.

    Pull back a bit, though, for your own sake. Less texts, don't accept lifts home, etc.


  • #14
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Yes keep your distance now. She is not your friend as you have feelings for her.


  • #15
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Even if she did cheat on her boyfriend or leave her boyfriend for you, what then? You'll know she's capable of cheating or just jumping from one relationship to another and would you honestly want to be with someone like that? You're just friends


  • #16
    gerryd2
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭gerryd2


    Alright thanks for the advice. I'm seeing things more clearly now. Which is why I came here. LOL such a fool. Love is for suckers.


  • #17
    Dellnum
    Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭Dellnum


    I think this girl is flirting with you just because she can and she is enjoying it. She knows you know she has a b/f so she feels totally relaxed about all of this. I believe she can see that you are falling for her and to be honest with you she likes it. What you have to do is wait for her to tell you that she has split up with her b/f before you make any move to tell her how you feel. She knows you will not make a move while she has a b/f. If she doesn't tell you that things are not going well with her b/f then you have to keep your feelings under wraps. She could be attracted to you and most likely is but she cannot have her cake and eat it and if she doesn't break up with her b/f then you cannot open your mouth. She knows that this is what she has to do too, so if she doesn't do it then she has chosen her b/f.


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