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A couple of months in and feeling unsure

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  • 19-06-2008 4:34pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm going out with a girl for a few months. She's a great girl and really kind and sweet, and a lot of fun. We have our ups and downs like everyone. But I cant help shaking this feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing being with her. It's like I feel like I'm missing out on something. It feels like I have cold feet. I hate being single, yet here I am wondering if I SHOULD be single! It looks ridiculous when I read that back.

    When I'm with her (in her company) it's great, and I am sure. But when she's not around, I feel like it's not working. It's kinda odd. Are these just natural feelings that will pass? I was in one very intense relationshop before, and I saw that girl every day for 8 months before we had to break up because of geography. I know that was unhealthy and our break up was both inevitable and probably for the best. So am I experiencing the cold feet of a new relationshop and will this pass?


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    #2
    Schnooks
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭Schnooks


    Question - do you want to be with her or not? If you have all these questions and doubts, then it doesn't sound promising.


    Note that i am speaking from experience here i.e. the most beautiful, fantastic girl is with me but am always wondering am I missing out on something (this was a few years ago) and behaving like an idiot, chhatting up other women etc, cos I resented being tied down with her. Eventually she dumped me and she was correct to do so.

    In my experience, I wasn't ready for a relationship back then, and it doesn't sound like you are either. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.


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    #3
    Teddi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 463 ✭✭Teddi


    Id agree with schnooks....

    If things are great when you are with her....its because ....at that very moment....its filling the void...the void of wanting a girlfriend...the one thing that you need..(not being single) when shes not around,.you think its not working?...

    It..to me sounds that maybe your fooling yourself into actually liking her?...If you really did like her...you'd be thinking about her in positive...optimistic ways....excited about the next time you'll see her....if your thinking pesimistically when shes not around.....that doesnt sound good mate.....sounds to me that your using her to fill the feeling of being alone...and I dont mean that in an insulting way?.....If this connects with you at all..you'll know what I mean..

    Sit back and assess the situation mate...think about what you really want.....It might not be her?

    just think about it ...

    teddi :)


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    #4
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    You're doing the "I like her but..." thing here. I think that kind of speaks for itself. You may not be ready for a new relationship just yet.


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    #5
    impr0v
    Registered Users Posts: 2,647 ✭✭✭impr0v


    I think the correct term for what you're experiencing is a gut instinct, specifically one that you're trying to rationalise away because you like the idea of being in a relationship and rationally you can't see why you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with this woman.

    There are two problems with your situation; firstly, the reasons she's not compatible with you, and she isn't, are too subtle for you to pin down and you can't rationalise them away if you don't know exactly what they are and, secondly, the best thing and the worst thing about gut instincts is that they're rarely wrong.


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    #6
    MJOR
    Registered Users Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    there is nothing holding you together... I think you like the idea of being with someone. This someone is not that girl.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I had the EXACT same thing when I started seeing my boyfriend. Even a few months in I was really uneasy about it, but as you say, only when I wasn't with him, it was great when I was with him. I couldn't understand why I was feelign this way, he'd been great all along, so lovely and sweet. It eventually passed when I got to know him better and realised that I could trust him. I figure it was worry about getting dragged into another baaaad relationship (I'd had my share before him). Now we're happier than ever.
    I think it's more the idea of being in a relationship, rather than a relationship with her. Give it a bit longer, I'm sure it'll be the same for you as it was for me...


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