Love? Ha? Shambolic relationship?

shambolic000 wrote: »

1. What did u all think of your first relationship?

It depends on so many factors. If it was true love and all that stuff. How old you were etc. I would say my first relationship looking back was shíte for both of us really. Still learning basically.

Do you wish you could go back and change things to make it work?

Honestly, she was a nice woman, but looking back there's no way in hell I would want to be stuck with her for life and I'm quite sure she would say the same.

Did you need a first relationship to become a better boyfriend or girlfriend?

I think and I may be wrong, but I think you need to have had your heart broken and to have lost something to appreciate things down the line. From a male point of view I would say this is especially true. Guys can be too over the top first time around and if it sticks long term then I think there may be trouble in the long term. I know if I had a sister I would advise against her marrying a guy if she was his first love. As I say I'm probably wrong there.

Does it all go downhill after the first, honestly, ie the innocence?

A little. Yea maybe. It's different anyway. It also depends on how much you reset the mechanism and realise the next person is a different person and maybe a better person for you. Too many idolise an ex to the point of madness.

Did it take you long to move on,

Long enough, but I was 18 at the time, when everything is a bigger issue.

and did it take you long to start looking for another?

I didn't look it just kinda happened.

Do you end up looking for too many things in a partner after so many relationships? What is a relationship - love, sex, or a business type arrangement?

If you're anything like me you will go through a cynical phase. I think that's healthy though. so long as you don't fúck people over when you're in that mindset. As I say that's a phase though.

2. My mates are going away on a trip in a few weeks. I want to go with them. I told my girlfriend for a laugh that we would be gone 3 months(were only doing 2 weeks, still in the bad books for that, especially given i'll miss valentines).Anyway, It backfired.

Being dishonest if only for a laugh tends to backfire.

She more or less told me that she wouldnt hang around for 3 months. Doesnt that mean she would go looking for sex and cuddles elsewhere?

It's more likely that she was píssed off at the manner of your telling of it tha anything else. If she feels excluded from her partners life she'll naturally react. She might look elsewhere, especially if there's other stuff going wrong in the relationship.

Something inside me snapped, we are with eachother 2 and a half years. It has me wondering what the hell is love after a response like that

Step back and look at it from her side. You inform her that you'll be gone for 3 months. Did you invite her? was she part of the decision process. She "snapped" first. This isn't exactly rocket science. I would have snapped too.

I dont know what to think.

Think about her for a second. That may be a good start.

Maybe Ive been watching too many disney movies. Fairytales dont exist.

All too common. Fairytales don't exist. Life does and properly lived I would take it over any version of happy ever after.

Yes this is my first relationship. I am 28, she is 24.

Late enough, but still, that's no biggy. I think first love is easier when you're younger. You're still working through things and you're also more resilient. At 18 i was upset and forlorn and all that guff, but I fell hard at 30 and when it ended, it took me 2 years to move on from it to the point where I was healthy and open enough to try again. People differ though.

When do you know you are ready to be in a relationship..

Frankly if you don't know after 2 odd years, you're not in one.

I was single for ages doing one nighters for a laugh then i decided I wanted a girlfriend.

Sounds a bit of a clinical start, but whatever floats your boat.

then I got close to her and could never hurt her or leave her...feelings I never had before...

That sounds better, though it could have a touch of new emotions and attachment, not love.

the thought of another man with her kills but is inevitable!.

Examine why it kills you. Is this an ego thing? If you knew she was truly happy and safe and loved by another man would that make it easier?

Is this a familiar tale?

Pretty much.

does it get easier to leave love behind?

The younger you are and the less it's actually love in the full adult non fairytale sense, then yes the harder it is to leave behind. Even then you realise it was a blessing to have had that love in your life even if it's gone. Sometimes more time would have destroyed even the memory of it.

Thanks for reading...hope somebody can say something to get me out of the rut.

The easiest answer is to work out how you feel, what you want and then find out if she feels the same things and take it for there. Don't play games and have a laugh.

dudara wrote: »

Do you think that this might be a reason?

Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I honestly don't think he may be seeing that.