Am I insane?

I'd be interested to hear people's thoughts on a post I just uploaded to my blog. Feel free to tear it apart. I'll use the criticism as a benchmark for my other posts.

We've just arrived in a small mountainous town and are looking to find a place to park for the night:

Carrot Country

I re-buckled my shorts and headed back to the car. I was in a euphoric state of mind. I was at peace. The mental strain caused from expelling my demonic possessors had taken it's toll on my body and I slumped back into the car seat as we drove away from the mountain and continued on south. When Luke had imparted wisdom upon me in my moment of need, he had also transferred a lot of his power into my mind but would it be used for good or for evil? Would I become a Jedi or a Sith Lord? Time would truly tell. Patrick was my greatest threat.

We drove throughout the afternoon until we reached a small mountainous village called Ohakune. A thriving alpine village high in the mountains, Ohakune was home to the carrot and opened it's doors fully to the public during the winter ski season months. It was summer. There was no snow. There were no tourists. Café's and bars were bolted shut as their owners migrated north to warmer climates. We pulled up outside a gas station and stepped out of the car. There was an eerie silence in the air. The roads were quiet, the birds were still. The only sound I noticed was a wooden sign creaking as it swung from the door of a desolate tavern. "I think these hills may have eyes", I said to Ciara as I walked around the side of the car and out onto the main road. In the distance, a gate slammed shut, opening and closing in the afternoon breeze. It's creaking sound sent shivers down my spine.

We locked the car and ventured into the town. We passed a playground and noticed it's emptiness. One swing was still swaying however. Whoever it had been had only just left. I sniffed the air. Giggles. I turned around and saw a nearby bush rustling behind a residential wall. More giggling. This time it was coming from the right, behind a worn out tractor engine left to rust by the side of the road. I slowly grabbed Ciara's sleeve and tugged at her to follow me down the path. An information centre was just up ahead and I wanted to reach it before whatever was toying with us showed it's physical self. We briskly walked down the pathway, eyes focused on the i-Site. We passed the local cinema. Age old posters were plastered outside it's walls depicting feature films from years before. It was like we had gone back in time. I heard a yodel. Was it in my head. Was my paranoia getting the better of me. A deep phlegmatic cough from the right. We were definitely being watched. We hastened our stride, going from a slow walk to a slight jog. As we reached the door of the information centre, I heard a crisp whisper blowing in the wind. "Fresh meat", it said. We entered the building and I made sure the door was firmly closed.

We walked up to the desk at the far end of the room and approached the clerk behind it. "Aw yup broo. Can a be uf ussistance broo?", the clerk said as we stood there and tried to decipher what the lady had just said. After a moment of hard thinking, one of my head scientific numbskulls arrived with a telegram and read it out to me. "Sire", the numbskull began. "After much deliberation and whiteboard sketching, we have come up with a possible translation to the question that has just been posed to us by this native being". "I'm listening", I replied as I waited to hear the results. "It appears sire that the being standing before you is conversing with you as if you are one of her brothers. The literal translation is this: 'Ah yes brother. May I perhaps be of any assistance to you brother?'. She appears to be friendly although a word of caution sire". The numbskull began to break into riddle;

'For those who live upon the hills,
and tend their flocks by spinning mills,
be careful where you dwell and know, for in the cauldron you may go'.

With that, he disappeared into a puff of smoke and was gone. I really needed to check in on the science laboratory in my head. They appeared to be getting up to all sorts of devilment. I had recently watched the first two Harry Potter movies so they must have accessed my short term memory and retrieved the files. There was no other explanation for this new magical outburst.

I braced myself and prepared to respond. I was afraid the lady would not understand me if I spoke in my native tone so I tried my best to impersonate her accent. "Aw yup broo", I began. "Doo yu knoo uf u cumping grund whure wee cun lee uur huuds fur thu nught?". There was a brief silence. Had I said it wrong? Had she not understand my accent? I was about to repeat myself when the lady interrupted me by saying, "aw yup yup, yup yup yup". She then pulled out a small map and began to circle directions onto it. She placed a thick circle around our current location and then followed a small road with her red pen up to another location only a few kilometres away. A camping ground. Ciara took out our department of conservation campsite booklet and cross referenced the site with the directions. It was an official ground alright. We thanked the lady and left the centre.

We edged out onto the pathway and began to cautiously walk back up towards our car. As we did so, large heavy footprints could be heard up ahead. I could see a shaded figure through the bushes in the front lawn of a bungalow and I grabbed Ciara's arm and motioned her to stop where she was. The figure bobbed up and down as it slowly slithered towards the edge of the garden and prepared to walk out onto our path. There was something odd about it's demeanour, something slow. The top of it's head moved forward in a static motion but the back flowed around as the uplifting breeze caught it through the bushes. That's when I realised what I was looking at. "A MULLET CIARA!!! IT'S A MULLET!!!", I screamed as I stood there petrified waiting for the apparition to appear.

At that, the figure stepped out from the garden and onto the path in front of us. There, standing before us was an individual of mixed eras. The busy tourist ski seasons had clearly had a profound effect upon it. He still bore (I now believed it was a male) his heritage signature mullet hairstyle, a look that had been passed down throughout the generations signifying his love for the wilderness and inbreeding ritualistic antics but the yearly droves of city dwellers had warped this image before us into a horrifying new type of breed. Instead of dungarees, gum boots and urine stained underall's, this man now possessed a handbag, a pair of shiny shoes and a new found lisp. He was caught between two world's. The winter season holidayers had obviously helped this man to adopt a more civilised approach to life but as they were only passing through for short periods at a time, he was unable to fully evolve and still bore the remnants of his previous heritage. I tried to determine where he may have picked up his lisp from but the only solution I could think of was the one screen cinema we had passed earlier. 'Sex And The City' had obviously been shown there before and he had probably watched it over and over trying his best to imitate the roles those women played as glorified New York city prostitutes.

We approached him with a sense of curious wonder and watched as he elegantly strode across the road, his feet mimicking the posture of a stiletto yet his greasy hairstyle displaying all the telltale signs of a mountain lover. When he was completely out of sight, we continued back to the car and prepared to continue driving. "This town is more ****ed up than a 1950's middle America motion picture", I said to Ciara as I locked all the doors and we drove off towards the campsite. "Adapt or die", I continued, "adapt or die". We pulled into the campsite and drove up to an empty spot. I would be on first sentry.