Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Anna: A Short Story (Part2)

  • 18-02-2013 5:22pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 43


    Hi, I have decided to write a second part to this story. I'm not sure if it works so any feedback/criticism would be great. Thanks.

    The dimly lit bar was quiet with only a handful of regulars scattered on stools within. A television on the wall, barely audible, flashed colourful advertisements to an uninterested audience. “Hey Horace, can you turn that up”, a voice from one of the stools suddenly interjected shattering the morose silence.

    “You are welcome back to Channel 2”, the well groomed newscaster informed as Horace, the bar owner, turned up the volume on the screen. “We now return to todays top story of the shooting at the small isolated primary school just outside of Billingham. Reports brought to us earlier confirmed that five people had died in the incident and these included two pupils and three teachers. The names of the victims have not yet been released but we at Channel 2 believe that one of these is the headmistress of the school Moira Hayden but we have to stress that this has yet to be confirm by authorities.”

    “Jesus that’s awful”, said another of the men seated at the bar before taking a long drink from his beer. “Keep it down, I’m trying to hear this”, Horace butted in before turning up the volume further.

    “We now go over to our reporter Will Stedman who is at the scene”, the newscaster continued as the camera switched to an image of a fresh faced reporter standing in the rain with the school predominant in the background.

    “Thanks Alan”, the reporter began, “quite horrendous scenes here at this small school about four miles outside the town of Billingham. What we know so far is that at about 9.20 this morning shots were heard from inside the building. Staff at the school responded quickly in evacuating the thirty of so pupils but unfortunately two were killed along with three teachers. They got the pupils out through a side entrance and to safety about a mile down the narrow laneway that leads up to the school, before calling the police. However, criticism has been levelled at the slow response of the police who according to some eyewitnesses took more than forty minutes to get out to the incident. A spokesperson for the police has stated that this was down to flooding on some roads due to the large amount of rainfall in the past few days”.

    “And Will do we know anything about the shooter of a motive behind the attack”, the newscaster queried as the camera stayed on the reporter outside the school.

    “Reports coming into us at present confirm that a woman entered the school just before the first shots were heard and some eyewitnesses are saying that she was seen going in the direction of the head mistresses office which is located on the ground floor of the building, this has not yet been confirmed by the police though. We have just heard from another eyewitness who claims that shortly after they heard the first gunshots they saw a woman walk past their classroom in the direction of the stairwell to the second floor, this again has not been confirmed.”

    “Thanks Will, sorry to cut in on you but we are now crossing live to Detective Harry Collins, from the Billingham Police Department who is in charge of the investigation.”

    The image now filled the screen of Harry Collins, a middle aged slightly overweight police detective with a large amount of microphones and Dictaphones perched underneath him.

    “At this time we are only going to make a brief statement about where we are with our investigation”, explained Collins “as we stated earlier a shooting at St Ediths Primary School occurred at approximately 9.30am,that has left five people dead. I can now confirm that a sixth victim, a police officer is also among the deceased. His body was discovered by another officer who was part of a team that arrived first at the scene. The deceased officer who was also with the first team, was found in a small car park at the back of the school with gunshot wounds to his head and body. For the moment we are not at liberty to divulge any further information as the investigation is on-going. Thank You.”

    A barrage of questions was launched at Detective Collins from the journalists gathered at the press conference. “Has the shooter been apprehended”, asked one of the journalists. “I’m sorry, we are still investigating out buildings at the back of the school, so I can make no further comment”, replied Collins the toll of the day’s events clearly evident in his face.

    Back on the screen in the bar the advertisements returned and conversations began about what the patrons had just seen on Channel 2 news.

    As the minutes and hours passed, Horace and the remaining customers watched and re-watched the recycled news package on the shooting at St Ediths. With little new information Channel 2 broadcast the same pictures and reports from the school to the captivated audience in the bar.

    Suddenly and in large red writing the words breaking news flashed up on the screen. Speedily Horace grabbed the remote and turned up the volume.

    The portly image of Detective Collins once again filled the screen. Looking more rain soaked than at his previous press conference he began to speak.

    “We have just received new information in connection to the incident at St Ediths. After speaking to numerous witnesses who work here at the school we can now confirm that the name of the assailant is Anna Mecham, a twenty five year old native of Billingham who has ties with the school. Following our searches of the school and out buildings we have been unable to locate Ms. Mecham. Further to this information we can now also confirm that a five year old boy who was in attendance at the school this morning is also missing. It is not believed that the boy is in any way related to Ms. Mecham. I repeat it is not believed that the boy is in any way related to Ms. Mecham who we now have to consider armed and extremely dangerous. I’m sorry but I will take no further questions at this time.”


Comments

  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 34,942 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    It doesn't really add a lot to the story you began in chapter one. Most of this is boilerplate, telling the reader what (s)he already knows from chapter one, and no real characters emerge in this piece.


Advertisement