Can my wife take my child?

alex.alexutz89 · 29-07-2014 1:32pm #1

Sorry for the personal problem disclosure, but I am in a desperate position for any advice.

We are a married couple. I have been residing in Ireland since the year 2000. In the past 2 years, back in 2012, I brought my girlfriend over from Romania and got married in Belfast. Since then, I have been supporting her financially as I was in receipt of welfare and put her on my claim also.

We recently had an argument, she left the house, and now threatens to take my baby daughter away from me, even though the day we had the argument, she stormed out of the house, came back 1 hour later with the guards and asked for her mobile phone. She or the guards did not mention anything about the baby, but while she was getting her mobile from the house, she stole the baby's passport and birth cert.

She later that day rang me and told me that she will take the baby away from me soon.

What can I do to stop that from being the case, as you could imagine I would be devastated if she takes away my child and also I don't think she could take proper care of her as she does not have any income. My best guess is that she is now back at her father's flat, which also I do not think is a suitable place for a 1 year old baby.

Can anyone give me some advice on this please?

Penny Tration · 29-07-2014 1:34pm

You need a solicitor asap.

louisenf2014 · 29-07-2014 1:37pm

Why did she return with the gardai? Was there violence involved?

I think once you are married legally she cannot take the child out of the country without a custody hearing but if you were violent towards her then she can claim that the child is not safe with you and this would be a fair point

alex.alexutz89 · 29-07-2014 1:48pm

louisenf2014 wrote: »

Why did she return with the gardai? Was there violence involved?

I think once you are married legally she cannot take the child out of the country without a custody hearing but if you were violent towards her then she can claim that the child is not safe with you and this would be a fair point

There was no violence involved, nor was there any violence involved in the two years we were together, although the gardai did ask if I hit her, which made me think she lied to them about me hitting her. She came back with the gardai for her mobile. The gardai told me that he needed to make sure the baby was safe, which he did, and asked me politely to give her her phone so that she can ring her friend. And that was about it.

If I get a lawyer can I stop her from taking away the baby. The baby is with me at the moment.

Magicmatilda · 29-07-2014 2:46pm

Why is the baby with you and not with her?

I sense that you are more concerned for yourself than your child.

What is best for the child? Have you considered that. Surely having both parents around is best? which would mean the child not being with you ALL the time.

Unless you can prove her to be an unfit mother (is she unfut?) then I imagine the best you could hope for would be joint custody and co parenting

But at the end of the day when a marraige breaks up and children are involved then generally the child will not end up living full time with the father.

But you need to get proper legal advice.

Dial Hard · 29-07-2014 2:57pm

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Why is the baby with you and not with her.

Because she clearly left the child at home when she left.

Neyite · 29-07-2014 3:21pm

Depending on whether or not your child has an Irish or Uk passport, may have a bearing on the legalities involved.

First things first: Speak to the gardai about your rights in preventing your child from being removed from the juridstiction. Then consult a lawyer. Do this today or tomorrow at the latest.

You need professional advice.

gavindublin · 29-07-2014 3:24pm

Can someone travel on a passport that has been reported stolen and cancelled??

alex.alexutz89 · 30-07-2014 10:25am

Neyite wrote: »

Depending on whether or not your child has an Irish or Uk passport, may have a bearing on the legalities involved.

First things first: Speak to the gardai about your rights in preventing your child from being removed from the juridstiction. Then consult a lawyer. Do this today or tomorrow at the latest.

You need professional advice.

Thanks for the advice, my baby does have an Irish passport, and also I remembered that on the baby's birth cert the mother's last name is same as mine, as we intended to get the same name but never got to it, so her surname is different then the one on the birth cert, would that make any difference also?
I will speak to the gardai today and I try and make an appointment with a solicitor today also.

alex.alexutz89 · 30-07-2014 10:36am

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Why is the baby with you and not with her?

I sense that you are more concerned for yourself than your child.

What is best for the child? Have you considered that. Surely having both parents around is best? which would mean the child not being with you ALL the time.

Unless you can prove her to be an unfit mother (is she unfut?) then I imagine the best you could hope for would be joint custody and co parenting

But at the end of the day when a marraige breaks up and children are involved then generally the child will not end up living full time with the father.

But you need to get proper legal advice.

How do you sense that I am more concerned about myself then my baby? My main concern is my baby, I couldn't imagine her being taken away from me.

The best thing for the child is indeed both parents to be involved in her up bringing, but as the mother stormed out of the house from a silly argument (she wanted to go shopping and I told her we will go the next day as I wasn't feeling up to it that day), that's when she stormed out and brought the guards, that gives me a little bit of a reason to doubt her. Then some few hours later, she rang telling me she will take the baby away.

You are right about the children generally ending up with their mothers after court, and I think that is not fair at all to the parents, as the ball is generally in the mother's court even though the fathers might have been involved in the baby's life the same amount as the mothers sometime maybe even more. There are different scenarios and situations with different parenting.

That is exactly why I am worried about loosing my daughter as the law is a bit strange and unfair to the fathers.

Tokyo · 30-07-2014 11:01am

alex.alexutz89 wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, my baby does have an Irish passport, and also I remembered that on the baby's birth cert the mother's last name is same as mine, as we intended to get the same name but never got to it, so her surname is different then the one on the birth cert, would that make any difference also?

OP, with all due respect you are grasping out at straws here, and hoping to catch your partner out on a technicality of some sort or another. The reality of this situation is that it's quite a serious one, and you're not going to hold onto your child ad have your partner over a barrel, simply because of a name on a piece of paper. You need professional advice as soon as possible.

I will speak to the gardai today and I try and make an appointment with a solicitor today also.

^^ This. I'm generally not this blunt in my responses, but this really is the only course of action open to you right now. By all means feel free to post here for advice and support, but without taking this step first, it will all be for nothing.

alex.alexutz89 · 31-07-2014 7:56am

She came with the guards last night and took the baby away... I am now all over the place because all day yesterday I was trying to get some piece of legal advice but I soon realized that wouldn't happen because either one solicitor was in court or another was too busy and couldn't see me until next week. I am desperate at this point as she has the baby now, she is about three steps ahead of me and I didn't even get to see a solicitor yet, or get some legal advice of what I can do as a father to hold on to my baby.

Can anyone recommend a good family law solicitor for my case? I was up all last night trying to look for one, but had no luck, all of the family law solicitors seem to be the same, according to their websites. Had anyone have any experience with family law solicitors and found one to be very good?

jester77 · 31-07-2014 8:32am

alex.alexutz89 wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, my baby does have an Irish passport, and also I remembered that on the baby's birth cert the mother's last name is same as mine, as we intended to get the same name but never got to it, so her surname is different then the one on the birth cert, would that make any difference also?
I will speak to the gardai today and I try and make an appointment with a solicitor today also.

That would make a difference, but she also has the birth certificate. My son has my surname and whenever he is travelling with my partner she has to show the birth cert. Passport control would stop her going through as the names on the passport are different, but once she has the birth cert as well, then she would get through.

miamee · 31-07-2014 9:37am

So sorry to hear that alex. If you cannot get in touch with a lawyer/solicitor this morning, please try one of these services, they will be able to tell you right away if there is any emergency help you can access or direct you what to do next and offer some support at this difficult time.

Marital Breakdown / Family law / Family Support

Relationships Ireland - Relationship and Marriage Counselling Services.

One Family - Organisation for people parenting alone.

Solo- Support for people parenting alone.

Treoir - Information for Unmarried Parents.

Parentline - (1890 927277 or (01) 873 3500) - Confidential helpline for parents and guardians.

AIM Family Services - Family services group offering counseling, crisis management & more.

Neyite · 31-07-2014 10:20am

OP, we cant give recommendations for solicitors here, but if you contact one of the groups linked such as Treoir, they should have a list of solicitors that would specialise in family law.

maria34 · 31-07-2014 10:54pm

I do understand that you are married? So you both have guardianship? Well its not allowed to advise you here, rules are rules. But maybe you can go to courthouse tomorrow morning and ask what to do to stop her.

V.W.L 11 · 31-07-2014 10:56pm

maria34 wrote: »

I do understand that you are married? So you both have guardianship? Well its not allowed to advise you here, rules are rules. But maybe you can go to courthouse tomorrow morning and ask what to do to stop her.

i'm an unmarried father with court ordered guardianship,it means fcuk all!!!!!!!!

maria34 · 31-07-2014 11:14pm

V.W.L 11 wrote: »

i'm an unmarried father with court ordered guardianship,it means fcuk all!!!!!!!!

Well i know a case where mum wanted to go on holidays (not escape, she is from diff country aswell) and the daddy wanted to stop her bringing her child on holidays so he went off to court.
She got the permission to go but you never know how it turns out in OPs case.

V.W.L 11 · 31-07-2014 11:17pm

maria34 wrote: »

Well i know a case where mum wanted to go on holidays (not escape, she is from diff country aswell) and the daddy wanted to stop her bringing her child on holidays so he went off to court.
She got the permission to go but you never know how it turns out in OPs case.

i wasn't even informed of any foreign trip she just went ahead and done it anyway,but its time the laws change to reflect the changes in society,judges aren't trained,fathers nearly always come off the worst,its 2014 not 1914

maria34 · 31-07-2014 11:23pm

V.W.L 11 wrote: »

i wasn't even informed of any foreign trip she just went ahead and done it anyway,but its time the laws change to reflect the changes in society,judges aren't trained,fathers nearly always come off the worst,its 2014 not 1914

Yes but she came back didnt she? Why would you stop you child going on hols anyway? That would be mean tho.
OP has it different, he knows what could happen and can try to avoid it. Theres international law some sort of which helps him im sure. Ireland and romania both are in EU?

V.W.L 11 · 31-07-2014 11:25pm

maria34 wrote: »

Yes but she came back didnt she? Why would you stop you child going on hols anyway? That would be mean tho.
OP has it different, he knows what could happen and can try to avoid it. Theres international law some sort of which helps him im sure. Ireland and romania both are in EU?

i only found out she went when she got back,in relation to the OP are they covered by the hague convention in the country the wife intends on travelling to?

maria34 · 31-07-2014 11:38pm

http://travel.state.gov/content/childabduction/english/country/hague-party-countries.html

Loads of countries there :-)

kylith · 01-08-2014 8:49am

maria34 wrote: »

Yes but she came back didnt she? Why would you stop you child going on hols anyway? That would be mean tho.
OP has it different, he knows what could happen and can try to avoid it. Theres international law some sort of which helps him im sure. Ireland and romania both are in EU?

Some separated parent will use a holiday as a cover to abscond with a child. This is why it's customary for the other parent to 'ok' their ex taking the child out of the country.

V.W.L 11 · 01-08-2014 8:59am

kylith wrote: »

Some separated parent will use a holiday as a cover to abscond with a child. This is why it's customary for the other parent to 'ok' their ex taking the child out of the country.

especially when there's a pending court case for access,isn't it great how (MOST,NOT ALL) women use children as weapons against the dad's and alot of judges buy into it,thanks for the link Maria.

kylith · 01-08-2014 9:33am

V.W.L 11 wrote: »

especially when there's a pending court case for access,isn't it great how (MOST,NOT ALL) women use children as weapons against the dad's and alot of judges buy into it,thanks for the link Maria.

I'd take issue with the 'most', actually. I think that MOST men AND women want to get on with their lives for their child to have a good relationship with their other parent.

Plenty of men have also taken their kids to 'visit foreign relatives' and not come back too. Being an underhanded git is not the sole preserve of either gender.

V.W.L 11 · 01-08-2014 9:45am

kylith wrote: »

I'd take issue with the 'most', actually. I think that MOST men AND women want to get on with their lives for their child to have a good relationship with their other parent.

Plenty of men have also taken their kids to 'visit foreign relatives' and not come back too. Being an underhanded git is not the sole preserve of either gender.

i accept your point completely,why wont they change the law to give unmarried fathers recognition?i know fergus finlay of barnardos is against it but he has the labour party flowing through his vains the fcuking pr1ck,the only time i hear of a woman getting shafted in a family law court is when the H.S.E are against them

Neyite · 01-08-2014 1:29pm

V.W.L 11 wrote: »

i accept your point completely,why wont they change the law to give unmarried fathers recognition?i know fergus finlay of barnardos is against it but he has the labour party flowing through his vains the fcuking pr1ck,the only time i hear of a woman getting shafted in a family law court is when the H.S.E are against them

Enough, this is not going to turn into a debate on fathers rights - its not one bit helpful to the OP's situation.

Neither is a gender debate -take it elsewhere.

Everybody, unless you are offering relevant advice to the OP on his particular situation, dont post.

logic · 01-08-2014 4:37pm

I have been in your position and with regards to the law, unless there is some specific reason (and it would have to be a very good reason) as to why the mother should not have custody of the child then the mother will get custody. Your best option is to go to a solicitor and start trying for joint custody and at least for access. Is there any way you can contact her directly and start trying to work on this so it doesn't have to go to court?

alex.alexutz89 · 03-08-2014 3:03pm

logic wrote: »

I have been in your position and with regards to the law, unless there is some specific reason (and it would have to be a very good reason) as to why the mother should not have custody of the child then the mother will get custody. Your best option is to go to a solicitor and start trying for joint custody and at least for access. Is there any way you can contact her directly and start trying to work on this so it doesn't have to go to court?

That is so extreme it scares me. So a mother can just go off to the guards, lie in a report I was violent to her and get custody based on lies? How can a judge make that kind of decision without having any evidence I actually hit her (in the face) as she said in the report. The day she went into the garda station and gave the report there was not a single mark on her face.
What good reason can there be other than that I love my baby, I was never violent to her or my baby, and I wouldn't want to fight for access to my daughter.

desbrook · 03-08-2014 3:31pm

From what I read the child's passport and birth cert were in your home. They are now missing and you do not know who took them. They are therefore stolen and the theft should be reported to the Gardai and Passport Office asap.

logic · 12-08-2014 5:16pm

alex.alexutz89 wrote: »

That is so extreme it scares me. So a mother can just go off to the guards, lie in a report I was violent to her and get custody based on lies? How can a judge make that kind of decision without having any evidence I actually hit her (in the face) as she said in the report. The day she went into the garda station and gave the report there was not a single mark on her face.
What good reason can there be other than that I love my baby, I was never violent to her or my baby, and I wouldn't want to fight for access to my daughter.

She didn't have to say you hit her, by law (as you both are unmarried) she is sole legal guardian to the child. At this moment you have no rights legally to see your child until you go to court. For you to become a legal guardian to the child (nothing to do with custody or access but just to have a say in the childs upbringing) you and the childs mother need to sign the aggreement form at a comissioner of oaths or go to court for it, more details here http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/legal_guardianship_and_unmarried_couples.html

Bringing domestic volience in to the equation means that you will have to prove that you didn't do this. Most cases like this will leave you with no access to the child supervised or otherwise but that really depends on the judge.

Best try and talk to her and sort something out.

Can my wife take my child?

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