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Will I be too old to go back to secondary school at 20 years of age ??

  • 07-12-2011 3:07pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I (19) left school at the end of Junior Cert because I was young and stupid. For the past 2 years I have been helping my parents out on the farm and have just become a social outcast - they are basically the only people I talk to.

    But since the new school and university term began in September/October I've been feeling really down and depressed. People my own age are moving on with their lives, enjoying themselves, having night out, going to university, having relationships, whereas I'm wasting what are supposed to be the best years of my life. I'm feeling so pathetic I'm even thinking about going to an escort to lose my virginity - it's a bit expensive, but easy to arrange (a quick google search finds one in the region easily) and it would be safe as they use condoms. I just want to know what it's like to be with a girl, I've never even kissed one. :-(

    I probably would have went back to start 5th year when these feeling started kicking in around early October, but then I found out I can get a weekly wage of E188 called 'Back To Education Allowance' if I waited a year. I inquired further about this and the lady on the phone told me I would be eligible even though I live with my parents.

    The thing is though....I want to go back to my local secondary school, as opposed to an adult education place. Now I know I said earlier that I was feeling really bad about never having been with a girl, but firstly I'm fully aware girls in 5th year in secondary school would be totally out of bounds as 5th year students tend to be around 15/16 and I would be 20. Secondly, I would just feel more in common with guys and girls around that age, rather than an adult education place where the majority of people would probably be much older than me.

    I have a lot more spare time recently as my Dad has recovered fully from an illness, which is excellent of course, but the downside is I'm not needed on the farm. So in addition to feeling depressed about my situation, the spare time is making it a lot worse. I would do a FAS course, however the nearest towns where courses are held are much too far away to walk/cycle. I can't drive either and driving lessons on top of a good car, tax and insurance would cost a bomb. I've bought Playstation games to try and fill the void....but it's not working.

    I had a couple of friends (and I stress just a couple) in school, but judging by their Facebook pages (my older brother gave me his login) they have long moved on. I would set up a Facebook account myself, but I fear not many people would befriend me and it would look sad as hell writing stuff on a Facebook wall and never getting any replies.

    Whatever about Facebook accounts, or lack of, there has been something nagging at me a lot more lately - the more I think about it, would the other students at school want to hang out with me because I'm so old? Would they consider me a weirdo and avoid me like the plague? I would hate to go back just to be treated like a leper. Maybe I should not bother?

    Sorry for such a long post. Some of you probably looked at that straight away and thought 'too long, I'm not reading' lol. I just needed people to confide in and offer me advice for a change. :-(


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,142 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Well OP I think you should definitely do it, there is nothing to be lost and everything to be gained.

    I understand your concerns however. What are your options? Do you live in a small town?

    I moved schools halfway through secondary and went to a leavcert only (5th 6th years) and it was more of an unusual gathering, there were defo ppl older than us. This sort of school might be a better option for you. Plus you wouldn't have to deal with fully formed cliques, everyone would be new.

    Definitely do it though, no matter what.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Go for it OP. Why dont you organise a meeting for your local head master /mistress for the new year and discuss your options with them then.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 4,475 Mod ✭✭✭✭dory


    You should definitely do it. When you're 30 you'll laugh that you ever thought 19/20 was old to be in school. A buddy of mine did the leaving cert at 40.

    I wouldn't worry to much about being the youngest in an adult education place. I'm sure you'd find some people your age there. But if that's not what you want you should definitely talk to a local principal. If you're feeling like this now, imagine how you'll feel in 20 years if you don't do it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 778 ✭✭✭jessiejam


    I agree with previous posts. The upside to an adult education facility is there would most probably be some sort of social life comes out of it, considering the secondary schools would be underage to go for a pint after class etc.

    At least then if you are out and about with people in or around your own age you may have a better chance of meeting a girl?

    Whatever you decide, its never to late to do the things you want.
    Best of luck with it


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,595 ✭✭✭The Lovely Muffin


    Hi OP.

    I was/am in a similar situation to yourself, only I left school (a few months before my Junior Cert) due to severe bullying, so I know about leaving school early, becoming a social outcast etc.

    After I left secondary school I spend three years at home, basically cut off from the outside world, I rarely left my house, only interacted with my family when I saw them, but that was it.

    It took me three years before I went back to school (I had depression and was undiagnosed until Jan 2011) being honest, going back to school was one of the best things I ever did.

    It was difficult at first I was thinking what would others at the school/college think of me, would they look at me oddly etc, but they didn't. Many of them were in a similar situation to myself, they had left school before doing their leaving cert and went back to do it.

    I was 20 when I went back and thought that maybe I was too old for school etc, but there were loads of others close in age to myself and even a lot older than me that went back to school, so you are definitely not too old to back.

    I went back to do the two-year leaving cert course, unfortunately I didn't get to finish my course due to my depression, but I fully intend to go back to school/college and get my leaving cert. I will be 21 when I go back.

    I won't lie, it was hard work and I had to do a LOT of work to get myself back into the course, it was difficult getting back into studying, writing essays, having home work every evening and weekend, preparing for exams, etc. I used to spend seven hours each weekend studying as I found it really helped me. The course took a lot of energy and persistence but it was worth it and to be honest, I really can't wait to go back.

    There is nothing wrong with going back in your late teens/early twenties etc to finish your second-level education. There is nothing wrong with going back to school, college, uni etc at any age to get an education to anyone who says there is, I say, sod them. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy.

    I found that when people found out I went back at 20 I got funny looks and found some family members were 'waiting' for me to leave and in a way, prove to them that I was a lazy, good for nothing so-and-so. I guess when I did leave they thought "I knew she wouldn't do it" etc. It was only when they found out about my depression that they realised why I left and that it wasn't because I'm lazy, don't want a good education etc.

    If you are looking to go onto third level education OP there are other ways to do so, you don't have to go back through second level education.

    I went to Pearse College in Dublin and loved it. There were so many people my own age and close in age to me. The staff were so helpful and lovely. The tutors were so helpful and any questions you asked, help you needed etc was taken care of.

    http://www.pearsecollege.ie/ is the website.

    Best of luck with it OP.


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  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Don't let doubt or lack of confidence hold you back here OP.
    Get your LC and move on with your life.


  • Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 12,909 Mod ✭✭✭✭iguana


    I wouldn't entirely discount the idea of the adult education centre. There could easily be other students there who are near your age or in their early 20s. Tbh, a 20 year old and a 25 year old will tend to have a lot more in common that a 20 year old and a 15 year old. You will also find that students in an adult education centre have a bit more freedom, are treated as adults while the students act up less as they are all there through choice, unlike regular school kids. It may be an easier environment to adapt to after a few years our of school.

    Perhaps you can visit your local centre and get a feel for the place before discounting it.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    I think getting your leaving cert is a great idea… but personally I wouldn’t want to go back to secondary school to do it :confused: If you ended up being the only ‘older’ person there you could become an outcast. To be honest I don’t know what a 15 would want to be friends with a 20 year old for other than to get them alcohol (sorry if that sounds harsh!).

    I think you need to think about what your motives are in terms of going to secondary school instead of an adult education centre. To be honest it’s coming off as though you’re trying to get back your teen secondary school experience that you missed out on the first time around… but those years have passed. You’re not 15 anymore, you need to start thinking more like an adult and being around people who are 4/5 years younger than you will probably just hold you back. I think an adult centre would be better for you as it would be a more mature environment. You’d be more likely to meet like minded people and there could be people there around the same age as you anyway. Even if there’s not, I think it’s better to be around people who are older than you rather than younger.

    As for the escort… I wouldn’t if I was you :/ I’m by no means an expert or experienced in this area, but I’d image it would just make you feel even more alone afterwards and possibly ashamed. An escort won’t give you genuine affection, it will all be fake and you’ll know it. And just so you know there are LOTS of people in their 20s who are still virgins, so hopefully this hasn’t got something to do with it.

    Facebook is overrated. By all means create an account if you want to use it in order to get back in touch with old friends, but don’t take the whole liking/commenting/friend count thing too seriously.

    The best of luck with whatever you decide to do :) As others have said, don't let fear or doubt hold you back!


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would go to an Adult Education centre if there was guys and girls around my age, but if everyone is 30, 35, 40 I would much prefer secondary school. I wonder if it would be rude to ask the average age.

    I guess you're right, woodchuck. Another reason why I'd prefer secondary school than an older crowd in an adult education center is I want to know what it's like to feel young and have fun which has seldom happened in my life, sadly. Maybe I would meet a hot Leaving Cert girl around 17 legal or 18 too lol. Don't get me wrong, I could have banter with older people.....but it wouldn't be the same.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭degausserxo


    I'm 20 and started back in a leaving cert school this September. I've made a couple of friends I can see myself staying in contact with that are seventeen and eighteen, but to be honest both myself and the rest of the students don't seem to care because we're just focused on doing the work. I was terrified of being that 'weird older student' but tbh I haven't noticed anyone acting strange towards me at all. Sure you'll have loads of work to do anyway, so even if there is a bit of tension, which I doubt there would be, you'll have something to distract from it!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    You might think differently of course but you might be better off with an older group. People of 35 or 40 might seem ancient to you at your age but they could be surprisingly enjoyable company. Also, because they've gone back to school at their age, they might be more motivated to study and do well than a room of 15 year olds. In a year or two you could find yourself working alongside people of all ages. You'd be amazed how quickly people's ages fade away and they become just people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    I'm not sure if school is really an option. If you look young you might fit in better. If you have similar interests to the next 15-16 year old (collecting premier league stickers, perhaps?) you should be fine.

    You might find your classmates are very immature and it might annoy you to find some of your teachers spend 50% of the class trying to even their wit to a bunch of kids.

    Bullying may be problem, particularly if you are quiet, overweight, tall, red hair, etc.

    IMO a better option would be to enrol in a private college where students would typically be older and more mature and do the leaving cert as a one year intensive course. Get a student loan and use BTEA for pocket money.

    The other option is to do the LC by adult learning. Personally, at your age I think the one-year LC is a better option.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would go to an Adult Education centre if there was guys and girls around my age, but if everyone is 30, 35, 40 I would much prefer secondary school. I wonder if it would be rude to ask the average age.

    I guess you're right, woodchuck. Another reason why I'd prefer secondary school than an older crowd in an adult education center is I want to know what it's like to feel young and have fun which has seldom happened in my life, sadly. Maybe I would meet a hot Leaving Cert girl around 17 legal or 18 too lol. Don't get me wrong, I could have banter with older people.....but it wouldn't be the same.

    i sympathise with your predicament OP , the home farm is not a great place to boost your confidence socially , that said , agriculture is one of the few sectors of the irish economy which is going well and is predicted to do well for the foreseeable future , you could go back and do your leaving cert but would that qualification do much other than improove your social life and tbh , i think most female students would see a twenty year old as a bit of an oldie ,i say this because your main reason for wishing to return to school seems to stem from a determination to start getting places with girls , the education part seem secondary

    heres another idea , if you like farming and know how do it , would you consider travelling to either australia or new zealand or both for a year or perhaps two , both those countries ( especially new zealand ) have a thriving agricultural sector and thier is no doubt that the experiene would greatly improove your social skills , it would make a new man out of you , a cousin of mine worked on a farm in nz a few years ago and it was the best thing he ever did , he went over through an agency who arranged his employment and accomodation ,everything , he made loads of friends as several other irish guys and gals went over at the same time , besides , while in a place like new zealand , you inevitabley bump into other travellers , most people head around the country at weekends or when they have time off work , my cousin when he was finished in new zealand went on to australia and drove tractors on huge grain farms in the outback , another wonderfull experience , he then went to work on the buildings in sydney

    i honestly believe something like this would be ideal for a farm boy like yourself , something which although different is similar in that you come from a farm , your an adult now and school is for kids or teenagers , you could still do your leaving cert in ten years through night classes or something but that is not your immediete priority , your living a hum drum existance at home and you cannot grow in confidence or develop your potential , i have relatives who are full time farmers and they all tell me that you are time enough settling down full time on a farm at thirty , you need to see the world ( even thats only ten mile up the road ) while in your twenties and learn about yourself , btw , even your parents are opposed to the idea ( farmers are very conservative folk ) , you should do it anyway , you have no wife or children - no ties , its important to be selfish and put yourself first when your young , otherwise you end up living with regret and that does no one any good

    the name of the agency in new zealand is MARVIN farms , they also have links with a crowd in australia who arrange employment , google them


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,476 ✭✭✭floorpie


    Eh i was in a *slightly* similar position. I'd failed my leaving cert like, twice by 20 (as in 100 points or something, which wasn't enough for what i wanted to do). Went to an adult education place (Pearse College too, snap, Purple_Bobbin!), except I failed it again. Went to the Institute (in dublin) and got into college, degree, masters etc.

    So i think i'll have a little insight into what you're thinking about. But you'll have to clarify something: what's your goal? If you're doing it purely for the social life then each option will have upsides and downsides, and the same if you're doing it as an educational pursuit.

    Edit: One thing about adult education places...there are as many young people as old people, in fact the vast majority in my class were younger than me (i was 21 or so). People end up going to them for many many reasons, aside from simply being old.

    Edit 2: Your chances of going to the local school and hooking up with girls are so much slimmer than if you go to a new place, if that's the only reason you're doing it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭sarahbro


    I was 17 finishing the LC And went back to repeat age 19 after being in college for a year. It was tough but worth it :)
    Go for it! :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,138 ✭✭✭orchidsrpretty


    I went back to school when I was just turning 18 so was nearly 20 when I finished and tbh I found it quite difficult. I found alot of my classmates really immature and found it quite difficult to be treated like a child by the teachers/principal. I wasn't living at home and the prinicipal didn't like that at all. Every time I was out sick for the day, she would haul me to the office to explain myself. I also smoke and while I know its against the rules to smoke on school property I use to go outside the gates and smoke and would still get alot of grief for it. Maybe she just had in for me and she wasn't so sure how to handle an independant person but who knows.

    If you went to a dedicated place or an adult education centre, you would not be treated like you were still a teenager which is something you really need to think about as it can have a huge impact on whether you complete the course or drop out.

    Good luck in deciding.
    Another thing is, if you are planning on going to college, you will be a mature student at the age of 23 and the LC won't matter.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,476 ✭✭✭floorpie


    Good luck in deciding.
    Another thing is, if you are planning on going to college, you will be a mature student at the age of 23 and the LC won't matter.

    Good point, a few courses do need some LC subjects though. In trinity i think you need LC maths for computer science/engineering.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    I really wouldn't recommend going back to secondary school (if the school would even let you). You'd basically be the only person over 18 there, and think you'd be terribly self-conscious. Plus, I'm not sure you realize how 'young' a 16 year-old is, even compared to a 20 year-old.

    Find a local college and go there, I'd say there will be a variety of ages, and you'll have people around your age.

    Finally, I'll note that 20 is not terribly old at all. The whole 'I've missed out on (insert age here) I'm too old now' is completely a mind set, and one that can stick with you. If you're not careful, you'll spend 20 wishing you were 18 and 22 wishing you were 20, etc.

    So stop pining for your idea of something that never was (and is absolutely nothing like it's represented in movies/tv), and head out there to make a new life for yourself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 436 ✭✭Meller


    My friend is almost 21 and just did her LC back in June, meaning she was 20 for a lot of 5th year. I was one of the youngest in the year (17) and me and her were the best of friends. Nobody even noticed she was slightly older. There were plenty of people who were 17, 18, 19 - it's not that far off 20 really.

    When you're that age it's not just the age that matters; it's where you are. I'm younger or the same age as a lot of people still at school, but I'm at college and feel like I'm in a totally different place in life. You didn't do the Leaving Cert thing so you're right, you probably will have more in common with them.

    If you don't make a big deal about it, nobody else will either.




  • I (19) left school at the end of Junior Cert because I was young and stupid.


    I read your post, and while you might think your are or were stupid, your post clearly suggests that you aren't.

    If I were you, I'd get the number of the local VEC, ring them, and ask to talk to someone who could give you some advice about second chance education. They'll put you on to someone, and if you explain your story to them they should suggest some ideas and help give you a better idea of what places would work for you and what wouldn't. It's no harm to keep in mind that most second chance education is free to people who haven't completed the Leaving Cert.

    Might be worth a shot.

    http://www.vec.ie/


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,799 ✭✭✭StillWaters


    I really think you should explore adult education, rather than secondary school. In particular the VTOS Leaving Certificate Programme.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,395 ✭✭✭✭mikemac1


    Go for it OP

    But I do think you are better off in the adult education then the secondary school.

    There will people of all ages in the adult education.
    And lots around your age, I know some who quit after their JC and went working on sites, there was big money in construction. More money then most graduate jobs

    Those days are over and some are doing the LC now.

    So I think there will be others in your age group there and you said you wanted to make friends and meet girls.
    So that's a secondary benefit.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    I think you'd be better off in an adult program OP.
    My sister had a baby at 16 and left school for a year. When she went back, she really struggled. She was 2 years older than everyone else, had been working and raising a baby. And she was going into school, being made tie her tie a different way, being told not to slouch, getting our mother to sign her homework....it was a huge challenge to her to take it seriously because, when you get older, you get more independent and the things like that would probably bug you.
    Also, the kids in your class will be talking about buying bottles of WKD and going bushing while you're able to go and sit beside the fire in your local and sup a pint.....
    I really think that it would be very hard for you to get back into the swing of a normal school full of teens. Would you consider a grinds college, for example Yeats in Galway. I know when I started college, I was just gone 17 and there were people in my year who were 21, 22 as they had repeated their leaving in colleges. The age gap was nothing by the time we were in University but I do think it would have been markedly different when I was in school. People grow up a lot when they leave school and home for the first time.


  • Registered Users Posts: 94 ✭✭NedLowry


    You're certainly not too old to go back and do your Leaving (I know of someone who did it when they were 70!). However, I have to agree with those who say that you would be better off in adult education rather than going back to a secondary school environment.


  • Registered Users Posts: 972 ✭✭✭moco


    I also think you might be better off in an adult education programme. I left school at 17, then went back to do A levels at 19 and I found it very difficult to fit in. Not with the other pupils or anything, and the teachers were great to me, but I found the routine of 'school' a very restrictive environment to be back in after a year and a bit away. Being bossed about by teachers, being treated like a child, asking permission to go to the toilet etc. was very strange! I also couldn't adapt to not being let out of the building for lunch etc, so ended up doing my own thing and eventually left without the qualifications I'd went back for.

    Everyone's different though, maybe you'll be fine, but I don't think a 20 year old would be suited to school life.


  • Registered Users Posts: 972 ✭✭✭moco


    Just to add, I also felt like a weirdo wearing school uniform when I went back, like I was an imposter!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    I think its brilliant that you want to go back and get your leaving cert! Fair play to you and you should definitely do it, either way (adult education/public school).

    Now, there is another option if you have a few spare grand - but it is your education, so in my opinion is worth it and defo worth checking out. I am not sure if you would have thought of going to private school for a year or two (I am not sure if they would make you do 5th year as you missed this or even if there is one of these schools near you - it would be like Bruce College or Limerick Tutorial or the like).

    But they are so worth it, really help you along and motivate you. They set you up for great things/frame of mind in life (there are the usual people there who were sent in by mammy and daddy who couldnt give a sh*te about their education, but you get these in most schools anyways). Moreover, the age group you are looking for/would feel comfortable with would be there - a lot of people like yourself, especially in 6th year. For example, I know a girl who went back at 23 to get medicine.


  • Registered Users Posts: 94 ✭✭NedLowry


    dellas1979 wrote: »
    For example, I know a girl who went back at 23 to get medicine.
    Why, what was wrong with her?:D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    Hahahahahahahahaha - nice one ned :D
    She got medicine too ;)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,085 ✭✭✭meoklmrk91


    Hey there Op, I was in vet much the same boat as you, I left school at 13 and didn't go back until I was 18. I had very low self confidence and was very quiet.

    I decided to go to a youthreach, now these places have a reputation of being very rough. Now was there people there that were rough, yes but there were also people like myself, it was a mixed bag and bullying was almost non existant as everyone who went there had a story, we were like one big family. I made lifelong friends and gained exceptional experience and self confidence. It truly was perfect for me. I did an LCA which was perfect to ease me back into education. You will get a training allowance for going to Youthreach which is the same as the dole.

    Your other option is VTOS, now you do have to be 21 and on a social welfare for a period of time. It's a good program and I wouldn't worry too much about the ages, I would think the vast majority of people would be in their 20's.

    I personally decided not to go back to secondary school as I did not want to be judged, plus I think by the time you get to 5th-6th year you will have kind of made your friends. But if you think you could do well why not?

    Best of luck with everything, returning to education was the best thing I ever did, I am now in college working towards making something of myself and I couldn't be happier or prouder.


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