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Jokes not everyone will get

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,907 ✭✭✭bennyc


    OK Not really a joke but kinda on the same track.

    This appeared in the Sunday Times crossword years ago and stumped a lot of people.

    Clue: Number of fingers.

    _ _ E (and the answer is not one)
    ICE


  • Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭Bearhunter


    ICE
    , I imagine.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,097 ✭✭✭✭zuroph


    Bearhunter wrote: »
    ... I imagine.
    It's spoilered for a reason.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,454 ✭✭✭mink_man


    why did the chicken scross the road? cos he had nobody to go with!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,454 ✭✭✭mink_man


    bennyc wrote: »
    OK Not really a joke but kinda on the same track.

    This appeared in the Sunday Times crossword years ago and stumped a lot of people.

    Clue: Number of fingers.

    _ _ E (and the answer is not one)
    ICE

    i dont get it!, explain!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 721 ✭✭✭TheTubes


    mink_man wrote: »
    i dont get it!, explain!
    NUMBer of fingers. Numb as in cold.


  • Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Phwooissshhhhhhhh!!!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,464 ✭✭✭MOH


    Why is a duck?
    Because one of its legs is both the same


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,247 ✭✭✭dabbler2004


    What's a hindu?

    Lay eggs


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 339 ✭✭docmol


    dyslexic grannies of the world unknit!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    I used to have schizophrenia but we're better now.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What is a Hebrew ?

    A male tea bag.




    Whats the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney???

    Bing sings and Walt Disney





    What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

    A weasel is weasily wecognised, but a stoat's stoatally different!




    Knock Knock!

    Who's there?

    Interrupting Duck!

    Interrupting Du.. QUAAAAAK QUAAAAK!!!


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    chicken.jpg


    "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
    "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"



    "Doctor doctor I'm obsessed with women who deliver babies"
    Relax - you're just going through a midwife crisis.


    Why do black men wear baggy trousers?
    Because their knee grows.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,097 ✭✭✭✭zuroph


    are people not reading the title of the thread any more?


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,885 ✭✭✭Stabshauptmann


    zuroph wrote: »
    are people not reading the title of the thread any more?
    Either that or they have a very low opinion of what people will "get"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 251 ✭✭fikay


    I always heard it as "What does DNA stand for?..... National Dyslexia Association"
    I've heard it that way too but I've always found the PMPA bit funnier for some reason.

    Sorry stabshauptmann


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    fikay wrote: »
    What does P.M.P.A. stand for?

    National Dyslexia Association of Ireland

    For the real oldies out there...

    Did you hear about the dyslexic who tried to insure his car with The M.P.L.A.?





    * Angolan War of Independence '61 to '5
    MPLA = Movimento Popular de Libertação de Angola
    PMPA = Private Motorists Provident Association


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,587 ✭✭✭tossy


    zuroph wrote: »
    are people not reading the title of the thread any more?

    Apparently not,there is a decided difference between "joke not everyone will get"and "jokes not everyone will find funny",maybe the Knee grow dude should start his own thread of KKK Khristmas Kracker Jokes :mad:


  • Registered Users Posts: 90 ✭✭Berbatov


    sedantez wrote: »
    Q. Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

    A. Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon....

    whereas ...

    Michael Jackson sleeps with small children.

    Brilliant


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What do you give the princess who has everything?
    A seatbelt and an airbag.



    What does a bee have in common with a Mercedes?
    They both make Royal Jelly.



    What happens when you kiss a fairy tale Princess?
    The frog turns into a wall and croaks.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭Broad


    Woman walks into a bar, goes up to the barman and says
    "I'd like a "double entendre" please."

    So he gave her one.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,587 ✭✭✭tossy


    Thread title,its up there,up the top,you can't miss it :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,150 ✭✭✭kumate_champ07


    What do you give the princess who has everything?
    A seatbelt and an airbag.



    What does a bee have in common with a Mercedes?
    They both make Royal Jelly.



    What happens when you kiss a fairy tale Princess?
    The frog turns into a wall and croaks.

    princess di?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,709 ✭✭✭YULETIRED


    I heard this when I as 10 and yet still some people :rolleyes:

    Did you about the 3 eggs?
    No? too bad


    two ducks flying over Belfast
    1st Duck - Quack
    2nd Duck - Quacker

    There once lived a chicken who had a very high libido.
    This chicken lived on a farm.
    So horny was this chicken that he had to get it on with everything in sight.
    He drove the farmer crazy with his incessant harassment of the other farm animals.
    Into the hen house he went and had the hens.
    Into the pig pen he went and had the pigs.
    Into the barn he went and had the cows and horses.
    Into the fields he went and had the sheep.
    There was no end to the chicken's sexual appetite.

    One day the farmer went out into the fields and found the chicken dead.
    Vultures were circling overhead, ready to feast on his flesh.
    "Now look what you've gone and done!" said the farmer. I told you that the body just can't stand up to all this sexual activity!"
    The chicken opened one eye, pointed in the direction of the vultures and went Ssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh


    Whilst I'm here, a book recommendation.

    I heard the book 'great expectations' is very good from quite a number of people, I havn't read it but I'm really looking forward to it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,121 ✭✭✭amcalester


    A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman "Have you seen my brother?" barman says "I dunno, whats he look like?"


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    An American tourist in Italy is constipated for a week, but when he arrives in Florence, the water is better and his condition goes away. "With Firenze like this," he said, "who needs enemas?"




    A woman is touring Germany. She is walking down the street when a sleazy guy jumps out of an alley and opens his raincoat. "Ewww," she shrieks. "That's gross." "Danke schoen," he says.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,150 ✭✭✭kumate_champ07


    a man walks into a gay bar and gets a pink bruise


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Walking along the cliffs near Land's End one day, Keats and Chapman came across a spot overlooking a small bay, where they decided to rest for a while. Lower down the cliff, they noticed a group of boys throwing stones at the sea birds in the bay.
    After a while, Chapman said, "Keats, don't you think we should do something about this?"
    "What? Yes, yes of course you're right," replied Keats. Leaning forward over the cliff, he called down to the boys, "That's it, lads, keep it up. Leave no tern unstoned."


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Objective case.
    Objective case who?
    Wrong.



    Q: How much force does it take to stop a propeller?
    A: About half a Newton.







    A cop pulls over Dr. Heisenberg and says, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
    Dr. Heisenberg responds, "NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am"


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Q: Let's say only you and dead people can read hex. If you teach your buddy how to read hex also, what do you all have in common?
    A: You are all deaf.


    [php]
    while (1)
    {
    you.GiveUp();
    you.LetDown();
    around.Run() && you.Desert();
    you.MakeCry();
    goodbye.Say();
    lie.Tell() && you.Hurt();
    }
    [/php]




    29A: The apartment number of the beast



    Q: Which James Bond characer is FIFO?
    A: Queue



    Q: How do filter designers get to see their favorite musicians up-close?
    A: Simple, they use bandpasses.


    Q: What do you call it when a whole bunch of chemical engineers change schools?
    A: Mass transfer.




    A bunch of scientists and engineers were rather drunk, and when one decided to yell out his favorite equation, "E = MC^2," others started to follow suit.
    "F = ma"
    "a^2 + b^2 = c^2"
    but when one engineer yelled out "F = c*(d/dt)(x1 - x0)" the crowd groaned and the yelling stopped. He later apologized to his friend, "Sorry I didn't mean to put a damper on things..."



    A Bainite chunk of steel was at the psychiatrist's and was relating his childhood to the good doctor. "Doctor, when I was younger, I am sure that I was Austinite!"
    "Don't worry," the shrink assured him, "it was just a phase you were going through."



    "Hey baby... what if I told you that I had time-dependent plasticity?"
    "CREEP!"


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