Adults living with their parents...

Galwayguy35 · 26-08-2012 4:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

In much of rural Ireland you now have children living on their parents land! Around here I can think of several families who have been given sites by their father and have built their own houses there, we live on my wife’s inheritance. This phenomenon is a one generation one time event courtesy of the celtic tiger.

Sure what's wrong with that?

They are hardly going to spend money buying a site if their parents have a bit of land to give them for a house.

26-08-2012 4:43pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Sure what's wrong with that?

They are hardly going to spend money buying a site if their parents have a bit of land to give them for a house.

Nothing at all, just an observation.

Abi · 26-08-2012 5:12pm

Grayson wrote: »

I read somewhere recently that as women get older their daughters become their best friends. They based this on the fact that middle aged/elderly women spend more time calling their daughters than anyone else.

Was it an American article?

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. Shes irrational, impatient, agest, racist, mean, insensitive, a user and a begrudger just to mention a few of her lovely traits. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

Daveysil15 · 26-08-2012 7:06pm

bnt wrote: »

Yet another AH thread that forgets that there are parts of the world that are not Ireland.

In Italy, roughly half of all adults are living with their parents. The stats come from 2010, but given the economic situation there, there's no reason to believe that the numbers are any lower this year. The cost of the limited property supply is the driver of this trend, not anything psychological.

So I little time for any of this "mammy's boys" talk. If it's economically viable to move out, you do. I know it happens, and even Hollywood has noticed (seen Failure to Launch?), but when we have an older "baby boom" generation that owns the existing property, and a property boom that prices young people out of the market, why is any of this surprising?

Yeah the "mammy's boys" phrase seems to be used a lot in Ireland, often in a derogatory way. A lot of people here have issues with men in particular living at home, as if you're dependent or unable to look after yourself. If your facts are right then an Italian stallion wouldn't fair well with a lot of the women here.

26-08-2012 7:14pm

Deleted User wrote: »

In much of rural Ireland you now have children living on their parents land! Around here I can think of several families who have been given sites by their father and have built their own houses there, we live on my wife’s inheritance. This phenomenon is a one generation one time event courtesy of the celtic tiger.

Its not really, my home house was built on our land 26 years ago i.e. my Dad got the site from my grandfather. There is about 3 or 4 neighbors who are all the same family and again all their houses are build on what would have been their parents lad and it was done 30+ years ago.

Thats only going half a mile from my house, I could give similar examples all over the place its very common down through the years to build a house on your own land.

gara · 26-08-2012 7:18pm

Abi wrote: »

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

I never buy that 'My Mom is my best friend' baloney either. Now whereas I love my Mum and have a lot of time for her and her for me, she's certainly not my best friend. Nor would I want her to be, she's my parent and personally I think that's how it should be

madacasgar · 26-08-2012 7:20pm

I am 32 years old and live with my elderly parents. They are not 100% but they are a lot better than most. The house is big enough and affords a reasonable amount of privacy so we can operate separately. It really doesn't impress the ladies though and my parents go through stages of telling me I'd be better off on my own with my own family but I'd feel guilty leaving them.

christmas2012 · 26-08-2012 7:21pm

Why would you feel guilty?

madacasgar · 26-08-2012 7:23pm

because they would struggle without me for activities of daily living. could probably get someone in to do a few things like dinners and changing light bulbs.

Abi · 26-08-2012 8:52pm

gara wrote: »

I never buy that 'My Mom is my best friend' baloney either. Now whereas I love my Mum and have a lot of time for her and her for me, she's certainly not my best friend. Nor would I want her to be, she's my parent and personally I think that's how it should be

I would love my mother to be just that, a parent. A bit of sound advice and words of experience would be nice. What I have is a bully of mother is 'nice' to me when she wants something done for her. Other that, she'll insult me in every way possible, and is a hell of a lot to handle out in public. I'll refrain from calling her names, but I've several for her. If your parent parents rather than bullies, I envy you.

madacasgar wrote: »

because they would struggle without me for activities of daily living. could probably get someone in to do a few things like dinners and changing light bulbs.

You said they are elderly, wouldn't they qualify for meals on wheels? or do they need an actual carer?

gara · 26-08-2012 11:10pm

Abi wrote: »

I would love my mother to be just that, a parent. A bit of sound advice and words of experience would be nice. What I have is a bully of mother is 'nice' to me when she wants something done for her. Other that, she'll insult me in every way possible, and is a hell of a lot to handle out in public. I'll refrain from calling her names, but I've several for her. If your parent parents rather than bullies, I envy you.

I'm really sorry that your Mum is like that Abi, it's not something anyone should have to contend with. I think popular culture images of mother/daughter Disney relationships don't help either, as they tend to be incredibly detached from reality and can make people feel isolated about what they're dealing with.

It might help to think of it like this: Anyone can paint a picture but an artist is more likely to produce a masterpiece. Being a mother is the same -some are artists, others just paint pictures. Either way, there's always something unique and beautiful at the end

27-08-2012 2:40pm

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

Its not really, my home house was built on our land 26 years ago i.e. my Dad got the site from my grandfather. There is about 3 or 4 neighbors who are all the same family and again all their houses are build on what would have been their parents lad and it was done 30+ years ago.

Thats only going half a mile from my house, I could give similar examples all over the place its very common down through the years to build a house on your own land.

It's an "only in Ireland" phenomenon, in most places the eldest got the homeplace and all the others moved elsewhere. But yes I agree it's been happening since the 1960s but accelerated during the boom times.
The point being, how many of the current generation will have land to pass on to their children to build on? Most of the farmland around here that could be built on has been built on (the planners have "sterilised" the remainder), to stay in the area these children will need to stay with the parents.

27-08-2012 3:41pm

Deleted User wrote: »

It's an "only in Ireland" phenomenon, in most places the eldest got the homeplace and all the others moved elsewhere. But yes I agree it's been happening since the 1960s but accelerated during the boom times.
The point being, how many of the current generation will have land to pass on to their children to build on? Most of the farmland around here that could be built on has been built on (the planners have "sterilised" the remainder), to stay in the area these children will need to stay with the parents.

Depends on how heavily an area has been developed I suppose. We would have plenty of space of a few generations of houses on our land at home with out much access work, probably some road improvements would be required but that would be the only thing really. Even around the area its mostly the land along the main road that's been build on and even already what people are doing is building their own roads through land to open up more places to build houses (mostly for their family as opposed to development of course in the current climate).

SuperInfinity · 27-08-2012 6:02pm

Deleted User wrote: »

In much of rural Ireland you now have children living on their parents land! Around here I can think of several families who have been given sites by their father and have built their own houses there, we live on my wife’s inheritance. This phenomenon is a one generation one time event courtesy of the celtic tiger.

What are you talking about??? This was always a common thing to do in all generations even back as far as under the feudal system, I don't know how you got that impression.

Kirby · 27-08-2012 6:26pm

Wow, this thread is some read. Some of you must have been abused as children or you are just being internet drama queens and exaggerating.

Either that or I think I'm one of the few people who actually like their parents. They are nice people. Yes, they have flaws that really annoy me sometimes but I'm sure I have plenty of flaws too. I'm not going to crucify them for it.

Don't get me wrong, I live at home because I have to. But if I didn't have to, I probably still would. Who else would have me?

I went golfing with my Dad yesterday and it was great. And me and my mother are very alike. They are retiring to Florida soon and when they are gone I will miss them.

phasers · 27-08-2012 6:39pm

Abi wrote: »

Was it an American article?

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. Shes irrational, impatient, agest, racist, mean, insensitive, a user and a begrudger just to mention a few of her lovely traits. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

My Mam is my best friend, we get on great together and I love spending time with her.

christmas2012 · 27-08-2012 6:43pm

Was it an American article?

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. Shes irrational, impatient, agest, racist, mean, insensitive, a user and a begrudger just to mention a few of her lovely traits. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

I know exactly where your coming from abi but at the same time you wouldnt change her at all,as she puts up with your sh!t too im sure,and like myself too not perfect,ive got me flaws too..

hattoncracker · 27-08-2012 6:57pm

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

I'd sooner live out of my car before I'd move back in with mammy & daddy.
They wouldn't be the easiest to get on with, have to know every detail of where you are, what you're doing, how just rang/ text the phone you own & pay for, stir frys or currys are "foreign" food so therefore shouldn't be trusted, having the odd glass of wine with dinner is a sure sign I'm a raging alcoholic, expensive clothes get discoloured & ruined because there's no point putting on a half load of their own clothes so they pick up a few of mine to get their money's worth out of the machine etc.
For my sanity it's better that we live in seperate houses that are not near each other.

You just described my mother.

later12 · 27-08-2012 7:03pm

I moved back in with my folks recently, I'm one of the children they get along well with so there's no problem. I do feel about 12 being 'called in for dinner', or hearing the old familiar knock on my bedroom door in the morning, but I can't say the move home has caused any tension. We all have our own jobs to be doing and keep ourselves to ourselves outside of meal times, so I'm sure that's part of the reason for the harmony too.

The only negative is when you want to have girls over, it's still very much "their house".

To that end OP, maybe you ought to try doing some work outside the house, like working on the garden or DIY outside the home; it will get you away from all of that hostility and maybe your Mum might understand the more salient positives of having you around.

hattoncracker · 27-08-2012 7:07pm

I could never move in with my mother again. She has to know where you're going, what you're doing, who you'll be with, etc. You have to eat her cooking, which is generally meat and potatoes. She loses the plot over stupid things, and is so paranoid she's convinced that if you won't/can't do something, it's because you're lazy, or if you break a plate it's done on purpose just to upset her. She will drag you out of the house by your hair to mass on a Saturday.

She drives me demented, and my sister is even worse. This is why I live on the opposite side of the country, and my visits are as infrequent as I can make them.

scamalert · 27-08-2012 7:20pm

some people speak here about building more houses while theres 200thousand empty houses and estates across Ireland rooting away empty :cool: there was a thread with a link few months back with pictures of housing estate with flats,nice back garden view into the river beside it,completely destroyed by druggies,looters and weather.point being developers rather let the houses burn down then sell them for what they did cost to build,and those who own houses will rent them out thus making money,So unless someone lives at home by choice i dont see how someone in their early twenties could afford to live on their own while affording all the bills,food,car,and decent place to live in to call home.

27-08-2012 7:30pm

phasers wrote: »

My Mam is my best friend, we get on great together and I love spending time with her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10jq35ctS-I

NegativeCreep · 27-08-2012 7:36pm

Can't wait to move out but have to get through 4 years of college yet

Then after that I'll have to get a job which might mean a move down to Cork (I want to work in pharmaceuticals) which could be even more torturous

It's not that my parents are over-bearing, it's just that they don't get on with each other. They are incapable of being civil and I'm sick of the arguments at this stage. The arguments always involve money (even though they have enough) and that get on my nerves constantly.
There's constant tension in the house and It's hard to live with!

SuperInfinity · 27-08-2012 7:49pm

Kirby wrote: »

Yes, they have flaws that really annoy me sometimes but I'm sure I have plenty of flaws too.

Just out of curiosity, what kind of flaws?

da_shivsta · 27-08-2012 7:56pm

I live at home with my Daddy.. I've just finished college there a couple months back and I don't see the point of renting at the moment. My boyfriend lives here too and Dad is only delighted to have us here doing up the house for him since he's in his 60's and getting tired & lazy.
If I were to get a job in the city then I'd move in a heartbeat, but tbh I'm happy here in my comfort zone for another while and am happy to come back and raise any children here too, that's what I plan to do.
My brother lives just down the road and is here a lot of the time; Of course they get on my tits at times but I know I annoy them and they don't really care, or so it seems. We manage to get enough space I think.
I see nothing wrong with it. This was my grandparents house; my Nana (who was widowed since a year after they had it built) did so much through the years to pay for it and keep it as a family home for cousins and all it would be an awful shame to let it go to ruin now. So we're doing it up and planning to stay.
Hopefully we will eventually get jobs around home even if we have to move to the city first for a while and work there.

Daveysil15 · 27-08-2012 8:38pm

I'm an adult... get me out of here!

Cee-Jay-Cee · 27-08-2012 8:38pm

I moved back in with my mum when I was 30 and stayed for 5yrs! I had only intended to move in for 6 months to a year to save for my own place but it was so easy living at home that I got stuck in a rut. I got on good with my mum although she did try to 'Mammy' me at times but she had her living room and I had mine so it worked well. I enentually decided it was time to go and bought my own place. I don't think I could move back in again.

seven_eleven · 27-08-2012 8:42pm

Abi wrote: »

Was it an American article?

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. Shes irrational, impatient, agest, racist, mean, insensitive, a user and a begrudger just to mention a few of her lovely traits. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

Im male and feel the same way. I was always jealous of my friends parents, who you could laugh with and have great craic with them. The pure thought of doing that with my mother and friends makes me cringe.

Muckit · 29-08-2012 9:23pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bBe7EwydgA&feature=BFa&list=PL4831F9F9DF8BC1FC

Chloris · 03-09-2012 10:34pm

jimthemental wrote: »

I couldn't live with them again, christ sure the last time I was watching United play on the telly at home I drank 2 or 3 bottles of Miller and the oul fella started giving out about how much I drink. Said I had a problem and all.

I also f*cking hate this. I'd have a glass of wine with dinner and my mother nearly phones the hospital to have my stomach pumped. It actually makes me want to go out and come home after six pints to show her what drunk ACTUALLY means.

So then I do, but just go to bed when I get home, because I love her really and wouldn't want her to see me in that state. :P

On another note: found a house! Moving in on Wednesday. OH MY GOD I can't wait to have loads of loud sex and cook food all the time and drink tonnes and have somewhere to get my frickin' work done!!! This is the best week ever.

Adults living with their parents...

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