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No social skills whatsoever!

  • 05-04-2008 8:22am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've seen these threads in the past but just wanted to add my own and look for advice

    I've no social skills whatsoever.
    Yesterday a girl I was good friends with (nothing romantic, just a good friend) left work to go travelling everyone was going to the pub for a few drinks.
    I was asked several times was I going and I said I was but chickened out and walked home.
    The thought of standing in a pub trying to take in a group realy terrifies me.

    And if I ever do go, I'd be beating myself up as I can't think of smart and witty things to say. Just stand in the background and say little at all. Can't think of anything to say

    I've missed several going away parties, the work Christmas party and even a wedding over this. Eventually people won't ever ask me again.

    I can talk to someone pretty well one on one. And I organize the lotto syndicate in work and come up with very funny emails on my own,
    But put me in a group and I just sit back and say nothing.

    Any advice, this is holding me back big time.


Comments

  • #2
    colly10
    Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭colly10


    If you can talk to people comfortably 1 on 1 then you don't really have a problem, if people had no time for you then they wouldn't invite you to things. Ye don't have to be the witty one in the crowd, just relax and be yourself, when ye go out and get talking to people 1 on 1 or in smaller crowds later in the night. Just because you can't see what other people like in you doesn't mean that they don't see something in you.
    You have friends, if you never contributed anything to any conversation and they don't find you interesting then they wouldn't be your friends, you probably have positives you just don't see.
    Don't avoid nights out, they usually turn out better than you imagine they will, ye don't have to be a clown for people to like ye. It helps as well if ye don't care so much what other people think


  • #3
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    TBH i can empathise with that situiation. Large crowds are or were not my scene.
    I opeferred one on ones. But I realised it was up to me to overcome the situation and juts made sure i went to them. In the end it is the only way of overcomeing the natural reticence.

    it is a matyter of ahving the gumption to say, ok well i am expecting nothing, but will show up, soak up the atmosphere and will talk to somene.in a group, you dont have to be the sole contubitor, and being a good listener can be as rewarding.


  • #4
    fasty
    Registered Users Posts: 981 ✭✭✭fasty


    You don't lack social skills, a lot of people feel anxious around large groups or in new situations, some more than others.

    It freaks me out too, sometimes, but you just have to relax and be yourself. Don't care what people think, if you're not a dickhead, no one will care.

    Do you have any friends you can talk to about this? Or have you thought about getting counselling?


  • #5
    Balmed Out
    Registered Users Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭Balmed Out


    just relax and dont feel like you need to be impressing anybody.


  • #6
    eamon234
    Registered Users Posts: 1,924 ✭✭✭eamon234


    I think half the battle is to just get into the situation - once you're actually in the pub you'll find it a lot easier - if you find it hard to get yourself in there on your own (I really hate going into a pub on my own to this day) go with someone you like meet them before hand somewhere else and have a drink or two to relax - come on at the end of the day what's the worst that could happen? You don't have to impress anyone - you obviously get on well with most of your co-workers already otherwise they wouldn't be asking you in the first place. These people already like you! A night out at a pub isn't about putting on a performance it's about relaxing and having a bit of fun with your friends. You've just got to take the leap and get in there. Trust me I was a lot like you when I was younger and one day I just made the decision to get out there even went as far as joining a band and playing gigs! I find myself a bit of a social misfit sometimes because I'm pretty shy and quiet if you don't know me plus I don't really have a lot of the same interests as my peers (sport in particular) so I really find it hard to make smalltalk with someone unless we're talking about something I'm interested in. I still feel really uncomfortable in a new group but sometimes you just have to for example if you start a new job or have to do a course but I still do it and a lot of the time I find I get on really well with most people.


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