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is marriage pointless these days?

  • 05-10-2007 4:23pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25 queenlex


    Does anyone else wonder about the point of marriage these days? With polls recently saying that in 80% of relatonships at least one person cheats/ has cheated is there any point as its less hassle to just break up with the boyfriend/girlfriend?


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    It's never pointless to declare your devotion and love for someone publicly.
    However, people just don't live up to expectations any more.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,386 ✭✭✭EKRIUQ


    We'll that's what your Da said but YORE MA!!! wanted to be married before having you


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,232 ✭✭✭Elessar


    Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

    I cant help but snigger when I hear one of my co-workers calling his fiance every f*cking hour cos they're just so much in love. Wait until your 40 mate, you'll hardly have a conversation with your wife, if you're still married that is, which you wont be after one of you cheats or falls "out of love" with the other and everything becomes routine. The you loose the house, your car, your money and your life.

    Oh the naive.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭Orange69


    Imo marriage is pretty much pointless*...

    If people are happy together then it wont change anything and its not like someone who decides they want out will hang in there just because they are married.. I have seen the aftermath of a couple of divorces and its pretty scary how ****ed up people get in the cross fire (especially dudes)... Seems worse than a regular breakup...

    Plus there is the cost of the whole thing!!


    *nothing got to do with the fact that im single.. ahem..


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    It's a tough one....and something I'll be going into very slowly...IF I do at all.


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  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    biko wrote:
    It's never pointless to declare your devotion and love for someone publicly.
    However, people just don't live up to expectations any more.


    Or do you think that people's expectations can be too high? In this society of instant gratification do you think that sometimes people quit because they're not prepared to put in the work? Its hardly the romantic ideal but sometimes relationships do take work.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,033 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    bronte wrote:
    IF I do at all.

    I hope rig doesn't see this. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    Oh lord..Rig!! :eek:
    Maple has a good point...maybe people do expect marriage to automatically be a safe haven, when the truth is you have to work hard at it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 338 ✭✭doubtfir3


    I'd be the same.. I don't know if I would ever get married.. or even seriously consider it.. I used to think of things in terms of marriage, kids, etc but have changed my thoughts on this over the past number of years.

    I see people married, who are now in their 50s or 60s and no way are they suited.. they seem to stay together almost because there's a perception that there's nothing else to do..

    I see people all around me, friends, family and colleagues who are married and are breaking up, in the process of it, thinking about it or cheating.

    Still more who are getting into relationships with marriage as the ultimate goal - again in a situation where you can see so much heartache down the road and an inevitable breakup..

    Maybe I'm just being cynical but I definately think that I'll have to consider it very carefully if I do decide to go down that route... I'm not saying that I don't want to be in a long-term and committed relationship full of love, lust and all that goes with it but I am of the opinion that marriage is a step I may never take.

    My 2c..


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,212 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Methinks the 80% cheating poll cited is bull! I'll bet the sample they polled was biased in some ways. Probably from some magazine survey with a narrowly defined audience, or some special interest group? Plus, I would bet that their research methodology and analysis may be problematic, too.

    In any case, marriage is not pointless for couples who truly love one another. Further, it is not pointless for their children in many ways. Sure, there may be close relationships that have dependent children that work, but I have always wondered why they don't tie the knot?

    There are also other practical reasons that benefit couples and their dependent children from both legal, inheritance, and employment benefits standpoints.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭Orange69


    Elessar wrote:
    Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

    I wouldn't say its financial suicide in itself, but if it leads to a jumbo mortgage and kids then your ****ed... Especially in Irish society..


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭bullpost


    An interesting angle to the OP's question is that a section of society that has all the perceived advantages of relationships without the hassle of marriage i.e. gay couples, are pushing to be able to marry!


  • Registered Users Posts: 23,953 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    So, what do unmarried parents call their kids? (talking surnames here, not bast*rds)


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,563 ✭✭✭connundrum


    If yore a lesbian, yes.

    If marriage actually means something to you then it isn't pointless. In the same way that many people feel that religion in general is pointless... try telling that to my Gran who goes to mass 7 times a week.

    People who try to force the opinion that marriage is pointless are at nothing. If marriage isn't for you then so be it. If people want to get married then leave them be, don't try to shove the 'its only a bit of paper' argument down their throat.

    I agree that a lot of people don't get the point of marriage, and therefore get married for the wrong reasons, which in turn will usually lead to a marriage breakdown. I reckon that too much attention is being paid to the wedding day, rather than the marriage itself. Once this imbalance is addressed, things should start to get better for the idea of marriage.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭Drift


    maple wrote:
    Or do you think that people's expectations can be too high? In this society of instant gratification do you think that sometimes people quit because they're not prepared to put in the work? Its hardly the romantic ideal but sometimes relationships do take work.

    Very good post maple. I think this is the key. A lot of people think dating, going out etc are lots of work. Then more hard work deciding if the person is right, getting engaged organising a wedding. BUT then after the wedding day its happily ever after in the perfect life. I'm not married but I know a marriage takes work and effort. I hope and believe that the rewards in terms of having someone who loves you to share your life with are well worth the hard work.

    Throwaway Culture FTW :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users Posts: 761 ✭✭✭grahamo


    queenlex wrote:
    Does anyone else wonder about the point of marriage these days? With polls recently saying that in 80% of relatonships at least one person cheats/ has cheated is there any point as its less hassle to just break up with the boyfriend/girlfriend?


    That is total Bull. That survey must have been done in a swingers club.:rolleyes: I'm married, have never cheated and most people I know won't cheat on their wives/ husbands. I know a lot of people who are happy being married, especially when a family comes along.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 149 ✭✭ryanairzer


    grahamo wrote:
    That is total Bull. That survey must have been done in a swingers club.:rolleyes: I'm married, have never cheated and most people I know won't cheat on their wives/ husbands. I know a lot of people who are happy being married, especially when a family comes along.

    Your wife probably has. At least I think it was her.


  • Registered Users Posts: 761 ✭✭✭grahamo


    ryanairzer wrote:
    Your wife probably has. At least I think it was her.
    :D


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    connundrum wrote:
    If yore a lesbian, yes.

    If marriage actually means something to you then it isn't pointless. In the same way that many people feel that religion in general is pointless... try telling that to my Gran who goes to mass 7 times a week.

    People who try to force the opinion that marriage is pointless are at nothing. If marriage isn't for you then so be it. If people want to get married then leave them be, don't try to shove the 'its only a bit of paper' argument down their throat.

    I agree that a lot of people don't get the point of marriage, and therefore get married for the wrong reasons, which in turn will usually lead to a marriage breakdown. I reckon that too much attention is being paid to the wedding day, rather than the marriage itself. Once this imbalance is addressed, things should start to get better for the idea of marriage.
    I agree. Marriage is about sharing with someone for the rest of your life through the good times and bad times, it is about choosing your own family. There is too much emphasis on the day itself. Don't get me wrong it was a nice day but being married is wonderful.


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    A friend of mine got married today.

    I'll ask him if he thinks it's pointless at the reception later.
    Then I'll try to score with his wife.


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  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,033 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Terry wrote:
    Then I'll try to score with his wife.

    Also at the reception I presume?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 149 ✭✭ryanairzer


    Terry wrote:
    A friend of mine got married today.

    I'll ask him if he thinks it's pointless at the reception later.
    Then I'll try to score with his wife.

    Why don't you RAPE her while you're at it? :mad:


  • Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭North&South


    It's true, marriage can be really hard work - but once you finally have the hang of the rules.... like always thinking things through from your partners perspective, treating them with as much respect as you would want to be treated with in return, not taking them for granted, and not treating them as though they don't matter, then that is half the battle won.

    Then along come children, mortgages, bills, work & work stress, friends (sometimes can be damaging by just eating into your time) and everything else that fills your life. And if you don't remember to keep your partner at the number one spot, it can all be so easy to walk away from. Well, it's not easy actually, but at the time it just seems like too much hard work keeping the marriage intact.

    Hubby & I were facing a crossroads a few months back, but we've talked things through, made some VERY drastic decisions & some even more drastic changes & are on our way to Ireland, to start our new life together on the 15th! OK, we could have done things a bit easier, not been so drastic, but we both recognised that it would have possibly been a quick fix.
    We're prepared to work at staying together, after all, a marriage is just that... TWO people, not just one - and anyways, who will shift those spiders if he's not around anymore? :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Also at the reception I presume?
    Of course.
    ryanairzer wrote:
    Why don't you RAPE her while you're at it? :mad:

    That's not very nice.


  • Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭North&South


    ryanairzer wrote:
    Why don't you RAPE her while you're at it? :mad:
    I think you'll find that Terry was being sarcastic......

    You were, weren't you Terry??.................... Terry???? :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    I don't know what that means.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,344 ✭✭✭NUTLEY BOY


    Marriage is brilliant if you specialise in family law.:)


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    I hope rig doesn't see this. :D

    Nah she is right.

    Far too many fools get married.

    People just seem to get married and/or have kids because it's the done thing, rather than having a huge commitment to it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,799 ✭✭✭Tha Gopher


    Elessar wrote:
    Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

    .


    You call decent tax credits and having a second person paying the mortgage financial suicide? A bigger financial suicide is buying a one bedroom flat for 180,000 when you are 27, meeting a girl maybe 5 years down, decide to settle/start family/buy real house and then you have a poxy sale price on your flat because in 2012 nobody wants to live in an overpriced boxroom.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 149 ✭✭ryanairzer


    I think you'll find that Terry was being sarcastic......

    You were, weren't you Terry??.................... Terry???? :D

    Terry is never sarcastic:

    Me - "what are you doing, Terry?"
    Terry - "Preparing to rape you"
    Me - "Haha - **** get off me no no NOOOOO"
    Terry - "MHUAHAHAHAHAHA"


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