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19-11-2014, 19:21   #6811
Mr Tibbs
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One day Enda Kenny was being driven around by his chauffer in county Mayo, meeting and greeting all his old friends. Suddenly the driver swerved to avoid a pothole and killed a pig near a farm. Enda said to the driver, go up to the farmer and tell him what happened and offer my deepest apologies.
So off the driver went and after about two hours came back down the lane with the clothes ripped off him a big smile on his face and a cigar in his mouth. What happened said Enda. Well sir said the driver, I went up to the house and said. Hello I'm Enda Kenny's driver and I had to swerve to avoid a pothole in the road and I killed the pig. The wife gave me a big hot meal, the farmer gave me a Havana cigar and their 19 year old daughter dragged me into her bedroom ripped off my clothes and screwed the brains out of me
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19-11-2014, 20:02   #6812
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Little Johnnys Mum announces one night that she must go and see her Sister who is in the dumps and orders Johnnys Dad to cook tea for them both and then leaves for her Sisters..

Johnnys Dad isnt happy with the prospect of cooking and little Johnny is equally unhappy with Burnt Micro Chips for tea, so Dad asks what Johnny wants from the Chippy..

J: Oh, Cod n Chips Dad..
D: Ok son (and off he goes...)

At the chippy, Dad places the order to be told that they have no Cod left..

D: Ok.. Haddock then..
Assistant: Sorry sir.. we have no Fish left apart from this Scandinavian substitute fish called Bastard Haddock.. So called because it has no real parentage
D: Ok.. 2 Chips and 2 Bastard Haddock then.

He leaves with supper and returns home

J: Did you get it Dad?
D: Yes but they didnt have any Cod son... they only had this Bastard Haddock...

J: Oh, i love it when Mums away.... Pass the f**king Vinegar..
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