Background check for new male friend

pookie1234 · 06-09-2011 4:24pm #1

Just wondering how a male would react if they found out that a background check had been completed on them by a female whom they had asked out.

Would they be insulted? or would they assume that the female in question was just being cautious?

Appreciate any advice

RedXIV · 06-09-2011 4:26pm

What kinda background check?

Asking your mates? yup, thats grand.

Hiring a private detective? Bit strange alright

Dravokivich · 06-09-2011 4:26pm

I'd think it was weird. If you / someone felt they had to do that, it doesn't say much when it comes to trust either.

foxyboxer · 06-09-2011 4:28pm

It's a bit OTT in fairness. He asked her out, it's not as if he's applying for a job to be her boyfriend

Captain Havoc · 06-09-2011 4:28pm

If you're talking about a quick facebook check or asked someone if they knew him, that'd be grand but anything that takes effort is a bit much.

06-09-2011 4:29pm

What exactly do you mean by a background check?

I guess a lot of people get information about people they are starting to date from various sources - Facebook, common friends.

It's when a person goes to great lengths to check up on someone is when things get a little weird.

Keith in cork · 06-09-2011 4:32pm

Asking mates or checking your facebook etc is cool. But if she went to the bother of putting massive effort, i'd still go on the date, then in the middle of dinner jump on the floor and start having a massive fit.

This is sure to embarrass her. Then get up, smile and say "didn't say that in your bloody report". Walk out

paulmclaughlin · 06-09-2011 4:36pm

If you wanna know what brand of toilet roll I have at my house, all you have to do is ask!

Snowie · 06-09-2011 4:38pm

pookie1234 wrote: »

Just wondering how a male would react if they found out that a background check had been completed on them by a female whom they had asked out.

Would they be insulted? or would they assume that the female in question was just being cautious?

Appreciate any advice

Id ask do wanna do a spinal tap on me to :pac:

aujopimur · 06-09-2011 4:39pm

Did he look like Larry Murphy?

Roger Hassenforder · 06-09-2011 4:42pm

get shot of that one IMO. you're not starting the relationship on an equal footing, she knows more about you then she should, and will she always be checking up on you if it develops into a proper relationship?

06-09-2011 4:43pm

If I discovered someone had done a background check on me, I'd just walk away from them. Only if it wasn't done by asking friends/checking Facebook I mean.

scholar007 · 06-09-2011 4:44pm

pookie1234 wrote: »

Just wondering how a male would react if they found out that a background check had been completed on them by a female whom they had asked out.

Would they be insulted? or would they assume that the female in question was just being cautious?

Appreciate any advice

I thought the only ones who could carry out background checks are members of AGS and then only with good reason. I understand that any member doing it just for a good ol nose around would be in the sh1t if found out?

seenitall · 06-09-2011 4:46pm

Depends on where she met you. If she met you in some kind of social context (e.g. in a pub, through friends) where there are people connected to both of you around, then it would be a bit OTT to go checking your criminal record; she can learn quite a lot by observing you with others and chatting to friends.

But when people meet in situations where there is absolutely no social context around them (e.g. online), everyone can be whatever they want to be: a married guy can "become" single, a certifiable psycho can be a charmer, a convincted criminal can be pure as driven snow. There is rarely anything substantial to go on except for what they are saying - so not much, really.

Maybe the girl has been burnt in the past by trusting someone she shouldn't have, OP? Or she simply has some trust issues that don't bode well. If you like her, give it a bit of time to find out which it is?

pookie1234 · 06-09-2011 5:00pm

pookie1234 wrote: »

Just wondering how a male would react if they found out that a background check had been completed on them by a female whom they had asked out.

Would they be insulted? or would they assume that the female in question was just being cautious?

Appreciate any advice

My friend has tried all the usual routes, Facebook, asking others etc but this guy is one of the boys in blue and anyone my friend has asked has been tight lipped about any info. Plus he's not from her local area, he transferred from another area.

darklighter · 06-09-2011 5:13pm

Nothing wrong with doing abit of research as others have said but if your not getting any success with that, you'd have to hire a private detective.

Which is way OTT in my opinion. I'd run a mile if she went that far to check up on me

py2006 · 06-09-2011 6:48pm

I'd personally run a mile from anyone woman that goes beyond the asking friends etc.

If she even says to me I am going to check you up first before going out with you then its a fúck off and get over yourself!

CIARAN_BOYLE · 06-09-2011 10:15pm

I wouldn't have a problem if a women did some kind of casual backround check. Ask mates, facebook, search my name on google.

On the other hand if she hired a PI or something crazy I wouldn't feel comfortable going out with her.

LeeHoffmann · 07-09-2011 10:10am

I'm surprised by how many people think a bit of facebook snooping is ok. I'd find that a bit freaky too tbh. Asking fiends - maybe ok, facebook is a bit weird, anything further = Psycho killer....qu'est-ce que c'est...run run run run run run run away

seamus · 07-09-2011 10:38am

As others have said, asking around, etc, fine.

Anything more than that and you have a bit of a loony on your hands. Most likely she will be excessively cautious and nervous about absolutely everything and therefore probably not a whole pile of fun and constantly jealous and needy.

Run a mile.

MitchKoobski · 07-09-2011 10:54am

Facebook or "Hey do you know MitchKoobski?" is fine.

Anything beyond that is getting weird.

OS119 · 07-09-2011 12:44pm

pookie1234 wrote: »

My friend has tried all the usual routes, Facebook, asking others etc but this guy is one of the boys in blue and anyone my friend has asked has been tight lipped about any info. Plus he's not from her local area, he transferred from another area.

sorry OP, but is your 'friend' as dumb as a bag of hair?

do you actually think it could be a clever idea to start rooting around into the background of a policeman who's friends are tight-lipped?

A) he's a policeman - what does your 'friend' expect to find? a rape conviction?

perhaps his friends are tight lipped for a reason - is it possible for instance that he's from the Special Branch or the ERU, and that having some moron start asking personal questions about him is likely to see that moron having an uncomfortable interview under Section 9 (1) of the Offences Against the State Act 1939 or Section 8 (1) of the Offences Against the State (Amendment) Act 1998.

your idiot 'friend' may think she's being harmless, and she may be - she is without doubt though, as thick as a Whale omlette for not considering the possible implications of her actions.

actuallylike · 07-09-2011 12:53pm

OS119 wrote: »

sorry OP, but is your 'friend' as dumb as a bag of hair?

do you actually think it could be a clever idea to start rooting around into the background of a policeman who's friends are tight-lipped?

A) he's a policeman - what does your 'friend' expect to find? a rape conviction?

perhaps his friends are tight lipped for a reason - is it possible for instance that he's from the Special Branch or the ERU, and that having some moron start asking personal questions about him is likely to see that moron having an uncomfortable interview under Section 9 (1) of the Offences Against the State Act 1939 or Section 8 (1) of the Offences Against the State (Amendment) Act 1998.

your idiot 'friend' may think she's being harmless, and she may be - she is withot doubt though, as thick as whale omlette for not considering the possible implications of her actions.

Bit harsh?

I personally wouldn't necessarily run a mile. The lack of trust I can understand, at the end of the day they don't know me. I wouldn't be too happy about it and I wouldn't do it myself but if it's just the once off at the start and then the trust issue can start from there then I'd probably get over it.

Malari · 07-09-2011 12:58pm

The asking around of friends I can understand, but to be honest the fact that they are tight-lipped, (when being asked about his personality I presume) would tell me more. If someone asked me what I thought of a person I disliked, I wouldn't be too forthcoming with bad stories, but I wouldn't be heaping praise on him either.

seamus · 07-09-2011 1:19pm

Missed the post about it being a Garda. That's a game changer.

Gardai are typically restrictive with their information - remember that if you were able to find this information, then Anto Scrotebag who saw him in court could equally find this information.

You'll find that many Gardai typical don't wear anything identifying - wedding rings, tattoos, etc etc. They want to appear as anonymous as possible to the scum on the street, because their friends and family could become targets for a disgruntled scrote.

Their friends too will be typically tight-lipped because no matter who you are, they have no idea if you're on some drug dealer's payroll and are skulking around trying to get information on him.

I would tell your friend to forget about trying to search out the guy's background. If she tries too hard, it will get back to her new boyfriend who will just drop her for messing around.

OS119 · 07-09-2011 1:24pm

actuallylike wrote: »

Bit harsh?

not really.

if she doesn't understand why a Gardai isn't wildy forthcoming with personal information to someone they've just met, or why that Gardai's friends act in the same way, then i'd question whether she should be allowed near sharp objects, roads, or shoelaces.

iMax · 07-09-2011 1:25pm

If I was this guy & I found out she was asking questions, I'd get a couple of plain clothes Garda mates to turn over her house, pick her up & bring her in for questioning for six hours, mention "prevention of terrorism", "Official Secrets" etc, then when she was just broken down, waltz into the room with a bunch of red roses. That's impress her. Somebody would be gettin some that night... Oh yes.

Sonics2k · 07-09-2011 1:31pm

Garda or not.

It's still pretty weird to get a P.I. to do a background check on someone you're interested in a relationship in.

I've known girls to check me out on FB and talk to me friends, and that's all fine and good. But I'd run like hell if they wanted a P.I. to dig everything up on me.

Gandalph · 07-09-2011 1:52pm

Last time I got a background check on a girl by a private investigator he ended up falling in love with her and told me lies about her so he could try sly it in with her.

Needless to say I didnt trust a 3rd parties opinion and competed for her love against a crippled pizza boy, a stud football player & my psyco best mate.

Made an interesting story if I do say so myself, they should make a movie out of it.

Logical Fallacy · 07-09-2011 2:41pm

I'm going to be honest and say if i found out some girl liked me and had a background check done by a PI i would assume she had some kind of serious trust issue that i would never be able to surmount...so i would have no interest in her.

Malari · 07-09-2011 2:48pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Garda or not.

It's still pretty weird to get a P.I. to do a background check on someone you're interested in a relationship in.

I've known girls to check me out on FB and talk to me friends, and that's all fine and good. But I'd run like hell if they wanted a P.I. to dig everything up on me.

Yep, and I also wouldn't trust anyone but myself as a judge of character for someone I might want to get into a relationship with.

Background check for new male friend

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