[DuPLeX]

Originally Posted by cloptrop

I think what you mean is use metaphors dude.

No that is not what I mean dude .
I mean Write a song which seems to be about one thing but is really about something else,

[cloptrop]

Originally Posted by DuPLeX

No that is not what I mean dude .
I mean Write a song which seems to be about one thing but is really about something else,

Yeah I get you man but it is just a huge metaphor rather than a one line metaphor. Like Mr tambourine man really being about drugs or touch my bum by the cheeky girls really being about 2 girls who have a homeless man locked up in a cellar and charge people to come and touch him up . Its a good point sorry if I sounded a bit smart.

[DuPLeX]

Originally Posted by cloptrop

Yeah I get you man but it is just a huge metaphor rather than a one line metaphor. Like Mr tambourine man really being about drugs or touch my bum by the cheeky girls really being about 2 girls who have a homeless man locked up in a cellar and charge people to come and touch him up . Its a good point sorry if I sounded a bit smart.

thats "kinda" it and Kinda not . but it is definitely not Metaphor, its more like a secret code that only you really know, but makes for a more interesting use of language and more obtuse lyric . listen to into my arms by nick cave ,and tell me what its about .

[cloptrop]

Off the lyrics with little knowledge of Nick Caves work Id say he wrote a song about going out with a somewhat religious girl and he doesnt want to change her. But you could throw anything in there , could be about his dog , a group of people , a bottle of rum , the church , the army .

Fits well for a funeral song but I think that happened afterwards it wasnt his original intention he just made it vague enough to not mean anything and everything .

[CheezePleeze]

Originally Posted by oceanmachine

I always have the same problem with getting one verse, one chorus, getting bored and then leaving a song.

We sat together at one summer’s end,
That beautiful mild woman, your close friend,
And you and I, and talked of poetry.
I said, ‘A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment’s thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught.
Better go down upon your marrow-bones
And scrub a kitchen pavement, or break stones
Like an old pauper, in all kinds of weather;
For to articulate sweet sounds together
Is to work harder than all these, and yet
Be thought an idler by the noisy set
Of bankers, schoolmasters, and clergymen
The martyrs call the world.’

Yeats wrote that a century ago, so the problem isn't new...

[Anorak Basement]

Have a read of this, about Bob Dylan writing lyrics with John Lennon and Paul McCartney...

http://expectingrain.com/dok/int/pneumonia.html

[Chazz Michael Michaels]

New one:


Candle lit the people dance
Unnamed mischief makers
Inside I feel cold

Nothing satisfies the need
Swallow every heartbeat
Trembling like a river stone

You said ‘I’ll wait’
Where people yearn an early grave
Until the embers die away
And when we return
It’ll be like we never learned
The beauty of each other’s love

High-pitched whispers drawing near
Delirium pulsating
Inside I feel warm

Your iris blinding in the light
Shades of surrealist bloom
Memories persist

You said ‘I’ll wait’
Where people yearn an early grave
Until the embers die away
And when we return
It’ll be like we never learned
The beauty of each other’s love

Please don’t promise that you’ll adore me
Save your questions for my grave
Where orchids line every pulpit
Your eyes are a City of Light
Your eyes disarm me
Your eyes are a City of Light
Your eyes

[9959]

Some nice imagery there, but without rhymes (not obligatory, but you'll find most good songs have them) your 'song' could well be mistaken for angst-ridden poetry. Nothing wrong with being a poet by the way. I like the line 'shades of surrealist bloom', though I haven't a clue what it means. The best of luck with your future work. Keep trying, you just might crack it!