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Does going to The Boilerhouse make me weird?

  • 02-10-2015 3:05pm
    #1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 137 ✭✭


    I've gone a few times and I always feel like I've done something I should be ashamed of. I'm also scared of catching something but am always very careful.
    I just don't think I fit in with the gay scene at all. I like older mature men but can never seem to find them and in the boiler house they're a little too Pervy at times.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,681 ✭✭✭Fleawuss


    Keep away from boilers. The fumes are terrible and you need to be trained to service them. The modern ones always let you down but the mature ones are very windy and uneconomical. I think it's time for another rosary and maybe sell a few "adopted" children. Boiler. Boiler.


  • Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators Posts: 24,924 Mod ✭✭✭✭BuffyBot


    Bebopclown wrote: »
    I've gone a few times and I always feel like I've done something I should be ashamed of. I'm also scared of catching something but am always very careful.
    I just don't think I fit in with the gay scene at all. I like older mature men but can never seem to find them and in the boiler house they're a little too Pervy at times.

    Ashamed, why?

    Your sex life and preferences are yours alone. If its something you enjoy, enjoy it.

    Fear of "catching something" is something any sexually active person must come to terms with. It's easy to get paranoid but if you are taking precautions and minimising your risks you probably are over thinking it.

    Let's face it, saunas/sex clubs are rarely the bedrock of anything other than random sex. People go there to get off, so there is bound to be a more sleazier tint to proceedings. If you aren't down with that, you need to re-evaluate your reasons for going.


  • Registered Users Posts: 40,537 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    SilverDaddies is a popular dating site if you are looking for older friends and dates, most are very approachable there.


  • Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Bebopclown wrote: »
    I've gone a few times and I always feel like I've done something I should be ashamed of. I'm also scared of catching something but am always very careful.
    I just don't think I fit in with the gay scene at all. I like older mature men but can never seem to find them and in the boiler house they're a little too Pervy at times.

    Why do you feel ashamed ?
    You went to the BH because you were horny and wanted sex and by the sounds of it ,you got "sex".
    Many people frown upon those who go to the BH but have no problem "hooking up" with someone they met in a bar or Grindr. Hypocritical much !
    Many a straight guy goes out on a fri/sat night with their friends for a few drinks and hopes to "get lucky" with some girl, so.....
    Saying you don't fit in with the gay scene is a bit of an odd thing to say. Gay people come in all shapes and sizes, young and old.
    Saying those in the BH are a little "pervy" is a bit odd as well, The "pervy" guys are in the BH for the same reason YOU are, to have sex.
    Does that make you pervy as well?

    As long as you play safe and don't do anything you don't want to do when it comes to sex, then you should be ok.
    Sex is a natural urge , enjoy it, have fun play safe


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  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    Bebopclown wrote: »
    I've gone a few times and I always feel like I've done something I should be ashamed of. I'm also scared of catching something but am always very careful.
    I just don't think I fit in with the gay scene at all. I like older mature men but can never seem to find them and in the boiler house they're a little too Pervy at times.

    There is no 100% way of avoiding SDT's. Get yourself a partner, its the safest way of avoiding unintended diseases. If you have multiple sexual encounters you will pickup something sooner or later.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    There is no 100% way of avoiding SDT's. Get yourself a partner, its the safest way of avoiding unintended diseases. If you have multiple sexual encounters you will pickup something sooner or later.

    Nothing wrong with enjoying yourself when you take precautions.


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    J_E wrote: »
    Nothing wrong with enjoying yourself when you take precautions.

    There are no precautions that will protect you 100%. Get a partner or face the risk of living the rest of your life with an STD.

    Just look at the statistics.. Dont become one.


  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    There are no precautions that will protect you 100%. Get a partner or face the risk of living the rest of your life with an STD.

    Just look at the statistics.. Dont become one.

    The statistics don't support your very 1980s view


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    L1011 wrote: »
    The statistics don't support your very 1980s view

    During 2013, a total of 12,753 cases of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) were reported. The most frequently reported STIs were Chlamydia trachomatis infection (n=6,262), ano-genital warts (n=2,133), gonorrhoea (n=1,294) and herpes simplex (genital) (n=1,136; table 1). The burden of STIs is greatest among those aged less than 25 years and among men who have sex with men (MSM).
    Table 1 Number, crude incidence rate (CIR) per 100,000 & median age of STIs, 2013
    STI
    Number
    CIR
    Median Age (range)
    Chlamydia Gonorrhoea Herpes simplex
    Syphilis (early infectious)
    LGV
    Total
    6,262 136.5 1,294 28.2 1,136 24.8 172 3.7
    5 0.1
    12,753 277.9
    25 yrs. (14 -81 yrs.)*
    26 yrs. (15 - 79 yrs.)*
    29 yrs. (14-75 yrs.)
    33 yrs. (19-73 yrs.)
    31 yrs. (27 -44 yrs.)
    -
    Ano-genital warts
    2,133
    46.5
    NA
    Non-specific urethritis
    1,272
    27.7
    NA
    Syphilis (all cases)
    576
    12.6
    36 yrs. (19-83 yrs.)
    Trichomoniasis
    75
    1.6
    33 yrs. (16-52 yrs.)
    *Excludes those <14 years; **Excludes those <15 years; NA: case-based data were not collected


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  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    That still doesn't back up your viewpoint.

    There is a huge difference between finding raw figures and understanding them


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    L1011 wrote: »
    That still doesn't back up your viewpoint.

    There is a huge difference between finding raw figures and understanding them

    You STILL don't get that having anonymous sex in places like the boiler house is a risk? I heard it all the time.. BUT I USED A CONDOM??? How could I get Hepatitis? FYI, condoms don't stop Hepatitis. Or when a strain of HPV causes problems?

    Yes my view is very 80's . So get a faithful partner who won't infect you.


  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    You STILL don't get that having anonymous sex in places like the boiler house is a risk? I heard it all the time.. BUT I USED A CONDOM??? How could I get Hepatitis? FYI, condoms don't stop Hepatitis. Or when a strain of HPV causes problems?

    Yes my view is very 80's . So get a faithful partner who won't infect you.

    Where did I say any of that?

    All I said is that your idea that protected sex is inevitably going to lead to a "lifetime" std is dated and not backed by the statistics you claim it is.

    Your understanding of STIs is particularly bad in the first place it seems. Sensible precautions would include Hep A and B vaccines. Common Hep C transmission routes don't include protected sex.

    You need to update your knowledge. Misinformation and hysteria are unhelpful and harmful


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    L1011 wrote: »
    Where did I say any of that?

    All I said is that your idea that protected sex is inevitably going to lead to a "lifetime" std is dated and not backed by the statistics you claim it is.

    Your understanding of STIs is particularly bad in the first place it seems. Sensible precautions would include Hep A and B vaccines. Common Hep C transmission routes don't include protected sex.

    You need to update your knowledge. Misinformation and hysteria are unhelpful and harmful

    And its precisely that point of view that catches so many gay men out.


  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    And its precisely that point of view that catches so many gay men out.

    In your dated and not information backed opinion only


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    L1011 wrote: »
    In your dated and not information backed opinion only

    Ok.. Since you know it all. Take Genital warts. Can they be cured.. No, Treated yes, cured no. 3000 cases in Ireland.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 21,925 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    martinjudge73 I am trying to make sense of your data set but honestly I'm not going to attempt further decryption so unless you want to paste it in a more useful format I'm not going to spend anymore time on it but what I will say is that both the incidence rate and the incidence proportion are extremely low.

    STIs are a risk of casual sex, this risk cannot be completely eliminated but can be greatly minimized by exercising precautions. Most people who have casual encounters with strangers are fine, a very small proportion will contract an STI, of those some will be severe and some will not be. It's simple maths. While your overall viewpoint of monogamy = safe sexual health is inherently true it simply doesn't represent a large part of the population, particularly younger people. People do not want to be tied down at a young age, this applies to heterosexuals and the LGBT community (though STIs do disproportionately affect the gay/bi community).

    In my own experience, I simply do not wish to be in a relationship right now. I've been burned in the past and I have neither the time nor inclination to put the effort into a relationship, but I am still human and have needs - NSA casual encounters facilitate this and I have had no issue because I am careful and get tested regularly.

    None of this helps the op however, and he did not suggest he was looking for a relationship but merely asking for general opinions on his current situation.

    Op, based on your previous posts I'd be inclined to think that this possibly part of a larger issue for you and that you would might benefit from talking to someone professionally.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,379 ✭✭✭newacc2015


    You STILL don't get that having anonymous sex in places like the boiler house is a risk? I heard it all the time.. BUT I USED A CONDOM??? How could I get Hepatitis? FYI, condoms don't stop Hepatitis. Or when a strain of HPV causes problems?

    Yes my view is very 80's . So get a faithful partner who won't infect you.

    All gay men are offered a vaccine for Hep A & B now. So thats not really an issue in 2015. Nearly everyone has HPV and over their lifetime will probably catch HPV. You can catch it from a single person.

    Do you know 2/3 of men who catch HIV got it from their regular partner? You are statistically more like you catch HIV from a partner, who has been unfaithful than a random guy at a club. As you will probably use a condom with a guy from the club. But not with your partner. So your point about finding a "partner" to stop catching an STI is pretty weak.


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    newacc2015 wrote: »
    All gay men are offered a vaccine for Hep A & B now. So thats not really an issue in 2015. Nearly everyone has HPV and over their lifetime will probably catch HPV. You can catch it from a single person.

    Do you know 2/3 of men who catch HIV got it from their regular partner? You are statistically more like you catch HIV from a partner, who has been unfaithful than a random guy at a club. As you will probably use a condom with a guy from the club. But not with your partner. So your point about finding a "partner" to stop catching an STI is pretty weak.

    Ok.. Sorry I take back some of my arguments. Its a broader argument than just gay men.

    The risk factors are:-

    • Aged <25 years
    • More than 2 sexual partners in the previous year
    • A previous STI
    • No/infrequent/inconsistent condom use
    • Living in an area of high STI prevalence (generally, urban areas)
    Visiting an area of high STI prevalence (e.g. engaging in unprotected sex in certain overseas countries)
    • Men who have sex with other men
    • Certain minority ethnic groups
    • Those who buy or sell sex
    • The sexual partners of all of the above


    As it happens Gay men (which lets say 10% of the population..) Don't match up 10% of the people with infections. Or let us say they are 15%.. Still not 15% of the people infected with STD's. They are one of the most at risk groups of getting a STD.

    So if you are straight or gay and fall into the above categories then you have higher risk.

    The boilerhouse its without a shadow of a doubt a high risk location if you are having sex there.


  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    You do not understand statistics. Please stop trying to extrapolate data that isn't there to fuel your hysteria.

    I'd also suggest you research the incredibly poor results of abstinence based sexual education vs. actually explaining the facts. You are inexplicably gunning for the former


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,379 ✭✭✭newacc2015


    Ok.. Sorry I take back some of my arguments. Its a broader argument than just gay men.

    The risk factors are:-

    • Aged <25 years
    • More than 2 sexual partners in the previous year
    • A previous STI
    • No/infrequent/inconsistent condom use
    • Living in an area of high STI prevalence (generally, urban areas)
    Visiting an area of high STI prevalence (e.g. engaging in unprotected sex in certain overseas countries)
    • Men who have sex with other men
    • Certain minority ethnic groups
    • Those who buy or sell sex
    • The sexual partners of all of the above


    As it happens Gay men (which lets say 10% of the population..) Don't match up 10% of the people with infections. Or let us say they are 15%.. Still not 15% of the people infected with STD's. They are one of the most at risk groups of getting a STD.

    So if you are straight or gay and fall into the above categories then you have higher risk.

    The boilerhouse its without a shadow of a doubt a high risk location if you are having sex there.

    If you use a condom properly and it doesnt burst. You cant get HIV end of. There is nothing else to discuss


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 119 ✭✭mdudy


    I think I lost a few brain cells reading through that (and then a few more reading through Martin's other posts). However, I digress, if you enjoy going to the Boilerhouse and you're being careful as you say you say you are, then go for it; embrace it.

    If you like doing something and find it enjoyable, do it. If you find that you don't like like or find it unenjoyable, don't do it. And there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it's your life and you can do with it what you want; you may find that the only person judging you for going there is yourself, and there's no reason to be so hard on yourself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 40,537 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Folks can we keep this thread to helpful advice towards the OP and please try not to be judgemental

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭martinjudge73


    Off topic post removed by moderator


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,850 ✭✭✭✭hotmail.com


    Deleted as per mod request to keep discussion to helpful advice


  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭nozipcode


    If you have multiple sexual encounters you will pickup something sooner or later.

    Don't listen to this guy. If you are safe there is no guarantee you will pick something up, ever, no matter how much sex you have. There's no guarantee you won't either but that's the risk you take. Just try to minimise the risks as much as possible.


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