Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

nesf · 23-02-2012 2:06am

cloud493 wrote: »

I was taking lithium. Don't think your supposed to take anti depressants with bipolar, far as I'm aware.

No, you can be put on antidepressants with bipolar, they're just cautious about doing it in case it triggers a mania. Or so I've been told anyway by doctors.

nesf · 23-02-2012 2:09am

stupidusername wrote: »

well i'm putting it down to being the first session, but it was absolutely useless. she was just asking me about what's going on, why do I need help.

Completely normal on a first meeting. They can't help you unless they know what's up etc.

Kaching · 23-02-2012 2:12am

Gillo wrote: »

Tell me about it, even if someone sits beside someone else on the bus. Yeah, even posting that I realise how stupid that sounds.

its not stupid at all
only difference is i actually believe they do be , and get quite worked up over it

cloud493 · 23-02-2012 2:14am

Might be the wrong place to ask, but... does anyone else find they talk to themselves? I've been doing it for a while, didn't put much heed to it, then recently I've been like. Hearing myself talk, without even realizing it.

crunchyogurt · 23-02-2012 2:39am

cloud493 wrote: »

Might be the wrong place to ask, but... does anyone else find they talk to themselves? I've been doing it for a while, didn't put much heed to it, then recently I've been like. Hearing myself talk, without even realizing it.

Ive been doing it since I was a kid, I never really stoped. I never really put much tough into it, thinking about it now, it does seem a bit weird. Ive put it down to not really having anyone that I can really talk to, that and probally a bit of loneliness. I dont think theres anything wrong with it, most people probally do it without realising.

stupidusername · 23-02-2012 2:46am

i'm really really upset. i'm hoping it's just the pms. trying to force myself to think rationally. dreading waking up tomorrow.

Shane St. · 23-02-2012 2:50am

Whenevr im down i listen to im walking on sunshine by Katrina and the waves. Never fails to cheer me up. Hope ye all feel better guys:)

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 3:03am

Shane St. wrote: »

Whenevr im down i listen to im walking on sunshine by Katrina and the waves. Never fails to cheer me up. Hope ye all feel better guys:)

Shiny happy people actually came on the radio today and I realised it made me happy! Another good song.

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 3:09am

My head hurts. Does anyone on here wonder why we go through what we do? Put much thought into wondering about it? I.e is it brain chemistry, environment.

I'm a very spiritual person, not of any set religion, just spiritual. And I don't know if that's been a help or a hindrance with my mental illness.

For example I have myself tormented at the minute, looking things up, trying to find spiritual answers, Why did I have to go through this?

Am I being punished for being bad in a past life? Did I choose to through this life with mental illness to learn from it, would I really put myself through this torture? Or am I just a failure?

Does anyone else wonder about it?

Shane St. · 23-02-2012 3:10am

intersting thoughts. I don't know is the honest answer

jammstarr · 23-02-2012 3:19am

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Am I just a failure?

Does anyone else wonder about it?

I often wonder am I a failure because of the depression or depressed because I'm a failure.

Edit: Does that make sense?

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 3:32am

I just feel like crying, I'm so so tired. I wish I could turn off my head for one second, it's like non stop mental agony.

hattoncracker · 23-02-2012 3:33am

jammstarr wrote: »

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Am I just a failure?

Does anyone else wonder about it?

I often wonder am I a failure because of the depression or depressed because I'm a failure.

Edit: Does that make sense?

That makes so much sense to Me it's scary.

jammstarr · 23-02-2012 3:37am

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I just feel like crying, I'm so so tired. I wish I could turn off my head for one second, it's like non stop mental agony.

So sorry to hear that, is there anything in particular at you?

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 3:42am

jammstarr wrote: »

So sorry to hear that, is there anything in particular at you?

It just seems to be like absolute racing thoughts that I can't control over and over and over so I have no peace and can't enjoy anything for a second.

I.e. thoughts like 'you're worthless, crazy, the world would be better off without you', and then also replaying endless past scenarios to myself where I think I acted abnormally in social situations, and saying to myself 'look how weird you were there, they probably all think you're such a psycho'.

It's torture, it's like I hate myself.

jammstarr · 23-02-2012 3:46am

midlandsmissus wrote: »

It just seems to be like absolute racing thoughts that I can't control over and over and over so I have no peace and can't enjoy anything for a second.

I.e. thoughts like 'you're worthless, crazy, the world would be better off without you', and then also replaying endless past scenarios to myself where I think I acted abnormally in social situations, and saying to myself 'look how weird you were there, they probably all think you're such a psycho'.

It's torture, it's like I hate myself.

I hear ya. It sounds like "the usual" here unfortunately.

I was at a party recently and I knew nobody there. People were making the effort to talk to me but my social skills are truely gone it seemed.

stupidusername · 23-02-2012 3:50am

Same here mm. You just need a break every so often.

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 3:58am

The depth that we hate ourselves to is exhausting and uncalled for if you think about it. Like no-one could be that bad.

But that's the bizarreness of depression.

stupidusername · 23-02-2012 4:03am

I've just broken up with my boyfriend because of self esteem issues I can't get past. So tired of it

jammstarr · 23-02-2012 4:04am

Anger without enthusiasm I read somewhere

nesf · 23-02-2012 4:14am

midlandsmissus wrote: »

It just seems to be like absolute racing thoughts that I can't control over and over and over so I have no peace and can't enjoy anything for a second.

I.e. thoughts like 'you're worthless, crazy, the world would be better off without you', and then also replaying endless past scenarios to myself where I think I acted abnormally in social situations, and saying to myself 'look how weird you were there, they probably all think you're such a psycho'.

It's torture, it's like I hate myself.

I don't get that too bad thankfully. I get a constant replay of things I'm ashamed of and make me feel bad about myself but it never goes far beyond that. I get the self hating "you deserve to be this way" stuff a lot though. Paranoia a fair bit etc. If I get very agitated though, I'm just not able to deal with it and get acutely suicidal very quickly. It never lasts that long, an hour or two usually, and generally don't trust myself to be alone when it happens. I'm fortunate in that it never has lasted long enough for me to attempt to carry out any of the urges I get. I've never understood why I can get so low, so fast and then come back out of it again so quickly to what's a regular garden variety depression for me (i.e. a miserable slog, some suicidal ideation but nothing approaching detailed plans like I get when agitated). There's not been triggers but it's happened three times to me and every time has followed the same pattern of agitation, not being able to bear it, suicidal plans and a plea for aid to someone I trust to come watch me until it passes. If someone offered me a very high dose of a first generation antipsychotic to deaden me when I'm like this I'd offer to take twice the dose to be sure. It's just really different to the two other depressed states I get.

nesf · 23-02-2012 4:18am

stupidusername wrote: »

I've just broken up with my boyfriend because of self esteem issues I can't get past. So tired of it

Yeah, I've told my wife I can't understand why she hasn't left me a good few times when down and other similar crap so I kinda know where you're coming from.

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 4:20am

nesf wrote: »

I don't get that too bad thankfully. I get a constant replay of things I'm ashamed of and make me feel bad about myself but it never goes far beyond that. I get the self hating "you deserve to be this way" stuff a lot though. Paranoia a fair bit etc. If I get very agitated though, I'm just not able to deal with it and get acutely suicidal very quickly. It never lasts that long, an hour or two usually, and generally don't trust myself to be alone when it happens. I'm fortunate in that it never has lasted long enough for me to attempt to carry out any of the urges I get. I've never understood why I can get so low, so fast and then come back out of it again so quickly to what's a regular garden variety depression for me (i.e. a miserable slog, some suicidal ideation but nothing approaching detailed plans like I get when agitated). There's not been triggers but it's happened three times to me and every time has followed the same pattern of agitation, not being able to bear it, suicidal plans and a plea for aid to someone I trust to come watch me until it passes. If someone offered me a very high dose of a first generation antipsychotic to deaden me when I'm like this I'd offer to take twice the dose to be sure. It's just really different to the two other depressed states I get.

Yeah I get you, there's the 'normal' kind of down, where you're just sad and depressed, and then there's the: yes agitation is a good word because you are constantly agitated and every second is torture, there is not a second's peace, and you would give anything, ANYTHING for your head to stop.

I'm at that stage right now, I'm just so tired and feel like crying, why do I have to go through this, what is wrong with my stupid dysfunctioning brain? I just want some=one to give me a hug and take it away. I'm going t go make a cup of hot chocolate.

Shane St. · 23-02-2012 4:23am

hug for midlandmissus

jammstarr · 23-02-2012 4:24am

Even the 'normal' kind of down is a funk that's incredibly hard to get out of. It encourages one to hide away from the world and just wallow in self pity.

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 4:31am

Shane St. wrote: »

hug for midlandmissus

Ah thanks Shane that's incredibly nice of you!

nesf · 23-02-2012 4:38am

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Yeah I get you, there's the 'normal' kind of down, where you're just sad and depressed, and then there's the: yes agitation is a good word because you are constantly agitated and every second is torture, there is not a second's peace, and you would give anything, ANYTHING for your head to stop.

I'm at that stage right now, I'm just so tired and feel like crying, why do I have to go through this, what is wrong with my stupid dysfunctioning brain? I just want some=one to give me a hug and take it away. I'm going t go make a cup of hot chocolate.

Bleh. Hugs galore because agitation is horrible but I think we're talking about two different things. Though I think I know what you're talking about and it's awful to go through as well.

I wouldn't be capable of making myself a hot chocolate when I'm agitated. I wouldn't be capable of being on here posting definitely. I'd be curled up in a ball on the couch, extremely worked up, physically shaking and twitchy as hell. I've trouble describing it but I'm definitely not capable of doing much of anything beyond being trapped in agitation when I'm like this and probably biting, head banging or cutting myself to try and release some of the crap from my system depending on how bad I am and what is immediately available to me in my environment. I can normally resist very strong urges to self harm but if I get agitated that will goes out the window.

jammstarr wrote: »

Even the 'normal' kind of down is a funk that's incredibly hard to get out of. It encourages one to hide away from the world and just wallow in self pity.

It's horrible and soul destroying but it's not acutely as bad for me.

Yakult · 23-02-2012 4:51am

I think I've finally admitted to myself that I may suffer from depression and that I need to take action now rather than later. I really don't know what it is I'm actually feeling given that I've been hiding behind substance abuse the past 3 years. Possibly suffering since I was 15 (now 21) due to alot of family problems building up and exploding that year.

The main problems right now are motivation and concentration. I'm trying the leaving cert again for the 3rd time after dropping out on previous occasions. I cant sleep at night and when I do waking up is terribly hard. When I do go in I can never seem to get motivated enough to finish it and in class due to continuous pondering of lifes situations I can never fully concentrate on what I'm doing. I'm really worried that I cannot recover from this as its been happening for so long now but then again I've never sought medical attentionfor whats wrong with me. This is just one part of my life where it is affecting me.

My minds rambling now and i best try 'n' get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for all!

nesf · 23-02-2012 5:00am

Yakult wrote: »

I think I've finally admitted to myself that I may suffer from depression and that I need to take action now rather than later. I really don't know what it is I'm actually feeling given that I've been hiding behind substance abuse the past 3 years. Possibly suffering since I was 15 (now 21) due to alot of family problems building up and exploding that year.

The main problems right now are motivation and concentration. I'm trying the leaving cert again for the 3rd time after dropping out on previous occasions. I cant sleep at night and when I do waking up is terribly hard. When I do go in I can never seem to get motivated enough to finish it and in class due to continuous pondering of lifes situations I can never fully concentrate on what I'm doing. I'm really worried that I cannot recover from this as its been happening for so long now but then again I've never sought medical attentionfor whats wrong with me. This is just one part of my life where it is affecting me.

My minds rambling now and i best try 'n' get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for all!

Sleep well, I hope tomorrow is better for you.

midlandsmissus · 23-02-2012 7:55am

nesf wrote: »

Bleh.

Hugs galore because agitation is horrible but I think we're talking about two different things. Though I think I know what you're talking about and it's awful to go through as well.

I wouldn't be capable of making myself a hot chocolate when I'm agitated. I wouldn't be capable of being on here posting definitely. I'd be curled up in a ball on the couch, extremely worked up, physically shaking and twitchy as hell. I've trouble describing it but I'm definitely not capable of doing much of anything beyond being trapped in agitation when I'm like this and probably biting, head banging or cutting myself to try and release some of the crap from my system depending on how bad I am and what is immediately available to me in my environment. I can normally resist very strong urges to self harm but if I get agitated that will goes out the window.

I guess I have a lower form but for longer, because after 8 hours now, and being up all night in mental agony I'm finally feeling better. It scares me how I can be so bad one day and fine the next.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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