One thing on his mind

coffee_cake · 25-11-2008 8:59pm

You had him waiting months already?
I mean I wouldn't have blamed him in the first place - one of you wants a relationship the other doesn't, simple as - but he'd already waited.

Really have to echo Dudess' post and the general sentiment that one would almost get the impression women don't like sex or have to wait a certain length of time because it's just a morally superior thing to do etc...

Sorry, this whole thing of having to wait x amount of time discussion reminds me of "how long should I wait before calling", don't get me started down that road... or "it can't turn into a long term relationship if you have sex early on"... I have no idea how one is supposed to affect the other as if they're inversely correlated
Also OP one bad experience with a teenager and it prompts you to ask "do all guys not like waiting and obsess over sex" ??

Sorry for rambling, long day

dfx- · 25-11-2008 9:10pm

Fauldy Banny wrote: »

Men and women are very different, from the onset Women are looking for a relationship and men look for sex,

I'd like to express strong disagreement with the above. The rest of my opinion can be read in Gyalist and Dudess' posts.

Terodil · 25-11-2008 10:50pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Sorry, this whole thing of having to wait x amount of time discussion reminds me of "how long should I wait before calling", don't get me started down that road... or "it can't turn into a long term relationship if you have sex early on"... I have no idea how one is supposed to affect the other as if they're inversely correlated
Also OP one bad experience with a teenager and it prompts you to ask "do all guys not like waiting and obsess over sex" ??

QFT.

I can't blame the OP for wanting to make sure that he's prince charming instead of just some random guy. 'Quick sex' is one attitude that is no superior or inferior to 'waiting for the ONE', it's a personal thing I guess. Though as bluey points out, after *months* and several kisses maybe it's not that 'quick' after all.

The generalisation has me concerned, but I guess that was a thing born out of the sentimental state at the time of posting.

Galvasean · 25-11-2008 11:06pm

Chucky the tree wrote: »

IS this a joke lik Dragans one? Cos it took me 10minutes to figure out his one.

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Why is it so hard to believe that not all 18 year old males' number 1 priority is getting teh poon tang?

sunnyside · 26-11-2008 12:15am

Barcode wrote: »

We eventually swapped numbers and then he asks do i want to meet up? and I agreed - before sex came up and he walked.

.

I have a different opinion on what happened here. The guy is young, his social skills for dealing with women can't be very developed at 18. When Barcode agreed to "meet up" he thought/assumed they were meeting for sex. He genuienly didn't understand that it doesn't always happen that quickly. Then when she said no to sex he understood that as a serious rejection so he left. Communication breakdown.

LightningBolt · 26-11-2008 12:27am

Galvasean wrote: »

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Why is it so hard to believe that not all 18 year old males' number 1 priority is getting teh poon tang?

Maybe not all, but it was a goal of mine and all my mates that age a couple of years ago. I'm guessing it's a very small percentage of blokes that don't want to get off with someone at that age, hormones are raging. Seriously, any 18yr old that wants to be with a girl to be in a realtionship needs their heads checked. Nothing wrong having a gf at that age as a lot of us had, but getting with her based on the fact that you want a "relationship" is bull in my opinion.

Galvasean · 26-11-2008 1:14am

LightningBolt wrote: »

Maybe not all, but it was a goal of mine and all my mates that age a couple of years ago. I'm guessing it's a very small percentage of blokes that don't want to get off with someone at that age, hormones are raging.

Don't get me wrong it would have been nice. I was just responding to people (earlier in the thread) stating that sex is the #1 priority in every 18 year old male's life.

LightningBolt wrote: »

Seriously, any 18yr old that wants to be with a girl to be in a realtionship needs their heads checked. Nothing wrong having a gf at that age as a lot of us had, but getting with her based on the fact that you want a "relationship" is bull in my opinion.

So they all just want someone to pop their willy in from time to time? That is bull in my opinion.

EamonnKeane · 26-11-2008 1:39am

Fauldy Banny wrote: »

Men and women are very different, from the onset Women are looking for a relationship and men look for sex, when they're together a while they are then equal in their needs.

More generalising nonsense. From the outset a man may be seeking a relationship and a woman just looking for fun, it's not actually impossible. And if you think that a relationship automatically makes "needs" equal you'll get a shock

Parsley · 26-11-2008 1:40am

Galvasean wrote: »

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Why is it so hard to believe that not all 18 year old males' number 1 priority is getting teh poon tang?

As an 18-year-old male it's quite annoying when teh 18-year-old wimmens think it too.

Though there are some 18yo wimmen whose number 1 priority is gettin' a nice stiff one in em...

Galvasean · 26-11-2008 1:46am

Parsley wrote: »

Though there are some 18yo wimmen whose number 1 priority is gettin' a nice stiff one in em...

[sweeping generalization]Yeah sluts![/sweeping generalization]

LightningBolt · 26-11-2008 2:44am

Galvasean wrote: »

Don't get me wrong it would have been nice. I was just responding to people (earlier in the thread) stating that sex is the #1 priority in every 18 year old male's life.

So they all just want someone to pop their willy in from time to time? That is bull in my opinion.

No it definitely wasn't my number one priority, I'd other stuff I'd devote far too much time too. It was however something that popped into my head more often than not when around other girls.

When I said "relationship" I was referencing Gyalist's earlier post, as an 18yr old I definitely didn't set out to find someone to be in a "relationship", ye I was with girls that I liked being around and had a laugh with, there was no long term planning going on. I was with them because I liked them and wanted to have sex with them. It wasn't as you put "wanted to pop my willy in them" it was because I liked them and liked the idea of sex with them. Look I think most women here will agree, at an early age the majority of blokes are looking for sex, it mightn't be our number one consideration but it's definitely one of our top. It's only as we get older that we look for other characteristics and traits in women. Ask me 4/5 years ago if I would judge a girl on her ability to hold a varied conversation and I'd laugh, give me a girl now that only talks about the going-ons of her friends and other trivial stuff and I'll get bored very quickly.

Galvasean · 26-11-2008 2:52am

LightningBolt wrote: »

I was with them because I liked them and wanted to have sex with them. It wasn't as you put "wanted to pop my willy in them" it was because I liked them and liked the idea of sex with them.

Kinda the same thing, no?
I mean you wanted to have sex with them. Sex involves....

LightningBolt · 26-11-2008 3:02am

Galvasean wrote: »

Kinda the same thing, no?
I mean you wanted to have sex with them. Sex involves....

sweating.

I was with girls because I liked the idea of regular sex. Truthfully I didn't consider other aspects of a girl as I would now. What I'm saying is that I think most 18yr olds will get with someone with a view to regular sex, it's not the only thing on their mind but I argue that there's greater emphasis placed on it by the majority of them rather than common interests, actually getting to know someone, knowing what they're passionate about and being there for them when needed.

BKtje · 26-11-2008 3:58am

Dudess wrote: »

Well I wouldn't see anything wrong with that, but yeah, I hate the assumption that all teenagers are horndogs. I wasn't, and at the time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Some people - actually a lot of people - are late bloomers (if e.g. early 20s could be described as "late").

Early 20's, hell some people waited till their mid 20's and have no regrets *cough*
Seriously,people who think that all guys(and galls) who in their late teens to early twenties obsess about bedding women(or men) need to get there head examined. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if many do but to tar all people with one brush is not only insulting it's counter productive to you. You could be missing out on the guy or girl who decided to strike up a conversation with you and who you think is only after one thing so you tell em to get lost.

Onkle wrote: »

You wanted a sandwich after?

Seriously though it just sounds like this guy was only after one thing, fair enough but please don't tar all of us with the same brush. I for one wouldn't sleep with a girl on the first or second date.

I've slept with a girl on the first date but only after establishing exactly what she wanted from it(obviously i was game for it too

). Knowing where you stand makes the next morning all that much easier. To get back to the OP, i can't fault either of you in anyway. You both made it quite clear what you wanted and since they were different things you both made the right choice for you at the time. I wouldn't call the guy immature, i'd go so far as to call him mature (in this situation at least) as he let you know exactly what he wanted from this "relationship".

shellyboo · 26-11-2008 10:22am

Galvasean wrote: »

So they all just want someone to pop their willy in from time to time? That is bull in my opinion.

Quite right. What a load of old shiit.

LightningBolt wrote: »

Ask me 4/5 years ago if I would judge a girl on her ability to hold a varied conversation and I'd laugh, give me a girl now that only talks about the going-ons of her friends and other trivial stuff and I'll get bored very quickly.

LightningBolt wrote: »

I was with girls because I liked the idea of regular sex. Truthfully I didn't consider other aspects of a girl as I would now. What I'm saying is that I think most 18yr olds will get with someone with a view to regular sex, it's not the only thing on their mind but I argue that there's greater emphasis placed on it by the majority of them rather than common interests, actually getting to know someone, knowing what they're passionate about and being there for them when needed.

My 15-year old brother, all my similarly aged cousins, and their mates are more mature than this. Seriously.

They all have girlfriends, and while I'm sure that sex is pretty foremost in their minds, I know that my brother and my cousin at least are not doing it - they're with their gfs because they enjoy their company; they're sweet, charming girls; they have the same interests; and they're willing to go to their gigs and scream loudly for them :pac:

So, if my 15-year old brother is capable of having a relationship (and it IS a relationship) that's not focused on sex, I'm damn sure that the majority of 18-year olds are capable of it too.

As for this...

LightningBolt wrote: »

When I said "relationship" I was referencing Gyalist's earlier post, as an 18yr old I definitely didn't set out to find someone to be in a "relationship", ye I was with girls that I liked being around and had a laugh with, there was no long term planning going on. I was with them because I liked them and wanted to have sex with them.

That pretty much IS a relationship. I don't know why guys are suddenly so petrified of this word. If you like someone as more than a friend, spend time with them, go on dates, and do some smooching etc, then you're in a relationship. It's a descriptive term, not a prescriptive one; it's not a ball and chain. Relationship does not necessarily equal long term planning.

sunnyside · 26-11-2008 11:13am

shellyboo wrote: »

So, if my 15-year old brother is capable of having a relationship (and it IS a relationship) that's not focused on sex, I'm damn sure that the majority of 18-year olds are capable of it too.

.

But how can you be sure, maybe they just wouldn't tell you

And

Anyone who's regular in PI will be familiar waith the almost weekly threads from people (who are usually much older than 18) upset that they are still virgins and will possibly never have sex. Those threads always get numerous responses telling them that it's comletely normal to not be sexually active until you are older and have met the right person.

Curious as to why this thread is sending out an entirely different message.

Dudess · 26-11-2008 11:47am

How so? I, for instance, had no interest in sex until my late teens, and even then, my interest was pretty limited. It wasn't until a few years later again that I developed a fully fledged libido (which just keeps developing

). I'm of the view sex shouldn't be put on a pedestal and can be purely recreational, but at the same time, I know from personal experience, you're not necessarily gonna be a horndog in your teens.

Dragan · 26-11-2008 12:02pm

sunnyside wrote: »

But how can you be sure, maybe they just wouldn't tell you

And

Anyone who's regular in PI will be familiar waith the almost weekly threads from people (who are usually much older than 18) upset that they are still virgins and will possibly never have sex. Those threads always get numerous responses telling them that it's comletely normal to not be sexually active until you are older and have met the right person.

Curious as to why this thread is sending out an entirely different message.

Because you give advice that fits the person who is asking it. There is no point in telling someone who is having trouble connecting on a sexual level with others that it is no big deal, just do it.

You need to mature sexually the same way as you do everything else, no point in throwing someone in the deep end when they can't swim.

shellyboo · 26-11-2008 12:30pm

sunnyside wrote: »

But how can you be sure, maybe they just wouldn't tell you

Because I've spoken to both of them about it, as requested by my parents and my godparents. They got the 'sex talk' from their parents (blah blah waiting blah), and they got the more realistic, less moralistic one from me. They'd have zero reason to lie to me about it.

spiritcrusher · 26-11-2008 3:45pm

shellyboo wrote: »

Quite right. What a load of old shiit.

My 15-year old brother, all my similarly aged cousins, and their mates are more mature than this. Seriously.

They all have girlfriends, and while I'm sure that sex is pretty foremost in their minds, I know that my brother and my cousin at least are not doing it - they're with their gfs because they enjoy their company; they're sweet, charming girls; they have the same interests; and they're willing to go to their gigs and scream loudly for them :pac:

So, if my 15-year old brother is capable of having a relationship (and it IS a relationship) that's not focused on sex, I'm damn sure that the majority of 18-year olds are capable of it too.

Ah now, c'mon. You can't really compare a 15 year old, still going through puberty, to an 18 year old (who's probably getting his first taste of freedom) can you? It's quite ridiculous. The reason that they're not focused on sex is because they're immature. When you're 15 you're hardly the most confident and knowledgeable person in the world and, even with hormones raging, when it comes to sex can be quite intimidating for some.

Change that to an 18 year old free of mammy and daddy, going out drinking, hearing stories about other guys "getting the ride" etc. You think that most fella's don't wouldn't want to follow suit?
I mean, I went out with a girl for a time when I was 18, she was pretty and easy to get on with but to be honest, looking back, I reckon the main reason I stayed with her was she was a damn fine ride

That I would imagine is the general mindset of an 18 year old.

shellyboo · 26-11-2008 3:57pm

spiritcrusher wrote: »

Ah now, c'mon. You can't really compare a 15 year old, still going through puberty, to an 18 year old (who's probably getting his first taste of freedom) can you? It's quite ridiculous. The reason that they're not focused on sex is because they're immature. When you're 15 you're hardly the most confident and knowledgeable person in the world and, even with hormones raging, when it comes to sex can be quite intimidating for some.

Yes, but my point was not to say that 15 = 18, it was to say that IF a 15-year old is capable of having that kind of relationship, why would he suddenly lose that ability a few years later? Alright, priorities and wants may change, and sex may become more of an issue... but he's certainly not incapable of having a relationship beyond a sexual one, which is what some posters seem to be suggesting. The 'ah, it's only natural, what more do you expect' attitude.

Chucky the tree · 26-11-2008 6:35pm

BKtje wrote: »

I've slept with a girl on the first date but only after establishing exactly what she wanted from it.

How excactly did this work?

I mean, how did you straight out ask her if a one stand is what she wants? Too me this bluntness would probaly freak out alot of women, I am sure a women would be more knowloedgable on that then me though.

shellyboo wrote: »

So, if my 15-year old brother is capable of having a relationship (and it IS a relationship) that's not focused on sex, I'm damn sure that the majority of 18-year olds are capable of it too.

Galvasean wrote: »

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Why is it so hard to believe that not all 18 year old males' number 1 priority is getting teh poon tang?

Your right actually I am not suprised all males arent just interest in sex. But I would be surpised if the % was over 5.

I'd be shocked if the the huge majority of 18yr olds males spend the most of their time thinking about something other then sex. And again I'd the massive majority of 18yr old single males who are heading to various clubs in dublin are going think to themselves "I'd love it if I got laid tonight" rather then "I'd love it if I found a girl who I go on with really well so I could have a relationship with her".

Laslty, I'd be pretty suprised if you did a survey of 18yr old males on why they'd like a relationship I'd say regular sex would definitly be included.

JohnGalt · 26-11-2008 7:29pm

I am of the male gender and I don't like sex. I actually hate it, it disgusts me and I think it ruins any possible relations one could have with a somebody of the contrary gender. I don't involve myself in it

Zaph · 26-11-2008 9:35pm

At least that's one less we have to worry about in the future gene pool then.

b3t4 · 26-11-2008 9:47pm

The majority of the time I've only got one thing on my mind and I'm female.

I've never waited for sex. If I want it and he wants it, we have sex. Simple as really. If a guy were to have asked me to wait then I would know that we were not compatible. When a guy judged me for having sex with him I was out that door quicker than he could finish his sentence.

There are idiots out there that will judge me for my attitude but as I say they're idiots.

If I was to have put on the hat of 'waiting makes it special' I'd never have had the most passion fuelled special weekend with my boyfriend when we first me. To think that I might have lost out on that weekend because of what society throws at me just seems absolutely ridiculous to me.

OP, this guy wanted something that you didn't. Therefore you were not compatible. It had nothing to do with men/women but everything to do with you and him. End of story.

A.

Raze_them_all · 26-11-2008 10:00pm

Meh just read this, I'm only 20 now but, I got with my ex g/f on my 18th's waitd about 7 months. You've no idea how hard it is for guys!!!!! Seriously head wrecking especially as she'd be in my bed wearing little/nothing and still saying no to sex!!!

TerrorFirmer · 26-11-2008 10:14pm

Xavi6 wrote: »

To be fair to the lad he's 18 and might not be thinking about a long term relationship.

Huuuuuge maturity difference between an 18 year old guy and a 22 year old girl.

Who care's if he's not thinking about a long term relationship, you don't push sex as if it's a mans right in such a manner regardless of what you're looking for. When I was any age, let alone 18, I wouldn't have dreamed of pestering a girl for sex nor would I even began contemplating walking away if I didn't get it. Granted immaturity does go hand in hand with younger age more often then that - however, the important thing to remember is that immaturity and being a prick are not the same thing, so what you're equating there is totally off. Immaturity is the repeated implication, walking away when you don't get it....well, that's something else entirely. That smacks of an arrogant, cocky prick - and it's not age specific at all.

Personally I'm 21 and I'd have no problem waiting a few months or beyond, I've had the same mindset since I started dating about 15. I am quite shocked however at how a lot of my friends treat women in terms of intimate relations - more or less as recreational sex objects. But that said within the group its about 50/50, those who see it that particular way, and those who see it as an extension of being in a relationship with someone you really connect with. But I know girls like that too, it's not gender specific from my observations. However, none of them would go about it in that bastard of a manner i.e just simply walk away on a 2nd meet when sex wasn't on the cards.

Chucky the tree · 26-11-2008 11:01pm

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Who care's if he's not thinking about a long term relationship, you don't push sex as if it's a mans right in such a manner regardless of what you're looking for. When I was any age, let alone 18, I wouldn't have dreamed of pestering a girl for sex nor would I even began contemplating walking away if I didn't get it. Granted immaturity does go hand in hand with younger age more often then that - however, the important thing to remember is that immaturity and being a prick are not the same thing, so what you're equating there is totally off. Immaturity is the repeated implication, walking away when you don't get it....well, that's something else entirely. That smacks of an arrogant, cocky prick - and it's not age specific at all.

what a load of cock. he asked one night to go back to her place, she said no. Then he asked her the next time they meet and she said no, How the hell is that pestering?

Why shouldnt he walk away if he's not interested in a relationship? If he stayed then waited two weeks before getting the leg over then walking away then you call him a prick/whatever but considering he saved the OP alot of hassle/annoyance I think he was pretty decent about it.

honru · 27-11-2008 12:15am

TerrorFirmer wrote:

Immaturity is the repeated implication, walking away when you don't get it....well, that's something else entirely. That smacks of an arrogant, cocky prick - and it's not age specific at all.

From what I have gathered, the guy in question respected the OP's choice and moved on. How is that being an arrogant and cocky prick? It's not like he manhandled her or tried to drag her home against her own will.

EamonnKeane · 27-11-2008 12:43am

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Laslty, I'd be pretty suprised if you did a survey of 18yr old males on why they'd like a relationship I'd say regular sex would definitly be included.

Which demographic would say "I would like a relationship without regular sex, please"?

One thing on his mind

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