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Should children be expected to care for their parents in old age?

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Comments

  • #62
    UpCork
    Registered Users Posts: 688 ✭✭✭UpCork


    My grandmother lived in fear or being put in a home, so Mum promised her that she never would be. She also had a fear of loosing her mind and her faculties. Although it was difficult for us when she did pass, we were consoled by the fact that she died at home (well in Mum's house) and was full "with it".

    I would hope that I would be in a position for care for my Mother if she needed it. It is not something I like to think about but I know in my heart that I would do everything in my power to care for her. I'm not saying I won't need assistance or help. I know, though, it would be the end of her if she was put in a home.

    Having said that I don't feel it is expected of me to care for her. However, she has done so much for me from the day that I was born, given up so much etc that I feel it is only right that I should do the same for her.


  • #63
    Joey the lips
    Registered Users Posts: 10,262 ✭✭✭✭Joey the lips


    I dont really follow this arguement or subscribe to it and considering its in afterhours it will be confusing... But to make it simple.

    I had my kids because i wanted to love someone. I want to see them grow and flourish. I would love them to be doctors, scientists or teachers but would be happy if them work in the lowest paid job and are happy.

    I did not have my kids to look after me. My kids are not a savings scheme that i should expect a return on investment.

    I expect the state to provide me with a pension when i retire and i expect propper healthcare. If i did not think i would have got it or had to pay for my own i would have moved to the US.

    i cannot understand the injustice of society to allow kids look after there parents and simulary i cannot understand how adults can give valuable time to there own kids if they need to look after there parents.


  • #64
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    Joey the lips wrote: »
    i cannot understand the injustice of society to allow kids look after there parents and simulary i cannot understand how adults can give valuable time to there own kids if they need to look after there parents.

    I don't understand this sentence tbh. I'm not being funny or sarcastic, I just don't know if you're contradicting yourself or think that parents should be left to get on with it.

    This is an interesting debate. Everyone is however ignoring the fact that a fair percentage of us will eventually be unable to look after ourselves due to a number of factors. Thinking about that will change a lot of things.


  • #65
    Show Time
    Registered Users Posts: 1,637 ✭✭✭Show Time


    Well there is no way in hell i would put my folks into a nursing home in this country.


  • #66
    supermonkey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 144 ✭✭supermonkey


    My mother is a hale and hearty 70.
    She will need to be cared for because she
    [1] Gets Alzheimers
    [2] Just gets old

    If the latter I will be 66 when she is 90 and frail.
    How can I possibly look after her when I will be old myself.

    I can assure that only the oldest and the girl will feel any responsibility so my sister will end up with most of the unpleasant work and I will fund it.

    The rest of them love our parents but younger siblings especially boys are completely selfishh!


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  • #67
    kelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭kelle


    I cared for my parents in their final weeks - both were diagnosed with cancer at the same time and died withing a few weeks of each other, very difficult as I had 2 small children at the time.

    Being the only girl, they felt closest to me and wanted me with them for everything (including getting the bad news from doctors!) - and only felt comfortable with me doing intimate stuff like the bathing, toileting and changing clothes. It would have been torture for them having this done by strangers in a care home, and I am pleased I did it for them. Their minds were of perfect working order right up to the end, meaning I could still have great conversations with them.

    Which brings me onto the subject of somebody with Dementia or Alzheimers - now that would be difficult to manage on your own. My mother (a few months before she was diagnosed) had helped care for her mother along with 2 of her sisters. My grandmother had Dementia and needed round the clock care, so these women were minding her in her own home every 3 days.
    There were 6 others in the family who wouldn't help out (the wife of one of them said he wasn't "into that kind of thing" - yet he didn't want her going into a home!). It was soul destroying for them as my Grandmother was very contrary and demanding, and couldn't hold a conversation. Then Mum got sick, her 2 sisters had to be hospitalised for different ailments - so poor grandmother had to go into a private nursing home. She died there a year later.

    All the negative stuff on the news about nursing homes is very scary. I wouldn't contemplate leaving my parents in one, don't know what I would have done if I ended up with no choice like my mother did.


  • #68
    saa
    Registered Users Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭saa


    If they're abusive then no.


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