Did He Cheat On Me???

Mr. Incognito · 01-02-2008 12:46pm

tbh bluering it sounds like he was completely innocent, but you went off the rails and gave him very little chance to defend himself. You tried and convicted him the second you saw the ring, without even considering that he might be innocent of any wrongdoing, and now you're dumped. I think there's a lesson in here.

+1

Wibbs · 01-02-2008 12:47pm

evry1sm8 wrote: »

Awww thats a bit mean
She just broke up with her boyfriend, and have the feeling she is quite young too...
The last thing she needs is people telling her how much of an immature drama queen she is

I agree that its a bit early for the pop psych recriminations. I would say that the OP should walk away heal and maybe read some of this in a months time. There are always two sides. It's unlikely that he was no angel either. However it's the OP that's here looking for opinions and how she acted and continued to act for a few days and talk of sleeping with his mates was what kicked most off. Sometimes you have to call it as you see it.

That said as far as I'm concerned I don't want to see further posts on how much of a drama queen the OP is. It's been said enough.

Wibbs · 01-02-2008 12:51pm

denhaagenite wrote: »

He'll think about this in a few months and kick himself but that won't matter to you because you will be far better off.

Maybe maybe not, but as of when he dumped her, he's out of the equation. She's the one in play now. Indeed she always was. She's the only one who can learn and grow from this, regardless of whatever her now ex did or didn't do. This is the best time to reflect. Think of this as not so much as a breakup as more of an opportunity for you to spend time with you and by doing so you will see what you really want in life and love.

Bit of advice OP DO NOT jump into another relationship until you do sort you own head out. It may feel comfortable, but long term a break is what you need now and for a while. Snog guys have a bit of a laugh, but I would advise you to keep it at that level for the moment.

evry1sm8 · 01-02-2008 12:53pm

I reckon you are young bluering? Or if not this is probably the 1st "proper" relationship youve had?

Everyone else: We all made silly mistakes until we grew up a bit and learned from them, didnt we??

I know i did.
So lets try and be a little more compassionate everyone

zuroph · 01-02-2008 1:09pm

aha, the people in here saying she went off the rails, and THIS is why he broke up with her?!? you people have no experience of the situation do you?!

I've cheated. and I've tried to worm my way out the same way, when he texted u calling u a child etc he was trying the "fight fire with fire" approach, turn the argument round. the shaking when u found the ring, its panic, pure adrenalin pumps through the body and u cant control it, the shaking is overpowering.

the "childish" texts, and the aftermath of him dumping you, i had that predicted before you typed it up here. it was the next step. he knew he was caught by the balls, but has decided to try get out of the relationship and move on without ever having to examine himself and explain to you how he did it. he's taken the easy path, no1 likes to admit to themselves or others that they are a sh1t.

all the evidence is that he did do it, if he hadnt, he'd still love you (i presume you've had fights before), and would try harder to get you back. You can do much better than guys like him. I was that asshole, and several of my friends still are. You're young, go out and enjoy it, theres no need for revenge, what hurt me much more is knowing that she moved on so easily from it, took the high ground, gave me no reason to hate her; any time i heard of her or saw her, i knew it was my fault, and that i'd ruined it all. That's a much more permanent scar.

good luck out there, think of it as a lucky break.

evry1sm8 · 01-02-2008 1:20pm

+1 Zuroph.

I think he probably cheated and wanted the easy option out of the situation

Solarball10 · 01-02-2008 2:18pm

Bluering - I feel so sorry for you

I can only imagine what it feels like to find something like that and the reaction your b/f gave. Let's face it, if he started stuttering and going red, that's not really the reaction of someone innocent. He would have simply said "I honestly don't know! That's really weird......." Or something like that. The flatmates reactions were also a bit suss. I know if something like that happened to me, they'd probably be like "What?! No way, he wouldn't...." or whatever, ESPECIALLY if I got on well with them and stuff, as you said you did.

You're well rid! Easy for me to say I know, but try taking it 1 step at a time, hang out with your girlfriends, and stay away from men in general for a while

Mazeire · 01-02-2008 2:29pm

Sorry to hear what happened blue ring.
I think he is trying to take the moral high ground with you. If he has been having doubts and mixed feelings towards you for the last while it increases the likelihood that he cheated. Also, if it got out that he did cheat, he would probably have a hard time going on the pull, as anyone with that label on them would be avoided like the plague. Don't blame yourself.

slemons · 01-02-2008 4:55pm

ah crap, dont mind me.

Take it easy girl, get your friends around you. Dont talk about it, or even post here. That'll make you feel bad all over again.

Take care of yourself, and laugh. The world will smile with you...

Dub6Kevin · 01-02-2008 5:09pm

Really sorry for your upset OP.

I'm also pretty digusted at some of the things being said to you here.

For what it's worth, I think you are probably right. I'd say he was cheating and when you called him on it he adopted the "best form of defence is attck" strategy.

Even if I'm wrong and he didn't do the dirt on you you don't deserve the abuse you're getting from some people here.

I hope you get over it soon (and you will).

babyguinnessfan · 01-02-2008 5:10pm

Hi bluering.

Whether he cheated or not, his reaction afterwards leaves a lot to be desired. I have been cheated on too and my reaction was to get the hell away from him as quickly as possible (in my case I had to tell him to leave my place) because I thought I was going to be sick. So, whatever you read here, just remember that you have the right to react whatever way you want. It's what happens afterwards that is sometimes more important, once you have had time to calm down and think for a bit. And the fact that he attacked you from the word go about being 'childish' etc. is not how you would want your supposed best friend to treat you if you were feeling vulnerable is it?

What zuroph wrote makes a whole lot of sense. Sounds like this was an easy way out for him.

Please try to have a nice weekend! This is not your fault. People may think you have overreacted but hey - you're you and they're them. So try to get some exercise, watch really cheesy crappy comedies, eat well and don't blame yourself.

funloving · 01-02-2008 5:54pm

zuroph wrote: »

aha, the people in here saying she went off the rails, and THIS is why he broke up with her?!? you people have no experience of the situation do you?!

I've cheated. and I've tried to worm my way out the same way, when he texted u calling u a child etc he was trying the "fight fire with fire" approach, turn the argument round. the shaking when u found the ring, its panic, pure adrenalin pumps through the body and u cant control it, the shaking is overpowering.

the "childish" texts, and the aftermath of him dumping you, i had that predicted before you typed it up here. it was the next step. he knew he was caught by the balls, but has decided to try get out of the relationship and move on without ever having to examine himself and explain to you how he did it. he's taken the easy path, no1 likes to admit to themselves or others that they are a sh1t.

all the evidence is that he did do it, if he hadnt, he'd still love you (i presume you've had fights before), and would try harder to get you back. You can do much better than guys like him. I was that asshole, and several of my friends still are. You're young, go out and enjoy it, theres no need for revenge, what hurt me much more is knowing that she moved on so easily from it, took the high ground, gave me no reason to hate her; any time i heard of her or saw her, i knew it was my fault, and that i'd ruined it all. That's a much more permanent scar.

good luck out there, think of it as a lucky break.

+ 1

that's exactly what I think too

Mr. Incognito · 01-02-2008 5:56pm

Whether he cheated or not, his reaction afterwards leaves a lot to be desired. I have been cheated on too and my reaction was to get the hell away from him as quickly as possible (in my case I had to tell him to leave my place) because I thought I was going to be sick. So, whatever you read here, just remember that you have the right to react whatever way you want. It's what happens afterwards that is sometimes more important, once you have had time to calm down and think for a bit. And the fact that he attacked you from the word go about being 'childish' etc. is not how you would want your supposed best friend to treat you if you were feeling vulnerable is it?

What zuroph wrote makes a whole lot of sense. Sounds like this was an easy way out for him.

Please try to have a nice weekend! This is not your fault. People may think you have overreacted but hey - you're you and they're them. So try to get some exercise, watch really cheesy crappy comedies, eat well and don't blame yourself.

I'm sorry I completely disagree. What was his reaction- trying to get in touch with a phone that was off and getting frustrated. She handled this completely wrongly, immaturly and naively if you ask me. She walked away first without any explanation only suspicion. If she walks away thinking this is the way to resolve disputes I can guarantee you her next relationship is going to go the same way. Who here in a relationship for any length of time hasn't had misunderstandings or disputes. How you reconcile or communicate with each other is the cornerstone of any relationship. You are not entitled to act any way you want. You have to consider the other person's emotional investment and pay a bit of respect to that. Her sabre rattling and head in the sand tactics got her dumped. She should learn from this so as not to repeat the same mistakes.

I personally think it doesn't matter whether he cheated or not. Until it is confirmed one should give their partner any and all benefit of the doubt and not throw tantrums. She shouldn't have had to "calm down", she should have had a level of maturity to "sit down" and enquire. However the phrase "I swear I will sleep with his flatmates to get him back" shows the OP has not reached a level of maturity yet that is probably required to make any relationship a success.

funloving · 01-02-2008 6:05pm

[/QUOTE]I personally think it doesn't matter whether he cheated or not. Until it is confirmed one should give their partner any and all benefit of the doubt and not throw tantrums. She shouldn't have had to "calm down", she should have had a level of maturity to "sit down" and enquire. However the phrase "I swear I will sleep with his flatmates to get him back" shows the OP has not reached a level of maturity yet that is probably required to make any relationship a success.[/QUOTE]

Maybe she said she will sleep with his flatmates only because she's temporarly upset...c'mon..
I think all of us said things we didn't really mean when angry,upset or frustrated...

babyguinnessfan · 01-02-2008 6:07pm

Give her a break - What if your OH started shaking etc. when you found something weird in their possession and you knew that something was up would you have absolute control? Maybe you would - I don't know. But I'm just saying that if the boyfriend was genuinely interested in talking things over he would not have reacted the way he did either.

My 2c. I'm off home now. Have a good weekend everybody.

Mr. Incognito · 01-02-2008 6:09pm

And what worked her into that position.......herself.

zuroph · 01-02-2008 6:24pm

i would put a healthy amount of money on me being right.

St Bill · 01-02-2008 6:53pm

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But you're the only one here who knows what your boyfriend was like, and so only you can say for sure if he was cheating or not. If you think in your heart and soul that he wasn't cheating, well then you'll have to realise your reaction towards him was harsh and undeserved. If you think he was cheating however, forget about him and move on. Either way, chalk it up to experience.

Did He Cheat On Me???

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