My GF lying to me

Spiner00 · 03-10-2016 8:28pm #1

I am with my girlfriend who is older than me some time (about 7 months ago) we both love each other but the issue is I can't trust her , She logged in on facebook on my phone and i read her messages between her and her 'best friend' who has a girlfriend and is living abroad too.She deleted the messages (one of them said that when she goes back to our home country for vacation they will drink so she is easier , she told him to stop the jokes) and when I confronted her and added that friend to my facebook friend list she freaked out and didn't act natural.I told her I don't want to be in a relationship where people lie.It was all fine until today , I still had her facebook password and decided to login.
She is on vacation in our home country to visit friends and I couldn't go so she went with her brother , She went out with her friends (female) yesterday and today she was texting 2 guys which one of them is in that country on vacation too , they took another friend(famale) and planned on going out.I asked her is she going out when I was talking with her and she said she is going out with only one female friend and maybe going other female friend.When I asked her about the 'best friend guy' she said she doesn't know if he's in his country but she was texting him and trying to meet up.She changed her facebook password too and deleted the messages with him.
She really loves me and cries when i'm away , I love her too but I can't live with lies , any help what should I do?

Turtle_ · 03-10-2016 8:43pm

You both sound headwrecking.

First off, She's allowed to have male friends, and she's allowed to change her password to stop you snooping.

Secondly, 7 months and she cries when you're away?!

She sounds needy and you seem controlling. If you want it to work you need to change a bit. Stop snooping, and learn to trust her. I am in a relationship with a guy who I wouldn't dream of cheating on. I also have male friends. A male acquaintance recently was hitting on me on Facebook, saying lots of stuff like "oh we should go drinking" and so on. Doesn't mean I'm interested! It's quite possible that this guy is a friend who fancies her, but she has no feelings for. If she wants to see him (a friend), she has to go about it covertly because of you! It's very possibly your own actions are causing her to feel like she has no option but to lie just to avoid having you determine which people she can and can't be friends with.

If you back off, and you don't snoop, and you try to be nice about her friendship, and you still have doubts then end it.

Mr. FoggPatches · 03-10-2016 8:48pm

I'd pack everything she owns and leave it in the hallway for her when she got back.

Spiner00 · 03-10-2016 9:21pm

I ask her all the time to tell me when she is going out with male friends as I have nothing against that , I have female friends too , but i'm annoyed when she is lying to me about it.
I wish I could be 'pack everyting she owns' but I love her and can't imagine life without her.

athtrasna · 03-10-2016 9:25pm

Spiner00 wrote: »

I ask her all the time to tell me when she is going out with male friends as I have nothing against that , I have female friends too , but i'm annoyed when she is lying to me about it.
I wish I could be 'pack everyting she owns' but I love her and can't imagine life without her.

That sounds so controlling! That would push me to either dump you or rebel and do the opposite. 7 months is no time and you're already making her accountable to you. Not on in my opinion!

Spiner00 · 03-10-2016 9:28pm

So I should just back off , I forgot to add that we broke up for a week before my birthday in June and she came to me and brought the relationship back.

Best If I don't mention her going out with friends or what should I do?

PS : I'm very inexperienced in relationships.

Turtle_ · 03-10-2016 9:38pm

She is not accountable to you.

You do not have a right to know who she socialises with

You do not get to tell her that she must inform you if she wants to see male friends.

When people say you need to back off, or take a step back, it's in relation to how controlling you are and demanding to know things. Not to step back from the relationship, just to respect her independence, her autonomy and her in general. From your posts you seem to treat her as if you have some sort of rights over her. You don't.

Sono · 03-10-2016 9:38pm

OP what age are you if you don't mind me asking?

Spiner00 · 03-10-2016 9:39pm

17 , she is 3 years older than me.

Irish_Elect_Eng · 03-10-2016 9:42pm

No Trust = No Relationship = Time to Move On

If you had read your girlfriends messages through eyes that trusted her then the messages would have seemed harmless, but read through eyes lacking in trust they seem so inappropriate.

I am not able to tell you is she is behaving badly or not, only she can do that.

But your relationship had problems before her trip and they will be there after her trip. Bring them out into the open, discuss them with her, then fix it or end it.

Spiner00 · 03-10-2016 9:43pm

Okay , I will take in your advise and discuss it with her.

Potatoeman · 04-10-2016 11:56am

It does not sound like you trust your girlfriend but it does sound like this guy is trying to get into her pants. She should not be meeting this guy if he is trying it on. She may be innocent but putting herself in this situation is asking for trouble. Lying about it makes it worse.

Ursus Horribilis · 04-10-2016 1:06pm

I'm wondering what on earth a 17 year old lad is doing in a relationship with a 20 year old woman. It sounds like a co-dependent, headwrecking mess and both of you need to grow up. Separately.

My GF lying to me

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