Church music NIGHtMARE

Gatica wrote: »

It is unfortunately that you can't pick the music you want but if you're going ahead with it it looks like you'll just have to suck it up. I know it sounds harsh, but if you're picking a religious venue then you'll have to let the religious org in charge make their rules, whether they seem ridiculous to your or not.

How does your OH feel about the ceremony? Is he religious? If not, is it too late to change venue? It sounds like you've no interest in the type of ceremony you've been coerced into, and you'd like to go civil. How about having a civil wedding and then (if what you're trying to do is please family) say you'll go to the church for a blessing at some stage after? (can that be done after?)
I can't think what else you can do in a situation like this.

While in my personal opinion the church has plenty of money ("If you want to get rich, start a religion" - http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/L._Ron_Hubbard), they are after all offering you a service when you're not, by the sounds of it, a regular churchgoer. Therefore they've a right to request that you contribute money.

I hope you and your partner have discussed this and have the ceremony you both want, not others. Best of luck to you!

While you can say that the church is wealthy, what exactly does that mean. The Catholic Church as an international organisation with a HQ in the Vatican?
There's a world of difference between that and a local church in Ireland.

Various parishes will differ in the money available to them depending on the size of congregation and the affluence of the area etc. The parish church in which the OP is getting married may not have a huge local income or may be indebted and so needs additional support when providing services such as marriages.

On the music thing, well it's been kind of done to death by now, but if the priest in question follows the dicta that only religious music is allowed then the OP has very little choice (when in Rome and all that).

There is no harm in discussing with the priest the importance the OP places in having her brother perform some pieces and maybe the priest would be willing to either a) make a compromise, or b) seek dispensation from the bishop of the diocese. But OP you CANNOT EXPECT either. I certainly wouldn't be approaching such a conversation with "well my family has put plenty of money in your baskets over the years".

The alternative of course is that you look towards a secular ceremony. OP doesn't seem particularly pushed to have a Catholic wedding or pursue the sacrement of marriage via the C.C.'s doctrine. It would also seem that the husband "to be" may only be interested in having a C.C. wedding to "fit in with the norm" and to keep "the older crew happy".

The Bride and Groom are the centrepoint of the wedding, and while I can appreciate trying to balance the "happiness" or "contentment" of families etc. you really should be doing things the way YOU want to do them and not the way that will see you fit with other's views.

If you don't really want a Catholic wedding, then don't have one, it doesn't seem suited to you anyway. At least that way, you can more or less have whatever setup suits you and makes you happy.

tommy2bad wrote: »

Great attitude, and you probably wonder why people are rolling down the road and away from your isolationist little club.

Every religion is a club with rules. If you don't like the rules you can find a different one.

think you should just close it at this stage toots seems it will just go back to the whole religious bickering again

Before you speak with the celebrating priest, have your case for the music prepared, but also be prepared to compromise a bit, so although there are songs you really want, you will need to have a few alternatives as a plan b.
We were told hymns only for our service, but were allowed a few non-hymns.

Find wedding hymns that you both like, or at least are ok with. They will be the backbone of your argument.
Then list a few songs you like that have been allowed before in church, we had "She moved through the fair" as the 1st song during communion and the priest was ok with it. Can't remember the 2nd, but it was a short instrumental.
At the end of the registry signing, as we went back up the aisle together, we had a Cure song, so your priest could surprise you with what he will allow, providing you don't get his back up with the discussion and have mostly traditional hymns.
Let him know again that your musician is learning those hymns off for the occasion and that the non-hymn songs (within reason) have a special significance.
Print him out the lyrics to see there is nothing remotely offensive in them. Maybe find an acoustic version on youtube to show him (if in a church all the better).

the worst thing you can do is go all guns blazing to get all your own songs during the ceremony.