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Guests and Travelling- Nightmare!

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  • 19-04-2014 4:42pm
    #1
    GalwayGirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭


    Hi all!
    I have a serious problem with my guest list; Geography.
    Literally, from the west coast to the North of Northern Ireland and the U.K, there is no 'majority' of guests coming from any one location.
    With this in mind, we are veering towards having the wedding in OH's Grandparent's parish (mine could hack the travel, his really couldn't), but this means a 4/4.5hr drive for the rest of our families (and the issue of it not being in the Brides parish).
    Anyway, this would mean a lot of 2 night stays for some people in addition to the drive, and I'm worried this will result in a lot of declines, or at least annoyed guests?
    Anybody else have experiences of most guests travelling? Can any recommend anything I could do to make their day easier (food on arrival/late ceremony time/book B&Bs near venue etc?)
    Also, would travel put you off attending a wedding?
    Thanks!


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    #2
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Honestly a two night stay and a long drive would put me off and we'd decline. We've two small children and don't bring them to weddings and they're too young to leave overnight for a two nighter. I'd also think the expense might put people off. I know some people take the attitude of those who want to be there will be but unfortunately that's just not the case. People couldn't attend our wedding despite wanting to, for various reasons. You'll never choose the perfect location.


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    #3
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    A drive that long would definitely make me think twice... unfortunately I couldn't afford to stay for two nights or find a sitter for the kids for two nights (unless you were planning on inviting all your relatives young children) and by the time people get up, get ready and drive you'd be looking at a near 4pm ceremony to please people so they're not rushing around the whole day if they only want to do one night.


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    #4
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    I would imagine that the majority of your guests expecting an invite will be expecting it to be in the brides parish and are planning for that.
    If you start moving the goalposts you will only put people off.
    Your over thinking things here.
    Plan the day to suit yourselves and let the guests make their own arrangements. Supply contacts for hotels B&Be etc and give good directions. Time your wedding ceremony so dinner is served no later than 4. Don't disappear for hours with the photographer. Enjoy yourself.


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    #5
    GalwayGirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭GalwayGirl26


    Thanks for your honesty. There's very few children involved thankfully- the youngest would still be teens, and they'll be invited, so no babysitter issues. It's just so awkward form every side- especially since all weddings up to now on both sides have been very local affairs.


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    #6
    GalwayGirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭GalwayGirl26


    We did mention a few times early on that we were exploring different areas; so hopefully my side have gotten over their grumbling by now!


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    #7
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Sounds like a joyous decision to make.. To be honest I wouldn't be bothered about it, I think a 2 day stay is much better than a one day, at least you get a bit of a mini holiday out of it..

    Of course it would be handy if the accommodation around was a little cheaper or maybe if you could set up a few accommodation options for people they would defiantly appreciate it, just do as much as ye can on that side to provide the information to people..

    We travelled up from Cork to Doolin for a wedding which again would have been a weekend thing and it was great.. You get to see a different side of the country, new places to go..

    Sure as others youll never make everyone going happy so just think on what ye would like and go for it..If people really want to be there, they will make the effort to travel..


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    #8
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    It is simply not true that everyone who wants to attend a wedding will travel. I might want to attend a wedding but with two children and other commitments it's simply not possible. I don't like the attitude that those who cannot attend just don't want to be there. There's myriad reasons why people cannot attend weddings despite wanting to.


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    #9
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    Only since I found this forum am I realising that some couples are really afraid that not enough guests will be able to come to their wedding and it will be a disaster.
    I think its because weddings have evolved over 30 or 40 years into the extravaganzas they are now.
    Back in the early 80s late 70s wedding were at 10 11 or 12 tops. The bride and groom were no more thsn 23 tops.Few snaps .85% of the guests were from within a 10 mile radius. Back to the local hotel and the men were drinking large bottles even before we got the vegetable soup turkey and ham carrots peas mash and croquettes followed by trifle.
    Every body that was invited came including granny and aunty Mary's 4 year old twins Margaret and Thomas.
    The band were country and western and they threw in a siege of Venice s walls of Limerick and Waterloo by Abba.
    The bride and groom went up and put on their going away outfits at about half nine and then came back down and everyone formed an auld Lang syne ring around them while singing Congratulations by Cliff Richard.
    That was the cue for the mammys to take the kids home while the men continued drinking the large bottles and the best man plied the bridesmaid with drink before taking her outside for a breath of fresh air.
    Now everyone is scattered and the two familys have sometimes never met before. Its not better or worse now. Just more complicsted


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    #10
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    Only since I found this forum am I realising that some couples are really afraid that not enough guests will be able to come to their wedding and it will be a disaster.
    I think its because weddings have evolved over 30 or 40 years into the extravaganzas they are now.
    Back in the early 80s late 70s wedding were at 10 11 or 12 tops. The bride and groom were no more thsn 23 tops.Few snaps .85% of the guests were from within a 10 mile radius. Back to the local hotel and the men were drinking large bottles even before we got the vegetable soup turkey and ham carrots peas mash and croquettes followed by trifle.
    Every body that was invited came including granny and aunty Mary's 4 year old twins Margaret and Thomas.
    The band were country and western and they threw in a siege of Venice s walls of Limerick and Waterloo by Abba.
    The bride and groom went up and put on their going away outfits at about half nine and then came back down and everyone formed an auld Lang syne ring around them while singing Congratulations by Cliff Richard.
    That was the cue for the mammys to take the kids home while the men continued drinking the large bottles and the best man plied the bridesmaid with drink before taking her outside for a breath of fresh air.
    Now everyone is scattered and the two familys have sometimes never met before. Its not better or worse now. Just more complicsted

    Generalise much? Neither my parents wedding or my in laws were like that. Not every wedding in.Days Gone By were like you describe.


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    #11
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    really, with the travel thing. I understand if lets say someone says it is in Las Vegas or somewhere abroad then that would be but with people lets say coming from abroad once you give them plenty of notice and help them out as much as you can then your sorted the ball really lies in their court as to whether they would like to go..I get travelling with kids is harder but that should not be on the couples side is that not with the parents If they want to bring them or not...


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    #12
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    It's lovely to see you thinking about both elderly relatives and guests!

    It really depends on the profile of your guests. If they have small children, for whom babysitting is trickier for two nights, then it might be unlikely they would go. If they are young people with no children, or older people whos children can look after themselves for two days, or can go stay with someone without too much hassle (teenagers), then they could go easily.

    One of my brothers got married a 4 hour drive away from us, we had a 6 month old baby at the time. We brought her along for the two nights, didn't have a baysitter because the whole family was there. We took it in turns to watch her. It was more awkward, but it was my brother, so I was going to be there.


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    #13
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Milly33 wrote: »
    really, with the travel thing. I understand if lets say someone says it is in Las Vegas or somewhere abroad then that would be but with people lets say coming from abroad once you give them plenty of notice and help them out as much as you can then your sorted the ball really lies in their court as to whether they would like to go..I get travelling with kids is harder but that should not be on the couples side is that not with the parents If they want to bring them or not...

    Of course it's up to guests to decide whether they want to attend a wedding. My point is that statments like "If they want to be there they will be" aren't true. We had people we know wanted to attend our wedding but didn't have the money to fly home or had other commitments or whatever. I didn't think they didn't want to be there, they just didn't have the means or time.


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    #14
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    True sorry especially now with the way things cost so much it is not just down to travel there is a lot more. So notes would be try and sort out as much as you can for your guest possible get some deals with bnbs where ye are having the wedding, see if the place will arrange sitters if people are going with kids and make sure any older people travelling have someone to take care of them...

    Sorry for jumping the gun just reading a few threads lately a lot seems to be very negative about the whole day, I know there is so much you have to think about but just once ye are happy with it.. All else will work..She says in fantasy world haha


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    #15
    Lima Golf
    Registered Users Posts: 794 ✭✭✭Lima Golf


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    siege of Venice

    :D


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    #16
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    lazygal wrote: »
    Generalise much? Neither my parents wedding or my in laws were like that. Not every wedding in.Days Gone By were like you describe.

    Its wonderful you have such clear memories of your parents wedding and a massive coincidence I'm sure that you were at your husbands parents wedding but I was just trying to paint a picture of a wedding in a rural town in Ireland 35 years ago.
    I was at enough of them, more than you I suspect.


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    #17
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    Its wonderful you have such clear memories of your parents wedding and a massive coincidence I'm sure that you were at your husbands parents wedding but I was just trying to paint a picture of a wedding in a rural town in Ireland 35 years ago.
    I was at enough of them, more than you I suspect.

    My parents and in laws have often mentioned their weddings, especially when we planned ours. It's wonderful you have different memories than they have, I suspect you weren't at their weddings either. I also attended many a rural family wedding in the 80s and they weren't quite as you describe.


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    #18
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    lazygal wrote: »
    Generalise much? Neither my parents wedding or my in laws were like that. Not every wedding in.Days Gone By were like you describe.
    Every single wedding I was at in that era was exactly like that, and they were a lot more enjoyable than the current crop.


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    #19
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Every single wedding I was at in that era was exactly like that, and they were a lot more enjoyable than the current crop.

    Neither my parents nor my inlaws were 23 tops getting married, invited all the neighbours and family within a small radius or had weddings that ended at 10, 11 or 12 pm. Nor did a lot of the other generalizations in that post apply - my parents only had 50 at their wedding and when I got engaged they dug out the decline letters, some of which were hilarious.


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    #20
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    lazygal wrote: »
    Neither my parents nor my inlaws were 23 tops getting married, invited all the neighbours and family within a small radius or had weddings that ended at 10, 11 or 12 pm. Nor did a lot of the other generalizations in that post apply - my parents only had 50 at their wedding and when I got engaged they dug out the decline letters, some of which were hilarious.
    Interesting that they got decline letters. I wonder why? Most people know that a simple RSVP is fine.


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    #21
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Interesting that they got decline letters. I wonder why? Most people know that a simple RSVP is fine.

    There were cows calving around the time of the wedding, apparently! :D


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    #22
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    lazygal wrote: »
    There were cows calving around the time of the wedding, apparently! :D

    Ah. In my locality it was known that lambing season could be a problem:)


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    #23
    jlm29
    Registered Users Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    lazygal wrote: »
    There were cows calving around the time of the wedding, apparently! :D

    A timeless problem.... I still have it!!! Though I don't decline, I just fly solo!!


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    #24
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Every single wedding I was at in that era was exactly like that, and they were a lot more enjoyable than the current crop.

    You can say that again. Far lower expectations far less pressure and stress for both couple and guests a meal out in a hotel was a much anticipated and appreciated treat and if it was hot and edible it was a success. The sandwiches and cocktail sausages and tea later were the height of sophistication and from the bride and grooms point of view every tea towell and place mat presented as a wedding gift was appreciated and treasured for years.
    I'm glad everything has improved so much for everybody but people have become dresdfully spoilt.


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    #25
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    You're never going to please everyone, and you're never going to have 100% attendance, so just pick the venue you and your hubby to be are happiest with.
    Everything will fall into place after.


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    #26
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    Lima Golf wrote: »
    :D

    Venice Ennis what's the difference LOL


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    #27
    newtoboards
    Registered Users Posts: 418 ✭✭newtoboards


    We had our wedding in our new home county which is a 2 hour drive minimum from my homeplace and both sides had to travel making it a 2 night stay in the dead of winter. Forget the "expectation" that guests would have travelling to the brides home parish and plan the event you want where you want. If people can come brilliant and if not it's disappointing but so be it. Several people couldn't make ours because of the distance and the no children rule so we just enjoyed the party we hosted with the people that could make it.


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    #28
    Gatica
    Registered Users Posts: 3,296 ✭✭✭Gatica


    GalwayGirl26 wrote: »
    Hi all!
    I have a serious problem with my guest list; Geography.
    Literally, from the west coast to the North of Northern Ireland and the U.K, there is no 'majority' of guests coming from any one location.
    With this in mind, we are veering towards having the wedding in OH's Grandparent's parish (mine could hack the travel, his really couldn't), but this means a 4/4.5hr drive for the rest of our families (and the issue of it not being in the Brides parish).
    Anyway, this would mean a lot of 2 night stays for some people in addition to the drive, and I'm worried this will result in a lot of declines, or at least annoyed guests?
    Anybody else have experiences of most guests travelling? Can any recommend anything I could do to make their day easier (food on arrival/late ceremony time/book B&Bs near venue etc?)
    Also, would travel put you off attending a wedding?
    Thanks!

    If all the guests are spread out across all of Ireland, could you guys pick a venue you like in the middle of the country? That way it would be about same distance for most, admittedly the Galway-Dublin motorway is an advantage for anyone in those areas.
    Otherwise, just pick the venue you both like. There's no pleasing, or even accommodating in your case, everyone. I think the fact that you're thinking of the least mobile of your guests is really thoughtful. So I'm sure if it's the most reasonable location you've found, the families will eventually understand.
    As to guests attending when >4 hrs travel is involved, well that'll depend a lot on their circumstances. I'd imagine though that it would affect more people than if the travel was, say, < 2 hrs. If it were close friends, I'd attend a far away wedding and take 2 days for it. Otherwise, I'd decline. However, we've no kids and we can afford a 2 day trip. Many may not.


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    #29
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,669 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    If people can handle a one night stay (= 2 days out of their lives), they can handle a two night stay (= three days).

    If there are family who are important to you and who cannot travel, then by all means plan around them and let the younger fitter ones travel.


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    #30
    PhoenixParker
    Registered Users Posts: 2,671 ✭✭✭PhoenixParker


    If I were you I'd choose a venue that's close to the M50 in Dublin, as in within a 30 minute drive of one of the junctions. I'd probably start by looking along whichever route your OH's grandparents live closest to, since that will minimise their travel time.
    No matter where people are coming from, the road to Dublin tends to be reasonable, and if anyone is coming from the UK etc. it's handy for the airport too.

    Then I'd push the ceremony as late in the day as possible. If it's after half three then it should be possible for most people to make the journey on the morning of. Also maybe let it be known that you don't mind if people miss the ceremony but only attend the reception. After that it's up to people themselves.

    However, I'd say from the profile of guests you describe (i.e. no young kids, older kids invited) I think you're overthinking it.


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