Am i being bullied?

LegacyUser · 09-05-2011 7:15pm #1

Hey all, am going unreg' for this as i dont know if im over reacting or reading too much into things...So im an Assistant Manager in a well known retail outfit and i walked into the position when the shop opened. I love my job, the learning of new things, dealing with and helping customers everything about it except im fairly certain my Manager hates me.

It all went well until i was asked to do something (which led to me being out of my store for 1 week) by another Manager, i thought i had to say yes as i was new and i thought it was a given that we all had to it upon been asked. I should have ran it by my manager and i apologised to her for not asking her and for the inconvenience of having to cover my hours, but i thought she understood as i did, that when asked you had no choice but to say yes.

As a result since then she has taken to questioning and double checking all of my work, not so much of an issue tbh, but she has also rung other staff members behind my back bitching about me from everything from my work to how i deal with customers, she has told other staff members that she has given me verbal warnings, this has upset me as at no time have i received one of heard her utter those words to me. She is pulling me up on silly little things regarding paperwork such as the way i sign my name, why cant i use my full name instead of an abbreviated first name? She has rung other managers to bitch about me and claims i am after her job, she has also vented this particular frustration to a close workmate of mine, who laughed and told her she was talking nonsense, why would i want the stress of her job.

After this incident i, in a round about way brought it up in conversation how i loved being Assistant Manager and how i had years to go before i would ever feel confident enough to be manager (this is true!)...It got worse then when i got a great Mystery shopper score and she put it down to her teaching me how to deal with customers. Then she accused me of doing a certain job wrong, when i explained it was done right she asked me "who is the manager here, certainly not you?"

This is the same lady who loves telling me about her sex life, has not set the store alarm, has opened the store late, taken store takings home with her as she didnt make the bank, takes 2 hour lunch breaks and was actually complained to Head office about for her ignorent manner by a customer (she thinks it was me that complained, i know this because she told another store manager and they told me).
So am i being bullied? If so what the heck do i do, i cant approach her on it as she can fire me without explanation to Head office, there is nothing in our staff rule book about bullying and if i ring HR what the heck do i say...I would truly appreciate some sage advice on this, thanks all....

edellc · 09-05-2011 8:44pm

IMHO I don't think you are being bullied just working with a complete bitch who is incapable of doing her own job and is acting like a silly primary school child unfortunately that doesn't help you

however what i would do is to start keeping a diary of what is said by her to you and any incidents that occur as her underhanded tactics and your ability to do your job well may some day collide resulting in you possibly loosing your job through no fault of your own

as your work in retail you probably aren't in a union and tbh its hard being in one if its just you in the work place however it is something that you may feel is right for you mandate are the union for retail google them explain your situation and see what they say regarding the bullying

you have shown great maturity in the way you are carrying yourself in this situation unlike your manager...i do hope it all doesnt get too much for you, best of luck and do try ignore this annoying immature idiot

Ken. · 09-05-2011 9:23pm

Make a note of everything she does and says and get other people to back you up. Then take it to head office and tell them to do something about it.

poppylady · 09-05-2011 9:36pm

Thats a horrible situation to be in sassylass and you seem to be handling it with great maturity. I agree, keep a record of every event, dates times witnesses etc and when you do approach HR go to the highest level of management possible but be prepared for the fallout because this lady sounds like she will take no prisoners in order to protect her job.

Good luck with it.

LegacyUser · 09-05-2011 9:48pm

Thanks a million for all your replies folks..:) I have indeed kept an account of what's going on/been said etc and all 3 of my work mates are prepared to stand by me and back me up, if and when i need to.

She has an immediate superior to whom i think i could approach if she does get worse.

Do you know the gas thing? I actually would admire and respect her in some aspects of her life which is why i think it kills me that she see's me as a threat to her. She would be an awesome manager if she just got her thumb out of her bum.

Right, deep breath for tomorrow and my shift with her, thanks again folks and wish me luck!

Ken. · 09-05-2011 10:10pm

I wouldn't wait till it got worse. Go straight to the superior and tell him/her whats been going on and that you have backup.

doolox · 11-05-2011 8:38pm

I once had a bully manager like that when on temporary assignment from my main employment. I waited until the time came to extend the assignment and refused to take further time on assignment unless a manfg supervisor was put in between the Engineering manager and me (Mnfg Tech).

The manager turned out to have a LONG history of bullying and I got an apology and had no further trouble. I actually began to enjoy the work after that and got good feedback in my endeavours after that.

I saw a colleague of mine getting a disciplinary notice 1 week before transferring out of our area, being run by a light weight bully who I could just about put up with... his future boss could have refused to take him because of the disciplinary action but had discretion to ignore it which he did.

It was painfully obvious that the bully wanted to stop the colleague leaving but was foiled in the attempt.

LegacyUser · 13-05-2011 1:35pm

Hi Lucy, yes your right that i should not wait for it to get worse, after i initially posted, more stuff has happened and i know i have to try and get some help. But how on earth do i broach the subject with her superior? There is no information in our handbook as to how to deal with this and im worried what will happen after i act.

Im actually worried about what she will do to me or say to me after i speak out as we work together just the 2 of us during the week. Since Tuesday she has come between me and a nights sleep and i've bitten my nails down to the quick nearly, i've not done that in years! Im full time and have been made permanent, plus there is a record of me doing well with customers. She has done so much worse than me in lots of areas, but HO dont know this, so do i tell about these things?

Denerick · 14-05-2011 8:53pm

I would err on the side of extreme caution. If she is as incompetant as you say head office will be on to her eventually, with or without your prompting. Unless you have an absolutely water tight case (Which you don't by the way, she just seems to be a thoroughly unpleasant person; she could easily talk her way out of any complaint you might make with a few well chosen sophistries)

The best that you can do is grow a thicker skin and hope she mellows out eventually. Also hope that she leaves/gets fired before you leave for any reason, as she will probably give you a bad reference out of spite if she is convinced you're her enemy.

I see this retail manager office politics in my workplace too. Its quite absurd really, a lot of pointless one upmanship when in reality the store would run a lot better if people co-operated more. I genuinely think head office should get a grip of this problem, because this is not isolated to your manager/store, or even to your franchise.

14-05-2011 9:53pm

If you have already made any sort of attempt at discussing your issues with her directly and it's been to no avail/things have gotten worse, then definately go to her superior. Ask for a confidential conversation and state your concerns. Do not go in all guns blazing and bad mouthing her, go about it with the same maturity and rationality as in your posts. Her behaviour (bad mouthing behind your back to other managers, even worse to the very people you work with) is completely unacceptable from someone in a management position who should be leading by example, motivating you, and facilitating your growth and development within your role. She is doing the complete opposite here, and her behaviour is affecting both your work and personal life now too by the sounds of it if it's losing you sleep.

If you don't feel comfortable going directly to her superior, is there anyway you can speak to HR confidentialy? I know in my company you can ring up confidentialy for advice. You could simply ring them, say that you're not comfortable identifying yourself, but you need some advice on what to about this situation. They should be more than happy to help you out. I would imagine they will advise you to go to her superior, in which case make clear you're not making a complaint, you're seeking advise on how to resolve this as you love your job, and apart from this you couldn't be happier, but this is negatively affecting you and it has to change. I maybe would be reluctant to bring up some of the things she has been doing wrong incase it does come across as b*tching, but then again things such as taking the takings home with her is MASSIVE gross misconduct and sackable regardless wether the bank was missed or not.

Do you have much of a working relationship/rapport with her superior? If her superior is an AM, he or she is more than likely blissfully unaware of not only her behaviour but of her various misconducts, and could possibly appreciate them being brought to light. It could also have to potential work quite well for you in a way as it takes some guts to come forward and speak up against a horrible manager. It can be really hard to do this, I know! As assistant manager I had the misfortune of having an incredibly bad manager for a while who was quite frankly incompetent, but because she was so far up the AM's ass she got away with absolutely everything. Despite getting frustrated with her to the point of taking myself out the back and punching a skip for a release, I held off speaking up about her to my AM until just before she was leaving as I knew he was completly ignorant to what she was actually like and her being up his ass meant she was firmly in his good books. But I tell you, I well and truly regret not speaking up earlier as she was just not on.

If you know and get along alright with her superior it will be a lot easier to talk with him/her about all this than if you don't, but either way if he or she is in any way competent then bringing your concerns up should have no negative reprocussions to yourself. And if/when her superior goes to her about it, if things get in any way worse, say she does go all out to make your life hell, you've yourself backed up in that you followed the correct procedure and she'll only be doing herself harm.

However you chose to go about this OP, be very careful. Retail is quite frankly a b*tch with things like this. A lot of the potential outcomes of whatever action you take depends on the relationships of people involved here. Fully assess your situation carefully before you do anything, particularly the relationship your manager has with her superior and then judge it.

LegacyUser · 15-05-2011 11:02am

Plugin and Denerick, if i could thank your posts i would, you nailed her and my situation to a tee. She is that incompetant, in fact some of the things she has done would warrent an immediate dismissal according to the company, but its a case of only her staff knowing and if we tell are we any better than her? I am literally every day i work with her, treading on egg shells and for the first hour or so i have a bloody shake, so i do my level best to not engage with her unless its work related and keep my head down and stay busy. Thank you all for you replies and im taking every piece of advice on-board especially about contacting HR anonymously, i'll keep you posted xxx

Am i being bullied?

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