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Girlfriend wants me to have sex with her friend

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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 68 ✭✭cudman


    been honest I think that evryone here is judging this by the way things "should" be in an ideal world. these things happen, men and women do go off sex. 3 way relationships do work. just because its not the norm it doesnt mean its wrong.
    your not going behind anyones back and so far it looks like no one is getting hurt. people get hurt in "normal" relationships too


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Eh, the OP is getting hurt.

    Threeway relationships do work, but not if one of the parties to it aren't okay with them.


  • Registered Users Posts: 78,218 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    If my GF asked tomorrow to stop having sex with her friend i would as i have no feelings at all for her friend to be crude i use her and she uses me.
    When I read that, I thought "thats really inconsiderate to the friend". Probably not what you meant, but its what I read.

    This bit is not to be taken seriously, but might give an insight.
    The Mistress

    A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

    "Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce."

    "Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours."

    Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks.

    "That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.

    Also http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070359/ (I don't remember the ending).


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    This isnt going to end softly.

    Its a short life, enjoy while it lasts.




  • Hmmm, a toughie.

    On the one hand, I'd like to add, in the words of The Todd: "Dude! Multiple five! *SLAP-CLICK*"

    On the other hand though, talk to your current GF. Find out why she's not having sex. And I also think the nub of this could be in how close the GF and her freind are.

    A quandry, a happy one for some, but a quandry nonetheless......


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  • Registered Users Posts: 26,283 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    Firstly this is not a troll.

    Myself and my GF have been together for 6 years. We have a 2 houses, rent one out and live in the other with her friend. Myself and my GF are 28 and her friend is 25. My GF and her friend have known each other since they were about ten.

    Basically for about 2 years or so my GF's sex drive has pretty much gone on holidays and not come back. I've got through this for the first year by jacking off to my extensive collection of porn. A year ago her friend moved up from another city. I have met her a few times and got on well with her.

    My GF is very slim and toned where as her friend is busty. Anyway i started to notice that when i was jacking off i was starting to fantasise about her friend. Her friend doesnt wear a whole lot around the house either. We were all out about a month ago and we got a taxi home, I as usual had a massive beer horn knowing that it wasnt going to go down for a while so i said i'd stay up and watch some TV rather than pester my GF for sex (i have drunkenly begged, very sad i know) The friend said she stay up and have some wine. She asked could she use my laptop to check her bebo so i said go ahead, She went to put on some music, went into "my documents" found a rake load of porn. Most of it had girls with similar bodies to her (The laptop faces me so i couldnt see the screen) Anyway she asks me this "do you like my tits?" Laughlingly i said "yeah course i do" She made a remark which made me run over to the laptop to see she was having a good look though my porn.

    Feeling really embarrased i stood there beer in my hand she told me not to worry as she thought i would be weird if i didnt look at porn. That relaxed the atmosphere back down.
    We got chatting and she said my GF had told her that we havent had sex in nearly 2 years and how my GF has no desire at all. My GF's friend was saying its been nearly a year since she had sex and she really needs to be "serviced". We got into some pretty dirty conversation but i decided retreat was the best thing to do so i went to bed.

    I was pretty weirded out after that but pretty turned on by what she had told me during our conversation (one of the things is that she uses her vibrator quite a lot even when myself and my GF are in the house, lets just say that made me stant to attention!) A few days after that my GF was off playing tennis and it was just myself and the friend, she said she was going to bed about 8pm a few mins later i sent her a cheeky txt saying "i know what your really doing" She replied back saying "why dont you come up and find out..." So i went upstairs to her room opened the door and she was lying naked apart from a bra with her dildo. Gobsmacked and turned on are undestatements. Anyway i stood there getting a bulge in my trousers and she said " look just f88k me s******(my GF) says that its ok because she's not giving it to you" She even showed me the txt from my GF dated for about a week and a half before we went out on that night a few days before.

    My c88k took over and i went for it, we spent about 2 hours going at it. My GF came home and in bed that night she told me that the friend had said we slept together and that she is fine with it aslong as it doesnt happen while she is in the house. Frankly i am a bit weirded out. She's basically giving with cate blance to go and screw her friend and beleive me her friend is eager to cash the cheque as even when my GF goes to the shop the friend wants it. I admit its good to actually be having again but i can't help but feel very weird about it.

    The reasons my GF says its ok is that
    1)she loves me & I love her
    2)She says she knows I would never leave her (but what if i develop feelings for the friend).
    3)This way she knows i'm not going off shagging random people
    4) She doesnt know how long she doesnt want sex for and its not fair on me, shagging the friend is my "reward" for being so patient.

    Since this I've had sex with the friend about 10 times and as i said above its good to get some action. We have sex i go downstairs or for a shower or whatever and she'll come down later and have a cup of tea and we'll watch tv or something. She has initiated all of these encounters.

    I know this is odd but tbh i'm pretty confused, I dont want to stay with my GF if she never wants to have sex (I have suggest she see a counsellor but she refuses) She's also not getting it anywhere else.

    Any advice?

    :eek: Wow....... just Wow....... noiiiicceeeeee , really really noiccee......


  • Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Eric Cartman Please read the charter with regard to posting in this forum and stay on topic.

    dudara


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    If I were in love with my bf I would not want him to have sex with anyone else, not least my 'best friend'. In saying that, what kind of a fool and ****stirrer is the friend. Unless you look like George Clooney I would never be stupid enough to get tempted into a messed up menage-á-trois with a friend and her current boyfriend....

    All is not well here and you are only fooling yourself if you think she loves you... She is using you for something or else scared to be on her own. You know best what it is...


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,458 ✭✭✭✭gandalf


    I can only answer this from my experiences and my expectations from a relationship.

    This is not healthy and as others say I doubt its going to end well.

    I could not stay in a long term relationship without intimacy it would end up being a deal breaker. What happens if her friend suddenly decides she wants more or you suddenly want more from her. As someone else said what happens if your GF tells you to stop, will that be easy. Would you be able to go celibate again.


  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    What others have said - your main issue here is why has your girlfriend gone off sex.

    Normal healthy people don't "go off" sex spontaneously. Sure, sex drive can fluctuate depending on mood, health and other variables, but a long-term cessation of sex drive points to serious emotional or physical problems that need to be addressed.

    Sure, having a girlfriend that you love but also having her huge-titted nympho mate on the side sounds like a larf, but how long should it go on? How do either of you expect your relationship to last without physical intimacy?

    As also pointed out, you're setting yourself up for a fall. When this all goes down the drain (and it will without intimacy), you're the guy who's been shagging someone on the side while his girlfriend had a long-term mental illness.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    OP, I would say that either the girlfriend no longer loves you (apart from in a 'companionship' sort of way) or else she's suffering from some kind of medical problem, be it physical or psychological, that has caused her loss of sex drive and unusual behaviour.

    The situation with the friend is a bit like hitting the fantasy jackpot in a way but back at camp real world you know it won't last and is unlikely to end well. It's very possible that you and your GF have fatally damaged your relationship. But if you do love her, and she really loves you, it's imperative that you try to get to the bottom of her abnormal lack of interest in sex (2 months wouldn't be so bad but 2 years is clearly a major issue).

    If she is unwilling to do anything about it then you may have to face the fact that your relationship is heading for the rocks, as a relationship devoid of physical intimacy is no more than a glorified friendship. Up to you whether that's enough, somehow I doubt it is.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,517 ✭✭✭axer


    seamus wrote: »
    Normal healthy people don't "go off" sex spontaneously. Sure, sex drive can fluctuate depending on mood, health and other variables, but a long-term cessation of sex drive points to serious emotional or physical problems that need to be addressed.
    I think this is the most important point - even more important than the relationship itself. Low libido could be the symptom of an underlying medical or psychological condition. She really does need to get checked out by a medical/psychological professional.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭kluivert


    Is she seeing someone on the side maybe that you dont know about, because i cant see any girlfriend being happy with their BF havin sex with their friend.

    Sorry, I have only read the OP opening post.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 346 ✭✭Shellie13


    have you looked into why ur gf has no interest in sex?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i dont know why everyone thinks he is lucky...he is still only being intimate with one person so its not as if he is having 3somes every night...I would dump the girlfriend,..she is no use to you now and if she stays off sex forever she will be no use to you infuture either..also keep shaggin her mate so you wont be missing out on anything, or maybe throw your g/f out and start to go out with her mate.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 4,436 Mod ✭✭✭✭Suaimhneach


    On a completely sinister note, could you lose the two houses to her somehow if you were foudn cheating? As if in a devorce (I know things work differently here, but just thought I'd ask).

    Personally, I think you either you commit to your GF and try work out your issues, or, you move on. What you're doing now probably wont work out for the best. It doesnt seem like its arranged too well.


  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Jesjes wrote: »
    On a completely sinister note, could you lose the two houses to her somehow if you were foudn cheating? As if in a devorce (I know things work differently here, but just thought I'd ask).
    To take a less emotional line, financial issues aren't really a big factor here. They're not married, which means that the courts really don't care about infidelity. If they break up and assets need to be split by the court, the court will look at the contribution made by each person to the household and the mortgage. The reason for the split is irrelevant if they're not married.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 38 finkaboutit555


    Go to mass, thank God and tell him you love him and that you'll repay him for all of this someday.

    AMEN Brother!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 38 finkaboutit555


    If your GF has gone off sex and is defo not getting any extra Tennis lesson!!
    and is OK with your currEnt arrangement Then all I can say is
    PUT THE HEAD DOWN AND BULL ON!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    finkaboutit555 Please take the time to read the charter with regard to posting in this forum. Posters are asked to post in a helpful manner using on-topic posts.

    dudara


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,517 ✭✭✭veryangryman


    I hope it works out well for you anyway. Some would say your a lucky so and so (myself included) but i guess if you only like the missus then its a different story


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    seamus wrote: »
    To take a less emotional line, financial issues aren't really a big factor here. They're not married, which means that the courts really don't care about infidelity. If they break up and assets need to be split by the court, the court will look at the contribution made by each person to the household and the mortgage. The reason for the split is irrelevant if they're not married.

    What if they had drawn up an agreement with a solicitor on what to do with their property if they split up? Would agreements like that have cheating in them as a reason for one person to get more than their share? I'm just wondering.


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