Expensive Hen Weekends Away

Simple...you can't afford it. I wouldn't get hung up about it.
Your getting your priorities right.

A weekend away in Ireland, I can justify for a hens/stags do. A trip abroad is a stretch too far for most social circles in these times.

I know someone getting married towards the end of year and has her hen organised for a while now - weekend away. Hotel booked for everyone going and deposits etc paid to hotel. Now the wedding has been postponed until next year so the girls going either go on the 'non hens' or lose the money they have paid!

JCC wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback girls, I think I'll just bite the bullet and tell her I can't go...I know she'll be annoyed but she has to understand, and it would be worse if I left it until a month before to say anything! I'll let ye know what she says....

And if she guilt trips you, point out it's the hen or the wedding ,which one does she want you to miss!

OP I think your friend is being incredibly selfish expecting people to spend that much money on a weekend.

Speaking as a guy who is having a civil partnership this year I am fully aware that money is tight among my friends so I decided just to do a weekend in Cavan where I live (activity centre, night out at a pub/club). Some people are coming for 2 days and others just for one. All my friends will be staying in my house so accomodation costs are nil.

Some people get so self indulgent with hens/stag weekends. Barcelona is not a cheap place.

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I struggle with the hen weekend idea anyway. Find it hard enough to do hen nights anyway, which I think are a bit tacky. But that's just my opinion - to each their own, right?

Times are hard as we all know. But even harder if you're unemployed or have had hours cut from your job. Brides need to recognise that.

The Celtic Tiger is now a Celtic Kitty. And not a well one at that either!!

I had to decline a hen night recently as we simply couldn't afford it. Both of us are unemployed, and even at the 'cheap' price of E100, it was way beyond our reach. It was either the hen night or no wedding!!

Me too:)

I'm getting married in June and had decided not to have a hen of any kind at all. This was partly because I don't really like them and partly because I know some of the people invited are really struggling financially, some have up to 7 weddings to go to this year and I didn't want to put the extra cost on these people.
Anyway, in the end I was convinced to have something and so settled on a night out with a cocktail making class and dinner in the city centre so everyone can come in for the evening and taxi or nitelink home afterwards.

I would have no problem at all if someone said that they couldn't come, if it was a choice between a hen or wedding I'd prefer people to come to the wedding.

I'm planning a very cheap holiday for my hen party. Cheap as in I've seen special offers for a villa for 8-10 people for £400 for a week.

Me and a few girls were planning my hen party and we came up with this idea as we would all like a cheap holiday in the summer before my wedding.

A couple of my friends will definitely go, as it was their idea really, and I’ll be asking everyone else that I would have invited to a hen party anyway, but it will be made clear that there is no obligation to go whatsoever. I completely understand if people don’t want to/can’t afford to go and even if my sisters decided against it I wouldn’t be in the least bit annoyed.

Me and the other girls organising it want a nice chilled week in the sun before my wedding, but for everyone else I know it’s too much to expect other people to be there.

Sleepy wrote: »

moco -you might find it best to organise an ordinary hen party at home for the masses and just leave the week's holidays with your friends to be exactly that: a girl's holiday rather than "your" hen holiday.

A couple of the girls have kids and wouldn't be able to justify a girly holiday to their partners, yet a hen party is ok as they will be babysitting while their partner is at my fiance's stag weekend.

I live in London so if I go into hen partys at home I'll have to have one in Ireland for people there, then one here in London too. I'd rather just have the cheap week in the sun for whoever wants to come and leave it at that.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, moco, the OP's friend was being particularly selfish because she told her she has a whole year to save up for her hen party, not giving her room to even back out of it.
If you live abroad, then it's fair enough to let both sides decide if they wanna travel to your hen and no favouritism is shown

I know a lot of people use the reasoning that 'sure you'd spend the same on a meal and night out in Dublin/Cork/wherever for the price of the holiday/weekend away'. That was probably true in the days of the celtic tiger. But not anymore. It is very easy to have a great night out with a meal, drinks and a nightclub for €100. I defy anyone to say that you could have a weekend away, including transport, accommodation and the aforementioned food, drinks and nightclub for the same money.

And maybe its just me (and it probably is just me, usually is! ) but this whole 'well we're going away, but if you can't aford it its fine' excuse still is a bit off to me.

to put my opinion in context here's an example: a good friend of mine got married a few years ago. Her hen was in Liverpool. Her reasons for this were because a good few of her family live in the UK, so they would have to come to Dublin, so it was fairer for everyone to have to travel and Liverpool was cheap for flights for everyone. Sounds reasonable enough right? well it wasn't long after my own wedding, and for other reasons too money was tight, so eventhough the flights were cheap this hen would have cost me around €300-€400 by the time you factor in travel to/from airport, accommodation, meals and spending money. So I couldn't go. She understood. Grand so.

BUT, and here's the thing, I felt really disappointed and left out! I know it was my choice not to go. I would have loved a girly night out, and if it had been in Dublin I could have gone. I could have stretched to €100 for a night out and enrolled the hubby to play taxi man! But because of the expense and time off work, I couldn't go. And for WEEKS after the hen, the gang were all talking about this that and the other that happened on the hens. There were in-jokes and bonding. There were about 10 of us that couldn't go for various reasons, and speaking to a few of the others they were also really disappointed to have missed out. She did have a second night out, but most of the gang from the first night couldn't go out again. Plus there were still comments about what happened on the first hen, and we kinda felt like the poor cousins. No matter how good the night out was, it was always going to be overshadowed by the Liverpool weekend.

Now I know that I might sound like a sullen school child, and trust me, I did have to tell myself to cop on a good few times. But still and all, I did feel left out and disappointed.

I know that because of the very reason of people missing out, many brides then have another hen at home. But in that case, I have to ask 'why?' if you are having a do at home, why go away? Why have two? why not just have the more inclusive one in the first place? I know not everyone will be able to go, and someone will more than likely miss out, but surely the option that is most inclusive, and most accessible for most people is the best option?

Whatever happened to having just a girls night out, without any great expense or travel required for people? whatever happened to the days of your mam inviting all the female neighbours over to the house, where you sat around, had a few drinks and found out that Mary from down the road is really a bit of a dark horse with kinky inclinations? and finding out that your granny wasn't exactly a wall flower in her day??? and then off to the pub/nightclub for the youngsters? That's what my sisters had when they got married and I remember having a ball. Isn't that what the idea of a hen was originally about anyway? the women getting together to have a giggle and impart wisdom to the bride-to-be? It wasn't always about L-plates, dressing up and drinking drinks through a straw with a willy on it!

oh, maybe I'm just old fashioned!

moco, I think Little Ted explained what I was thinking far more eloquently than I could have.

It's exactly the idea that a friend of mine would feel the same way about missing my stag that's making me hold fire on having it abroad...

Little Ted wrote: »

that makes no sense - same amount of days away, same cost. But if its a hen their partners will be ok with it, but if its a holiday they'll be put out? that doesn't make sense.

The girls with the kids will only be coming for a few days. They can’t really justify a week away on a girly holiday but a few days is ok, since their partners will have had a few days away on my fiance’s stag.

Sleepy wrote: »

moco, I think Little Ted explained what I was thinking far more eloquently than I could have.

It's exactly the idea that a friend of mine would feel the same way about missing my stag that's making me hold fire on having it abroad...

Yea, that’s fair enough but every group of friends is different, and the people closest to me will be there.

Lol clint, when I say chilled I mean I don't plan to be out clubbing til 7 in the morning like when I was 19. Not every night anyway!